Having trouble getting over my Ex Fiancee

[GUINNIE16]

We was together over 2 years and broke up with me out the blue without any warning for “Space”. ( He dumped me 2 days b4 i was due to get some medical results) When he finished it he was crying and kept saying sorry. I didnt chase him , contact him or anything.

I bumped into him 3 months after the break up and he started crying outside his work, worse than what he did when we split up. He said he respects me so much for giving him his space, he wanted space but not this much. We arranged to meet up and talk and he text me 2days saying he cant meet his head isnt clear and doesnt know what he wants. i text back i understand look afer yourself.

Fast forward 8 months i bump into him in a club , as soon as he saw me he hugged me tight , asked if i was ok, i said yes have had a few problems but all ok. He managed to get my problems out of me, and said why are the doctors so slow u been ill for 3 years whats wrong with them. i said i dont know, dont care now at least im getting myself sorted, im on the waiting list for a operation so its a start! He spent the he spent the whole night with me chatting to me talking about what we been up to how i am etc. i said i better go and see my mates and ill come back in a bit.i went out to the smoking area with my fieneds he was out there talking about me with his work mates, they asked him how long we was together he said 2 years his mate said shes beautiful, he then said there is nothing there now. i turned round and he walked off that hurt

Later on we was talking again he said he still thinks of me everyday, thinks of me when he hears songs, remembers when everyones birthday is close to me and thinks of me and them on that day. he missed me on his birthday when it was 3 weeks ago. When he sees a car the same as mine he automatically thinks it me. (he kept saying its all good all good afterwards) and he said at the time i thought it was for the best. i offered him a lift home and he accepted. when we got outside his house i suggested we should meet for lunch he accepted again i asked him if he still had my number he does - all my numbers, mum dads nan uncles sisters, any number where i may be he has still got in his phone. - he checked that the numbers was still correct and i gave him my new mobile number.

he asked me if i still sleep all huddled up and if i still nick the covers i said yes, he said ah like sleeping beauty

he admits that he still has all my stuff i have given him, and always think of me. and when he is out somewhere he think i will be he looks for me and everywhere he goes the memory is there and any small blonde he thinks is me when we said goodbye he hugged me so tight and held me hands then hugged me again.

Throughtout the evening when i said i was going home he would hug me tight, but i never left i ended up chatting some more.

6 Weeks on, i bump into him again out side his work, and he starts getting emotional, asking me how i am i said not to bad, i got my date for the operation and that is xmas eve, i said to him again about lunch he said yes ok will do. When i said bye he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight again, and said i always think of u, and will be thinking of u more than ever on xmas eve good luck. then he walked off.

He has since bumped into my best mate in a social club asked how i was etc, he asked him why he hasnt been in touch he couldnt answer the question. He asked how my operation went, he told him That i just had it and didnt have it over xmas as was ill but im doing ok. He said she is such a amazing girl, this is the hardest thing i have ever done. He had tears in his eyes went out for a cigarette for a long time then left.

I saw him when i was driving down the Road, he was staring at the car as soon as i got in line with him he waved then watched me drive on ( i would of stopped but had cars behind me )

Obviously there are feelings there still, i dont understand why he hasnt been in touch, when he said he would for lunch, but its driving me mad!What shall i say to him if i was to c him again?

He has nooone else, and there never has been anyone else. But i dont understand how over a year on he still thinks of me everyday gets emotional everytime he sees me yet wont do anything about it. I was his first Love, he is a 26 yr old man, not a kid. I wont contact him as he walked away he wanted space and respects me for giving it to him, i have offered the lunch, so its up to him. But how can i move on, with him still being like this i cant ignore him when i c him i dont have the heart to.

Its now 16 Months on, i think of him everyday - Dont know if this is normal or not. Never been thru this b4. I Know i need to move on, but i dont know how to take him the way he is. and at the mo if he wanted me back i would go.

[Daffy Duck]

He sounds like he has some serious issues. But that's for him to take care of.

How about you? Are you over him? Do you have any desire for a relationship with him? Do you only talk to him out of pity or guilt?

[GUINNIE16]

Im not over him, i think of him everyday. Even today we drove past each other in the car and my heart went.

I have no guilt over this break up with him, he is the one that finished it with me, the one that broke of with me when i needed him. but for some reason i cant hate him and cant move on.

[Stevie B]

Originally Posted by GUINNIE16

Its now 16 Months on, i think of him everyday - Dont know if this is normal or not. Never been thru this b4. I Know i need to move on, but i dont know how to take him the way he is. and at the mo if he wanted me back i would go.

It sounds like you need an answer before you move on. You need some resolution on why this is not working, so I personally suggest asking him. If it is positive or negative, you have an answer. This way you know what the next step is.

Remember that it sounds like you love him and he has feelings for you back, so go with those feelings. But you need to respect the fact that he may want to move on. Remember that there are two people's feeling at work here.

Stevie B.

[GUINNIE16]

i really dont know what he feels now, the last time i spoke to him was in December and he got all emotional. Before that that was october and thats when he said he thinks of me, looks for me etc etc. March time he just stared at the car.

is it possible all what he had would just dissapear that quickly?

[Stevie B]

Originally Posted by GUINNIE16

is it possible all what he had would just dissapear that quickly?

You need to answer these questions. If you haven't seen him since December, you may want to reconsider talking to him. In fact, you may want to look around and find someone like him to occupy your mind.

Stevie B

[GUINNIE16]

i have been looking, but never have any luck. i never seem to attract anyone . all my exs i have met is thru work or friends.

i have had longer relationships then this one, and got over it quick. i thought this one he was the one. he said the same.

i guess really i have had no closure, no answers from him just what he thinks and his tears.

since the split we have never kept in touch and only talked when we bump into each other.

[aggie]

unfortunately, unless you get back together even if you two stop bumping into each other or asking other people about each other...you still may not get real closure. you are both pretty young yet...but i have found some guys even when older...if they have unresolved issues of any kind about relationships...it can be difficult. i do not think it is fair to treat someone like a yoyo...i was treated that way for a while in one relationship and as tough as it was...i finally was able to move on...it was not easy, especially since he tried to get back with me for years, even after i married. something is always going to trigger a memory, a good one or a painful one, or a bittersweet one...sometimes we are not entitled to the total closure we would like...we have to take what we get...this has to be especially difficult for you since you have hangouts and acquaintances in common. maybe you need some real physical distance between you for a while so you can both sort out your feelings.

[GUINNIE16]

he has said to me i have done nothing wrong it is him, his head isnt clear. I Just dont understand as him the dumper he had so much there for me when i spoke to him properly last and still gets emtotional

i have asked him to meet up he says yes then never follows thru. when i am mentioned by other people he cant handle it. nor can he when he last saw me.

strange for a dumper.

i just feel crazy 16 months on and still think of him everyday

[spirit4711]

It sounds to me like he's using you for a doormat.

Crying isn't so difficult, you know. He's keeping you on a string. And you let him. What's in it for you?

[aggie]

yep, users like that always present this tortured...i don't want to hurt you (but i will)....i wan't to have you in my life (but i will push you away)....i can't give you what you need (but i'll take whatever you've got, as long as you are willing to give) etc, etc...you need to believe you deserve AND can get better than that from someone else!

[GUINNIE16]

If he was keeping me on a string, y would a man get emotional in front of anohter man once my name was mentioned?

[aggie]

he can keep you on a string and still react (or act) emotionally....a therapist might tell you he really does have feelings for you...but emotionally he could still be very immature and if he is confused or afraid of committment...he can still want to keep you around in his life in some capacity...the question is can you endure the way he is doing it.....which is on HIS comfort level...

[freddy]

There is plenty of fish in the sea. Stop running into this guy and move on. Give the gift of missing you. Don't answer questions about yourself to him or ask about him. MOVE ON. As others have posted this guy is playing with your emotions and will continue. Sounds like this guy is sharping his skills possibly as a future woman abuser. You deserve much much better than that. You are still young, and trust me, there are much better men than what you think your losing with this guy. You should drop to your knees, and thank GOD for having this guy dump you. See it for the blessing it really is. Don't set yourself up as the break-up being your fault. Your young your beuitiful , Don't let this continue consuming your every thought. The sooner you find another man who loves you the better. A year and a half is way to long to wait for this guy to come back around. I mean come-on.
Go out get your self a new outfit, a new hair style ,and get a little crazy. Break out of the fog you have been living in. NOT easy but you'll thank me later. Many blessing to you.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by GUINNIE16

If he was keeping me on a string, y would a man get emotional in front of anohter man once my name was mentioned?

So what? Face the facts. He ended the relationship, and doesn't want you back. Otherwise he'd act differently. The guy keeps you on a string by his drama. You probably like the idea of being missed by him, but hey, he doesn't really. Otherwise he'd be with you...

What do you get out of this situation? And is that worth the pain?