Long Distance Relationship issues and loonnng story

[drakecatz]

Hi Magenta, James81 is a realist, but so am I, and I think thats why I always..(mostly,) value and agree his opinions in most posts.

Ended a "real" and upbeat, (as it is sooo true,) note!

And of course, not matter what, I am wishing for you to get all you want from this.

[magenta]

Originally Posted by James81

You know nothing of the sort. You have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring.

I would call a statement like that another clue that you're wrestling with the subconscious realizations that this might just be a pipe dream. Being sure of something that you can't possibly know is a good signal of that.

Not that I'd advise you walking away. I totally believe that you should wring every drop out of this relationship, enjoy it totally for all it's worth with no thought of what may or may not happen.

Dude, you obviously don't know us. We will NOT lose touch ever again. We both at least know that much. Now maybe there could come a time when we don't talk as often, like you said, we don't know what tomorrow will bring, but as long as both of us are still alive, we'll always keep in touch. And I'm not being a romantic about this part of the equation, it's simply a friendship thing.

Yes, and it very well could be a pipe dream. But that's okay. If it pans out as something more, then so be it. But again, if it doesn't, we do care about each other and what happens to each other. We both recognized this as a sort of miracle. Not a godly thing, but something that a lot of people just don't get to do. I now know where his family is (they live nearby me), so there's no way we'd lose touch again.

This is what I know for sure.

But thanks for trying to help me see what you see as my possible reality. I do consider all feedback, but I don't let it change me if my innards are telling me different.

Magenta

[magenta]

Originally Posted by Patriciatta

Yikes! Tough one - and boy can I empathize. 12 year marriage breaking down...reconnecting with my first love as things were on their way out (he called me out of the blue when in town). Like water in a desert - wanting to take big gulps! Thought it was destiny!

Well, if I could do it over again, I would have told him that we should wait until things were more stable for each of us. We needed to GET REAL.

It was as if we lived a fantasy relationship before either of us was available. Phone calls were necessary to keep the dream alive. Then they slowed down, the insecurities grew and I couldn't take not having my dream "fed." It wasn't real, we were technically still with other people (no excuses!). The craziness happened for about three months. I look back at myself and think OMG I was operating out of some heavy yearning for external happiness.

Though I could be wrong, I believe I had to heal my own wounds first, before being ready for him. I didn't want another codependent relationship, but I would have jumped right in to be with him because life felt complete with him as my mate - in my dreams at least! Thank God I woke up, so I could grow and become happy without anyone else first.

Surprisingly I had a chance four years later, and I spent a weekend with my first love and could finally see him as the wonderful person he was. We were both available. But he wasn't my destiny then - no sparks. And I was able to move on for good. I will always love him, but the man I married five years after my divorce is IT for me - the healthiest decision I could have made for myself.

However, I can't deny this may be it for you - he may be IT. And I wish you all the best.

Life's surprises will never cease to amaze me.

This sounds extremely similar to my story, Patriciatta! Trust me, I'm awake! If you had asked me that 2 months ago, I would've said No Way, but I DO think realistically, even if I balk at it initially.

I really got what you said about feeding the dream. That's it exactly. It's so nice to hear how almost the same thing happened to someone else. Helps to put things in perspective.

I do like to think positive, though. I'm not going all gaga over it, but I'm not allowing negative thoughts either. I'm being patient, but I'm also living my life. There for awhile I felt I was in emotional limbo, but my guy is very realistic and down to earth, and I, by contrast, tend to be a little on the impulsive side...okay a LOT on the impulsive side. LOL But I've floated back to earth off my cloud now, so I'm cool.

Yes, I hope hope hope this works out and I end up loving who he is now, but we'll see. We'll just let The Universe work it out. I'm not manipulating the situation and I'm not game playing either.

I DO love your story! You really can't say it didn't work out. It did, but in a different way than what you thought it might. Congrats to you!

Hugs,
Magenta

[James81]

Originally Posted by magenta

Dude, you obviously don't know us. We will NOT lose touch ever again. We both at least know that much. Now maybe there could come a time when we don't talk as often, like you said, we don't know what tomorrow will bring, but as long as both of us are still alive, we'll always keep in touch. And I'm not being a romantic about this part of the equation, it's simply a friendship thing.



Magenta

Ok, let me put it to you another way:

I have two kids--what i consider to be one of the strongest human relationship bonds there is. In that vein, I could sit here, just like you, based on how I "feel" about my relationship with my kids and try to say that I will always be in touch with them. And a huge, very deep part of me, prays to God that i will NEVER lose touch with them, no matter what may happen between us.

But....I don't KNOW that. Why? Because I cannot see into the future. I have absolutely no idea what the future will bring and how our relationship will evolve and develop. And no matter how much I strive and work towards keeping my relationship with my kids, I simply....don't....know.

And neither do you. You can pretend to know all you want, but if I am sitting here talking about what most people would consider to be a "surefire garauntee" relationship for the rest of my life and can see that I don't KNOW that, then there's no way in hell that you can KNOW that you are always going to be in contact with some guy who you had a puppy love crush on at 17 who has come back into your life and keeps feeding you excuses as to why you can't be together.

Not trying to rain on your parade here, I'm just saying that the more you delude yourself, the harder you can fall should what you "know" won't happen actually happens.

And again, as I said before, not knowing is not an excuse to protect yourself. By all means enjoy every minute of this.

But stop sitting here trying to say you know what the future holds when that's literally impossible.

[magenta]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

Ended a "real" and upbeat, (as it is sooo true,) note!

And of course, not matter what, I am wishing for you to get all you want from this.

I know you do.

I've always been a bit of a dreamer and always, for the most part, think positive. I did some soul searching recently and realized that when I decide I want something, I almost always get it. It doesn't always work out in the long term, but it always happens for me. After it happens, then I go with it until I realize it's not what I thought it was, or not for me, or whatever.

It's all good! And even when bad things happen, or things people may perceive as bad, it almost always has a good side somewhere. A lesson, an insight...something you can find that if that thing hadn't happened, you wouldn't have had.

Thanks, my friend!

Magenta

[magenta]

Originally Posted by James81

Ok, let me put it to you another way:

I have two kids--what i consider to be one of the strongest human relationship bonds there is. In that vein, I could sit here, just like you, based on how I "feel" about my relationship with my kids and try to say that I will always be in touch with them. And a huge, very deep part of me, prays to God that i will NEVER lose touch with them, no matter what may happen between us.

Okay, then, how about: As far as I know, we'll keep in touch. Fair?

And neither do you. You can pretend to know all you want, but if I am sitting here talking about what most people would consider to be a "surefire garauntee" relationship for the rest of my life and can see that I don't KNOW that, then there's no way in hell that you can KNOW that you are always going to be in contact with some guy who you had a puppy love crush on at 17 who has come back into your life and keeps feeding you excuses as to why you can't be together.

Excuses? Maybe. But his wife IS very sick and like I said, he doesn't want to look bad to his kids. Now he said this to me BEFORE he met me again, and at that time, he was gung ho on seeing me again. Which he did. He still calls, so that means SOMETHING, don't you think? If I didn't want someone that I know wants me, I sure as heck wouldn't be keeping in touch with them. I'd be unavailable as much as I could be. I rarely call him, he calls me. I don't want to play games, but I'm not chasing him either. If he wants any kind of relationship, whether it's romantic or friendship, I'm going to let happen what's gonna happen.

Not trying to rain on your parade here, I'm just saying that the more you delude yourself, the harder you can fall should what you "know" won't happen actually happens.

And again, as I said before, not knowing is not an excuse to protect yourself. By all means enjoy every minute of this.

I know you're not. And I AM protecting myself...just in case! But I'm going to continue thinking/feeling positive. It can't hurt.

But stop sitting here trying to say you know what the future holds when that's literally impossible.

I'm standing. (Really, I am. I'm at work at the counter on my laptop. LOL)

Magenta