How do you meet people?

[elliot]

I tend to overanalyze either other people or myself. I could definitely use some motivation (ie kick in the ass) when it comes to advice on communicating with people I'm not sure I have common ground with.

I enjoy spending time with my friends though lately it hasn't really happened. In the last two weeks I spent about 3 hours with a friend, playing tennis and getting a bit to eat, that's it. All my other friends were busy doing other things. I've tried to meet others on the net, but with no success. I message them and get no response back generally. In a crowd of 200 people I could easily not say a word to any of them. My job involves talking to people all the time though face to face, which is weird.. Advice?

[freddy]

Great question, I hope someone can offer some great advice. I feel at most times like a square trying to fit into a round hole. On my job I'm completly different and can talk to most anyone with OK results. But in a crowd of strangers. F o r-g e t-a b o u t-i t
Any magic pills to make this feeling just go away. LOL

[Daffy Duck]

I like to meet new people where the focus isn't on "meeting new people." One good way I've found to do this is to share a common goal or interest. I've met a lot of friends in college classes or clubs, where the main focus isn't on meeting people, but instead on sharing in an activity or study together.

[James81]

Check out this site:

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com

This is an AWESOME way to meet people who are interested in the same types of things you are interested in. I love it because it gives you the initial buffer of the internet (getting to know people online a bit through profiles and such), but also encourages meeting up in real life.

Another good way to meet people is to volunteer in your community. Check out this site:

VolunteerMatch - Where Volunteering Begins

I also wrote an article that gives a list of ideas for meeting people:

Engage! :The Soul’s Asylum

The biggest thing to remember is that making friends can happen either in the blink of an eye or it can take a while to establish friendships (depending on your personality, I guess). The biggest thing is to make sure you are doing something you enjoy doing (that allows you to meet people) and to make sure you are patient and give yourself time to make connections.

Sometimes it happens really fast, but most of the time it takes a little time. Do things you enjoy, be yourself, and be patient.

[brendannz]

Read Steve Pavlina's article 'soulful relationships'

He says you don't need to build relationships with people, you only bolster existing relationships.

As well, I think the best way to make friends is to have an interesting life.. like for example, do you have any particular hobbies that would make you interesting to other people? What do you do with your time for fun? In saying that, you could have a very boring life, and make some really boring friends, so it's up to you..

I think you want to be interesting, without being (too) weird... ideally.

As well, maybe your attitudes towards other people. How do you feel about other people? that you're superior and they are stupid? or that you're inferior and you should put them on a pedestal? Or as equals that are the same as you?

To simplify things, the best thing to do would be to treat other people as you'd like to be treated..

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by elliot

I tend to overanalyze either other people or myself. I could definitely use some motivation (ie kick in the ass) when it comes to advice on communicating with people I'm not sure I have common ground with.

I enjoy spending time with my friends though lately it hasn't really happened. In the last two weeks I spent about 3 hours with a friend, playing tennis and getting a bit to eat, that's it. All my other friends were busy doing other things. I've tried to meet others on the net, but with no success. I message them and get no response back generally. In a crowd of 200 people I could easily not say a word to any of them. My job involves talking to people all the time though face to face, which is weird.. Advice?

Most people actually are doing the same so realize you're not the only one

Maybe try something like Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com and type in what you are looking for? Are you a part of any groups?

[Zerox]

You know, the reason its hard to meet people is because you make it harder than it really is.

it -is- as easy as saying hi to a stranger and start talking. In the mall, on the street, on the bus.

I know it'll seem strange a first but it does work pretty good.
Where I live, people are afraid of eachother, on the bus you look in your lap and dont even try to look up. Guess how uplifting it is when a nice guy or girl starts talking to you with a positive attitude, paying attention to you.
Pretend to care bout them, or actually do.

It took me long to get over this.. I was like "What?! People will think im stupid" or "This is stupid this wont ever work" because it's so simple.

I can talk to anyone I want. I suck at talking, seriously. I'm a very quiet person until I get to know someone, but the less you think about it the better it'll go.

I just wish people would come to me more often.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Zerox

You know, the reason its hard to meet people is because you make it harder than it really is.

it -is- as easy as saying hi to a stranger and start talking. In the mall, on the street, on the bus.

I know it'll seem strange a first but it does work pretty good.
Where I live, people are afraid of eachother, on the bus you look in your lap and dont even try to look up. Guess how uplifting it is when a nice guy or girl starts talking to you with a positive attitude, paying attention to you.
Pretend to care bout them, or actually do.

It took me long to get over this.. I was like "What?! People will think im stupid" or "This is stupid this wont ever work" because it's so simple.

I can talk to anyone I want. I suck at talking, seriously. I'm a very quiet person until I get to know someone, but the less you think about it the better it'll go.

I just wish people would come to me more often.

I don't think people really need help on how to meet people so much as they need help on how to turn an acquaintance that you meet into a friendship.

I figure most people knows HOW to meet people (go out, do stuff, say hi, start a conversation). I think that where people get tripped up is that they think BEYOND that. What do they do AFTER they have that conversation?

[Zerox]

Originally Posted by James81

I don't think people really need help on how to meet people so much as they need help on how to turn an acquaintance that you meet into a friendship.

I figure most people knows HOW to meet people (go out, do stuff, say hi, start a conversation). I think that where people get tripped up is that they think BEYOND that. What do they do AFTER they have that conversation?

Well yeah, I agree with you.
I have tons of Acquaintances, TONS. But I have maybe one that I would call a friend.

It usually goes weeks where im not talking to anyone.

I do think this is because I'm not very "normal".
I don't drink, I dislike drinking hence; clubbing/partying SUCKS, at least in my experience.

Unless you have a well paying job or money in a bank, you cant afford to take classes, meet people doing something you enjoy.

I find most "normal" things to be extremely boring, and in most situation I'll get bored in the first 15minutes of a conversation.
I'm boring (I must be, everyone I've met tell me so), and I cant find anything that will change that. I hope for it, I visualize it, but it doesnt happen. (and ofc I try new things)
I have nearly no interests.
Pretty much, psychology, philosophy, art, music, women.
And.. you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find people with similar interests.
(that you can later become friends with)

So I agree, acquaintances = easy
Women/friends = hard

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Zerox

Well yeah, I agree with you.
I have tons of Acquaintances, TONS. But I have maybe one that I would call a friend.

It usually goes weeks where im not talking to anyone.

I do think this is because I'm not very "normal".
I don't drink, I dislike drinking hence; clubbing/partying SUCKS, at least in my experience.

Unless you have a well paying job or money in a bank, you cant afford to take classes, meet people doing something you enjoy.

I find most "normal" things to be extremely boring, and in most situation I'll get bored in the first 15minutes of a conversation.
I'm boring (I must be, everyone I've met tell me so), and I cant find anything that will change that. I hope for it, I visualize it, but it doesnt happen. (and ofc I try new things)
I have nearly no interests.
Pretty much, psychology, philosophy, art, music, women.
And.. you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find people with similar interests.
(that you can later become friends with)

So I agree, acquaintances = easy
Women/friends = hard

Maybe it's your attitudes towards socialising that prevents you from making friends.

In my opinion, from experience.. music is probably the best interest there is for making friends, and with males the best thing to bond over is sports, followed by music.

As well, I think it's more attitude than interests that determines the friends/ lovers you make.. Often I'll meet a girl, and have lots in common with her, but because of my anxiety, it doesn't go as planned..

I checked your DeviantArt page, I used to rely on my artwork for compliments from other people, but now I need approval less.. here's my devart page; captainmania on deviantART

I think artists can seem boring, because we kind of plod away in our own gardens a bit, rather than live for the party, usually.. Although big cities can be good for finding fun.. Although artist friends are great friends, I'd suggest you try and find some.. They're usually hipper, and more genuine than regular people..

Like, do you think you're boring? It's not up for other people to make that judgement, because you know yourself better than they do..

[juguy]

Originally Posted by elliot

I tend to overanalyze either other people or myself. I could definitely use some motivation (ie kick in the ass) when it comes to advice on communicating with people I'm not sure I have common ground with.

Communicating with people that you have no common ground can be tricky. It does require one thing of you which is to be interested in the other person. This is huge. This person has nothing in common with you so it is your job to listen to them, hear about what they like to do, what they are into and learn about them. Most people love talking about themselves. Not all but most. Now the other person might not be as social/talkative and not everyone is, so don't worry if the conversation goes stale or they don't seem that interested in sharing. Share a little bit about yourself too which will help them share more.

In order to make true friends, you need to find a common ground with the stranger. As you are listening, try to find common ground. It could be life experiences, current goals, hobbies, work, passion, believes, morals, whatever. That's the way to connect with people and one way to make true friends. The more they see that you are similar to them, the more likely they will connect with you and more likely you will connect with them and then become friends.

The other thing is if there's no common ground at all between you and the other person, it'll be harder to be true friends.

Originally Posted by elliot

In a crowd of 200 people I could easily not say a word to any of them. My job involves talking to people all the time though face to face, which is weird.. Advice?

Why do you not say a word to anyone? Is it because you don't want to? Do you have approach anxiety? You don't know what to say? As for work, do you talk about things to co-workers besides work?

As a bit of encouragement, your ability to talk to people at work means that you have the ability to talk to people outside of work. It just seems like you need a little bit of practice to nurture that ability.

[nhaasch]

I'm with the people that suggest meetup.com. This is a great place to find groups that share a common interest. Expirement and attend a few different meetups.

Now, this may be more about me, but I focus on mine or someone else's passion. People love to either talk about their own passion or hear about someone else.