Why do men play so many games?

[Daffy Duck]

I agree that women are less predictable than men. I am a man though, so naturally I think I understand men better.

Men just seem to be more to the point and simple. This isn't better or worse, just different. Some studies have found that women talk about three times as much as men. Women can also bond very well just by talking, whereas men like to have some kind of shared activity, like watching sports or playing cards.

[shasah]

Well to clarify, he asked me out, texted me consistently through the day, but then the date never came to be. It didn't really phase me at the time, it didn't click or whatever, so I just stayed friendly, said hey, talked to him a few times. But then he started the chase and pull back stuff. After reading some of the comments, I decided that maybe some of them were right and it seemed like I was playing games too. So tonight when I saw him, I waved, smiled and went about my business. He doesn't owe me any explanations. I have no claims on him.

So being out of the "game" for so long, I'm just not sure of my footing and didn't realize that I was actually playing the game without realizing it. Now all I have to do is figure out if I want to play or not.

I appreciate all the input and would like to hear any ideas you have about getting back into dating. Not looking for a long term, just some light hearted fun with an occassional side benefit

[pjhaggerty]

General dating advice for getting back into dating:

Do what you like to do with other people who like to do it as well, and fill up your schedule with such activities. You will then
1. naturally meet people similar to you (humans like people who are like them. The more similiar you are, the safer you are, and the less likely you are to be a sabertooth tiger ready to eat someone. so be around people pursuing similiar interests.)
2. naturally be busy and therefore 'desireable' (humans want things they don't have. the scarcer something is, the more desireable it is. therefore, fill your schedule to make time with you a 'scarce' and therefore valuable commodity)
3. have interesting things to talk about with the people you do hang out with (humans also value things that are unique. by doing unique things, you become a unique person, and subsequently more valuable to be around and more attractive)
4. be passionate about your life.

Getting into leadership positions is especially good for accomplishing all four of these things, and it will give you numerous things to invite people to as 'dates'.

By being so busy, you will naturally not have time for a long term relationship, and people will recognize this. however, you will meet a lot of people and be rather attractive to them. As long as you are comfortable with 'having fun' it will happen as an outgrowth of this lifestyle.

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Ya, you're right, but some guys experience being put in the infamous friend zone as James81 says, and so work hard on not making the pain re-occur,

The waiting trick can just be a way to slow down the process..

Maybe you're right.. I'm not that experienced when it comes to dating. It just seems to me being honest about your intentions would be better. But I'm sure there's something to be said for "the waiting trick". A positive side of it might be giving the girl some time to think about whether she's interested or not..

I was friendzoned by my girlfriend some months ago because of being too nice, so I won't let that happen again.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

Maybe you're right.. I'm not that experienced when it comes to dating. It just seems to me being honest about your intentions would be better. But I'm sure there's something to be said for "the waiting trick". A positive side of it might be giving the girl some time to think about whether she's interested or not..

I was friendzoned by my girlfriend some months ago because of being too nice, so I won't let that happen again.

Yeah, honesty is best, because if you're not honest how far you get will only be short lived..

Girls want to be treated like humans, not delicate flowers, which might be why you were too nice..

Yeah, relationships aren't easy I guess...

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Yeah, honesty is best, because if you're not honest how far you get will only be short lived..

Exactly

Girls want to be treated like humans, not delicate flowers, which might be why you were too nice..

I didn't treat her like a flower, but I did ditch all my own needs to help her through a very hard period, emotionally. Ironically, trying to help her by always being there for her and listening to her problems ultimately killed her attraction to me.

I knew she had mental health problems before we started dating - so I should have known better than to get involved in the first place. It did teach me a lot about myself, though.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

Maybe you're right.. I'm not that experienced when it comes to dating. It just seems to me being honest about your intentions would be better. But I'm sure there's something to be said for "the waiting trick". A positive side of it might be giving the girl some time to think about whether she's interested or not..

I was friendzoned by my girlfriend some months ago because of being too nice, so I won't let that happen again.

It really shouldn't be a "trick" though.

The idea behind it is to fill your life up with other things, so it doesn't have to be a trick to not get back to them for a couple of days.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

Exactly



I didn't treat her like a flower, but I did ditch all my own needs to help her through a very hard period, emotionally. Ironically, trying to help her by always being there for her and listening to her problems ultimately killed her attraction to me.

I knew she had mental health problems before we started dating - so I should have known better than to get involved in the first place. It did teach me a lot about myself, though.

Well, that sucks, but are you blaming yourself for her mental problems? Sounds more like you did all you could and she might not have really been worthy of you. (possibly) You learnt a lot about yourself, so that's a good thing!

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Well, that sucks, but are you blaming yourself for her mental problems? Sounds more like you did all you could and she might not have really been worthy of you. (possibly) You learnt a lot about yourself, so that's a good thing!

You're right. I don't blame myself for her problems. I was just very much in love with her and hated seeing her in pain and so did what I could to help. But I took it too far and should have realized she could only help herself, with assistance from her psychiatrist.

It has been a very eye opening learning experience, which I wouldn't want to be without. But this is getting a bit off-topic..

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

You're right. I don't blame myself for her problems. I was just very much in love with her and hated seeing her in pain and so did what I could to help. But I took it too far and should have realized she could only help herself, with assistance from her psychiatrist.

It has been a very eye opening learning experience, which I wouldn't want to be without. But this is getting a bit off-topic..

Yeah, it is off topic. But sounds to me like you did very well in the relationship..

Sometimes you just can't win with a losing hand