Finding Place in a Foreign Country

[eliaino]

Hi,

I have some questions for the forum. Probably I will express them awkwardly, but I'll try my best to tell the truth.

I am 22 years old. I have been living in a foreign country for the last few months. Here they speak a different language that I'm only passingly familiar with. There is a large English-speaking expatriate scene, but, to be honest, my experiences with it have been really disappointing. Many people I've met--not all! but many--seem to go too far in the opposite direction, of getting drunk all the time, being nasty to each other, and talking about other people behind their backs. This sort of thing is really boring to me, honestly.

I'm not sure how to find somewhere or someone interesting to me.

Another problem is that I don't speak the language very well (see above). I've tried to motivate myself to take a language course. But I don't want to take a course!...I can rationally tell myself "You should learn to speak German, it will be very useful" I can't turn that into motivation. At bottom, I'm pretty sure the issue has to do with my experience of education being a confining and destructive force in my life. Being in a classroom brings back all those memories of intellectual isolation and frustration. I can read German, but not speak it, and there's only one way to learn that...and I can't motivate myself to learn that way!

[Lil Chris]

I'm not sure what your financial abilities are but have you heard of rosettastone it's not cheap but given your circumstances, I bet it would pay off...

[rocksupreme]

What do you like to do? Find a place to do that thing, and other people will probably be there doing it too.

[aelle]

I know how you feel: I've been in these situations before.
You are in a place where you can choose to learn several lessons:

1- Learn to enjoy solitude. You are in a position of being able to shut off other people's ramblings around you, how lucky! It may be a good time to reflect on what you bring to your life yourself. What is left of your persona once you cut out the cocktail party vibe? Have you cultivated your inner world enough to entertain and satisfy yourself (if not, how do you plan to satisfy others)? Are there things you want to do but always felt held back by your social life? Several of my non-Japanese speaking friends have used their time in Japan to pick up on their writing or art.

2- Learn to relate with people on another level: without language. So much can happen with a warm smile, a helping hand, a nod, a shared habit like sitting on the same bench for lunch... We tend to forget how much we can communicate beyong the blabbering. It's time for you to rediscover this.

3- Learn to expand your social horizons. You said you didn't appreciate the partying expat' crown, fair enough. But who haven't you tried to relate to? Maybe other migrants, or children, or elderly people. Meaningful connexions don't always come from those we expect.

4- Learn another language. This is a good time to change your views on learning. It seems that your learning spark has been crushed by your schooling... but can you really see yourself go through life without ever learning something new? There are so many more ways to do that than by sitting in a classroom with a textbooK. You can find an overwhelming amount of resources and good tips out there, ut just to name a few: read everything you can (billboards, your lunch wrapping, short newspaper articles), listen to everything you can (the radio, movies, your neighbor's conversation) and speak as much as you can (make a habit of sharing small talk with your baker, find a language partner who wants to learn English)

[Blue Sky]

Wow, eliaino. I got half way through the original post and couldn't believe how much it sounded like the place I live! Then I read to the 2nd half of the post and found it IS the place I live.

Sorry, I have nothing positive to add. I have been here nearly 2 years and I hate it.

[SimonaRich]

Take a language online course, you don't have to physically attend any lessons if you don't want to. Learn at your own pace.

That's the only way you will be able to interact with more people in a foreign country.

[ssandra]

Post an add online or in a news paper for a partner who wants to learn to speak better English and practise with them.

Just go to a bar or cafe and sit and for the first 30 minutes you speak English, and the 2nd 30 minutes you speak German.

Learning how to speak a language is all about being around people who speak it and not to be afraid to make mistakes.

Good luck, and don´t hang out with people you don´t like. That is just a waste of time.

[alainplus]

Learn the language. The least you could be doing is watching TV in German. Just keep the TV on all the time (even if you don't understand it).

I know this is cheesy but you have to give something to island to get something in return. The more effort you put into learning German, the greater the reward.