How do you reject someone nicely?

[jamesbiz]

I've finally been putting my self out there, while before I was only meeting friends of friends, and that was easy. I'm a nice guy, so girls find it easy to talk to me. I listen, AND pay attention, and always look them in the eyes, etc etc. Because of that, the girls that I don't like, start to like me. They are usually great people to be friends with, but I am usually not attracted to them. I can't just not be nice to them. I just treat everyone nicely all around, which I guess can send off the wrong singles. But, I'm also using this as practice, as I've been pretty hesitant to try anything for awhile, and my social skills are very dull. Just the sheer act of sharpening my skills, I attract people. I have no idea how to let them down easy, or show them I just wanna be friends. At least with out feeling guilty for some reason or another. Which is where the whole nice guy thing comes into play.

I can sit there and listen for hours to anyone with my complete attention on them, but to them, that's a sign of me liking them.

I need a few encouraging words, thank you

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by jamesbiz

I've finally been putting my self out there, while before I was only meeting friends of friends, and that was easy. I'm a nice guy, so girls find it easy to talk to me. I listen, AND pay attention, and always look them in the eyes, etc etc. Because of that, the girls that I don't like, start to like me. They are usually great people to be friends with, but I am usually not attracted to them. I can't just not be nice to them. I just treat everyone nicely all around, which I guess can send off the wrong singles. But, I'm also using this as practice, as I've been pretty hesitant to try anything for awhile, and my social skills are very dull. Just the sheer act of sharpening my skills, I attract people. I have no idea how to let them down easy, or show them I just wanna be friends. At least with out feeling guilty for some reason or another. Which is where the whole nice guy thing comes into play.

I can sit there and listen for hours to anyone with my complete attention on them, but to them, that's a sign of me liking them.

I need a few encouraging words, thank you

If you don't want em I'll have them..

Rejection hurts and really the only polite rejection I can think of is to say you're gay, or not interested in a relationship at the moment.

I wonder if you're giving interest to girls that you're not actually interested in and this is a problem? Maybe you want to use your attractive qualities and give your attention and energy to the girls you really are interested in.

[Bradshaw]

It has been said that "There really isn't any way to reject someone nicely".

But i think that you reject someone nicely by rejecting them nicely.

Say it in the nicest way possible. Look in her eyes. Hug her if you must.

People do appreciate the truth. I think saying stuff like "I'm not ready for a relationship." or "I already have a girlfriend" when those things simply aren't true is not the best way to go.

[Bradshaw]

Originally Posted by brendannz

I wonder if you're giving interest to girls that you're not actually interested in and this is a problem? Maybe you want to use your attractive qualities and give your attention and energy to the girls you really are interested in.

This depends. If you are in an environment where people have to interact and be around you, sometimes there is very little you can do. Attraction by default?

[ssandra]

Just be good friends with them, don´t make the first move and if they do, don´t go into it and ignore it.

You can slip something into the conversation about the very nice girl you´ve met the other day, and how happy you are that you are such good friends with the person you are with.

That will let them know without hurting anymore than you have to that you are not attracted to them.

[Indiana]

Are you assuming these girls are into you and want more from the relationship, or have they directly approached you and said they want more, putting you in the position of directly refusing them?

If the former, there's no problem. Don't read into something that may not be there.

If the latter, and they request a direct response, I'd say something along these lines...

"Hey, Anna, I think we have a really good friendship. For me, it's about perfect right as it is. I don't want to take it any further, but I would hate to lose what we have, because I really appreciate you as a friend. Does that work for you?"

And maybe it will work for them, maybe it won't. You won't find out unless you're direct. Maybe you're one of several possible options they're considering, and hearing that you're only looking for friendship will help clarify their options. Maybe they'll be put out and won't want to be friends at all - that's up to them. Maybe you're not interested now, but somewhere down the line you'll change your mind when you get to know them even better (or your options become more limited). Just be clear, and things will be okay.

[drakecatz]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Rejection hurts and really the only polite rejection I can think of is to say you're gay, or not interested in a relationship at the moment.

The gay part made me smile Then you'd really have attention you don't want!

Being the gentleman that you are, This must be hard for you. I don't like to lie, but I have used the line, "sorry, I'm interested in someone else right now." It's an easy let down, and it doesn't have to be a total lie. Maybe you really are interested in someone else, like Cameron Diaz!

[squirrel]

I am on the other side of things: I have a friend who is very nice in all the ways you describe yourself - I really like him and could imagine more with him, but I suspect he is just genuinely nice without any other intentions. It could well be that he has a similar problem like you have. At least I thought so, and I therefore avoid showing my affection for him - to the point that I might come across as rather uninterested - because I like him and therefore don't want to cause him any complications. Twisted logic, I admit, but that's (unfortunately) how I am thinking sometimes.

I wonder what jamesbiz thinks of this? Would such a behavior from the part of the girl make it easier for you to deal with her?

Now, how to reject somebody nicely: I think the best is always to mean what you say: if you tell her that she is great to be friends with, don't do it just to be nice, but really follow through and be a friend.

[brendannz]

[QUOTE=drakecatz;386430]

The gay part made me smile Then you'd really have attention you don't want!

Being the gentleman that you are, This must be hard for you. I don't like to lie, but I have used the line, "sorry, I'm interested in someone else right now." It's an easy let down, and it doesn't have to be a total lie. Maybe you really are interested in someone else, like Cameron Diaz!

Yeah, I hope my advice wasn't taken too seriously.. lol.. Kind of suggested all that I could think of, but it's definitely not an easy one..

[Beuford]

You're a great person but I wouldn't like to change what we have right now, how about we go out this weekend and put this conversation behind us*Smiles politely*

If they start avoiding you after you say something like that, then they obviously only wanted to be lovers not friends. But at least you were nice about it.

[CoolBee]

I know this is slightly different, but if I wanted to break off with a guy after a few dates but without hurting him too bad I used to say I was getting back with my 'ex' (everyone knows you can't compete with an ex ) . Then one time, a guy used the same line on me - I was upset of course that he wanted to break off but couldn't help smiling as I heard my own words coming back to me. I appreciated the intention behind them.

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by squirrel

I am on the other side of things: I have a friend who is very nice in all the ways you describe yourself - I really like him and could imagine more with him, but I suspect he is just genuinely nice without any other intentions. It could well be that he has a similar problem like you have. At least I thought so, and I therefore avoid showing my affection for him - to the point that I might come across as rather uninterested - because I like him and therefore don't want to cause him any complications. Twisted logic, I admit, but that's (unfortunately) how I am thinking sometimes.

I wonder what jamesbiz thinks of this? Would such a behavior from the part of the girl make it easier for you to deal with her?

Now, how to reject somebody nicely: I think the best is always to mean what you say: if you tell her that she is great to be friends with, don't do it just to be nice, but really follow through and be a friend.

Yes it would, but I also wouldn't want someone to be disingenuous with me. So kind of a catch 22 there.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Bradshaw

This depends. If you are in an environment where people have to interact and be around you, sometimes there is very little you can do. Attraction by default?

that's true, customer service jobs require us to be polite and nice to customers..

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by brendannz

that's true, customer service jobs require us to be polite and nice to customers..

lol ugh I hate that! You can never tell if they are flirting or working

[MmeIntentional]

I would just be honest about it just as long as your sure they fancy you too. If you know for sure that they want something more from you I would just say in conversation " I am not interested in having a relationship with anyone at the moment "

I said that to a new male friends of mine and he got the message. Before he just thought that because we were both single that we would be an item.

[brendannz]

You could say you're already in a relationship with your mommy, then it would probably kill the attraction (I guess)

[jorgeblanco]

If you have somebody else you are interested in, just say it straight. If you don't, why not give that person a chance. Don't go accepting everybody, but get a chance to know them better, you might be surprised

I am for relationships that evolve from great friendships. Those are generally better.

[aggie]

it should be simple, but this can be a a toughie....

my husband and i went clubbing last night with a single friend and we all talked about how the girls all dance with the girls and the guys all hang with the guys and watch...and you could come back years later, the club name has changed and the faces are older but still the same.

it is a wonder how people can get together at all, but it depends on what you are looking for...i think honesty is best at letting people down...i hate it when girls are so arrogant and nasty when guys they don't care for approach them.

if you are looking for someone for a possible relationship, then i wouldn't linger with the ones that you really aren't interested in that way...and keep moving and mingling.

i think there was a thread about people of the opposite sex being able to be just friends.....

main thing, don't if you can , even unintentionally, let someone think you might be interested...that's the part that hurts more than finding out that you are not.

[Kaybee]

Rejection does hurt. How about being more upfront with what you are about? When you first become friends and get to know someone and find you can never see them differently - maybe you can really let them know how much you appreciate having them as a friend.

You know....say something like..."Mary, I'm so glad we are friends. It really means alot to me. So many people mess up friendships by trying relationships, but I'm glad we are smart enough not to destroy this wonderful friendship we have."

Kim
How to Deal With Rejection With Dignity
How To Say No Responsibly

[WakingLife]

If she has siblings(brothers would probably apply most) then you could slip into a conversation, 'wow your brother is so lucky to have you, you'd be the perfect sister!' because we all know what family relations generally imply

or if she asks you up front about your feelings just say you think of her more like a sister?

[drakecatz]

Originally Posted by jamesbiz

lol ugh I hate that! You can never tell if they are flirting or working

Just how goodlooking are you? Does any woman leave you alone?

Was that flirting or posting?

If you are that goodlooking, and a gentleman too, you've got your work cut out for you!

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

Just how goodlooking are you? Does any woman leave you alone?

Was that flirting or posting?

If you are that goodlooking, and a gentleman too, you've got your work cut out for you!

It's all about having confidence