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07-28-2009, 03:43 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: USA
Posts: 3,750
  |  Why do men play so many games?
What is it with so many men that they just love to play games? A guy asked me out and we talked for quite a while. He texted me for the rest of the day. Then all of a sudden, he stops. No reason. So I just ignored it and next time I saw him said hey and kept on going. Whenever I just try to ignore him, he seeks me out, but when I go to talk to him, he acts like he wishes I hadn't. So I go back to ignoring and of course his interest is back. Today I just totally blew him off and how much do you want to make a bet that the next time I see him, he'll be heading my way again. As far as I'm concerned, not only did he blow his chance to date me but he also blew his chance to even be my friend. I've run into this numerous times and I just don't get it. Some people say I'm intimidating but I just don't see it. I'm 5'2", 106lbs, and although I know my own mind, I try to be friendly and light. I have a good sense of humor but have an easier time using it with people I know well. So guys, what's up? Why all the games and what exactly are you trying to achieve? Seems like a woman can't win no matter what she does. |
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07-28-2009, 05:08 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,001
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I don't know about the guy's thoughts in your specific case, but a lot of guys adhere themselves to "rules" they think they need to play. For example, the "don't call a girl for two days after a date" rule. And maybe for some girls, those games work. In my experience, this rule is silly, and every girl I've ever been on a date with has been very eager to speak with me and naturally I'd call them the next day or whenever. It's about being respectful and not playing games. We're all humans. What are these guys trying to achieve? They may just want to get laid. By playing the "I'm not interested card," they hope it will make you more interested in them. Or maybe they want to love and be loved and have a funny way of showing it. |
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07-28-2009, 08:00 AM
| #3 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution
Posts: 14,240
| Quote:
So I don't think it is a gender thing, again it depends on the kind of a person someone is. And then there a good games, and very good players! Those I like. The first phase of getting to know eachother or the first few dates are a bit of a game  but it is upon you to take part or not. You can chose to play his game or you can try to get him to play yours... | |
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07-28-2009, 08:15 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Nong Seng
Posts: 3,975
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Next time, tell such a guy you're not interested in those games and stick by it. If one warning isn't enough (they keep playing that game) tell them you won't play with them. And find another guy. Don't waste time and energy on guys playing games you don't like. It may also be that the guy is insecure (he can't tell if you're interested in him and gets afraid) or is afraid of commitment to you. Same solution: talk about it with him. Tell what you want. If you can't get that from him, let go. |
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07-28-2009, 09:43 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 49
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Obviously reasons will vary from guy to guy, but here's my two cents from dealing with similar situations. More than once this summer, I've had girls who I have been flirting with start texting/calling me frequently, and it is killed my attraction towards them. It's not that I mean to play games with them, but their behavior shows that they are at best losing their cool, and at worst are already showing needy behavior. I am basically getting the vibe that they want to be in a relationship with me already, before we have even really had a chance to see if we click well yet. Personally, I am repulsed by the "I need a relationship [with you]" vibe and actively evade it. This is basically the same thing as when guys start aggressively pursuing a girl after a single mediocre date. Now, from what little you have said I have no reason to believe you have done any of this. It is certainly possible he is intentionally playing some stupid game like "pretend to be aloof" but it could be any number of things. When I do something similar to what it sounds like he's doing, it is usually because I am on the fence about how much I am into the girl, and resent being pushed one way or the other. My advice would be to just play it cool, be yourself. Date other people and don't wait for him to make up his mind, but don't push him to an ultimatum either. He'll make up his mind one way or another eventually. Give him the space to take the initiative. |
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07-29-2009, 05:48 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 211
| Because games are fun...
First off, just as Marinik was saying, we all play our games. And though I wasn't there, I get the impression you were both doing something similar from your post... You paid attention, and then played aloof. He seemed to be doing the same thing. Did you ever come out and state your intent/interest clearly? I understand this isn't what people typically do... but if you sincerely want to avoid 'games' that is what you should do. In most contexts, 'games' imply fun. I find it interesting that people usually don't complain about games unless the game didn't turn out the way they would like... But that's just my impression... keep smiling, Ben |
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07-29-2009, 02:59 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Denmark
Posts: 304
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I think this blog post sums it up quite nicely. Personally, I hate the dating games and rules, but a lot of my friends think ignoring the girl and not being available works wonders for building attraction.. and I'm sure it does for some girls. If I go out on a first date and would like to see the girl again, I'll call her the next day to set up another meeting. It may not be as effective, but at least it's honest. Hopefully it will work someday soon |
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07-29-2009, 03:22 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008
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07-29-2009, 03:25 PM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Sitting by the fire at the Inn of the Last Home
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 It may be that you don't recognize interest the way he shows it. Or, he doesn't show it every time you talk to him because his mind is on something else at the time. Who knows.  | |
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07-29-2009, 03:54 PM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Denmark
Posts: 304
| Quote:
I know part of the "waiting trick" is trying to seem like you have an exiting and busy life. I'm busy too, but calling the girl to ask her out on a second date takes what, two to three minutes, tops? | |
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07-29-2009, 04:47 PM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
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07-29-2009, 05:04 PM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Jun 2008
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07-29-2009, 05:05 PM
| #14 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Southwest desert
Posts: 469
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[QUOTE] Quote:
Did the "date" ever happen? It sounds like it didn't, so if he acted like this after asking you out, I'd have to say he sounds like he's 8 going on 9 maybe?If he acted like this after the date, well thats just rude and I would look for someone with better manners. | |
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07-29-2009, 05:18 PM
| #16 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Sitting by the fire at the Inn of the Last Home
Posts: 5,799
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I thought it sounded like this (maybe I thought wrong): He texted me for several hours, then stopped sending me texts the rest of the day! Humph. That means he doesn't like me. | |
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07-29-2009, 05:23 PM
| #17 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution
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07-29-2009, 05:31 PM
| #19 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution
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07-29-2009, 05:33 PM
| #20 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,001
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If this continues, it seems impossible for her to like a guy who likes her. So she'll end up with a guy who doesn't like her? I think she'll need to clarify to make sure we know what she meant. | |
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07-29-2009, 05:36 PM
| #21 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Southwest desert
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Thanks for my morning laugh!!
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07-29-2009, 05:38 PM
| #22 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution
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07-29-2009, 05:41 PM
| #24 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution
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07-29-2009, 07:34 PM
| #25 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Denmark
Posts: 304
| Quote:
 I suppose people are just different. I'll stick to avoiding mind games and hope being straightforward will work at some level | |
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07-29-2009, 10:29 PM
| #26 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 12,690
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Games can be fun, so long as you don't do them to manipulate or deceive someone. I love playing silly relationship games, teasing, etc. But, honestly, women play just as many games as men. Neither gender is innocent in that regard. Plus, a lot of men who are genuine and nice find out that women only want to be "friends" with them (that infamouse friendzone). But the way I see it, you get exactly what you put out. If the men around you are playing games, then examine yourself and see what it is about you that is attracting men who play these games. |
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07-30-2009, 12:46 AM
| #27 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Northern California
Posts: 3,030
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I've dated both men and women. I did not have an ounce of compassion for men until actually dating a number of women and having a relationship with one. Now, I can safely say that I would in a million years take standard-issue guy games (because they are predictable, textbook games) over girl games.
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07-30-2009, 02:03 AM
| #30 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,612
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The waiting trick can just be a way to slow down the process.. | |
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