what does it take to be compatible?

[amixa]

a few months ago i broke it off with my boyfriend.
i found that his life choices make him miserable but insists on doing it his way and i didn't want to be around him anymore. he neglected aspects i liked in him before we started dating. he also never gave room to change in the relationship - to be flexible to my needs as i was to his.

now he's insisting we get back together.. and its frustrating because well i've seen my parents function together my whole life and see how THEY DO NOT belong together (they stay together because they're traditional)
however his parents are not all that interested in the same things but some how make it work (unless they are quietly unhappy -- he has no clue)

is it not natural for someone who's dating the other to take interest in your interests (not all but at least *something*)?
if they don't care about things that are important to you.. does that effect your relationship?

i'd love to hear anecdotes and hear other people's experience with this topic.

i'm clearly still young when it comes to dating - i don't date often unless i really like the person.
i'm sure there are people out there that make it work -- but i'm definitely hesitant before i get back into a relationship with him.

thank you!!

[Cheshire Cat]

You seem to be answering your own doubts on this... I personally feel that compromises and good communication have a lot to do with sustaining compatibility. Oftentimes though, it ends up being more work than either party expected or is willing to put up with. If both sides aren't giving and receiving back their fair share of the deal, then the relationship won't likely be a mutually happy one, and it'll just be a matter of time before things are broken again. If you still love the person, there's always a chance, but there also has to be change. Many people would rather be accepted and loved for who they are than substantially change themselves for the sake of someone else.

[HappyLuckyOne]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Many people would rather be accepted and loved for who they are than substantially change themselves for the sake of someone else.

Yes! I can speak for that! I tried to change myself to make things work. I changed so much that I was behaving and talking like my ex. it's not a bad thing if you really want to be like your partner. But if it makes you feel "unhappy" that you have lost yourself, then you need to think twice. You are you, and you are unique. Keep your core with you and your partner should love you just the way your are. Minor changes are to enhance the quality of the relationship, but not total revamp of your self worth.

Cut the story short, so much that I have changed, my ex still left me - for the reason that he doesn't feel connected with me perhaps he dislikes a "clone" of him he is a weirdo, and I shall not take him to make generalization.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by amixa

he neglected aspects i liked in him before we started dating. he also never gave room to change in the relationship - to be flexible to my needs as i was to his.

Have you talked to him about these aspects? Maybe you need to be clear about what aspects you liked in him, like.. maybe they're within him, but he's been clouded by some confusion, perhaps..?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Many people would rather be accepted and loved for who they are than substantially change themselves for the sake of someone else.

I love this quote!

I'm starting a new blog on relationships and relationship advice... Can I use this? Just let me know under what name you want credit given...

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by amixa

i'm sure there are people out there that make it work -- but i'm definitely hesitant before i get back into a relationship with him.

Most relationships require some "work" but it shouldn't be like a job. If you're this incompatible from the start, then that's not a good sign. I'd steer clear of dating him. He sounds like he's just having trouble getting over the breakup.

[drakecatz]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by amixa

now he's insisting we get back together..

Here is where you stand your ground. He can't "insist" upon anything.

I think when you meet someone who shares your interests, someone you really enjoy being with, you'll find out how much fun a relationship can be.

You're young, and clearly bright as you're seeing the red flags. Find someone more in tune with you.

[Cheshire Cat]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I love this quote!

I'm starting a new blog on relationships and relationship advice... Can I use this? Just let me know under what name you want credit given...

Sure, you can use my words if you like. Just refer to this forum and my username for credit. Thanks, and best of luck to your blog (let me know what the link is if you don't mind) and your love-life!

Sometimes, relationships require more 'work' than expected, but no, we can't forget that it should still be fun too. If it's a 'job' I truly love and believe in, I wouldn't mind working hard for it so long as the same effort is being returned. However, I don't get the feeling this guy really has your welfare at heart either, sorry...

[marinik]

Compatible in my "relationship dictionary" means not only having the same interest and goals but bringing the best out of eachother. Striving to become better and having your partner as support as someone who inspires you to become better and better during the time spent together as a couple.

This is the most important thing in a relationship for me.

There are many other aspects of being compatible.. sexual is another one of them, spiritual/religious, social... and so on...

[Rapid]

Wise words from fellow posters. Take heed. It doesn't sound like he's a vibrational match for you. I would make a clean break.