What is your take on first impressions?

[TaylorLord]

I would like some of your advice on this subject of first impressions. What is your take on first impressions? Do you think you can really know someone from a first impression or do you think they are faulty and unreliable?

If you would like to know my take on this subject, I wrote an article here called "Is your first impression leading you or misleading you?"

Thanks and I cant wait to see what you have to say!

[drakecatz]

When I was 11 my family moved to a new town. The first day of school I noticed a girl I knew I didn't like. I felt this way everytime I saw her, then one day we had to play against eachother in the tetherball. It was the first time we spoke.

After that she became my bestfriend for the next 6 years till we graudated from high school and moved in different directions. We shared everything as young girls do.

As a child my first impression was dislike, but I had noticed her right away. Once we spoke we were inseparatable.

As an adult this experience comes to mind often when I meet new people. Listening to what people have to say is the most important of the first impressions. How they hold themselves, speak, all play in attraction.

I think as adults we intuit with less openess, but more awareness. I tend to trust my first impressions. Usually they are correct.

[this is fun]

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

What is your take on first impressions? Do you think you can really know someone from a first impression or do you think they are faulty and unreliable?

I try not to let my first impression of someone be the final impression of them. I guess as you grow older you're much more able to read, or pick up some signs and signals, and you get that gut feeling about someone, or you may call it intuition. I'd say most of the time I'm right, but I always leave the door open..so to speak...maybe they' re having just a bad day, and on some other occasion you might be pleasantly surprised.

[TaylorLord]

I try not to let my first impression of someone be the final impression of them. I guess as you grow older you're much more able to read, or pick up some signs and signals, and you get that gut feeling about someone, or you may call it intuition. I'd say most of the time I'm right, but I always leave the door open..so to speak...maybe they' re having just a bad day, and on some other occasion you might be pleasantly surprised.

That's true good point this is fun, there could be a lot of variables that could potentially alter a first impression.

I believe that when you make your first impressions you should work from your strengths and not focusing on pretending to be something your not. What do you think?

[Daffy Duck]

My first impressions of people are usually pretty accurate, but I know not to trust a first impression 100%.

[this is fun]

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

I believe that when you make your first impressions you should work from your strengths and not focusing on pretending to be something your not. What do you think?

Well, in general I agree with you, but I think there are so many variables and situations that it's difficult, for me at least, to give a precise formula that works in every situation.
If you meet someone socially, like a friend of a friend, then I'd say don't pretend to be someone else. Work from your strengths.

But when it comes to job interviews, dating...it's tricky. The more you want something/someone the more pressure you feel to make a good impression.

And then again, where do you draw the line? Is all ''pretending' bad? Let's say you ask me 'How are you?'', and although I maybe feel like crap, tired etc,but don't want to go into it, I'd say I'm very well, thanks'. Is that pretending?
Is it so bad to say you're a team player (in a job interview ) and you're not (and you need job),or say you like some movie (on a date) just because the other person likes it too, etc.

Of course, I'm not talking here about extreme situations where people say a flat-out lie.

But, I'd agree, being yourself for the most part is the best way to go.

[TaylorLord]

This is fun, good thoughts! I'm not really sure either. I'm kinda in between.

It just seems odd to me that we feel that we have to do this pretending constantly. What would a world be if we were completely are self all the time? Would everyone be dead haha? I think it would be a really honest world at least.

I know that in a dating situation, if you are purely in chase mode your going to do things and pretend quite a bit because you want to get the girl/guy. But I think this is kinda dangerous because the person sees you being a certain way that night but then later down the road after you got him/her, you become a whole different person. Its a false advertisement and a waste of time for both parties. I feel that a relationship built on lies is one that is going to fail because it lacks substance and foundation.


In a job interview situation there is a lot of bullshitting going on. The interview, the look, the attitude etc. I say on a job interview, instead of working off of lies, work from your strengths. Do you have charm, a nice smile, a great laugh, professionalism? What ever your strengths are, they will help you stand out in a job interview.

Being yourself may not get you a girlfriend or job right away but it feels really really good to stay consistent with yourself. Having to manipulate yourself to each person in your day is a giant headache! Stay true to yourself and keep the friends in your life that like you, the one that you are, and not one that you have to pretend to be.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

I would like some of your advice on this subject of first impressions. What is your take on first impressions? Do you think you can really know someone from a first impression or do you think they are faulty and unreliable?

If you would like to know my take on this subject, I wrote an article here called "Is your first impression leading you or misleading you?"

Thanks and I cant wait to see what you have to say!

I have always been highly intuitive and relied on my first impression on people. I am right 99% of the time. My friends and colleagues call me the human scanner. I have done thousands of job interviews in the 27 years of my career and have a reputation of being right 100% of the time. I need 3 sentences and to see the body language for the first minute to know if the person is right for the position or not. The rest of it is just being polite.

This is something I was born with, a talent. The rest is just experience. So my answer would be I rely on it.

But the most interesting thing is that the love of my life was not at first sight. It was for him but not for me. My first impression was that he was nice and polite and very knowledgeable. The rest came later after the 3rd or even 4th glance.

[this is fun]

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

Being yourself may not get you a girlfriend or job right away but it feels really really good to stay consistent with yourself. Having to manipulate yourself to each person in your day is a giant headache!

It depends on how well you know yourself, how mature you are and whether or not you'll accept what follows. If you don't want to compromise yourself at all and you can afford to wait until the right job comes along, where they will accept you for who you are, then that's great.

As far as dating goes, in general I agree with you. But then again, it's such a sensitive area and even the smartest and most mature slip up at least once Here as well it depends on how well you know yourself, what you're looking for, whether you can be honest with yourself (admitting that someone does not reciprocate the feeling)..etc, etc

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

Stay true to yourself and keep the friends in your life that like you, the one that you are, and not one that you have to pretend to be

Right.

[Blueskied]

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

...or do you think they are faulty and unreliable?

Faulty and unreliable, yes.
At least mine.

[TaylorLord]

Marinik wow that is a nice talent to have! and what a sweet love story . I am glad someone with job hiring experience commented on this, it gives me a little hope, and im glad to know you don't just hire anyone, i'm glad to see you are going from your instincts and not the bull **** on the resume!

This is fun, you make some nice points about this. Its true some people don't have the time to wait for the right job because they have to make money to pay bills. So they might fake a little to get what they want or they may exaggerate themselves so what right?

[TaylorLord]

Blueskied haha I know what you mean.

I feel like my first impression may need to grow on people in order for people to understand the real me as well lol. At least we admit it.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by TaylorLord

Marinik wow that is a nice talent to have! and what a sweet love story . I am glad someone with job hiring experience commented on this, it gives me a little hope, and im glad to know you don't just hire anyone, i'm glad to see you are going from your instincts and not the bull **** on the resume!

This is fun, you make some nice points about this. Its true some people don't have the time to wait for the right job because they have to make money to pay bills. So they might fake a little to get what they want or they may exaggerate themselves so what right?

I have psychologist do 3 kinds of test before I do the interview so I do have something to go on. But it is what "shines" through what really matters. And yes you are right that people tend to try to sell themselves as more than they are... or just different. People have these stereotypes in their minds what does a good employee have to look like and act. But every position has it's needs and different requirements. Somewhere you need the quiet analytical type and on the other and assertive outgoing person...

If you have the "knack" for it ans some training the first impression is enough.

[Angela]

It depends on who I'm being.

When I'm very present, and especially if I've opened myself up in hakalau, I've found my first impressions to be 100% dependable. My thin-slicing, when I'm in that state, is impeccable.

And if my awareness is narrower, or sluggish, or if I'm being run by habitual negative thoughts, a "first impression" is going to be more like a "first projection." When I'm in a lower state, I can be pretty sure that whatever I see in that other person is going to be an image in a mirror, and it will only mean something about me. For me to be effective in relationship with the person, there's nothing for that person to do, only something for me to let go of or to generate.

[TaylorLord]

Very true Marinik I agree with you, I like the example of "shining" very inspirational

Angela I think someone has been reading "blink"! Am I right!? Such an eye opening book! I loved it. You do open up another can of worms. Depending on what kind of mood or awareness you are in will infact effect how your first impression can be, if you let it. I know that this can be covered up but im sure there is some subtle mirco expressions you could pick up on if you were a pro.

[aggie]

enjoyed the article. as far as the 'BAD' for a job interview...yes if you go in dressing talking and acting like you do every day as you really are ...you may not get a prime job, but be true to yourself....i personally think we can conform a little, that it is even necessary to survive at some jobs and social circles...but i think you can do that without sacrificing your psyche!...dating...being a little on with new people is almost a given...if you don't get physical too fast, i think a lot of communication and honest can reveal a lot as time goes on...sometimes we are not even sure what we want and people can change in a short period of time...so you kind of have to go with it. in other general first meetings...i can sometimes make a quick study of it...it is probably just intuitive...sometimes it is very obvious...someone either won't look me in the eyes, or if they do look away quickly...but after giving people the benefit of the doubt many times, i have been burned...so now little flags go up and i am usually right, even if i allow it more of a chance to play out. i have actually had people say to someone else that they can tell i don't like them...which is not exactly true, i just sense something that keeps me distant...but i always try to be gracious and polite. those people that think that, have always had something to hide. physical appearance, dress, those outward things i never judge on. people have always commented that i get on with the quirkier people in life...so i am open! on a light note i once had a psychiatrist tell me never to trust anybody! i thought that was hysterical...maybe you had to be there

[AuzziePrincess007]

I agree with 'taylorlord' thats an amazing talent to have!

[Eric Roosevelt]

I've heard a lot of times that most people form a solid impression of you within the first few seconds of meeting you. That may be true, but to be honest I think the value of first impressions is sometimes overestimated.

There are lots of things about a person that you can pick up from a first impression, such as the mood that the person just happened to be in at that moment, subtle mannerisms or just physical apperances that seem relevant at first, but don't really have much significance in the longer term. After a few long conversations with someone I may be able to form some type of useful impression.

However, I'm sure there are people who have much better intuitive skills than me.

[this is fun]

Today I heard an interesting story so it made me think of this thread. And here's a question: do you know what kind of first impression you make on others? And are you sometimes surprised when after a longer time someone tells you ''oh, when I first met you I thought you were....'' and you think ''what on earth gave you that idea?

[aggie]

i found out that shyness and even sometimes at work, professionalism....the first impression of me was that people thought i was a ♥♥♥♥♥

[marinik]

People apart from being talented, I call it the primal instinct and not talent, I had very serious training. If you like you can learn a lot from a guy called Paul Ekman.He has 2 DVDs (Subtle Expressions Training Tool, Micro Expressions Training Tool) that help you learn to spot basic feelings people hide very quickly. I used this to train rookies in HR.

[puresoul]

first impressions... well, i try not to judge on first impressions but sometimes i cant help it, u know there are those types of people u know u can never get along with from the 1st time u meet them? and in the end it turns out to be quite true, im not saying these feelings are always accurate i mean when i ws in school i used to judge a lot frm first impressions n some of the ppl i judged r my bestfriends now.. its amazing how it all works

[TaylorLord]

Im glad you enjoyed the article aggie!

In my experience first impressions arn't as valuable as a longterm impression thats for sure. I know that I have had some funny first impression stories, In fact some of my now best friends have told me that before they knew me, they thought I was cocky and concieted. So yes lol 'This Is Fun' i know what you mean, its quite hilarious how people percieve you before before even opening your mouth. Its really cool to have a close friendship or a relationship with someone you can be honest and tell them you thought they were an airhead etc. Its all laughable

I bet if we all shot a video of a day we would learn alot of subtle goofs while making first impressions or even with people we already know. I think that would be a huge learning experience for everyone!

In first impressions, say meeting new people at work we tend to pull our "vacation attitude". This attitude is the carefree enthusiastic valley girl type of tone, where someone would probably gag in their mouth if they overheard you talking . Then once we know that we are going to see them everyday we treat them with our "monday morning cranky I need coffee attitude" which isn't as enthusiastic but also more real .

[aggie]

so true

[LifeFirst]

Placing importance on first impressions are just dumb in my opinion. You can't possibly know someone by just talking to them for those 20 minutes. Why would you want to judge people right after you meet them is beyond me.

But then again, why would you care what someone's personality is.....at all (unless of course you're considering if you want to date them or not)???

[aggie]

of course you can't know everything about everyone in 20 minutes....but there are some things that can be discerned and that some people give away in that short period of time....and not that every meeting is a potential dating situation(obviously)....perhaps is the first impression is that strong one way or anothter, perhaps that is not such a bad thing for both parties....can lead to something great or avoid a disaster....

[brendannz]

It may be a bad idea to base someone entirely on a first impression, but I think unconsciously everybody makes assessments on people based on first impression.. Like, how could we not?

You only get one opportunity to make a good first impression too, so start impressing!

[TaylorLord]

You only get one opportunity to make a good first impression too, so start impressing!

haha and on that note *stands up and gives a slow clap that gets louder and louder "good conversations yall wooooo!"*