Father Having an Affair

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Sorry, I was just following your example.

LOL

There are many definitions of the "whore" word. She fits a few of them, IMHO. It doesn't need to be used as an insult or emotionally charged. Grow!

How many people consider 'whore' to be an emotional neutral word? Come on, puhlease...

The moderators reviewed the word when it was first used in this topic, in the first post. It's not a nice word, but we decided to let it stand.

The mods' prerogative. Personally I think it would have been better to at least call attention to the fact that using such highly emotionally charged words lead from the core problem(s) Sunmaid is facing.

My mistake was pursuing a friendship. It's odd to call that a mistake, but it sorta was. I flat-out told her a few times there would be nothing romantic between us.

I did not say it was a mistake...

So what?

Judgments hardly ever work, in my experience. That's what.

I think it works well to say it's wrong when someone lies, breaks a promise, and does hurtful things. Besides, you have feelings of right/wrong inside of you too. You think there's a "better" or more effective way... that's why you disagree with things.

I have no problem with that. I'm looking for what's under what you, I or others are doing. i believe that's essential for my personal development. And maybe for others too but that's for them to decide.

Everyone judges. Your first post at this topic was jumping at Sunmaid.

If you thought I was out of order, then wait so long calling me on that?

Here's a distressed woman who just found out about her father's infidelity, and you were all over her. So you tell me why there is judgment in this thread? You tell me why it's okay to use the words "jealous" and "dishonest" when describing Sunmaid, but we shouldn't use the word "whore" when describing Laura?

I explained more than once why Sunmaid came across to me as she came across to me.

And you discount the fact that Sunmaid tells her side of the story, and can do whatever she chooses with the feedback I and others give her. Laura doesn't have that opportunity. It's cowardly to call someone names who can't defend herself.

Notice BTW Sunmaid has NOT said that I was 'jumping at her'. You can have your opinion on my communication but it was meant for her not for you or other readers.

[Daffy Duck]

I typed out a response, but ya know what... as Marinik reminds us below, this really isn't the best place. We disagree, and that's okay. I'm bored of our duel in this topic. Aren't you?

[marinik]

I have no problem with any of what you said but the word whore is so sexist that it gets on my nerves.

This topic is obviously emotionally charged for all of us it some way, Daffy with his brother, Spirit because of some privacy invasion issue, me because of my relationships, MidasGirls - her father...... and Sunmaid of course because she is in the middle of it. She has no distance so she is not seeing very clearly the whole big picture. She is reacting from the "stomach and heart".

The distance of time is essential for Sunmaid and she does not have it at this moment.

If we want to help lets give some useful advice and if a discussion arises that is worthy for further pursuit lets start a new thread.

[Brown Eyed Mystic]

Whatever gave you the right to invade his privacy?

You come across as a jealous woman, a meddling busybody and dishonest. What your father does is his business. If you don't like that, tell him and go work somewhere else.

And don't hide behind 'devastating for mother'. She's a grown up and can handle her own business.

This was not really needed here. Anyway, getting past that and coming to what the issue is.

I'd say you can try talking to your mom in a casual way about things between her and your dad even if you have to get a lil diplomatic. (No, this is not like invading anyone's privacy) Have a look around of how she relates to things. Is she on the same page as your dad (not getting along etc) or is she unknowingly very trusting of him and wants to be with him. Why I'd do this is coz I want to make sure how the wife feels in all this, coz she is (as per you) the one kept in the dark.
Then you can talk the same but in a more upfront way to your dad, coz apparently you've got the proof of his alleged affair. And take it from there, this way you'd have a glimpse of both the sides.
If things go that way, you probably can sit with the two and tell your mom about things and let them take it from there. They are mature enough to look into it from that point, after the affair has been thrown light on.

[Acting Like Godot]

I'm with Sunmaid and Daffy on this one.

As a matter of fact, if someone invaded my email and then later said, "I'm sorry, the only reason why I did it was that I suspected you of having committed a crime", I really wouldn't mind.

Similarly, if I had a child who invaded my email to find out if I was cheating on my wife, I really wouldn't mind either. Sounds like a good reason to invade email.

[Acting Like Godot]

Incidentally, if:

(1) my own father is cheating on my own mother; and

(2) making business arrangements for me to work closely with his mistress

I consider this as MY personal matter. Investigating my own personal matters is not an invasion of privacy.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Invading someone's privacy should only happen in extreme circumstances. However painful TS's situation is, it is not extreme.

Pffttt...That's your rule, but if we played by the same rule we would be boring.

I too have had a similar experience a gut feeling with my dad. I didn't really need to search though I just knew.

Although I have to admit I had kind of sniffed around. It's the detective in me Wanting to know if my instinct was right.

At the end of the day, for me it was all about the deceit. I couldn't care less if my father wanted to leave my mother and then pursue a relationship with someone else. It's that fact that he couldn't be man enough to be honest about what they want in life that got to me. Plus it's far away from my own values and yet this man is connected to me very closely by blood and brought me up and someone I looked up too, yet we could have such different values.

I also agree with ALG about the "MY personal matter".

[Daffy Duck]

The posts that followed the last were very off-topic and have been moved to their own thread: Laws & rules

Thanks.