Social Anxiety with people my own age

[shasah]

Haven't seen anything on this yet, but I'm sure it's here somewhere. I'm recently divorced and having to make all new friends. During my marriage, I paid attention almost exclusively to my family and didn't make any friends. Now that my kids are grown and I left my husband, I'm starting all over. My problem is that I have no problem talking to people more than 8 years my junior or 8 years my senior but those that are within that 16 year range of my age seem to cause me to be tongue tied. It's like I worry too much about what they think of me and can't seem to get out of the habit. I am trying to recognize the thought pattern when it happens, but am only in the beginning stages. Any advice?

[shasah]

24 hours and no comments? Are you all my age? First post not too successful at the moment. Oh well, try, try again. Have a good one!

[Stevie B]

Originally Posted by shasah

I am trying to recognize the thought pattern when it happens, but am only in the beginning stages. Any advice?

What is the difference in thoughts with people who make you tongue tied and your family?

Stevie B.

[shasah]

Mostly familiarity and I know that my family likes me. It takes me time to let my humor show with most people. I tend to have a sarcastic streak and my family understands that I am being funny but with most other people I cannot be my honest self because they'd think I was rude when I'm actually trying to be funny. Therefore I tend to hide the fact that I can be witty because I don't want them to take it the wrong way.

With younger and older people, for some reason they seem to get my sense of humor or I'm just more willing to show it with them.

BTW, thanks for not leaving me out here all alone It is appreciated.

[Gerto]

(Don't have much to say, but I see you haven't received many replies yet, so I'll try )

Seems to me like after all these years in a relatively "comfortable" situation (family, kids, always some people you know around you), you just need some practice again

Do you have any hobbies where you can meet new people? Maybe it's best not to worry about age too much, if you can become friends with someone who is 8 years younger / older, that's a great start again.

Maybe for talking to people of your age again: Do you have any good friends who you haven't seen in a long time? Maybe it could be nice to call them and ask to have a drink together. Since you already know them, it shouldn't be too hard

Keep on practicing, even if it's frustrating right now!

[shasah]

Do you have any hobbies where you can meet new people? Maybe it's best not to worry about age too much, if you can become friends with someone who is 8 years younger / older, that's a great start again.

I go to the gym 6 days a week and have started volunteering my time so that I can meet more people. I guess it's just slower than I thought it would be.

Maybe for talking to people of your age again: Do you have any good friends who you haven't seen in a long time? Maybe it could be nice to call them and ask to have a drink together. Since you already know them, it shouldn't be too hard

I've been in touch with old friends but I live far away from mosst of them. I am going to see one next month so maybe that'll help.

Thanks for the input!!

[Stevie B]

[QUOTE=shasah;367852]Mostly familiarity and I know that my family likes me. It takes me time to let my humor show with most people. I tend to have a sarcastic streak and my family understands that I am being funny but with most other people I cannot be my honest self because they'd think I was rude when I'm actually trying to be funny. Therefore I tend to hide the fact that I can be witty because I don't want them to take it the wrong way. [/quoute]

How do you know your humour is sarcastic and other won't like it? Like all comedians, some people laugh at your jokes and some people don't. Consider it a part of being funny.

If you think it is funny, go with it.

Stevie B.

[shasah]

When I've done that in the past, it either goes right over their head or they look at me like I've insulted them. I learned to keep my humor to myself until someone knows me better or give them fair warning.

Just to update, today I volunteered to help out at a national sporting event. It forced me to talk to people, whether my age or not, and it actually helped quite a bit. People were really nice and I ran into people I have seen in 5-15 years. I've always been one to at least attempt to face my fears and until I recognized this as a fear, I didn't do anything about it. I am going again tomorrow and am actually looking forward to it.