what do you make of this interaction?

[Gracestars]

Okay...so I just the other day started a thread about a first date with a man which I potentially manifested using LOA. I promised an update, but I think it is more fitting in this particular forum.

IM - it works!! Now what?

(I'm not sure if have hyperlinked this properly, apologies if I haven't)

Anyways, it was a great night, he was obviously interested, we arranged to meet again, he sent a text the following day saying what a great time he had etc etc.

That was Thursday night. This morning (Saturday) I wake up to a text message that is the lyrics of a well known song saying something along the lines of "I'm not the one you're looking for babe..."

What the?! So I figure I'll call him, cut the crap and ask what that was all about or if it was even meant for me. No answer. Here I am thinking I've had this perfectly nice evening with this guy, I certainly haven't been chasing him, I didn't send him a text to begin with, and he had clearly written me this at midnight drunk! I couldn't see any other way to interpret this along with his silence other than, he was blowing me off courtesy of song lyrics... very rude!

So I text him saying that I assume this is what he meant by it and that it wasn't necessary... i mean, he could have just never called me again...isn't that the usual way of showing no interest? He wrote back hours later that he was sorry he couldn't even remember writing it and not to read into it.

What else was I suppposed to think? Very odd if you ask me... certainly wouldn't have been my first choice of words for a drunken text meant for a person I liked!

??

[Gracestars]

...but then I created this, right? Dang! I swear I remained positive! Surely it all can't be this hard! *sigh*

[brendannz]

That song by Bob Dylan is about how he's not capable of fulfiling all of her desires, I think..
"you say you're looking for someone, who's never weak but always strong, someone to gather flowers, whether you are right or wrong. Someone who'll close his eyes someone who'll close his heart" etc.etc."
Bob Dylan just can't fulfil her high standards..

But it sounds like he was just a bit drunk and crazy.. I think if he's dismissed it as something which he never meant anything by, then you should forget about it. If he really felt that way, he'd express it again, but it sounds like he was just typing a random song he liked to you..

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by brendannz

That song by Bob Dylan is about how he's not capable of fulfiling all of her desires, I think..
"you say you're looking for someone, who's never weak but always strong, someone to gather flowers, whether you are right or wrong. Someone who'll close his eyes someone who'll close his heart" etc.etc."
Bob Dylan just can't fulfil her high standards..

But it sounds like he was just a bit drunk and crazy.. I think if he's dismissed it as something which he never meant anything by, then you should forget about it. If he really felt that way, he'd express it again, but it sounds like he was just typing a random song he liked to you..

Yes, well it seems that way, but I don't like the fact he puts it back on to me as though I am reading into it too much. Honestly, how else was I supposed to read it? The onus should be on him to be more careful with his texts when drunk and to make up for a message that was not very nice to wake up to!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Yes, well it seems that way, but I don't like the fact he puts it back on to me as though I am reading into it too much. Honestly, how else was I supposed to read it? The onus should be on him to be more careful with his texts when drunk and to make up for a message that was not very nice to wake up to!

That really sucks, that you had to wake up to his message, sorry to hear. He should have to be more careful with drunken messages in future, but I say make it strike 1 and not strike 3

[rose A]

Just try and relax and take his word for it. You two just started out. Don't sabotage it before it has a chance to start.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by rose A

Just try and relax and take his word for it. You two just started out. Don't sabotage it before it has a chance to start.

See...this is what peeves me... this is not ME sabotaging anything. This in my opinion is HIM sabotaging a perfectly good start. I'm so sick and tired of women who make excuses for men. I see it around me constantly. This whole 'men think differently', 'they're just boys', 'they don't think', 'Oh, maybe he got scared off because he knows you like him'. *eye roll* I am surrounded by lovely, capable and attractive women who put up with so much crap in the name of 'woops, he is just a guy, don't hate him for it', rubbish. Seriously, what is so scary about a confident women who know what she wants and who... oooh, shock horror, likes you?! What planet am I on for godssake? It is tiring no end. I've just come home from a dinner with a good girlfriend whose guy wants everything a relationship has to offer (including sex) but the official title of being her boyfriend. It brings her so much pain, but you know, he's a boy, so let's just put up with it as though we're second best and maybe he'll come round. When did this standard of treatment become okay? So she sits there trying to work out how maybe what my guy did was an 'accident' or, 'you know, was meant to be a funny thing' etc etc etc. I am not a mind reader, it is not my place to have to work out a reason for it. That is called making excuses. Grow some balls and make up for it. Period.

I'm really not sure if this is a problem experienced by location or generation, but there are sooooo many times that soooo many women I know have 'had' to put up with utter nonsense and mistreatment in the hope for a relationship. And you know what? I don't think I will even have the chance to sabatoge it or get to strike 3, because knowing the breed of men who live in my place, in my age group, he want bother calling again anyway.

*End Rant*

[evevera]

I completely agree with you Gracestars. I think women do put up more than they really should and if it was me, I wouldn't talk to him again... but that's just me. There are plenty of fishes in the sea.
It wasn't so much the text he sent, it's the way he reacted to it, saying YOU're reading too much into it. If I got that response, that'd be the end of that. He clearly doesn't care that much about you or your feelings.

But I wouldn't give up on men yet... there's bound to be some good ones out there for you

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by evevera

I completely agree with you Gracestars. I think women do put up more than they really should and if it was me, I wouldn't talk to him again... but that's just me. There are plenty of fishes in the sea.
It wasn't so much the text he sent, it's the way he reacted to it, saying YOU're reading too much into it. If I got that response, that'd be the end of that. He clearly doesn't care that much about you or your feelings.

But I wouldn't give up on men yet... there's bound to be some good ones out there for you

You're right, and I won't give up... ha.. I never do. And I know my post may read as completely disproportionate to the event in question, but this comes after being dicked around by so many 'boys' and seeing so many AMAZING ladies treated similarly...of course the 'advice' given by my friend tonight didn't help...she literally said 'and don't read into to it too much, boys are simple beings, don't let them freak you out.' She means well, and I adore her, but really what is a girl supposed to do? Keep making the first move, keep okaying bad behaviour, even if it was unintentional? What happened to good old fashioned courting? Gosh, I would love to be courted by a confident man, and I would treat him equally well, because both parties deserve just that - good treatment.

[drakecatz]

Yuk! He wrote back and said not to read into it. He didn't say he didn't mean to hurt you, or I'm sorry! This guy has cold feet and is playing tuff! You're off to a really bad start with this one. I'd let him go right now. The best relationships are based on like mindedness! Common manners and social skills! Opposites attract, but in the long run they repel. He's already playing with your head after one date!

Good for you for getting your anger out in this forum. Look at what you wrote again. You're on the right track. You don't need to teach him how to be a loving person. My advice is to move on and forget him. What he did was mean! He needs to learn to be responsible for his impact!

[Zas]

If you believe in I-M, given that he was drunk, maybe it's the universe's way of sending a message to you about him and about what you're looking for in general.

Most of your posts are taking a negative tone. Like, the only slightly positive thing was saying:

...but then I created this, right? Dang! I swear I remained positive! Surely it all can't be this hard! *sigh*

Which isn't really positive because it's expressing exasperation/frustration/disappointment . . .

Saying things like,

-I don't like the fact he ________
-The onus should be on him
-this is not ME sabotaging anything. This in my opinion is HIM
-I'm so sick and tired of . . .
-I see it around me constantly . . . [huge rant]
-this comes after being dicked around by so many 'boys' and seeing . . .

doesn't help . . .

I'm not fully sure of my belief in LOA, but I do know that you're expressing a pretty negative perspective right now and that will be reflected in your view of reality [Regardless of whether you're *creating* it or just mentally *filtering* it to be that way]. I've always had a pretty good view of people in general and have met tons of great men and women as a result.

You have to give someone room to impress you, rather than have these harsh views and try to force him to prove them wrong. If I were in your place, I would wonder if maybe whatever forces are at work (god/oneness/a highly perceptive social subconscious/whatever) were trying to tell you that he really *isn't* the one you're looking for . . . Not to mean that you're not compatible or that you can't have a great relationship-- But rather that you're looking for someone to break through all this stuff you've built up when that's YOUR baggage. You shouldn't look for a peaceful resolution to all that in another person, you should look for that in yourself.

From personal experience, when you do start focusing on handling all your needs, suddenly people warm up to you a lot more. Seriously, I've worked on taking more responsibility in my life in these past few months and suddenly this man who's been in my life for awhile who's had kind of a wandering personality is a lot more stable and secure. There wasn't really a problem before given that I'm fairly laid back- but things have gone from "great" to "AMAZING." It's a lot easier for people to be comfortable with themselves and their feelings (and the expression of those things) if they're not feeling pressure to fix/manage your life on top of their own, you know?

I would assume the best of this guy (maybe he is really extraordinary and in fact so in touch with the universe that he's drunkenly channeling important messages for you, lol) . . . and act accordingly. If it's no good, it will become apparent and you'll learn from it. Not only that, you can have the added confidence of knowing you remained strong and beautiful regardless of the nature of the connection.

Of course, if he is something special, you'll be in the best place to enjoy it.

[brendannz]

I think he was just being an idiot, he might just really like song lyrics, I get song lyrics stuck on my head, and have to talk about them sometimes, or bring them up with people who don't know anything about the band.

one time when drunk I texted to a girl "you're the cutest thing, I ever did see, I really love your peaches wanna shake your tree, lovey dovey lovey dovey all the time, ooh baby I show you good time"' Although my message was much nicer, I was just drunk and being stupid..

I think he was just drunk and being a bit stupid rather than trying to send you any meaningful message..

But it's really up to you.. You've got to look after yourself, and if going out with this guy is going to make things worse, then might be best to avoid..

[ginkgo]

Since people are not perfect, it is unrealistic to expect them to do the perfect thing. Alcohol is a legal drug now. It used to be an illegal drug. Soon you may hear people in California saying this about marijuana.

On the bright side, he did not blow your face off. That women on the TV news that got the first face reconstructive surgery had her face blown off with a shotgun blast from the man of her dreams. So just like it would have been better for him to just not call you, anything would have been better that that guy shooting that woman in the face. You cannot manifest what does not exist.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by ginkgo

Since people are not perfect, it is unrealistic to expect them to do the perfect thing. Alcohol is a legal drug now. It used to be an illegal drug. Soon you may hear people in California saying this about marijuana.

On the bright side, he did not blow your face off. That women on the TV news that got the first face reconstructive surgery had her face blown off with a shotgun blast from the man of her dreams. So just like it would have been better for him to just not call you, anything would have been better that that guy shooting that woman in the face. You cannot manifest what does not exist.

ummm...ok...

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by brendannz

I think he was just being an idiot, he might just really like song lyrics, I get song lyrics stuck on my head, and have to talk about them sometimes, or bring them up with people who don't know anything about the band.

one time when drunk I texted to a girl "you're the cutest thing, I ever did see, I really love your peaches wanna shake your tree, lovey dovey lovey dovey all the time, ooh baby I show you good time"' Although my message was much nicer, I was just drunk and being stupid..

I think he was just drunk and being a bit stupid rather than trying to send you any meaningful message..

But it's really up to you.. You've got to look after yourself, and if going out with this guy is going to make things worse, then might be best to avoid..

I’m tending to think this was the case, however it doesn’t exclude the fact that it was a very stupid thing to write and that I didn’t have much choice in the way of how to read it. Personally, I would have preferred the song you sent to a girl, at least it suggests interest and not rejection! Either way, it’s boring and tedious.

[Gracestars]

You have to give someone room to impress you, rather than have these harsh views and try to force him to prove them wrong.

I gave him PLENTY of room, he still has some left if he cares enough to use it.

If I were in your place, I would wonder if maybe whatever forces are at work (god/oneness/a highly perceptive social subconscious/whatever) were trying to tell you that he really *isn't* the one you're looking for . . . Not to mean that you're not compatible or that you can't have a great relationship-- But rather that you're looking for someone to break through all this stuff you've built up when that's YOUR baggage. You shouldn't look for a peaceful resolution to all that in another person, you should look for that in yourself.

Dealt with my baggage, got it down to carry-on size. Still not impressed however, and I'm not prepared to budge on my boundaries and values.

From personal experience, when you do start focusing on handling all your needs, suddenly people warm up to you a lot more. Seriously, I've worked on taking more responsibility in my life in these past few months and suddenly this man who's been in my life for awhile who's had kind of a wandering personality is a lot more stable and secure. There wasn't really a problem before given that I'm fairly laid back- but things have gone from "great" to "AMAZING." It's a lot easier for people to be comfortable with themselves and their feelings (and the expression of those things) if they're not feeling pressure to fix/manage your life on top of their own, you know?

Yep, was well and truly happy in my life and myself and was not even looking for a mate, until I decided to give this guy I liked very much a go, and here we are back at square one... wondering how something so nice and easy can has to turn to nonsense and game-playing.

I would assume the best of this guy (maybe he is really extraordinary and in fact so in touch with the universe that he's drunkenly channeling important messages for you, lol) . . . and act accordingly. If it's no good, it will become apparent and you'll learn from it. Not only that, you can have the added confidence of knowing you remained strong and beautiful regardless of the nature of the connection.

Of course, if he is something special, you'll be in the best place to enjoy it.

I guess time will tell, but I certainly am not pinning my hopes on it.

[Indiana]

My feeling is that if the text made you feel bad, and his response to you expressing that made you feel bad, then you should just let this guy go.

I think most of us have very good intuition about people early on and it pays to listen to it. I have been in situations where I found myself feeling uncomfortable about someone/things they said/how they treated me/how they talked about others within the first few encounters, but decided to 'not be judgmental' or 'give it a chance' because 'I don't really know them yet' and have pretty much always end up regretting investing time in them further down the track.

At the moment you don't have much invested, so it's easier to let go and look for someone who you feel awesome about all the time. When I think about the people I really value in my life, they are people I pretty much fell in love with right away (and I mean that in the friend sense too) and likewise for them. Life is too short to spend with people who send out negative energy to you.

[rose A]

originally posted by Gracestars
See...this is what peeves me... this is not ME sabotaging anything. This in my opinion is HIM sabotaging a perfectly good start. I'm so sick and tired of women who make excuses for men. I see it around me constantly. This whole 'men think differently', 'they're just boys', 'they don't think', 'Oh, maybe he got scared off because he knows you like him'. *eye roll* I am surrounded by lovely, capable and attractive women who put up with so much crap in the name of 'woops, he is just a guy, don't hate him for it', rubbish. Seriously, what is so scary about a confident women who know what she wants and who... oooh, shock horror, likes you?! What planet am I on for godssake? It is tiring no end. I've just come home from a dinner with a good girlfriend whose guy wants everything a relationship has to offer (including sex) but the official title of being her boyfriend. It brings her so much pain, but you know, he's a boy, so let's just put up with it as though we're second best and maybe he'll come round. When did this standard of treatment become okay? So she sits there trying to work out how maybe what my guy did was an 'accident' or, 'you know, was meant to be a funny thing' etc etc etc. I am not a mind reader, it is not my place to have to work out a reason for it. That is called making excuses. Grow some balls and make up for it. Period.

I'm really not sure if this is a problem experienced by location or generation, but there are sooooo many times that soooo many women I know have 'had' to put up with utter nonsense and mistreatment in the hope for a relationship. And you know what? I don't think I will even have the chance to sabatoge it or get to strike 3, because knowing the breed of men who live in my place, in my age group, he want bother calling again anyway.

*End Rant*

But you are the one blowing your pipes about one thing that he did. Ok, so maybe it doesn't sit well with you. Then chalk him off, stand your ground. He doesn't fit into your criteria to be Mr. Perfect, then he is off your list. In no way did I suggest you put up with his crap. You went out on one date.

You mean to say in your life you have never said something unappropriate or stupid at the wrong time? I know I have, and I wouldn't want to be nailed to the wall for my whole life because of it.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by rose A

But you are the one blowing your pipes about one thing that he did. Ok, so maybe it doesn't sit well with you. Then chalk him off, stand your ground. He doesn't fit into your criteria to be Mr. Perfect, then he is off your list. In no way did I suggest you put up with his crap. You went out on one date.

You mean to say in your life you have never said something unappropriate or stupid at the wrong time? I know I have, and I wouldn't want to be nailed to the wall for my whole life because of it.

I was responding to your statement not to "sabotage" it, when I truly feel I have done nothing of the sort. You're right, however, people do say stupid things and in hindsight, I think this has been the case. I have absolutely said the wrong thing, many times... but I make the effort to make ammends and set records straight, if that doesn't happen, what is one supposed to do? See what I mean?

Whatever though...I have made peace with it now. Thanks for all of your feedback.

[carenkh]

I heard you saying what women "have" to put up with - not the case! I recently had a date - my first in some time - and it was *wonderful*. The way we met was cool, the dinner was perfect, the conversation was deep and funny and good. He lives on the opposite coast, so we both said, "Let's keep in touch!" He e-mailed me once, saying what a great time he had, and reiterating that he wanted to stay in touch - and I haven't heard back from him since then. After I sent two e-mails with no answer, I dropped it.

I could have railed about how men are this way or that way, how men NEVER call back when they say they will, etc. Instead, I just thought - huh. Guess he got back to his life and got busy, and I wasn't a priority. No biggie. The fact that I met someone really wonderful makes me hopeful that I'll meet someone else really wonderful.

Reading "He's Just Not That Into You" - not the movie - was invaluable for me a few years ago. Really, really good stuff in there. It helped me not stay in that, "But he should X, or should not have Y" place.

And I have this quote by the wonderful Mr. Dan Linehan saved in my "good quotes" folder:

I try to accept what people have done, what they are doing, and who they choose to be, and then I ask myself whether I want more of their actions in my life.. the answer is usually clear.

[Gaz]

Now, I'm not really sure of this whole LoA thing, mainly because I have never really tried it with any sort of real intention, but maybe one way of looking at it is this.

Here's this guy that you met and went on one date, and you made such an impression on him that in his drunken state he wanted to communicate with you. Yes, maybe his choice of communication wasn't the best one but he still tried.

Normally, drunk and midnight are synonomous with calls to ex-girlfriends, but if you've managed to displace all other women in one date, I say congratulations, you clearly did something right.

[carenkh]

I'm wondering, too, why you think someone who still gets drunk is someone you'd want to be around. Especially if he was so drunk, he couldn't even remember sending the text.

[JimAntonyDotCom]

Sorry but this guy sounds like a douchebag, he should apologize for sending you that retarded text message.

[Gracestars]

Both men and women where I live, and that's in a big city by the way, all still drink a lot when out especially in their 20's (he's in his late 20's, still old enough to know better).

Yes, I think he probably was thinking of me hence the text in the 1st place. Shame it wasn't a nicer one.

My reaction may seem over the top, it's just that without an attempt to make up for it, or properly acknoweldge that it was a dumb thing to send, I don't feel okay about seeing him again, and this comes after dates with a succession of seemingly eligble young men who turn out to 'boys' and who lack simple respect and courtesy.

[TonyToneTone]

Hey GS!

Either he really likes you and was trying to sound sweet or he was trying to let you off through text.

Have you guys spoken since? (I didn't read through all the responses.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

Hey GS!

Either he really likes you and was trying to sound sweet or he was trying to let you off through text.

Have you guys spoken since? (I didn't read through all the responses.

I called him the following day...no answer, so I sent a text saying that if we blowing me off through text, it wasn't necessary or very nice. He responded that he couldn't remember sending it and not to read into it because it didn't mean anything. I have since text that it was a misunderstanding, and I haven't heard back. So, whatever, I dont know. Over thinking about it now to be honest. NEXT! ha

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

Hey GS!

Either he really likes you and was trying to sound sweet or he was trying to let you off through text.

Have you guys spoken since? (I didn't read through all the responses.

Oh and if it was the latter... letting me off through text, then I find that really very unnecessary and mean. It's not like I had contacted him at all over the weekend...he wasn;t having to fend me off...he could have just never called again.

[themaster]

Just cause you got what you think you want.. doesn't mean it was right for you..

What happens to a lot of people is they bet all their hopes on one thing.. and in a way this can be what you’re doing.. you should take his non-chilante attitude and move on and go with the idea it's either bad timing or he's just not right for you.. sometimes the universe closes doors for us in certain ways and sometimes were supposed to open these doors we create ourselves

Which is the case for you?? only you know.. it's your reality.. start taking control

Also if you really, read the thread you might notice that you went into a rant about complaining.. remember loa rules.. that which you complain about is that which you attract, just as that which you like/pleases you, you also attract..

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by themaster

Just cause you got what you think you want.. doesn't mean it was right for you..

What happens to a lot of people is they bet all their hopes on one thing.. and in a way this can be what you’re doing.. you should take his non-chilante attitude and move on and go with the idea it's either bad timing or he's just not right for you.. sometimes the universe closes doors for us in certain ways and sometimes were supposed to open these doors we create ourselves

Which is the case for you?? only you know.. it's your reality.. start taking control

Also if you really, read the thread you might notice that you went into a rant about complaining.. remember loa rules.. that which you complain about is that which you attract, just as that which you like/pleases you, you also attract..

Yeah yeah, I know, I know. Just need a couple of days of purging and I'll get off my bitter bandwagon.

[Gaz]

It's amazing, there really is a Friends quote for every occasion "Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay!" And yes, i watch too much TV.

I feel that some clarification of my first post is in order. I was trying to be funny, and on reading it again, it would seem that I failed miserably.

From the guy's response after the offending text, it sounds like he is trying to avoid you, perhaps the best approach at this point is to accept that this was not meant to be and carry on with your life. If he gets back in touch, before you've found anyone else, then take it from there, otherwise treat it as a great night out that wasn't meant to lead to anything more, it was just meant to help you realise that you can have a good time and connect with new people.