Committed, long-distance relationships

[elainevdw]

I realize that a lot of couples go through the long-distance thing, because one partner is in the military, is a pilot, travels for business, or whatever. Are any of you folks out there in this situation, and would you like to share some tips? I'd very much appreciate it, because I don't know any other couples who are currently doing this.

I've been with my boyfriend for something like 5 years now. We've lived together the last three of those. He just got a job as a consultant and is only home every other weekend.

[Brien]

In summer I dated someone for about a month. Then classes started and I go to school/live about 1.5 hours away from where she does. It's not that "long" distance, but with the both of us pretty busy, we only saw eachother every 3 or 4 weeks. Things weren't that serious between us when we started the long-distance thing. But somehow, because of trying to maintain the relationship in that situation, we started acting like it was more important than it actually was. Feelings changed but the relationship didnt. In the end it got pretty messy. Anyway...

I know your situation is a bit more commited, but here's my advice:

Dont let trying to maintain the long-distance relationship "freeze" it. In my experience, there is a lot of pressure to keep things "working" while long-distance. But the problem is that the relationship may change, feelings change, and it's NOT always because of the long distance. Be willing to accept those changes from both yourself and your other.

[Isis Kali]

Yeah...I'm looking one of these straight in the face right now, and I don't know...you really have to figure out a lot about boundaries, rules, etc. Will you be monogamous while apart? Do you want to know if they're dating or not? Can you deal with going on your SO's MySpace or something, and seeing a silly woman write some sweet nothing in their comments? It could happen. Doesn't mean they don't like you, or aren't thinking about you, or whatever.

LDRs are great if you have enough things to do to keep yourself from fretting over what could be happening somewhere else. There is always the possibility that the freedom of distance will allow for the other party to fall in love and drop you without really thinking much of the effect that will have on you.

I'm sorry for sounding so dour about this, but I've tried to do this twice before, and I've never ended up on the winning end. I don't know if I'm going to subject myself to even talking to the guy in the present situation after he flies back to Europe precisely because I don't want the possible heartbreak.

[elainevdw]

Brien and Isis, I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences.

I've actually done a semester apart from my boyfriend once. It sucked ass (for a lot of reasons, some not even having to do with our relationship), but at least with this business thing of his, we'll get to see each other every other weekend instead of once every three months.

I'm not concerned about affairs, because we have a really solid foundation of trust with each other. I'm only slightly concerned about communication issues. We've already been through the "What the hell are you writing about me on your blog?!" phase (which also sucked, lol), and we have Skype so we can talk for free just about every night. We also started playing World of Warcraft together so we have something to do as a couple while he's 2000 miles away. And we chat over G-mail while at work.

I guess the weirdest thing we've noticed so far is that we get into the dumbest fights the day/night right before he flies back. Why is that?

And yes, I do keep myself busy. I work extra hours so I can take some time off when he's home, and I've also started doing yoga 2-3 evenings a week, and running when I'm not doing yoga. Between that and everything else I have to do, I don't have a whole lot of time to get lonely (though sometimes I do).

[crackersss]

I am going through the same thing..me and my b/f have been dating for 5 months..and for the first 3 months we lived like 5 minutes away from each other now we live 5 hours away from each other..and its about to kill me lol...but wat i try to do...is keep my self busy...like go shopping (window shopping) lol...go for walks, and think about all the good time we had.the last time he came to see me..This may not be any help to you..and i wish u the best of luck!

[Aliyah]

Such relationships work as long as both trust each other. Once the trust is shaken, then its doomed.

[spookie149]

I've been in two long distance relationships. For the first, every summer my partner would go up north to work when school was out. We had a phone call a week on a satellite phone for 20 mins. That's it. We had a solid 2 years in us before that started though.

My current beau and I live across the country from one another after meeting on an exchange program in school. We're graduating this year and hope to find jobs in the same city together.

I've been burned before. My first boyfriend cheated on me and lied to me. Every relationship now I have anxiety about another girl. It's hard, but unless you trust the other person there's no point doing it. I try to realize he's probably having the same fears as me. Today, Skype makes a huge difference. Video calls on a daily basis makes it a bit easier. Communication is key. Keep talking. I think if you continue to provide the emotional/psychological support that your partner needs there's no reason for him/her to look elsewhere. If the sex in the relationship is a supplement rather than a basis to the relationship you should be fine.

Hope that helps. I still have my really lonely days though