My sister gets on my nerves

[hawkal]

I don't know if this will help but she is an Aries and I am a Scorpio.

I try to get a long with her. I am nice, generous and try to ignore her annoying personality. She is a control freak and as soon as I do something wrong regardless of how petty she insists on badgering me about it.

She seems to forget all the things I do for her and as soon as I ask of something from her she acts like I don't do anything for her. She seems totally ungrateful.

The thing is that sometimes we get along pretty well and everything is good but every once in a while she just has to annoy me. It's as if she feels she is superior to me. If I called her mum it wouldn't be out of place because it's like the "controlling" role she is trying to assume.

A lot of the time I just try to forget about it and get a long with her best I can. I had hoped that she would have learned by now but she is still the same as when we were younger and we used to fight sometimes (between 6 to 14 years old) usually because she would get me so angry that I just wanted to hit her.

Now sometimes I just feel like leaving (after I've done my training course) so that she is out of my life but this would really mess things up for my sister and her boyfriend because we have split the rent 3 ways and while I think they could afford to pay the rent on their own they would be skint and I get on with her boyfriend quite well.

I can see it in her body language and facial expression it's like she thinks very little of me and doesn't believe I should be treated as an equal.

What should I do?

[StacyT]

If you and your sister keep butting heads, I would say just get on with your own life elsewhere. You don't have to break ties with her, but living with her on a day-to-day basis is probably something you want to put an end to.

Just let your sister and her boyfriend know that you need to be on your own. I wouldn't worry about the money, everyone will find their own way - they always do.

[drakecatz]

You're probably better off finding a new place to live. While the combination of Aires Scorpio isn't the worst, you have to remember Aires is the infant. They want what they want when they want it, and all social proprities go out the window. Aires is a cardinal sigh of leadership. They can be very bossy and also throw childlike tantrums! I don't see how baby brother would stand a chance.

If you decide to stay, Aries are wonderful people to those who adore them. Suckers for praise and compliments. You could try winning her over that way....

p.s. The love of my life is a Aries. It worked because I did adore him. I'm also a Sag, so we were both fire signs.

[Roseblue]

It’s hard having a lodger living with you. I have had my share of lodgers over the years. We have had my sisters come to stay while they relocated and hubbies brother and mates came to stay while they found work. I don’t think it matters how much you love them or care for them it still feels like an intrusion. Your sister and her boyfriend would probably like to have the place to themselves and the fact that they can’t afford to do that must be quite frustrating for her. It might help to let her know that you understand.

[ns123]

Wow, what you said could be said of me and my younger brother. So I'll tell you from a "sister's point of view."

In the past, definitely, I have controlled, manipulated, and dominated my younger brother. I have often forced him into doing things he doesn't want, such as chores, homework, housework - and if he didn't do them right he would do them again. I was domineering and a real brow beater. He used to call me a drill sargent and I would take pride in that.

But that was when he was younger than 18. Not yet a man, not yet a responsible person. Now, he is a responsible, independent, self sufficient man at 25. So I don't brow beat him any more. I don't make him do things over any more - unless it's really horrible, which some times, he still does. (Like dishes are not clean when he does them, then he has to clean them again)

So... the feeling that you are inferior could be left over from your childhood relationship with her. Because she treated you that way... you think she still treats you that way. I can say for a fact I treat my brother different now than when we were kids. Mainly because he has grown up and so have I.

Do I still judge him? Of course! I CARE about him, greatly, probably as much as my own children. I want the best for him, even though my best is not his idea of best. I try to put that in perspective and some days, I'm more successful at that than others.

Why do I annoy my brother? I'm sure I still annoy him. He still annoys me. But it's cuz we are siblings - we don't do it on purpose. We know how to activate each other... and some times we do it without knowing it.

I'm just saying, it's more helpful to dump the past relationship and examine if you still have the same relationship now. I know I've had this conversation with my brother too - I told him, Dude, I haven't told you what to do for like 4 years now. When was the last time I controlled or dominated you? And of course... he points to a time when he was like, 16 years old. So maybe your relationship is not as bad as you think, maybe it's better, but you still see your relationship as your 16 year old self.

Another thing is, the annoyance could stem from you guys living together. It could be you are not compatible to dwell together. So see if you can move out. Your sister will not drown. It's not up to you to save her from debt. So move out.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by hawkal

I had hoped that she would have learned by now but she is still the same...she thinks very little of me

This is why you have no power in this situation. It's because you are giving all your power to your sister.

If you want to make a difference, cut it out!

You can hope and pray and fret and whine and wish and wonder and be annoyed from here till Tuesday, and the power you have to make a positive difference is zero.

And if you want to make a positive difference, if you'd like to have a great relationship with your sister AND a wonderful living situation, it's time to move your perspective to one of 100% responsibility.

All of the choices you've made, both consciously and unconsciously, have you where you are here now. And now you have the opportunity to make new choices, regardless of what she says, thinks, or does!

I strongly recommend doing The Work (Byron Katie) on your OP -- your first post in this thread contains a wealth of material that will give you tremendous insight on what you've been doing, and how you can generate Real Power in the matter, and be free of feeling annoyed or conflicted.

And I suspect it may give you some power in other areas of your life, as well.

Good luck!

[puresoul]

if things stayed this way for a long time.. then i think u should jus leave, no one deserves to be treated any less than the other, but i think u should talk to her abt it first and if things stayed the same...threathen to leave and do it! goodluck