My girlfriend broke up with me and i feel completely helpless

[suitcase]

Hello everyone, sorry for my weird english. I'm dutch and have hardly slept in two days so I hope I dont make to many mistakes.

2.5 days ago my gf broke up with me after 7 months.. Maybe I should tell somehing about how our relationship started first:

When we met we where roommates and at first all we did was drink coffee and have endless talks about politics, philosophy and previous relationships. In the beginning I wasnt really in love but this developed as I got to know her better. I started feeling very strong for her. After a while I asked here if she wanted to go on a date with me. That night we kissed and slept together.

4 days later one of my best friends died, and I was devastated. Me and her did not really start yet But because she lived in my house it was really easy to knock on her door and cry my guts out in her arms, i did this numerous times. I was heavily in love with her and just wanted her to be mine so bad, too soon. I was afraid my emotions would scare her away. After 2 weeks she told me she wasnt sure she wanted a relationship in general, because she got hurt by ex boyfriends, she appreciated her freedom and that it was really hard for her to deal with my pain because she never lost anyone. Then she said that she had binding anxiety and that it was tough for her to say she was in love, altough she probably was. We decided I should step back a little and let her figure out what she wanted and I stayed with my dad in another town to take some rest and get over the loss. When I got back everything went great and we had a great time untill a little over 2 months ago:

She came to my house (she moved to another place, because her room kind off sucked and to keep the young relationship healthy) panicking and told me she kissed with a guy but she felt really bad about it and she loved me and didnt want to lose me. My first reaction was to get really angry and say that it was over and she started panicking even more and said it was the biggest misstake she had ever made, that she was drunk and it would never happen again. I forgave her but told her it might take some time for me to get over this whole thing, I also told her I might be a little more suspicious in the beginning and it was up to her to make me trust her again. The first couple off days, I felt pretty anxious and sad and sometimes I got angry inside just by looking at her. There where times where I would just pretend she wasnt there...

After about 3 weeks I started to feel better about us and I knew for sure our relationship was not over yet, she was so good to me and in fact I started loving her even more.

So last wednesday night she came to my house and told me it was over. I started crying like a baby and told her I loved her and I didnt want this to happen. I kept on asking her why and she said she was afraid she didnt love me as much as I loved her, but she was still in love with me. She said she wasnt able to show that enough and sometimes I seemed unhappy . She said I made her feel alot of emotions, alot more then she felt in previous relationships and that made her feel insucure and scared sometimes. Then she said she thought that this might only be for a while and that she couldnt stand the thought of missing me. But this was just for the best

I know I might have been focussing on this relationship a little to much, but because I work from home in my own hours and she still went to university and her job I was usualy the one waiting and having/making time to see her and also having time to miss her. This is not the type of situation I wanted to stay in and before I met her I was changing this, looking for a job on the side to meet new people, doing more sports etc. But love gives you this feeling of completeness and makes me kind of lazy.

We just sat there for a couple off hours and we where both making jokes and it felt like she didnt just broke up with me, after a while we fell asleep in eachother arms. The next morning I woke up and before I was even able to think I was allready crying, I was still so sleepy I didnt even realise why I was crying but when I did, I woke here up aking; do we really have to do this?, and she said she prommised herself not to give in, that she wouldnt be able to look herself in the mirror if she did. We decided she would stay till the evening and then she started crying, she said she was afraid to step out of my door because she might start regreting it so I said; then why are you doing this? But she already explained.

I told her our friendship was also very important to me, but that I wasnt sure if I was able to just stay friends with someone I have those kind off feelings for, We then made the appoinement that I would see her again in 6 weeks and that we wouldnt contact eachother in between. I told her I thought I understood what created her feelings, that her cheating on me also changed my view on her for a while, but that was over allready over, and that I was not really happy with myself atm and that makes her insecure, she agreed and I asked her if there was a possibility that we came back together after those six weeks if it was going better with me and she said there was.

For the last two hours all we did was cry and in the end she said she loved me and that we would be allright. I then ran to the pub and started drinking till 7am. The next (same) day I woke up feeling absolutely horrible and realising I called here at 8am or something in a state of half sleep, and completely drunk. I dont remember the beginning of the call but I remember I asked her; 'do you stil love me?'. She said yes and that she didnt sleep al night either, but I was drunk and tired and we wouldnt talk for six weeks' *click*

At this moment im missing her like crazy and its 5am, I'm almost unable to eat or sleep but I regonize that from my first breakup, after 4 years. The thing thats different is that I just dont know what to expect, I dont understand what it is she really wants from me and speculating about this drives me completely insane. There are times where I think I would do anything to get her back, I get angry at times and sometimes I still want to call her. its very domninating and I cant concentrate on anything. I also had two panic attacks. Didnt have those in years. I wont call her anymore im sure. But thinking about those six weeks drives me nuts, I know that in 6 weeks we are gonna 'just drink some cofee and we'll see what happens from there' and I dont know what to expect from that, I probably just be want to hold her when I see her, im sure. I dont feel like I can completely let go of her in the way I could if she just said: 'you're an ******. Im not in love anymore, bye'. I just want to look foreward to getting back together but then I wont really get over her and might get hurt even more after those six weeks. I somehow, very urgently, feel the need to get things in my life in order now, But then im afraid Im only doing that to get her back and wont get the satisfaction out of it I should.

I'm soooo confused and sad atm and its a horrible combination. Any tips on what line of thinking is best or what I should tell myself, is it smart to be hoping on a happy ending?

[marinik]

I'm soooo confused and sad atm and its a horrible combination. Any tips on what line of thinking is best or what I should tell myself, is it smart to be hoping on a happy ending?

At this moment there is nothing but feel positive about it all. Tell yourself it for the best. Try and find what is it you truly want from this relationship and how you want it. Maybe the 6 weeks will be a great thing for you both.

And then there is only time... sorry but it is the truth. Time is the only cure. You can try and DO something to stop thinking about the split...work of some kind..just to stop thinking.. but as far as I can see you are in no state yet, to take any action but go through the rainbow of feelings you are going right now. Look at a previous breakups and remember how they felt then and how they feel now about. It helps.. but there is always abut... people usually answer with "But this is different.." No it is not. Sometimes it is funny in retrospect how we thought our world was falling apart and today we know it was for the best that we did brake up with that person years ago.

Basically it is your Ego acting up in many ways. If you have the strength to step aside and just watch what is going around in your head it is a fantastic learning opportunity. Maybe you will be ready to try this in a few days.

So give yourself the right to feel as you do... try to occupy yourself with something else but alcohol. And give yourself the time and space you need!

[Indiana]

Six weeks is a good amount of time. Even though it's hard right now, in six weeks you will have a much clearer idea of what you want, and what is acceptable to you.

In six weeks you may well feel you have suffered enough and you can see your ex-girlfriend in a more objective light, and that you do not necessarily want to go back.

Or the time might be instructive to both of you in terms of what you missed about each other.

Strive for detachment. And be kind to yourself. Often it helps to find a sympathetic friend and unload.

[ballhit2]

Just make sure you eat a lot when you go to the bar these next several times. No ex is worth a DUI or getting stabbed over.

[HCG]

I'm soooo confused and sad atm and its a horrible combination. Any tips on what line of thinking is best or what I should tell myself, is it smart to be hoping on a happy ending?

All thinking and no thinking is best.
You should not tell yourself anything.

No it is not smart. Hope is stupid.

[Grindin]

you want the truth?

When we met we where roommates and at first all we did was drink coffee and have endless talks about politics, philosophy and previous relationships.

First mistake. You set your frame as a intellectual wimp who needed to spew all your past occurances into her world.

I started crying like a baby and told her I loved her and I didnt want this to happen. I kept on asking her why and she said she was afraid she didnt love me as much as I loved her, but she was still in love with me

Overall man I would say this will be a huge learning experience for you. Don't worry about getting this chick back, you've completely ****ed the frame of the relationship over. If you ever do try and get back the whole thing will be you trying to earn back respect which will turn into her having power over the entire relationship. Not worth it. Don't let emotions dictate your life.

I know you wont take my advice, cause your 'in love', but here it is, undistilled, anyway.

[Rapid]

Hi, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Time will help you get some perspective on your relationship with her. It sounds like she wants to move on so do the best you can to do the same too. Take good care of yourself. It will take time but you will get through this, I promise.