Facebook

[Footballman]

Hopefully you are familiar with the format of such sites as Facebook, Myspace etc.

Over the past year I've met and become friends with a lot of people, who I sense are very judgemental. These are my 'friends' on facebook, but I also sense they are not beneficial people to have in my life...because they are very judgemental and have 'fixed' beliefs about me. For instance I play the guitar, and one of my friends said something along the lines of 'if you get good at it'(I can't remember the context), which is kind of implying I'm not good at it. Does this make sense?

Anyway, to be honest I don't want these people in my life, and maybe I should just delete them as 'friends' on facebook - but then that is also a 'mean' thing to do isn't it?!?

Any thoughts?

I am putting this on this forum because I think it is effecting my consciousness.

[Footballman]

Do you ever feel like deleting friends on facebook?
I have one or two friends who don't really know the real me. I sense that I cannot be myself when around these people...and I cannot post messages while they are friends..because I cannot 'be myself'. Do you guys get what I mean? Any thoughts would be welcomed. One of these 'friends' I lived with for three years as well.

Footballman.

[brendannz]

Well..

What do you gain from having them as friends? and what do you lose by deleting them?

I mean, you feel you can be yourself on facebook more if you delete them, but if you do delete them, you might upset them. It's up to you really what consequences are more important, but I'm imagining that it's more of a big deal than you make it out to be. But then how would I know.

Actually I could add, that I was partially offended when someone on my facebook Xed me. Although I honestly didn't really think he was that awesome, I just thought I was nice enough to him..

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Footballman

Hopefully you are familiar with the format of such sites as Facebook, Myspace etc.

Over the past year I've met and become friends with a lot of people, who I sense are very judgemental. These are my 'friends' on facebook, but I also sense they are not beneficial people to have in my life...because they are very judgemental and have 'fixed' beliefs about me. For instance I play the guitar, and one of my friends said something along the lines of 'if you get good at it'(I can't remember the context), which is kind of implying I'm not good at it. Does this make sense?

Anyway, to be honest I don't want these people in my life, and maybe I should just delete them as 'friends' on facebook - but then that is also a 'mean' thing to do isn't it?!?

Any thoughts?

I am putting this on this forum because I think it is effecting my consciousness.

The one who said "If you get good" implying that you are not good, might well have had no idea how insensitive they were being? does that make sense? Like they might not have any hobbies like playing the guitar, where their feelings could be hurt over judgement of your abilities.

It's possible you're being just as judgemental of them, as they are of you, (not saying you are)

[glitterygal]

Hey Footballman

I had something similar going on on my facebook page. I was friends with people that I felt I had to keep on my page (School friends I rarely heard from, friends who would then gossip about what I added) and wasn't sure what to do.

I dreaded putting updates/photos on my own page! After debating it for a while, I decided that I didn't want them being nosey or involved in my life anymore so I deleted them

No more negative people on my page lol! I now have about 1/3 of the friends I had previously but best move I made!

Highly recommend it lol

[wolfgang]

If you have a reaction to someone saying "if you get good at playing guitar", then there's an ego point flaring up in you that feels the need to defend yourself.

Take your reaction as a hint to see something about yourself and let them be free to be what ever they are. Eventually people saying stuff like that will not matter at all.

I still see my ego reactions from people saying what they say about me (good and bad) and am also working on letting them be how ever they are and not be reactive (good or bad). Usually they stop saying stuff like that when there's no reaction of yours running in defense or praising glorifications - but that might be hard to see with just facebook interactions and might be better to cut out continuously negative remarking type people in the facebook world.

[Holistic Star]

***threads merged due to duplicate content***

[Dreamline]

Facebook is showing it's lameness lately. Just about all of my friends are basically addicted to the annoying quizzes and other stupid apps. There are only one or two people that I can have just a decent conversation with.

The only thing it's worth, to me, is keeping up with who is still alive, since I live hundreds of miles from most of them, where they are, and major events in their lives.

Otherwise, it's a major time suck.

Jennifer

[Footballman]

I'll just add some of my own comments:

When this guy was implying I was no good at guitar..he had never heard me play before - the person was prejudiced in his comment. For some reason, when I meet people, or find out things about them, I never presume they aren't very good at what they do. So if anyone told me they were into horse riding or any other hobby I would expect them to be pretty good at it, and expect them to get better - maybe it's because I believe that we as humans are really capable of excelling at anything we want to.

Glittery Gal -
I completely understand what you mean. I once wrote something in the 'about me' section...it was a little rude..along the lines of 'sexed crazed maniac etc' - but I was only messing around - my real friends thought it was funny - they didn't take it too seriously. But this guy, was offended by my comments, and questioned me about it. Personally, even if I don't like what someone has written, I don't interrogate them about them, I just accept it, I accept them.

Brendan - Yeah good points, the person doesn't really have any major hobbies, but they have a few..were I to have said the same to them, they would have been very offended, or they would probably tell me how good they are.

Wolfgang, Yeah I might delete them at some point. But yea, I might cling to the ego too much, and I acknowledge I need to work on my own life a little.

Vader - Yeah I agree, I should turn my attention towards interacting with others who are less judgemental/more care free...people whose company I prefer. But that might be best achieved by deleting people like this from my friends list.

Jennifer - I deactivated my account last week to spend less time on it, only to reactivate again in less than two days..


Footballman.

[Indiana]

What's the worst thing that could happen if you were just yourself on your own Facebook page, regardless of the people you 'can't' be yourself around?

[Footballman]

Good point Indiana,

I don't know why it's a big deal...the worst that could happen...they don't like what I write...and want nothing more to do with me...which actually would be OK...it's what I want actually, I suppose I just don't want to offend others.

If I was just myself, others would have to get used to the new me(the real me), and take it or leave it.

Thing is..how important is social convention on Facebook? In everyday life I have always been super-well behaved. But some of my closer friends know I have another side to me, where I am outspoken and rude(not in a malicious way, just a playful way).

Hope this makes sense.

Thanks for your message Indiana, it's genuinely made me feel better about being myself more.

[xoxo]

yeah i understand what u mean completely, when facebook first came out i just added everyone regardless of screening which im sure most people did, but I had a lot of creeps, and had to change my email adress, Ive recently went through my facebook and deleted everyone who I did not know, or did not care about. I went from having a lot of friends last year and partying a lot, to have 3 friends lol REAL friends nonetheless and i feel more comfortable that way. As akward and sick as it is I had my exes on a limited profile on my facebook because I didnt want them to see I was in a new relationship with my now boyfriend on it because they would stop trying to message me, but ive gotten over that and given my facebook a great clean (:

Besdies Facebook is there for YOU, your not there for facebook lol. meaning, delete who you dont want on it, its your account!