Why do men play so many games?

[shasah]

What is it with so many men that they just love to play games?

A guy asked me out and we talked for quite a while. He texted me for the rest of the day. Then all of a sudden, he stops. No reason. So I just ignored it and next time I saw him said hey and kept on going. Whenever I just try to ignore him, he seeks me out, but when I go to talk to him, he acts like he wishes I hadn't. So I go back to ignoring and of course his interest is back. Today I just totally blew him off and how much do you want to make a bet that the next time I see him, he'll be heading my way again. As far as I'm concerned, not only did he blow his chance to date me but he also blew his chance to even be my friend.

I've run into this numerous times and I just don't get it. Some people say I'm intimidating but I just don't see it. I'm 5'2", 106lbs, and although I know my own mind, I try to be friendly and light. I have a good sense of humor but have an easier time using it with people I know well.

So guys, what's up? Why all the games and what exactly are you trying to achieve? Seems like a woman can't win no matter what she does.

[Daffy Duck]

I don't know about the guy's thoughts in your specific case, but a lot of guys adhere themselves to "rules" they think they need to play. For example, the "don't call a girl for two days after a date" rule. And maybe for some girls, those games work. In my experience, this rule is silly, and every girl I've ever been on a date with has been very eager to speak with me and naturally I'd call them the next day or whenever. It's about being respectful and not playing games. We're all humans.

What are these guys trying to achieve? They may just want to get laid. By playing the "I'm not interested card," they hope it will make you more interested in them. Or maybe they want to love and be loved and have a funny way of showing it.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by shasah

What is it with so many men that they just love to play games?

But my dear, we women play our games too!

So I don't think it is a gender thing, again it depends on the kind of a person someone is.

And then there a good games, and very good players! Those I like. The first phase of getting to know eachother or the first few dates are a bit of a game but it is upon you to take part or not. You can chose to play his game or you can try to get him to play yours...

[spirit4711]

Next time, tell such a guy you're not interested in those games and stick by it. If one warning isn't enough (they keep playing that game) tell them you won't play with them. And find another guy. Don't waste time and energy on guys playing games you don't like.

It may also be that the guy is insecure (he can't tell if you're interested in him and gets afraid) or is afraid of commitment to you. Same solution: talk about it with him. Tell what you want. If you can't get that from him, let go.

[SupersecretIdentity]

Obviously reasons will vary from guy to guy, but here's my two cents from dealing with similar situations.

More than once this summer, I've had girls who I have been flirting with start texting/calling me frequently, and it is killed my attraction towards them. It's not that I mean to play games with them, but their behavior shows that they are at best losing their cool, and at worst are already showing needy behavior. I am basically getting the vibe that they want to be in a relationship with me already, before we have even really had a chance to see if we click well yet. Personally, I am repulsed by the "I need a relationship [with you]" vibe and actively evade it. This is basically the same thing as when guys start aggressively pursuing a girl after a single mediocre date.

Now, from what little you have said I have no reason to believe you have done any of this. It is certainly possible he is intentionally playing some stupid game like "pretend to be aloof" but it could be any number of things. When I do something similar to what it sounds like he's doing, it is usually because I am on the fence about how much I am into the girl, and resent being pushed one way or the other.

My advice would be to just play it cool, be yourself. Date other people and don't wait for him to make up his mind, but don't push him to an ultimatum either. He'll make up his mind one way or another eventually. Give him the space to take the initiative.

[Abitofzen]

First off, just as Marinik was saying, we all play our games.

And though I wasn't there, I get the impression you were both doing something similar from your post...

You paid attention, and then played aloof. He seemed to be doing the same thing.

Did you ever come out and state your intent/interest clearly?

I understand this isn't what people typically do... but if you sincerely want to avoid 'games' that is what you should do.

In most contexts, 'games' imply fun.

I find it interesting that people usually don't complain about games unless the game didn't turn out the way they would like...

But that's just my impression...

keep smiling,

Ben

[Coffeesmurf]

I think this blog post sums it up quite nicely.

Personally, I hate the dating games and rules, but a lot of my friends think ignoring the girl and not being available works wonders for building attraction.. and I'm sure it does for some girls.

If I go out on a first date and would like to see the girl again, I'll call her the next day to set up another meeting. It may not be as effective, but at least it's honest. Hopefully it will work someday soon

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

I think this blog post sums it up quite nicely.

Personally, I hate the dating games and rules, but a lot of my friends think ignoring the girl and not being available works wonders for building attraction.. and I'm sure it does for some girls.

If I go out on a first date and would like to see the girl again, I'll call her the next day to set up another meeting. It may not be as effective, but at least it's honest. Hopefully it will work someday soon

A lot of guys will meet a girl they like and forget about their own reality.. Making themselves so needy for the girl, and so I think ignoring the girl and not being available for 2-3 days or whatever is a good way of countering this

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by shasah

A guy asked me out and we talked for quite a while. He texted me for the rest of the day. Then all of a sudden, he stops. No reason. So I just ignored it and next time I saw him said hey and kept on going. Whenever I just try to ignore him, he seeks me out, but when I go to talk to him, he acts like he wishes I hadn't. So I go back to ignoring and of course his interest is back. Today I just totally blew him off and how much do you want to make a bet that the next time I see him, he'll be heading my way again. As far as I'm concerned, not only did he blow his chance to date me but he also blew his chance to even be my friend.

The things you did sound like string pulling and game playing to me.

It may be that you don't recognize interest the way he shows it. Or, he doesn't show it every time you talk to him because his mind is on something else at the time. Who knows.

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by brendannz

A lot of guys will meet a girl they like and forget about their own reality.. Making themselves so needy for the girl, and so I think ignoring the girl and not being available for 2-3 days or whatever is a good way of countering this

I agree that neediness is a bad thing, but I don't see how pretending not to be that interested in her and following the unwritten dating rules by waiting three days before calling helps that.

I know part of the "waiting trick" is trying to seem like you have an exiting and busy life. I'm busy too, but calling the girl to ask her out on a second date takes what, two to three minutes, tops?

[CroMagna]

Sometimes with me, if I like a guy I have feelings for him, but if I find out he really likes me, I start to lose interest. It means he's not the one.

[Orecle]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Sometimes with me, if I like a guy I have feelings for him, but if I find out he really likes me, I start to lose interest. It means he's not the one.

you know wat that means, dont you?

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Sometimes with me, if I like a guy I have feelings for him, but if I find out he really likes me, I start to lose interest. It means he's not the one.

What does that mean? You want a guy who doesn't like you?

[drakecatz]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by shasah

A guy asked me out and we talked for quite a while. He texted me for the rest of the day. Then all of a sudden, he stops.

I'm a bit confused. Did the "date" ever happen? It sounds like it didn't, so if he acted like this after asking you out, I'd have to say he sounds like he's 8 going on 9 maybe?

If he acted like this after the date, well thats just rude and I would look for someone with better manners.

[Orecle]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

What does that mean? You want a guy who doesn't like you?

bingo the groucho marx joke comes to mind " i wouldnt join a club that would have me as a member"

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

I'm a bit confused. Did the "date" ever happen? It sounds like it didn't, so if he acted like this after asking you out, I'd have to say he sounds like he's 8 going on 9 maybe?

If he acted like this after the date, well thats just rude and I would look for someone with better manners.

Good question.

I thought it sounded like this (maybe I thought wrong): He texted me for several hours, then stopped sending me texts the rest of the day! Humph. That means he doesn't like me.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

What does that mean? You want a guy who doesn't like you?

No Daffy she just does not like the ones that like her DUH!!!!

[Daffy Duck]

But she said "if I like a guy I have feelings for him."

[marinik]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Sometimes with me, if I like a guy I have feelings for him, but if I find out he really likes me, I start to lose interest. It means he's not the one.

And then she said.... so the logical conclusion would be...

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by marinik

so the logical conclusion would be...

Well, she said she likes a guy, until he likes her. Then she doesn't like him. He's not "the one."

If this continues, it seems impossible for her to like a guy who likes her.

So she'll end up with a guy who doesn't like her? I think she'll need to clarify to make sure we know what she meant.

[drakecatz]

Originally Posted by marinik

No Daffy she just does not like the ones that like her DUH!!!!

Your and Daffy's post mean the same thing with different words! Those two sentences had my head spinning! Thanks for my morning laugh!!

[marinik]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

Your and Daffy's post mean the same thing with different words! Those two sentences had my head spinning! Thanks for my morning laugh!!

You are welcome! We are here to please

[Daffy Duck]

We're so good at this that I still have no idea what's going on.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

We're so good at this that I still have no idea what's going on.

That is good! Both! the fact we are so good and that you have no idea...

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Sometimes with me, if I like a guy I have feelings for him, but if I find out he really likes me, I start to lose interest. It means he's not the one.

Hmm, maybe I should reconsider my honesty-policy and hang my next date out to dry for a week or two

I suppose people are just different. I'll stick to avoiding mind games and hope being straightforward will work at some level

[James81]

Games can be fun, so long as you don't do them to manipulate or deceive someone. I love playing silly relationship games, teasing, etc.

But, honestly, women play just as many games as men. Neither gender is innocent in that regard. Plus, a lot of men who are genuine and nice find out that women only want to be "friends" with them (that infamouse friendzone).

But the way I see it, you get exactly what you put out. If the men around you are playing games, then examine yourself and see what it is about you that is attracting men who play these games.

[pyrogen]

I've dated both men and women. I did not have an ounce of compassion for men until actually dating a number of women and having a relationship with one. Now, I can safely say that I would in a million years take standard-issue guy games (because they are predictable, textbook games) over girl games.

[Plays With Life]

What sorts of girl games pyrogen?

[pyrogen]

If you ask a man what he's thinking and he says nothing, he's telling the truth.

If you ask a woman and she says nothing, she's lying.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

I agree that neediness is a bad thing, but I don't see how pretending not to be that interested in her and following the unwritten dating rules by waiting three days before calling helps that.

I know part of the "waiting trick" is trying to seem like you have an exiting and busy life. I'm busy too, but calling the girl to ask her out on a second date takes what, two to three minutes, tops?

Ya, you're right, but some guys experience being put in the infamous friend zone as James81 says, and so work hard on not making the pain re-occur,

The waiting trick can just be a way to slow down the process..