What does it actually mean if a person is "needy" or "unpredictable"?

[Liza Red]

Ok it's a little difficult to understand but bear with me. I have made this topic because I don't understand what these terms actually mean. Like guys say if a girl comes on to them they are "needy" "desperate" etc. I also don't know what it means if a woman is "unpredictable" cause it seems like guys really like that whatever that means.

Could it be possible for you guys to give me examples of such scenarios so I can undertand these terms better.

[spirit4711]

Needy behaviour is what you do when you come from a place of "I'm not good enough". For example, you cling to a partner because you want them to solve your problems instead of solving them yourself. You allow others to cross your boundaries. You don't believe, deep down inside, that you can make it on your own but are dependent on others.

Neediness is not a female only thing. Men can be just as needy. Ever watch a guy who loves a woman who is not so much into him?

Unpredictable is, well, unpredictable. Probably meant in a sense of 'she is not doing what I would like her to do'. But maybe also surprising, not boring, lively etc?

[brendannz]

Needy means you need other people to help you through your life, you're not sufficient on your own.. Ideally in a relationship you want to be in a place where you are able to give, and if you're needy then it can be quite draining for other people around you.

Although in saying that, everyone needs each other to some extent, otherwise we'd be recluses I guess.

Predictable behavior might be always being polite, and pleasant, but never saying anything interesting, unusual or thought provoking.. so unpredictable people seem more interesting, although too unpredictable could be insane.. Being predictable would be the same as taking no risks

If you don't mind me asking, what makes you bring this up? has somebody told you you're needy and predictable?

It might be a good idea to try and be less needy and less predictable but being 100% unneedy and 100% unpredictable could be a bad way to be.. I guess.

[dirtyhive]

Maybe it's just me, but I have never thought about totally unpredictable women in a desireable way. To me it would make me think she had some kind of mental disorder that made her act crazy or something. Not hot.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by dirtyhive

Maybe it's just me, but I have never thought about totally unpredictable women in a desireable way. To me it would make me think she had some kind of mental disorder that made her act crazy or something. Not hot.

Agreed. Unpredictable means illogical or unreliable in my book, none of which are desirable traits. I was quite surprised by the previous answers in this thread.

[dirtyhive]

If anything, the opposite is true. I am powerfully attracted to women who seem to have their stuff together. The type of woman who can think for herself and be proactive about things and can be interesting and intelligent in a very consistent and reliable way.

Drunk girls in clubs are 'unpredictable'. Give me a hot nerdy librarian that I can depend on to have a conversation about philosophy any old day of the week

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by aelle

Agreed. Unpredictable means illogical or unreliable in my book, none of which are desirable traits. I was quite surprised by the previous answers in this thread.

Quite an unpredictable answer from you Aelle!

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by dirtyhive

...
a very consistent and reliable way.

...

For some people (me for instance) this equals to 'boring' .

Anthony Robbins has some interesting POVs on this. He states that one of the six human needs is variety. Obviously you and I have different levels here .

[aelle]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

For some people (me for instance) this equals to 'boring' .

Anthony Robbins has some interesting POVs on this. He states that one of the six human needs is variety. Obviously you and I have different levels here .

I guess it depends on what you are looking for. If I want to be with my partner in a long run, yes, he has to be reliable. I don't want to come home and find out he hasn't paid rent one day, or whatever other commitment he didn't stick to. I don't want to constantly watch my words because he may flip out without warning.
Unpredicable may be fun to be around for a few dates or at a few parties, but not every day of my life. By the way, I don't think reliable is incompatible with adventurous - I like to think I am both.

[dirtyhive]

Well sure, you can disagree with what I wrote if you edit it down so it makes no sense. I actually said 'I like someone who is INTERESTING in a reliable way'!

What you've actually said is "someone who is reliably interesting would bore me." That... doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

To my mind, "unpredictable" means that sometimes she's not there because she's unexpectedly gone to Singapore, or she's cancelled your dinner date because she's decided to be a vegan. The kind of stuff that makes you think she has ADD or something.

I'm not saying that my dream girl wears the same clothes every day and always wants to talk about the same five books.

[spirit4711]

People, lighten up a bit, notice I put in a smiley?

[dirtyhive]

I wasn't raggin' on you, you just seemed to sort of not get what I was saying, that was all.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

For some people (me for instance) this equals to 'boring' .

Anthony Robbins has some interesting POVs on this. He states that one of the six human needs is variety. Obviously you and I have different levels here .

Yeah, the first 2 human needs are certainty and uncertainty,

so you can't be 100% predictable and can't be 100% unpredictable.. Well you can but you won't fulfil the first 2 of someones 6 needs

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by dirtyhive

I wasn't raggin' on you, you just seemed to sort of not get what I was saying, that was all.

I hear that a lot .

[marinik]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

For some people (me for instance) this equals to 'boring' .

Anthony Robbins has some interesting POVs on this. He states that one of the six human needs is variety. Obviously you and I have different levels here .

I agree that someone who is totally predictable is boring. Bu then we are all so different.

Normal predictability is a good thing. If you know someone will be there for you in tough times is good predictable, but when someone makes love to you always the same way is bad predictable in my book. Or talks about the same stuff, dresses always the same boring way... goes to same places, watches same films...

[Brutha]

Whe unpredictable is used negatively it usually mean being unclear about exceptations.

Say Bob wants to make Alice happy and therefore buys her jewellery. Afterwards Alice complains that Bob is to materalistic and that money gets better spend on helping starving children in Africa.
If Bob can't predict such a response from Alice after a while of being together with her he would probablly call her unpredicable in a negative way.

You should be clear about the kind of how you expect to be treated from other people.