How to get a cool girlfriend at school?

[00melo00]

Yo guys, being on the road of a PUA (allthough my goal isn't to lay 1000 chicks) and starting (more seriously) on the road of PD I find it quite cool to know that these roads are parallel.

The thing is, when I started with the seductionstuff it was for the reason I never had a girlfriend and couldn't get one (at school). Now I go in clubs and do daygaming and saw it was actually easier to talk/vibe with girls/women and boys/men. Much easier than at school.

Unfortunately I don't have time to go do much clubbing or talking to people in the afternoon. So I thought about to go 'gaming' at school, but I reckognised that I still suck and I don't make much progress with schoolgaming too. So I was wondering how you guys did get your girlfriend at highschool (yup, that is back in the early days for some people ). Like how did you meet and how did your relationship evolved?

I know that the schoolsystem is different in every country but still I think if you guys can post some stories that it will be inspirational for me to read

Oh and by the way, girls you can reply too I think your stories will also be much of inspiration.

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by 00melo00

I find it quite cool to know that these roads are parallel.

You couldnt be more wrong.

A 'PUA' as you call it, is only concerned with their own gain, whilst anyone investing in PD is concerned not only about their own success but also the general well being of those whom they encounter.

Come back when your 16.

[00melo00]

A 'PUA' as you call it, is only concerned with their own gain, whilst anyone investing in PD is concerned not only about their own success but also the general well being of those whom they encounter.

Well I guess I take that stuff less literally and my interpretation of a PUA goes parallel with this. Actually in order to become a PUA you have to be active in the PD area. If you enrich all the things in your life the women will come almost naturally. A PUA doesn't have to be an egotripper.

Come back when your 16.

And by the way why are you saying stuff like this? It's a pity if you are suggesting negativity here..... and I get the idea you do.

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by 00melo00

Actually in order to become a PUA you have to be active in the PD area.

Really? I thought people who's sole intent was their own gain at the expense of others (women) was Personal Destruction (of their integrity)

Originally Posted by 00melo00

If you enrich all the things in your life the women will come almost naturally.

If they come about naturally, then why be a PUA??????

I dont think so.

[00melo00]

If they come about naturally, then why be a PUA??????

I dont think so.

Because enriching other areas of your life are only things that will help you, but to get the job done you also need to get experience from socialinteractions from all sorts.

Stephen what do you see in the term/word PUA? Because you see it totally different than I do I can see that in your posts.

Really? I thought people who's sole intent was their own gain at the expense of others (women) was Personal Destruction (of their integrity)

Expenses of others? Having a relationship is a 2 waytraffic! It isn't fun anyway if it just comes from 1 way.....

By the way if you see intergrity as low selfesteem then yes it is. But I stayed true to who I was for the rest, when I'm in a set I use my subconscious to do the work for me. I don't use techniques like negging (I don't like MM by the way, the book is boring ), I use 'techniques' like playful and being confident. And being confident comes from enriching other parts from your life as well. And if you want to be playful then you must have a positive look at life and just being happy in general.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Stephen

A 'PUA' as you call it, is only concerned with their own gain, whilst anyone investing in PD is concerned not only about their own success but also the general well being of those whom they encounter.

Stephen, with all do respect I have to disagree with you on this. I feel that in the world of PUA there is much to learn that mimics PD. It has a lot of great suggestions to improve self-esteem, conversation skills and much more. Once you know these skills you can help others gain self-esteem and other skills, this is good, no? In other cases you do learn scripts and other things to manipulate people with and surely this power can be used for evil.

PD does teach you to grow as a person but not everyone into PD has good intentions. Some people want to personally develop their money making skills without any thoughts to contribution. Some people use PD as a means to improve their health but couldn't care less about the next persons health. What I am getting to is that not everyone that participates in personal development is interested in the greater good of all, while not everyone into being a pick up artist is interested in hurting, manipulating and being abusive.

I look forward to more feedback from you Stephen.

[00melo00]

In other cases you do learn scripts

In the Netherlands this is greatly reduced, I think that 20 or 10% uses a little bit of script and that the rest uses improv.

We don't have big mystery fans in Holland.

But don't some of you people have had a girlfriend in highschool? And how did you met? I see myself struggeling since everything is in groups and your socialvalue has already been 'tagged'.

And well at school I'm just not as straightforward I want or dare to be, because I'm a bit affraid of that big groups of people will think of me as some stupid guy or something. Because there is a chance to do it wrong...

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by 00melo00

So I thought about to go 'gaming' at school, but I reckognised that I still suck and I don't make much progress with schoolgaming too. So I was wondering how you guys did get your girlfriend at highschool (yup, that is back in the early days for some people ). Like how did you meet and how did your relationship evolved?

First I tried to not think of it as I'm going to "get" a girl. That seems to be the language of she is some "thing" to "have". People or relationships are not objects to acquire like things. It's much more organic.

Mostly I found my high school relationships and close girl ones by doing things I liked and finding the groups of people that were into those things. Like being in the band for the musicals or some other school related group (wasn't me, but writing for the school paper or sports or choir). But also keeping my attenna up for parties and finding the hosts and ask to come if not already invited or (not me, host one).

If I saw a girl smile a bit at me, I'd smile back and try to talk to her as a person and get to know her. And there'd be some sort of natural nerveousness that lent itself to flirty behaviour and if she did it too, then it turns into more and I'd muster up the guts to ask her out or invite her to some party I've heard of. And they don't all say yes. And I had to say no to some too. Like, hey are you going to that party? Great, I'll see you there. I used to also write love type notes and give them to one girl (but only because she started it).

Basically being social is what helps finding someone.

[Cron]

Ignore the dumb title of this site and the advertisements. The writings are down to Earth, written by a self described "former loser/geek" who got a life. It tells you how you can do the same:

How to be Cooler | Free advice to help shy, lonely, hard-up guys be cooler

[gberardi]

Originally Posted by 00melo00

But don't some of you people have had a girlfriend in highschool? And how did you met? I see myself struggeling since everything is in groups and your socialvalue has already been 'tagged'.

And well at school I'm just not as straightforward I want or dare to be, because I'm a bit affraid of that big groups of people will think of me as some stupid guy or something. Because there is a chance to do it wrong...

Have you heard the quote that animals can smell your fear? Humans are animals. We can tell when you're not confident, and we can tell when you are putting on an act. You're afraid because you think someone might be able to tell that you're nervous.

As far as high school is concerned, my advice is to not think too much about what others think of you. I was simultaneously the outcast and one of the most popular guys in my high school. I didn't fit into any of the "cool" groups, and I didn't fit into a single group. I knew everyone in all the cliques, which probably explained why my girlfriend at the time became Homecoming queen.

Originally Posted by wolfgang

First I tried to not think of it as I'm going to "get" a girl. That seems to be the language of she is some "thing" to "have". People or relationships are not objects to acquire like things. It's much more organic.

...

If I saw a girl smile a bit at me, I'd smile back and try to talk to her as a person and get to know her. And there'd be some sort of natural nerveousness that lent itself to flirty behaviour and if she did it too, then it turns into more and I'd muster up the guts to ask her out or invite her to some party I've heard of.

...

Basically being social is what helps finding someone.

I agree. I really didn't like it when someone talked about "getting" girls or would say things like "At least I have a girlfriend!" as a defense against some verbal attack. Seriously, what does having a girlfriend have to do with anything? Does it make you cooler? If so, does "getting" multiple girlfriends make you super cool relative to someone who has only one?

You should be good enough on your own. If you don't think you're good enough, then no one else will think you are either. Don't concentrate on "getting" a girlfriend. Whenever I watch a movie about some nerd/dork/geek who is pining away for the popular girl, I always wonder what it is about her that he thinks is so special that he ignores everything else. She doesn't talk to him, and he never talks to her. So what is the basis for his attraction to this particular girl?

On the other hand, when you meet someone because you happened to share some interest ("Hey, is that a TI-82 calculator in your locker?" or "You drew those? That's awesome!" or "I like Weird Al, too!" or "I hate mainstream music!"), it is a lot easier to be on friendly terms. You can't ask a complete stranger out to a Weird Al concert and expect that the person (1) likes Weird Al and (2) wants to go with you.

A friend of mine from college was surprisingly good at having a date every weekend. His policy might be of interest to you: it's a numbers game.

If you're not looking for a relationship, if you are just interested in having a good time, probably with a different person, then understand that not everyone is going to agree to go on a date with you. Once you understand that a lot of people will say "No", you can feel differently when it happens. Someone telling you "No" is just one more person you have to get out of the way until you get to "Yes".

In college, I hardly ever got the nerve up to talk to a girl I didn't know. I did once, and she was clearly not interested. So I basically got rejected the one time I got the nerve up to talk to someone.

My friend, on the other hand, got rejected probably hundreds of times. Of course, he also got those "Yes" answers a lot more often simply for giving someone the opportunity to say it in the first place. Even if his "record" (so to speak) was 1000 rejections and 3 acceptances, that's three more "wins" than I had.

But my policy towards relationships wasn't a numbers game. I had only a few relationships in college, and each one grew out of a friendship I already had. On that note, a few friendships I had that I WAS interested in turning into more didn't turn out to be more than a friendship in the end, so once again I suppose you could see it in the same way. I got "rejected" a number of times, but there were those few times when I didn't.

So get social. Join clubs, volunteer for events, etc. You already said that you enjoy talking to people at clubs, but in those situations, everyone is expected to be more outgoing. Run for a student government position. The worst case is that a lot more people might know your name.

[Michael Chui]

Responding generally to Stephen,

There is a point at which PD and PUA splits, but it's not as early as you think it does.

The ultimate goal of PUA is to become a sexual magnet, whereas the ultimate goal of PD is to become a magnet for good things more generally. The primary problem with PUA is that it focuses the notion of "good things" down to "sex and women" to the point at which other concerns are diminished.

Speaking a bit more broadly, if you focus on PD, the gains of PUA (higher attractiveness, higher self-esteem, more and better relationships) will come to you automatically without the natural losses (sexist perspective, blindness towards problems in the world, fixation on self-gain).

Similar losses occur when you over-emphasize your PD in other areas.

[Wanderer]

I think some of the replys to your thread seem a bit narrow minded, I just read it as shy/lonely guy needs some advice on getting girls.

I think the best way to do it is probably to either
a) improve self and this should attract them naturally (use PD)
b) keep on the lookout n if u see a girl into summat ur into get 2 know her
c) make sure u dont come across as freaky geek guy lookin 4 girls

Just so u know I think gf/bf in school are a bad idea in general, if theyre out of school the problems after the inevitable break up will be much less

Just my 2 cents

[mattsonn]

I don't get it. Is this an advice thread, or a storytelling thread?

If it's advice, then go get David DeAngelo's newsletters. PERIOD.

Story: My happiest relationship came when I met this girl at lifeguarding. I only talked to her twice, and thought nothing of it, but I do remember that we clicked well. Much later, I get a call from her at night, and she asks me if I want to go to prom. And that was how it began.

[Colm OReilly]

Melo,

What do you want? Could you write it down in as much detail as possible? Until you are very clear on what you want, worrying about how to achieve it is pointless.

[00melo00]

Sorry about my language about girls if I have given you the idea that girls are something too obtain. I don't think girls are objects, or spermreservoirs or whatever. I think that a deep connection between the two of you is just very cool. And all the other 1000 connections (teasing, having fun etc.) but that deep one in particular.

If it's advice, then go get David DeAngelo's newsletters. PERIOD.

Cocky and funny is not my thing, I tried it for a long time (3/4 months) and didn't get any succes out of it. My frame of mind is now "just have fun" or P&C which stands for playful and confident. P&C is way better than C&F anyway, with C&F you can come across als insulting if you don't get it. And I will never get it, I figured.

But anyways, some of you guys made some interesting points:

We can tell when you're not confident, and we can tell when you are putting on an act. You're afraid because you think someone might be able to tell that you're nervous.

Hmm yeah I know that and did encounter it already when I wasn't nervous strangely enough. I'm not affraid of that, I'm affraid of getting a bad reputation that will affect me negatively in some sort of way.

Does it make you cooler?

No it's pure the emotional and sensual experience that I like, thats why there also stand the word cool in the title.

By the way the rest of your post does really make sense to me, thanks! That was the inspiration I was talking about

And Michael Chui you make also some interesting point on which I agree. I noticed a few days ago (just before I was member of this forum) that I must have a balans between that whole PUAthing. Because I was asking myself for what I was learning does that really apply on the thing that I want to get out of this? And I discovered that I've gone a little to far with it and that I need to go another direction with this PUAthing. Thanks for pointing it out clearly.

a) improve self and this should attract them naturally (use PD)

Something I already said in my first post

c) make sure u dont come across as freaky geek guy lookin 4 girls

I won't, because I don't see a girl I don't know as relationshipmaterial.

Just so u know I think gf/bf in school are a bad idea in general, if theyre out of school the problems after the inevitable break up will be much less

True, but I don't have much time after school, so thats why I'm doing it there.

What do you want? Could you write it down in as much detail as possible?

Well my goals about those PUAthing aren't only girlrelated. I also want to be the most social guy people will meet in their entire lives. But well on the girl thing:
I just want a cool relationship with a girl. Like the feeling your best buddies and you can tell everything to each other (the feeling, you don't have to do it neccesarily). And well that girl has to have a cool energy around her and a great personality.

I know this is a bit of a hard goal to achieve but I want to experience it, so I have enough motivation to keep me going

[mattsonn]

00melo00, you just need to get to the heart of the issue. And you also need to watch out, because if you are a guy and you act nice to everyone all the time, you WILL get used. Cross my heart hope to die on that one.

[00melo00]

Well that was the hearth of this issue, how to make relationships at school.

[Colm OReilly]

Now at least we're getting somewhere.

I also want to be the most social guy people will meet in their entire lives.

So what are the markers of this? How will you know when you've reached this? How will you feel? The more detail you can express it, i.e. the clearer this is, the less you need to waste your time on the how.

From another point of view, when they trained us as Life Coaches at ICA, a major thing that stood out for me is that you will never know the impact you had on your clients, so you should place faith in yourself that you do have a lasting positive impact on the people you meet.

I just want a cool relationship with a girl. Like the feeling your best buddies and you can tell everything to each other (the feeling, you don't have to do it neccesarily). And well that girl has to have a cool energy around her and a great personality.

So you want intimacy, yes? What are the other qualities you want in your relationship?

Now, ask yourself this: Are your actions currently aligned with those intentions?

Colm

[smallstar]

Cheers,

Whatever you do, just don't wait too long! If you want to become 'just friends' first, that's all you are ever going to get - most girls will lose their initial interest if you don't show some kind of affection right from the start.

Of course, this has to balance with school girls being rude and you risking public ridicule if you happen to show affection to the wrong girl - if you are sensitive about that, go straight for a 30-45 year old MILF (knows her own sexuality, no inhibitions, can teach you a lot of things, balanced, won't change her mind about you and dump you overnight, won't risk you public ridicule as you can always say you were walking with your 'aunt' )

-SS

[John Hill]

I just posted a article on my site "How to Pick Up Women" it has a number of suggestions on success with women.

The link is below.

John

[Akashic_Librarian]

Personally I think that if you want a girlfriend be yourself. Nothing more.

[00melo00]

Personally I think that if you want a girlfriend be yourself. Nothing more.

And what does being yourself mean then? I think it's good advice but the advice sucks when you don't define this. And I don't know what being myself is actually.

Because I know every human has every charactertrait in himself and that someone can 'change' (consciously and unconsciously) so when is that person him- or herself?

I used to thought (few years ago) that being yourself meant saying everything to someone. Now I know thats just not true, it wasn't myself it was me being emotional. I don't know who I really am, because I don't know how you can define a person, the only thing I know is what my believes, values and motivationdrives are, but I don't know what 'being myself' really is. Because those believes, values and motivationdrives can change, so being myself can be just the same as being everyone.

go straight for a 30-45 year old MILF

Yea in the clubs I talk to older women than 17. Mostly because there aren't people around my age and those women are interesting too. On the streets I tend to do both, but 30 - 45 thats a bit out of my limitrange.

So you want intimacy, yes? What are the other qualities you want in your relationship?

Now, ask yourself this: Are your actions currently aligned with those intentions?

I want so much qualities in a relationship that it would be a whole washlist to set them here. But they all come to a certain point that evolves around feeling good in each others company. And I actually don't know how to allign myself with those intentions thats why I went to the seductionforums anyways.

How will you know when you've reached this?

It's not a thing I want to reach, it's a road I want to walk. I think this isn't a goal you can reach it's a path you walk.

I just posted a article on my site "How to Pick Up Women" it has a number of suggestions on success with women.

Oké I'm reading it now.

There’s no need for a plan of attack

Hmm I agree, stuff like Mystery Method (I read it, pff) is for me not the way.

It’s a numbers game anyway, the more you practice the better you’ll do although I wouldn’t go into a nightclub or bar and start with the first girl you see and keep approaching every girl in there till you find one that is keen on you. The girls in there will quickly notice this and you will most likely crash and burn and you don’t want that.

This isn't totally true it depends on how much social you are, when I go in a nightclub I will talk to everyone, mostly I have this (subconscious) rule to talk to as many boys as girls. And I also introduce people to each other when I'm really social and having fun.

If you approach a single girl and she is not interested she will probably let you know almost immediately. Some people may advise you to persist anyway but you really need to assess the situation and decide if you want to play the hard to get game or perhaps all you may be doing by persisting is upsetting and annoying her so in most cases I’d say if you get a rejection early on, move on, she’s not the only fish in the sea.

What you can do is befriend her and see if she has interesting girlfriends Allthough I never gone far with this 1, but it's still something I will do when the situation is right.

I’d shoot for a good old fashion “Hi” with a big smile

Thats a cool one I use that too sometimes, but I mostly improvise. What also is a cool one is just being highenergy and high 5 her right at the beginning (club, obviously). I agree on your point of 'pickup lines' I think that that they need a lot of simplicity by the way.

It was a good read but I don't think it will help me at school, because most of the good things you said I'm already using

[ScottLee]

Alright, everyone needs to relax and give this guy what he wants to know.

I'm 18, and having just been through high school I know some things about high school girls, and this current generation that many of the people talking to you may or may not know.

First off, let me also say - you're right, girls are not objects, things to "get." But PLEASE, everybody let the terminology GO for a minute here. The only thing I see that has happened is people that have NO experience with real PUA concepts are telling this guy, "just be yourself," and "the girls will come naturally." Two items that are often horribly wrong without the right information to back them up, especially with high school aged, young, often immature, girls. Being a PUA is NOT about disrespecting women, self gain, or any of that negative stuff many of you are spouting out. I don't mean to sound so defensive, I just want to make my points clear.

Being a pick up artist, or PUA, is actually kind of a sour term to describe the concept as it stands in most places. A PUA is not just a guy who "picks up girls," or anything like that, there's an entire world to maintaining the relationship. Now am I going to say that all PUA's are great guys? Of course not. That would be like saying that all real, creative artists are good artists, that all doctors are good doctors. The whole thing would just sound a bit strange, and suspicious.

The ways to be yourself are by NOT shoving the things that make you YOU out the window. Never, ever give up your identity and who you are. If you must, exaggerate a tiny bit of what you are to get a girl to smile, but don't sit there and fake anything. Deception, lies, and trickery are not the answer. Here are a few points of advice from me:

1. Be Happy and Smile A Lot - if you are not happy, here is the brutal, cold truth: no girl is going to want to be with you. After all, would you want to be with a girl who was miserable? This is a common relationship concept. Smile! Smile a lot! Smiling is perhaps one of the most attractive things people do socially, because when another sees you smile, they often register that image with the association of their own smile, which in turn will make them feel happy too. Laughing is also contagious, but again - don't laugh at something you don't think is funny. Just be sure to let yourself laugh when it's appropriate.

2. Make every word that comes out of your mouth purposeful and meaningful - Everything you say should have a purpose behind it. Do not start saying things just to break a silence purely for the sake of breaking the silence. Do not say something just because you feel she's not paying enough attention to you and you want to chime in. Let things be, and find ways of tactfully speaking up when there is a reason to do so. In the case of seduction, the NLP patterns and language techniques give you ample opportunity to have a "strategic" conversation. These concepts not only apply to women, they apply to all aspects of your social life, and will even come in very handy for you in the business world.

3. Develop a nonverbal communication and sense of rapport before even speaking to her. Don't just go up the instant you see a girl - take a moment to study her movement. Match her breathing with your own. Take one of her mannerisms and adopt it as your own for a little bit. Play with this process, and see what works. What this does is builds an unconscious sense of commonality, and allows the conversation to flow both more comfortably, and with a higher level of initial attraction. The process is called "matching and mirroring," or sometimes just "mirroring." Give it a shot, but don't mimick - do not copy every tiny thing she does. Do not make it obvious.

4. If the girl does not show interest in getting to know new people, you move on instantly. This is not true at all with adult women, and the websites you will read on seduction do not take this antisocial, or socially retarded behavior into account. But this is something that with high school girls and even young college girls, you may encounter. Sometimes the most gorgeous girls you will ever meet are the ones that have had a close knit circle of friends that they NEVER leave for years - and you're not in it. If she gives you a look that is irritated or "who are YOU" type expression, just say, "Nice meeting you," and walk away. If you want, you can stay and try to recover, but I'll warn you right now, especially if she is around friends, they'll find a way to push you out quickly. It's a battle you likely can't win.

Most of the "popular" girls in high school are actually socially retarded. And I'm not kidding - they are literally socially retarded. You THINK they are "popular" because they're the ones that everyone knows about, but the reasons everyone knows about them may not be their nature. More likely, it's their looks, their actions at some party where they were acting stupid, their cruelty, or the guys they've dated. You can go after them if you like, but it's hit-or-miss. The girls that I would go after if I were you are the ones that are often very close to by themselves, or totally by themselves at lunch - they will be more open to you than most of the ones that are with their little clique of friends.

While I know your aim is not to be "cool," in the common high school sense of the word, I can tell you something else. Having a girlfriend, in the world of high school(I don't know why, don't ask), DOES increase your level of popularity. And you know what? It doesn't even matter who the girl is, most of the time.

5. Don't ever settle for anything less than everything you dream about. Don't date a girl who has a great personality, but you don't find attractive. And of course, don't go out with a gorgeous girl who you absolutely hate on the inside. Find the WONDERFUL girls and spend as much time pursuing them as you please. Maybe they're the ones with a great reputation, maybe they're not. But if you date a girl who is wonderful in your view, she's likely to be wonderful in the view of others and the view of your friends. Be the first to be with her, and be the first to talk to her.

When you are already in a relationship, do not compromise. When you're in a relationship, do not make her change anything, and do not let her make YOU change anything you don't want to about yourself. If she doesn't like the clothes you wear, but YOU do, don't let her take you to the mall and give you a make over.

This is a piece of what I can offer from my own experience to you. On my blog, starting February 5th(link is in sig), I'm writing an entire series on seduction and seduction relationship principles. Seduction done correctly is about enhancing your relationships, both romantic and platonic.

[Scipio]

Originally Posted by Stephen

You couldnt be more wrong.

A 'PUA' as you call it, is only concerned with their own gain, whilst anyone investing in PD is concerned not only about their own success but also the general well being of those whom they encounter.

I'm involved in PD for self-intersted reasons, and not for helping "those whom I encounter."

Being interested in one's own development does not mean being at odds with other people. You don't have to sacrifice others to do well in your own life. It is not an either-or proposition--rational people's interests do not clash.

[Scipio]

Originally Posted by 00melo00

Yo guys, being on the road of a PUA (allthough my goal isn't to lay 1000 chicks) and starting (more seriously) on the road of PD I find it quite cool to know that these roads are parallel...

I honestly wouldn't even ask here. Look at all of the garbage replies you've been getting. If you want to learn about getting good socially, and want to treat it like a skill you can grasp rather than something that should just mystically come to you (be yourself), then go to the sites which FOCUS on that! Themysterymethod has it's own forums, buy doubleyourdating and the MM e-book.

[JSampsoN82]

High school groups, or “cliques” can be hard to break into. Especially the groups that consider them selves “cool”. These “cool” kids tend to view themselves as the elite and shun those they consider beneath them or unworthy. If the girls/girl you are interested in are members of the cool clique, and you are not but want to socialize with them then you have to find an “in”.

Finding an in isn’t to difficult, you can try joining a sports team (Basket Ball, Foot Ball, Water Polo etc…) Being part of the team you will have many opportunities to socialize with and bond with individuals that would normalcy be unapproachable in the class room, hallway, lunchroom etc…

If sports aren’t your thing then look at other after school groups that are available, and join one of the more respected ones at your school, “yearbook, photography, marketing, band etc….

If your not interested in the offered extracurricular activities, find a go between. A go between is some one who’s not part of any one clique; they are part of many or all groups. Go betweens are much easier to approach. They tend to have a wide range of interests, (probably why they have such a wide range of friends) making friends with a go between (boy or girl) with similar interests will open you up to parties and gatherings that you normally wouldn’t be invited to. At first you will only attend with this person. Once your seen at these parties consistently and interact with as many people as you can you will start getting your own invites, by those hosting them.

Just keep in mind that those kids who think themselves “cool” aren’t any better then the people you’re hanging around with now. Many times they are more insecure and two faced (back stabbers) especially the girls.

Remember to be your self, it’s easy to spot some one trying to hard to act “cool”, and if they don’t like the real you then they ‘re not worth having as friends.

[Tsuyu]

I'm a sixteen-year-old high school girl, and I can tell you right off the bat that if you focus on following a set of guidelines and/or advice in order to "get" a girlfriend, it's not going to happen. Unless you do a REALLY good job of following those guidelines and make it seem totally natural, which I doubt you can since you wouldn't be asking for advice in the first place.

Someone said that you should just be yourself, and you asked, "How do you define being myself?" Being yourself means you choose not to limit and/or change your actions and simply act the way you naturally would. Being natural would definitely give you a sense of confidence because you wouldn't be worrying all the time about what others think.

But remember not to go overboard and become TOO confident. If there's one thing I really despise (and I know almost all my girlfriends would agree), it's that cocky attitude displayed by some of my male acquaintances who think that their huge, false egos are going to help them when it comes to pleasing girls.

[Erock]

Man seems like becoming a PUA has quite a negative reputation around here. I've always felt that as long as you are honest about your intentions, there are no moral qualms about it. There are some women who just want a physical relationship, and if you do too, you are certainly not taking advantage of her.

For me personally, I'm intoxicated by the feminine energy. It stimulates the very core of my body, and a few minutes of being around girls keeps me motivated for days. The only advice I can give you is that telling stories about your life is a much more exciting way to talk to girls then just asking questions. Also, people build rapport by doing things together, not just talking. For example, I'm sure you have some guy friends that you only talk to in a certain class, and when you see them somewhere else-no surprise-you talk about class. It's the same with girls. If you can find an activity to do together, you will have something to talk about by default-the activity.

Good luck
Erock

[andrew]

Again, if "being yourself" isn't working, you need to change. Don't change for somebody else, change yourself to be a better you.

If somebody is doing poorly with something, you don't say "keep what you're doing". It's almost the definition of insanity.

What people MEAN when they say 'be yourself' is to not put on a show, do things that are not congruent with you, don't lie, don't try and impress them, etc. And it's usually the only advice they know.

If becoming more successful at dating isn't personal development, then I don't know what is. Oh, and whoever talks about PUA being selfish is ignorant. You don't think all the girls that the guy dates aren't enoying it either? The better the man is at it (dating), the happier women will be.

Oh and can we stop being so PC? We've all said "I wish I had a bf/gf" or the sorts. I understand your point of view, but take it easy on the guy.

[Colm OReilly]

The reason why "be yourself" seems so sucky advice is that it forces you to answer the question: well, who am I? And that's tough!

You need to respect yourself, and accept yourself primarily. There's a large amount of self knowledge required to do both.

But remember not to go overboard and become TOO confident. If there's one thing I really despise (and I know almost all my girlfriends would agree), it's that cocky attitude displayed by some of my male acquaintances who think that their huge, false egos are going to help them when it comes to pleasing girls.

Cockiness and Arrogance aren't an abundance of confidence, indeed they're probably the opposite in 99% of cases. I do understand what you mean about arrogance being unattractive.

Lots of love,
Colm