how do you get a guy to become interested?

[merveilles]

Well I'm a girl, 19, and I've happened to fall for this guy, who's 29. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm too young for him.. so what could I do to get him to at least consider dating me?

I think I'm mature for my age.. and I'm getting tired of dating guys in their early 20s. So I want to at least try this.. but I don't want to be too forward..

[ssandra]

Show him that you are mature by just asking him out and talking about what interests you and him.

If it doesn´t work, it was not the right person for you. If it does work, he won´t care about age.

Don´t worry about being "forward". You are asking him out on a date, not asking him to spank you while he is wearing a leather thong....

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by ssandra

...
You are asking him out on a date, not asking him to spank you while he is wearing a leather thong....

That would be mature, now, wouldn't it?

@Merveilles, I agree with Ssandra. Just ask him. You want to date him, get to know him better. Just do it.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by ssandra

You are asking him out on a date, not asking him to spank you while he is wearing a leather thong....

The way of getting him to like you might well be asking him to spank you while he waers a leather thong

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by brendannz

The way of getting him to like you might well be asking him to spank you while he waers a leather thong

Maybe... But I would wait until the second date at least before asking this.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Maybe... But I would wait until the second date at least before asking this.

Why? It would make an unforgettable impression especially on the first date!

[Brutha]

There are a lot of guys who don't have a problem with dating girls that are younger then them as long as the girl is of legal age.

[James81]

As a 27 year old who is currently chasing after a 19 year old girl, here's some things you should do to help him know you are interested:

1. First of all, be SINGLE. If you have a boyfriend, it's likely he's going to back off. I don't know if you have a boyfriend, but if you do, free yourself up and make yourself fully available.

2. Flirt with him. Show your interest in more upfront ways. As guys, we don't notice those little subtle clues you give us. We notice concrete, more blunt interest.

3. Take care of yourself. If you are overweight, get on a diet plan and lose the lbs. Don't be afraid to dress a little sexy. You don't have to be overt, but clothes that hug your body are real turn ons for men.

4. Show him that great personality you have. As good as you look, it won't mean much if you don't have the personality to match it.

5. Tease him, be playful with him.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by merveilles

Well I'm a girl, 19, and I've happened to fall for this guy, who's 29. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm too young for him.. so what could I do to get him to at least consider dating me?

When I was 29, I had a girlfriend who was 21 or so. I definitely didn't view her age as a negative. In truth, it was kinda cool to date someone that much younger then me.

You may want to shift your paradigm from "how do I get him to consider me" to "let's see if it's a good match". Maybe it's a good match, maybe not. Maybe he's thinking the same thing as you, but in reverse you know? Maybe he's very attracted to you, but he's thinking "but she'll thinks I'm too old for her".

I think I'm mature for my age.. and I'm getting tired of dating guys in their early 20s. So I want to at least try this.. but I don't want to be too forward..

Go for it, make it clear to him you're interested in him. I'd suggest the direct way: Initiating Relationships with Openness, Honesty, and Directness.

[Abitofzen]

Leather thongs are great!!!

Oh wait, what was the question?

Ah yes... creating interest in the older man.

If you truly feel comfortable with yourself, and you can deeply recognize that any response he offers is more about 'where he is at right now' than 'who you are'... then by all means, be direct and ask him out... this is a great exercise for deep peacefulness with yourself!

If you don't feel quite that comfortable just yet, then feel free to use one of the more subtle (well kinda) methods mentioned earlier in this thread.

Everybody loves flirting (unless they're not getting flirted with )

keep smiling,

Ben

[amj]

Originally Posted by merveilles

Well I'm a girl, 19, and I've happened to fall for this guy, who's 29. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm too young for him.. so what could I do to get him to at least consider dating me?

I think I'm mature for my age.. and I'm getting tired of dating guys in their early 20s. So I want to at least try this.. but I don't want to be too forward..

Be forward. If it works out in your favor then it was meant to be. If it doesn't work it wasn't meant to be. Tell him how you feel about him.

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by amj

Be forward. If it works out in your favor then it was meant to be. If it doesn't work it wasn't meant to be. Tell him how you feel about him.

Whenever I read "meant to be" I get an eerie feeling of destiny killed free will. Not meant as a kick off for philosophical discussions, just saying.

[Gozunn]

Originally Posted by James81

As a 27 year old who is currently chasing after a 19 year old girl, here's some things you should do to help him know you are interested:

1. First of all, be SINGLE. If you have a boyfriend, it's likely he's going to back off. I don't know if you have a boyfriend, but if you do, free yourself up and make yourself fully available.

2. Flirt with him. Show your interest in more upfront ways. As guys, we don't notice those little subtle clues you give us. We notice concrete, more blunt interest.

3. Take care of yourself. If you are overweight, get on a diet plan and lose the lbs. Don't be afraid to dress a little sexy. You don't have to be overt, but clothes that hug your body are real turn ons for men.

4. Show him that great personality you have. As good as you look, it won't mean much if you don't have the personality to match it.

5. Tease him, be playful with him.

Golden advice here; couldn't have summed it up better myself.

However I'd also advise you to broaden you horizons and not just focus on getting the attention of this one man. Otherwise if he rejects you it will be an obvious blow. Try and find alternatives if this one doesn't work out. Who knows? He might be just another sleazeball who doesn't appreciate women for what they are.

Hehe kinda harsh huh? But that's life isn't it?

[saintssupporter]

Originally Posted by James81

As a 27 year old who is currently chasing after a 19 year old girl, here's some things you should do to help him know you are interested:

1. First of all, be SINGLE. If you have a boyfriend, it's likely he's going to back off. I don't know if you have a boyfriend, but if you do, free yourself up and make yourself fully available.

2. Flirt with him. Show your interest in more upfront ways. As guys, we don't notice those little subtle clues you give us. We notice concrete, more blunt interest.

3. Take care of yourself. If you are overweight, get on a diet plan and lose the lbs. Don't be afraid to dress a little sexy. You don't have to be overt, but clothes that hug your body are real turn ons for men.

4. Show him that great personality you have. As good as you look, it won't mean much if you don't have the personality to match it.

5. Tease him, be playful with him.

Im sorry but this is complete bollocks in my opinion.

1. If she has a boyfriend already think twice, either finish the relationship or leave it be.

2. Agree with that

3. Why should she lose weight unless she wants to? I have a good few lbs over weight, he would like her for who she is not what she is.

4. Be yourself, dont exaggerate parts of your personality, just be you

5. Pretty much same as point number two.

Dont ever write dating books you lot

[James81]

Originally Posted by saintssupporter

Im sorry but this is complete bollocks in my opinion.

1. If she has a boyfriend already think twice, either finish the relationship or leave it be.

2. Agree with that

3. Why should she lose weight unless she wants to? I have a good few lbs over weight, he would like her for who she is not what she is.

4. Be yourself, dont exaggerate parts of your personality, just be you

5. Pretty much same as point number two.

Dont ever write dating books you lot

First off, are you a guy or girl?

1. What did this have to do with what I said? If she's wanting a guy's attention and is already in a relationship, then perhaps she should evaluate the relationship?

2. Good.

3. Weight loss should be for her health first and foremost. Plus, your weight says something about your attitudes and beliefs. So, losing weight is more about her fixing some beliefs (because I don't believe you can truly lose weight and maintain weight loss without a shift in beliefs) than it is about objectification. And, let's get real here...attraction is based on two things: the way you look and your personality. If either one of those is lacking, attraction is hindered. So if she's wanting to get a guy's attention, getting into shape will increase her chances of that. BTW, this isn't a stand alone point. It was grouped with 4 other things.

4. And by being yourself, you will show him what a great personality you have. See what I'm saying? I didn't say to exaggerate her personality. I said to show him what a great personality she already has. That's assuming she already has a great personality. If she doesn't, then, well, she shouldn't just "be herself." She should improve her personality.

5. I shoulda brought "flirt" down under this point. The rest of point number 2, however, is different from this.

[kwicherbichen]

I don't like asking guys out unless I am trying to just get into their pants. I think the man needs to ask the woman out since most men, when they are interested in a woman, want to be in the role to do that kind of thing.

[Apollo]

Interesting question, I like the fact you asked it if for no other reason than it shows you take an interest in how you can improve your relationships...so many people are lazy in this area.

You say you think he might feel your too young, if so its probably because a lot of girls your age are immature and there is nothing worse than an immature girlfriend! (unless your immature yourself and then you might think its normal!)

Anyway as a 24 year old man heres my sugestions based on my experiences:

1) Surprise him with maturity - no ridiculous jealousy, 100 text messages a day etc...

2) Be open minded in the bedroom, men need good sex in a relationship, PERIOD, yes its a 2 way street women need to be satisfied emotionally to feel sexual etc... but we are talking about men here, holding out on sex or being boring here has got to be reason numero uno for men cheating/leaving...let us explore and experiment with you and be open and excited about trying new things, a mature women knows taking care of this area keeps a man around!

3) Be interested in his masculinity - take an interest in what he does, plays a sport?, martial art etc... no you dont have to love it but show interest in his manly pursuits or at least allow him to indulge them without feeling guilty.

Do those 3 and you'll be well on your way!

[lonelyfella]

Originally Posted by saintssupporter

3. Why should she lose weight unless she wants to? I have a good few lbs over weight, he would like her for who she is not what she is.

In an ideal world, people look past superficial things like physical attributes and judge purely on character. But the reality is, people are interested in others who look good. The advice was to get in shape to catch the man's attention. Nothing wrong with that. If a man wants to get a woman's attention, it wouldn't hurt to give the same advice and also some tips on grooming and how to dress better.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Don´t worry about being "forward". You are asking him out on a date, not asking him to spank you while he is wearing a leather thong....

LOL. But if t'were me, that latter would do the trick ..

[kwicherbichen]

The only reason I don't do that is because some guys would actually be offended by that and would cause them to think of me as just a toy. But there have been times where that's all I wanted and a simple "Can I kiss you?" was good enough. Haha

[saintssupporter]

Be good in the bedroom where the fu<k did all this advice come out of! I dumped a guy because I was pressured into sex and frankly Im glad I did. If you want your hole as they say there is no problem getting that, flirt like mad and etc etc and sex will come along but if you want a relationship hold out on the guy and build up a mutual understanding. I really must be either a) Im alone in this opinion or b) Maybe its because I am a European Im a big guy and Im happy with the way I am, its others who have the problem with me being the weight I am. If any of you were told by your partners to lose a few lbs I can guarantee you would be quick enough to kick them to the kerb. Im going to just say sometimes its no harm asking for the advice of an internet forum but in this case Im laughing myself silly at some of the advice as I am sure some are at mine! As for taking an interest in his life, do if you have a mutual understanding but there is usually enough common ground there such as politics, books, computers, life experiences etc. to discover you do have enough in common....

[James81]

Originally Posted by saintssupporter

but if you want a relationship hold out on the guy and build up a mutual understanding.

So, essentially what you're advising, is to reward the guys who don't give a crap about you by giving them sex, and to punish the guys who'll give you a relationship by holding out on them. Nothing like starting a relationship by playing a game. Right?

Here's my advice: set a standard for sex and stick with it, no matter who you are with. The guys who want to be with you will still be with you if you have sex with them. Not having sex with someone does NOT translate to them sticking around. It only translates to baiting them along long enough to get them invested in you to make it harder for them to walk away. I guess if you want to manipulate someone into being with you, this would work. Assuming you want a relationship based on manipulation.

Otherwise, this is bad advice.

Originally Posted by saintssupporter

If any of you were told by your partners to lose a few lbs I can guarantee you would be quick enough to kick them to the kerb.

Losing weight isn't about "looks." Losing weight is about health and vitality. It's only an added bonus that you also get to "look good" when you lose weight.

So, having someone ask you to lose weight is having someone say "hey, I want you to be healthy."

Assuming you have your beliefs about weight and health straight, that is. You can choose to get offended if you want, but that wouldn't serve you. Burying your head in the sand about it doesn't serve you either.

[saintssupporter]

I dont become offended at all, Im intrigued more so by the view points held. So she walks into a nightclub, a bloke walks up and says "Hi I like you , can I buy you a drink", she should sleep with him to keep him? Sleeping with someone straight away while no problem if you know yourself is going to be a one night stand but if you see something more I think the risk is higher of being humped and dumped. Any guys interested will wait...why should she feel pressured to having sex with him?

I agree with the point concerning losing weight James, there is no problem losing it if you are in bad health and/or want to get healthier and fitter but no way in hell would I lose weight just because someone said I was unattractive, thats their issue not mine.

[James81]

Originally Posted by saintssupporter

I dont become offended at all, Im intrigued more so by the view points held. So she walks into a nightclub, a bloke walks up and says "Hi I like you , can I buy you a drink", she should sleep with him to keep him? Sleeping with someone straight away while no problem if you know yourself is going to be a one night stand but if you see something more I think the risk is higher of being humped and dumped. Any guys interested will wait...why should she feel pressured to having sex with him?

No, she should detach from the idea that "sleeping with him" is the litmus with which he judges whether he'll stay around long term or whether he will just "hump her and dump her." Her decision to have sex with him has very little bearing (aside from whether or not he thinks the sex was good, that is) on whether or not he's the type of guy who is in it for sex or will stick around. So, thinking that by holding off on sex is going to increases your chances or getting a guy to stay around is manipulative, self-destructive, and just plain silly.

And, like I said, if you set a standard for when you have sex, there is no pressure one way or the other. Let's say your standard is that you feel comfortable having sex on, say, the third date (it could be the first date or it could be the fiftieth date, I'm just using the third date as an example). By doing that (setting that standard) you make an agreement with yourself about sex that does a couple of things:

1. It makes you realize that sex in and of itself isn't a major factor in building interest with a guy. You are now free to create that interest in other, more productive and effective ways.

2. Sex no longer becomes a tool to get what you want. This is huge, because using sex to manipulate other people is really only damaging yourself. It gives you the illusion that you can control people through sex.

3. Most importantly, you are now free to enjoy sex without adding stipulations that it's some big factor in maintaining interest in a guy. (because it's not)

To me, it would seem like more pressure is involved in the act of holding out sex to get a guy to like you than it would be to set a standard for who and when you you have sex.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by saintssupporter

I dont become offended at all, Im intrigued more so by the view points held. So she walks into a nightclub, a bloke walks up and says "Hi I like you , can I buy you a drink", she should sleep with him to keep him? Sleeping with someone straight away while no problem if you know yourself is going to be a one night stand but if you see something more I think the risk is higher of being humped and dumped. Any guys interested will wait...why should she feel pressured to having sex with him?

This sounds more like pressure to NOT have sex. What if she likes the guy, and also feels like getting it on that night? I don't see how not-having-sex relates to good-relationship. Any sexual relationship based on not-having-sex just sounds contradictory.

And really - if it turns out that he views sex in that way, or views women who have sex in that way - wouldn't she want to know that up front? (I would). It might affect whether she wants to have a long-term relationship with the guy.

[lonelyfella]

Originally Posted by James81

So, essentially what you're advising, is to reward the guys who don't give a crap about you by giving them sex, and to punish the guys who'll give you a relationship by holding out on them. Nothing like starting a relationship by playing a game. Right?

Here's my advice: set a standard for sex and stick with it, no matter who you are with. The guys who want to be with you will still be with you if you have sex with them. Not having sex with someone does NOT translate to them sticking around. It only translates to baiting them along long enough to get them invested in you to make it harder for them to walk away. I guess if you want to manipulate someone into being with you, this would work. Assuming you want a relationship based on manipulation.

Otherwise, this is bad advice.

I actually agree with saintsupporter on this one. It's old fashion advice and I still think it works.

Holding out on someone doesn't translate to them sticking around, but it does weed out the ones who are only in it for sex. As long as you let them know early on that you won't give it to them for say, 90 days, and you're strong enough to stand your ground when he makes his moves, then most guys who aren't really interested won't stick around and waste their time. The ones who are serious will wait and they will respect you more for setting those kind of standards. And if they did wait that long, you better please him right when you do get to it because holding off is torture for a man!

And you have to think of it as rewarding the man who waits with love, and not rewarding the man who doesn't care with just sex.... After all, the man who truly cares would rather have your heart AND body as opposed to just the body.

My last girlfriend ended up sleeping with me on about the third date. I was actually interested in her so I continued seeing her and it eventually became serious. However, throughout the relationship, it did bother me a bit that she slept with me too early. I would definitely have gained more respect for her if she'd told me to wait. It wasn't the main reason I broke it off with her, but it could have been on the back of my mind.

[James81]

Originally Posted by lonelyfella

It's old fashion advice and I still think it works.

Oh, I never said it didn't work.

It's just manipulative and self-destructive. That's all.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by lonelyfella

My last girlfriend ended up sleeping with me on about the third date. I was actually interested in her so I continued seeing her and it eventually became serious. However, throughout the relationship, it did bother me a bit that she slept with me too early. I would definitely have gained more respect for her if she'd told me to wait. It wasn't the main reason I broke it off with her, but it could have been on the back of my mind.

You should respect your ex-gf more, not less, because she owns up to her sexuality. She knows what she wants, and knows how to get it.

Why is having sex (early) equal to loss in respect?

Why would she gain more respect if she had waited? I truly am asking, because I do not understand.

[Plays With Life]

I actually have more respect for a girl who can express her sexuality openly and easily. (guy too, for that matter)

[James81]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

I actually have more respect for a girl who can express her sexuality openly and easily. (guy too, for that matter)

To me it's not really about the sexuality.

It's the double standard that would turn me off. If a girl is apt to express her sexuality on a first date for a guy she doesn't like, then realizing that she's holding off on me (when she probably WANTS to have sex) would probably piss me off. Not because I'm not getting sex from her, but because she'd be using sex as a tool of manipulation.

I find someone who is authentic and congruent very sexy. I find fake and manipulative people a complete turn off.