Cheating - A Questionnaire

[MidasGirl]

Daffy, I know someone else who would have answered exactly as you did: my guy. You me remind so much of him... He's like the only guy I've ever come across who's never cheated, and he's in his late 30's and never been married. Now don't get me wrong, he was a serial monogamist, but still I find it more than impressive that a guy has never cheated. Your woman is very lucky to have you. Way to go!!!!

[Big]

1. What is your definition of cheating?

In general, conceiled craving for intimacy with another person which is acted upon; a physical or/and emotional relationship which conflits directly with the "assumed" relationship.

Lying can also be considered cheating.

2. Are there grades to cheating or all forms of cheating are equal?

Yes.

1. The feeding of feelings of desire for intimacy with another person.

2. Seeking to spend time with those with whom there's a craving for intimacy.

3. Physical contact (such as kissing, holding hands).

4. Sex, I'd say, although one would argue it could be included in the above.

5. The dreaded double life.

3. Have you ever cheated?

Nop.

4. Have you ever been cheated?

Yes.

5. Which of the above is easier to forgive?

Both are hard to forgive, I believe. Yet, I think being cheated on easier to forgive.

6. Which of the above would break the relationship?

It is possible that either of the above wouldn't break it.

7. Which gender is most likely to cheat?

It is my personal belief that women are more prone to cheating, excuse the sexim. Yet, it depends more on characther than gender.

8. What would be a reason for cheating?

Not being satisfied sexually.
Not being satisfied emotionally.
A subconscious craving for "adventure", the desire to "escape routine", despite being satisfied, both emotionally and sexually.

Although they might be reasons, they are not valid justifications, in my opinion.

9. What would be YOUR reason for cheating?

None. Cheating is not an option. Yet, if I ever cheat, God knows why, I think it'd be because I'd find myself unfulfilled emotional and sexually and would be too weak to face it.

10. What would be a reason not to cheat?

The main reasons are, I believe, respect: for oneself, for the other.

11. What would be YOUR reason not to cheat?

Same as above.

12. Would love make any difference?

I don't really know what you are asking, but love makes the difference. When you are cheated upon and when you are the one doing the cheating.

13. Would marriage make any difference?

I do believe so. If you make an oath, you better be ready to follow it.

14. Would children make any difference?

Yes. One should set an example, and should try to edificate the relationship that is the "nest" for children. Cheating is NOT a way to do this.

15. Would gender make any difference *in how you see cheating*?

I don't believe so. Character counts more.

16. After cheating, is it better to tell the blunt truth or skilfully hide it?

Tell the truth, although one can understand why there's the tendency to hide it.

17. Forgive or forget when it comes to cheating?

Really, really depends. I'd say the rule of thumb is forget, but one can't pindown the dynamic of relationships so easily.

18. Pay back or pay it forward when it comes to cheating?

Revenge is futile. The experience should be used to propell growth, not to endanger it.

19. Name a situation in which cheating would not upset you.

I think I'd be always upset by betrayal.

20. Name a situation in which you would expect cheating to happen.

The situations would depend on the kind of person I'm in a relationship with. Without knowing the specific person, it's hard to say.

21. Does cheating create a precedent?

You know the motto "once a cheater, always a cheater". People change, of course, and learn from their errors. But it's a real possibility that a person who has once cheated will do the same deed again.

22. Is it possible to never cheat?

Yes. Yet, I define not cheating as "being able to do so, but consciously choosing not to", as in "if I could, I could get another person, but I refuse to do so" versus "I can't get a better partner, so I stick with this one."

[Annemarie]

There's a a thing or two to be learned from your answers, that's for sure.

I saw that some questions were not exactly clear and you'll have to forgive me for not clarifying them further. Some of them were consciously formulated to be ambiguous.

Thanks for sharing your opinions with me. It was much appreciated.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Annemarie

...
I’m just gathering opinions, simply to broaden my horizon on this matter.

...

For what purpose? And why on the topic of cheating?

The fact that you call it cheating (a non-neutral term) means that you will get 'loaded' answers, I guess. One reason for me not to fill in the questionnaire.

[spirit4711]

Wow spirit and marinik, it's not often I see people rejoice in dishonesty, let alone encourage it.

I love playing devil's advocate. Not only for fun, but also to examine end experience what exactly what it is that is good or bad for me.

I don't encourage dishonesty, but it happens. Also in my life. Does not make me proud, I learn from it and move on. I don't condemn dishonesty either. If people choose to be dishonest with me, I will respond to that, but if they want to be dishonest, I accept their choices, not their behaviour.

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

...
My note about encouraging was more directed at Spirit's comment of "converting non-cheaters." Of course, that could be a joke too.
...

There was some tongue in cheek there. For the record: my tongue in my cheek, no cheating there .

Seriously, I think this thread will lead to confirming that cheating is bad. Nothing new under the sun. But not very valuable either.

[SomeRandomGuy]

I should preface this by saying that my view of cheating may be very different than for most people. I view cheating as an act of dishonesty. If you have an understanding with your partner than having sex with another person is ok, and are up front with them when it happens then I do not consider that cheating. On the flip-side, if you have an understanding that being alone in the same room with a woman (or man) is cheating and you do so, then hide it, that is cheating.


1. What is your definition of cheating?
-Practicing any form of dishonesty
2. Are there grades to cheating or all forms of cheating are equal?
-No, cheating is cheating
3. Have you ever cheated?
-Yes, and I regret it
4. Have you ever been cheated?
-Not to my knowledge
5. Which of the above is easier to forgive?
-I would imagine being cheated on. I am tougher on myself than others
6. Which of the above would break the relationship?
-Either (or possibly neither), depends on the situation
7. Which gender is most likely to cheat?
-Cheating is not gender-specific, so neither is most likely to cheat
8. What would be a reason for cheating?
-I see no valid reason for cheating
9. What would be YOUR reason for cheating?
-Same as above
10. What would be a reason not to cheat?
-A successful relationship is built on honesty
11. What would be YOUR reason not to cheat?
-Same as above
12. Would love make any difference?
-Certainly, love makes a difference in every situation
13. Would marriage make any difference?
-Not more so than any other commitment
14. Would children make any difference?
-Yes because children should be the parents #1 priority
15. Would gender make any difference *in how you see cheating*?
-No
16. After cheating, is it better to tell the blunt truth or skilfully hide it?
-It is always best to tell the truth
17. Forgive or forget when it comes to cheating?
-If you can't forgive, then the relationship is over
18. Pay back or pay it forward when it comes to cheating?
-Pay back is never a good idea in a relationship
19. Name a situation in which cheating would not upset you.
-There is not one. Dishonesty always upsets me
20. Name a situation in which you would expect cheating to happen.
-There is not one
21. Does cheating create a precedent?
-In some cases, especially when the cheaters "gets away" with it
22. Is it possible to never cheat?[/QUOTE]
-Yes