Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

carenkh · 08-05-2009, 04:26 PM

An interesting perspective on someone saying, "I don't love you any more." Just don't believe them, and refuse to get caught up in their drama!

Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear

I really liked this paragraph:

"I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it."

A friend commented, "...the understanding that the most powerful person in a tug of war is the person who doesn't pick up their end of the rope."

It brought to mind Byron Katie, and The Four Agreements (Don't take anything personally)

Mynder · 08-05-2009, 04:45 PM

I must honestly say: wow, that was powerful. I'm impressed.

moniCAN · 08-10-2009, 12:17 AM

i read another blog that went absolutely crazy over this article. everyone was irate that this woman was given so much credit for "refusing to believe her husband" and for "making him stay and love her." that blog is focused on recovering codependency etc etc. it was a wake up call to me on how limiting their dogma really is. i read the article for myself and the message i got was not that this woman was putting herself and her family in harm's way by staying with a man with problems. she loved her husband without letting herself be pulled into his downward spiral. it reminds me of a quote (the author i cannot recall) that "with love as my only defense, i am invincible."

(hi, i'm new btw)

Daffy Duck · 08-10-2009, 01:08 AM

Wow, great article. Thanks!

carenkh · 08-19-2009, 01:57 PM

Hi, MoniCAN! Sorry I didn't check your response 'til just now -

Yes, I'm surprised by the varying reactions to the article. I had the same thought you did, that she knew her husband, knew it wasn't really separation he was wanting, and she refused to be caught in his downward spiral.

Welcome!

James81 · 08-19-2009, 02:12 PM

Heh, I was a bit skeptical when I read this thread and started to read the article.

But heck, she's right. I enjoyed the article immensely.

KazeCraven · 08-19-2009, 02:43 PM

That's women's intuition at its best. Very touching and inspiring.

joelyle · 08-24-2009, 07:32 PM

quite a lesson in truth/patience/perseverance. Her discipiline obviously had a great pay-off for all concerned.

yesman · 08-25-2009, 12:47 AM

Very strong and understanding lady who wrote that, I'm impressed. All too often women don't realize that men sometimes need space and alone time to fight through problems. They believe that space away from it all means space away from them, and they take it personally. Even though the man may say something personal, deep down it's often not.

I hope she doesn't ask him what he did when he was gone all that time. She probably wouldn't want to know... I'm kidding!

08-05-2009, 04:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	Those Aren't Fighting Words An interesting perspective on someone saying, "I don't love you any more." Just don't believe them, and refuse to get caught up in their drama! Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear I really liked this paragraph: "I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it." A friend commented, "...the understanding that the most powerful person in a tug of war is the person who doesn't pick up their end of the rope." It brought to mind Byron Katie, and The Four Agreements (Don't take anything personally)

08-24-2009, 07:32 PM	#8 (permalink)
joelyle Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Pennsylvania ,US America Posts: 229	Wow! quite a lesson in truth/patience/perseverance. Her discipiline obviously had a great pay-off for all concerned.

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08-05-2009, 04:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mynder Family Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern Germany Posts: 2,659	I must honestly say: wow, that was powerful. I'm impressed.

08-10-2009, 12:17 AM	#3 (permalink)
moniCAN Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1	i read another blog that went absolutely crazy over this article. everyone was irate that this woman was given so much credit for "refusing to believe her husband" and for "making him stay and love her." that blog is focused on recovering codependency etc etc. it was a wake up call to me on how limiting their dogma really is. i read the article for myself and the message i got was not that this woman was putting herself and her family in harm's way by staying with a man with problems. she loved her husband without letting herself be pulled into his downward spiral. it reminds me of a quote (the author i cannot recall) that "with love as my only defense, i am invincible." (hi, i'm new btw)

08-10-2009, 01:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
Daffy Duck Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3,001	Wow, great article. Thanks!

08-19-2009, 01:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	Hi, MoniCAN! Sorry I didn't check your response 'til just now - Yes, I'm surprised by the varying reactions to the article. I had the same thought you did, that she knew her husband, knew it wasn't really separation he was wanting, and she refused to be caught in his downward spiral. Welcome!

08-19-2009, 02:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
James81 Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,690	Heh, I was a bit skeptical when I read this thread and started to read the article. But heck, she's right. I enjoyed the article immensely.

08-19-2009, 02:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
KazeCraven Senior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 282	That's women's intuition at its best. Very touching and inspiring.

08-25-2009, 12:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
yesman Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 69	Very strong and understanding lady who wrote that, I'm impressed. All too often women don't realize that men sometimes need space and alone time to fight through problems. They believe that space away from it all means space away from them, and they take it personally. Even though the man may say something personal, deep down it's often not. I hope she doesn't ask him what he did when he was gone all that time. She probably wouldn't want to know... I'm kidding!

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums