Pet Peeve

[Brien]

I have a horrible pet peeve. I cannot stand the sound of people eating. I especially hate avoidable eating sounds caused by chewing with mouth open, lip smacking or slurping. I dont even know what is so irritating about it, but once I notice it, I can't stop thinking about it until it stops or I go away.

I only started having this problem when I moved out of my parents' house (5 years ago). I live with one of my best friends but I simply can't be around him when he eats. It is so bad I almost hate him in the moment. I also had a similar problem with my now ex-girlfriend. It makes me feel crazy.

Indeed, I know the problem is with me and not anyone else. But even though I can admit that, I have times when I justify it, I think that in my house we knew basic table manners and ate quiety, that in Spain people have enough respect to eat properly infront eachother, etc etc. All excuses that make my peeve the fault of those around me/the society I live in now.

So I've tried thinking differently about it, I've tried NOT thinking about it (heh), I've tried becoming a noisy eater myself (seems impossible). I need a new approach to getting over this stupid peeve. And you guys seem to be really good at coming up with new and intelligent solutions.

[MGJ]

wow... I know you hate it, but that's a fascinating pet peeve... never heard of one like that. Only thing I can suggest is get at the root cause of your pet peeve. The only way I know to do that is to ask yourself some questions... something along the lines of:

why do I hate noisy eaters.... because it's rude and disrespectful.
why is it rude and disrespectful... because it shows a lack of respect.
why are they showing me a lack of respect?.... because I don't feel respected.
why don't I feel respected....

.... and so on and so on.... it's a way to peel the onion. The above is just an example to get your started, and may not be a fit for you, but IMHO... if you get to the root cause, you can focus on changing the issue for the better. Kind of helps to get the rudder in the water for some direction. I don't think it has anything to do with the eating itself... it's probably just a sign of something deeper you've internalized.... Good luck, I'll make sure to keep my chewing to a minimum. :-)

[C33]

Or so my parental conditioning has told me.

To tell you the truth, I don t think this particular pet peeve is bizarre.

I have been raised in a family that was very strict about table manners and I can t stand people making noise while they eat either. It shows disrespect or a lack of education...IMOH

Of course, it is quite difficult to tell people to become aware of their rude ways. Maybe you should eat with headphones on! Just kidding!

Or tell your guests and friends that you have heard that the best way to digest your food is to chew your food carefully with one's mouth closed, so as not to let the air in...


Maybe some music in the background will provide a soothing sound to concentrate on...

[Erki]

Yes, there's nothing weird in not liking someone eating loudly. It sometimes gets really on my neves when my sister chews her chewing gum so loudly it could wake up a bear (and that bear is not me.)

[Lallymac]

My son (21) was complaining about the same thing and hates eating in front of other people. He can't stand his younger sister in the kitchen when he's preparing food either. He started a new job late last year that requires him to attend business lunches and his girlfriend has taken to inviting him to dinner with her parents. I've noticed he's got a bit more comfortable at the dinner table and doesn't grab his plate and race to room when a car comes up the driveway. I wondered if it was developmental thing. A new level of awareness of self and others as the self obsessed teen makes the transition into adulthood. Just a thought.
Lallymac

[Brien]

Thanks for your replies. I know that in comparison to many of the problems on this board that this seems trivial. That's probably the most important thing I about posting this. Next time I start to go a little crazy over this, I just have to remember that there are a lot of real problems I could be thinking about.

[KeithHandy]

As for that one you said about "trying to be a noisy eater", how about this variation: realize that you have some habit that you're not aware of that infuriates someone else. It may be completely unrelated to eating -- it may be dragging your feet, sniffing, clearing your throat, cracking your knuckles, playing with your car keys, or compulsively drumming rhythms on tables and countertops with your fingers. Then you can do one of two things: focus on improving that habit (and let the noisy eaters be a reminder, which you can then feel gratitude for), or focus on being more forgiving of the noisy eaters, because you now see a bit of yourself in them. Or, ideally, both.

Ultimately, your main objective is to forgive, so start with empathy.

[Angela]

...or try Eckhart Tolle's technique of becoming transparent to it. That worked for me with those darn Saturday morning leaf blowers.

[Fortune]

Or go live in China for a while.