Sexual Mastery (No Minors Allowed!!!)

[Plato]

I've never bothered learning how to be a good lover. At least not consciously.

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly, with no particular idea of whether it's good or not besides her reaction. As much fun as it is for me, I suspect I could give a lot more pleasure if I knew what I was doing.

Resources? Advice?

[aggie]

the fact that you are even asking is very admirable....i guess it depends on how far you are in a relationship at a given moment...slowing down and just plain coming out and asking, maybe...one cannot always tell by reaction alone.....

[Daffy Duck]

I've always found that experimenting and communicating with my lover has been more than enough.

[Cameron Teone]

Hey Plato,

I think there are two different components to being a good lover.

One is emotional, and the other is physical. The emotional part is how comfortable you are able to make a woman feel in bed. And yes that burden does fall on your shoulders as a man. So man up, take the lead. Also, learning directly from her responses is a key that most guys seem to miss from my chats with female friends/dates. Women are different in what stimuli they respond to and you can figure that out by being observant and present.

The physical skill part can be learned through various techniques. I highly recommend "White Tiger Tantra" by Steve P. The guy is a friend of mine so you could say I am biased, but he also gets incredible results. He has worked with over 300 women who thought their private parts were broken...

It's a good resource.

take care



Plato wrote;

Originally Posted by Plato

I've never bothered learning how to be a good lover. At least not consciously.

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly, with no particular idea of whether it's good or not besides her reaction. As much fun as it is for me, I suspect I could give a lot more pleasure if I knew what I was doing.

Resources? Advice?

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

I've always found that experimenting and communicating with my lover has been more than enough.

Absolutely. You shouldn't have to figure out whether you're good based on your partner's reactions, you should be talking about it - before, during, after

I also like to read (there are a multitude of good sexblogs, forums, podcasts out there), both to get my libido and imagination going. Reading about techniques has a lot more to do with building your confidence than actually becoming an expert at that particular technique. Once you get excited about a particular act, bring it in the bedroom (metaphorically or not - some things you definitely need to discuss beforehand). Later, compare notes with your partner: how was it for them? What did they prefer? What didn't they like so much? Do they want to do it again? Is there something that would make it better?

Some resources I've enjoyed:
Sex is fun podcast
Dan Savage's Savage Love podcast
The MidWest Teen Sex Show (more fun than informative but you never know!)
and a bunch of blogs (Over Educated Nympho, Violet Blue.....)

I've seen books like "She Comes First" being recommended over and over on the net, but I've never read it and honestly, I prefer more interactive media. What you learn will only matter if your partner can comment on it, because there just are no universal rules when it comes to pleasure.

[Holistic Star]

Originally Posted by Plato

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly,

I can't begin to explain what image came to mind when I read that!

I think it is great that you ask. I agree with the others that suggest slowing down. Take your time and use eye contact to really connect with the other person. Ask her what she likes and wants. (In a sensual way, not in a clinical tick list kind of way!)

In the famous words of John Cleese "Don't stampeed towards the clitoris. Give her a kiss, boy!" i.e. lots of foreplay, building anticipation, tease her a bit, make each time a little different (i.e. don't get stuck in a predictable rut). Above all enjoy it and let her know that you are turned on by her enjoying it.

Above all, don't be like the guy who twisted my breast back and forward like he was trying to crack open a safe. I can't think how he thought it would be pleasurable for either of us!

[munish]

Originally Posted by Plato

I've never bothered learning how to be a good lover. At least not consciously.

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly, with no particular idea of whether it's good or not besides her reaction. As much fun as it is for me, I suspect I could give a lot more pleasure if I knew what I was doing.

Resources? Advice?

Check out this web site.This one is for PUA.

But you will also find the best Lovers of women. .Natural Game Forum by Zan Perrion

[spirit4711]

Nothing to add to the excellent advice, but one observation. You put 'no minors allowed' in the topic title. If there's one thing that attracts minors... Same goes for other topics marked 'adult'.

And why shouldn't minors read this? It's not that they would learn bad things from it?

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Above all, don't be like the guy who twisted my breast back and forward like he was trying to crack open a safe. I can't think how he thought it would be pleasurable for either of us!

See, I love that kind of rough boob play. But try touching my clit directly and I'll run out of the room screaming (when my boyfriend's ex liked to have hers bitten). This is why talking is reeeeally important!

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Nothing to add to the excellent advice, but one observation. You put 'no minors allowed' in the topic title. If there's one thing that attracts minors... Same goes for other topics marked 'adult'.

And why shouldn't minors read this? It's not that they would learn bad things from it?

I like to think of these topics as: if you're not old enough to be doin' it, you probably shouldn't be reading it.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by aelle

...

I like to think of these topics as: if you're not old enough to be doin' it, you probably shouldn't be reading it.

Think of it as preparation?

There's by the way quite a difference between minors thinking what age they are ready, and their parents. Who is right?

I do understand why people put an 'adult only' marker in the topic title. The point is that probably the opposite will happen.

[Holistic Star]

It wasn't rough, it was clinical.
Like he'd read a sex-manual that said:

"Step 1. tweak here for 2 minutes.
Step 2. tweak there for 2.5 mins.
Step 3. etc"

it was dull! .... and strangley unfeeling. I didn't get the impression he was enjoying it either, more that he felt it was the right thing to do. He certainly wasn't responding to the cues I was giving him!

So coming back to what I wanted to say to Plato, by all means learn tips and techniques, but don't let it feel like you are performing page 57 of a sex manual! Let it be natural, focus on what is working in the moment, slow down, respond to cues from the other person. Eye contact for emotional connection when appropriate and enjoy it!

[Orecle]

Originally Posted by Plato

I've never bothered learning how to be a good lover. At least not consciously.

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly, with no particular idea of whether it's good or not besides her reaction. As much fun as it is for me, I suspect I could give a lot more pleasure if I knew what I was doing.

Resources? Advice?

Originally Posted by Cameron Teone

Hey Plato,

I think there are two different components to being a good lover.

One is emotional, and the other is physical. The emotional part is how comfortable you are able to make a woman feel in bed. And yes that burden does fall on your shoulders as a man. So man up, take the lead. Also, learning directly from her responses is a key that most guys seem to miss from my chats with female friends/dates. Women are different in what stimuli they respond to and you can figure that out by being observant and present.

Plato wrote;

I agree and disagree. I think one of the key factors that make alot of sexual encounters go wrong, is the woman/girl with not much experience who (to compensate) comes with the mindset of "Since you have the penis, you take the lead".

This is why guys complain "She laid there, like a dead fish". Nothing will make sex crapper than a gal waiting to be excited, by an already nervous guy

Ladies, just because a man ejaculates, does not mean he enjoyed sex with you. I know alot of women find it hard to beleive, but it is true. Ever wondered why some guys dont call after a one night stand?

It all stems from lack of enthusiasm. Even if a woman is not experienced, if she is enthusiastic before hand. the man already nervous man will be alot more receptive. Why? Guess wat causes most men to feel nervous? Besides can I get hard enough? or Can I not ejaculate quick enough?

It is, "I wonder if she likes this?......and this?......... and that?......... I wonder wat she is thinking now?.......... and now?........... oh no. I'm going to ........."

While I do agree that a man should make a woman feel comfortable, a woman should also make a man feel comfortable, making her feel comfortable.

Because men are the ones who pursue women, and most men have max 6 partners in a lifetime. Most men feel uncomfortable asking for a good performance from women. Most men dont even know wat turns them on. Its down the line wen they try different partners that they become more vocal in wat they like

Wen a woman is stiff, she cant hide it. I am talking before any foreplay has started. Its like wen you dance. She is nervous, he is nervous and nothing flows, you bump into each other

You hear a lot of women say "I want a man who knows wat he is doing" Wat you might not hear is wen she is crying cos the man dumped her for being boring in bed.

This is little known or discussed, but a woman can be boring in bed. This is usually caused by lack of enthusiasm, or waiting for the man to take control. I agree that a man needs to be a bull, but it should be aided by a woman showing just as much enthusiasm. Nothing more sexier than a woman who knows and goes for wat she wants sexually. Even if she doesnt know, nothing beats a woman willing to relax and try things out. Nothing worse than lack of enthusiasm

Ladies, even if you dont know wat you are doing or are embarassed, TRY TRY TRY. Go with the flow, but what ever you do, dont just lie down there like car waiting to be warmed up. This may sound odd, but guys want to be turned on too. And nothing turns a guy on more, than a woman that just lets go, and wants to connect rather than 1 that has the 'WARM me UP, then I will respond' look on her face. Be passionate, watever you cognitively percieve passionate to be, do it.

Let me give an example. UNDER 18s PLS look away NOW

Oral sex. Wen an unexperienced woman/gal does it for the 1st time (1st few times) enthusiasm would improve the experience a whole lot more for the man rather, than the look that says 'I dont want to do this, but I am doing this cos you want me to(and I am secretly fascinated by your reaction)' Then come the half-hearted licks, then she looks up at you like "Is this good" In you head, you are thinking ""

I feel I may get shot down for this post, but ladies if you act with the enthusiasm and passion of a porn star(even if you dont have the skill), your man will put in a much better performance and will recover alot faster for round 2, 3 , 4 .......

Nothing is more sexy than an energetic, passionate woman who demonstrate that she wants to enjoy the moment and give you pleasure

It is alot easier to communicate with an energetic lady, than a quite one. Think about it, is it easier to communicate with someone who acts shy and coy or someone who might not have experience but who has the enthusiasm of Tony Robbins?

Ladies, be super passionate, and I guarantee your man would respond in kind.



Men : If you dont have a woman who is comfortable around you it will seem like a chore

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

I can't begin to explain what image came to mind when I read that!

I think it is great that you ask. I agree with the others that suggest slowing down. Take your time and use eye contact to really connect with the other person. Ask her what she likes and wants. (In a sensual way, not in a clinical tick list kind of way!)

In the famous words of John Cleese "Don't stampeed towards the clitoris. Give her a kiss, boy!" i.e. lots of foreplay, building anticipation, tease her a bit, make each time a little different (i.e. don't get stuck in a predictable rut). Above all enjoy it and let her know that you are turned on by her enjoying it.

Above all, don't be like the guy who twisted my breast back and forward like he was trying to crack open a safe. I can't think how he thought it would be pleasurable for either of us!

crack open a safe have been guilty of this as a teen

Originally Posted by aelle

See, I love that kind of rough boob play. But try touching my clit directly and I'll run out of the room screaming (when my boyfriend's ex liked to have hers bitten). This is why talking is reeeeally important!

I like to think of these topics as: if you're not old enough to be doin' it, you probably shouldn't be reading it.

I think another thing we guys do, is to eiether be the rough porn star lover or the soft movie star romantic lover. Most guys who are inexperienced try the soft approach. So I hear a lot of women say they wish the man can stop trying to be so delicate, and be more stallion like and give her a good or he can be more sensual and attentive.

Out of the 2, I hear women complain about men making love like soft wimps, where as the complaints with the porno wannabes is not enough foreplay.

Another thing that helps, is dont go in defeated. Look to give and get pleasure.

All women are different, and the same woman can want something different at times. One time she may want tenderness, and another she may want the beast

I noticed alot of women are not comfortable asking a man to unleash his manly stallion side (i guess some might think he will be judgemental) but afterwards she will look at you different

Good different

As other posters, have said Communicate. ask her wat she would like, tell her wat you like.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Orecle

...
Ladies, be super passionate, and I guarantee your man would respond in kind.
...

Brilliant post! One addition: men can be super passionate too, it's contagious.

Another, for both parties: don't take it too seriously. Sex is supposed to be fun. Lighten up, create some bloopers, tell a joke, sing a song, whatever. Sex is about creating connection, IMO.

[Orecle]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Brilliant post! One addition: men can be super passionate too, it's contagious.

Another, for both parties: don't take it too seriously. Sex is supposed to be fun. Lighten up, create some bloopers, tell a joke, sing a song, whatever. Sex is about creating connection, IMO.

Definately

[TexasSky]

Originally Posted by Plato

I've never bothered learning how to be a good lover. At least not consciously.

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly, with no particular idea of whether it's good or not besides her reaction. As much fun as it is for me, I suspect I could give a lot more pleasure if I knew what I was doing.

Resources? Advice?

Talk to her.
What are her fantasies?
What does she REALLY enjoy?
What does she REALLY not enjoy?

Vary your routine some, not just your location.

If she can guess what you're going to touch or kiss next, you're going to start boring her.

[Black Spring]

Become more unavailable. Don't touch her for a week, then take her out for dinner, drop her off and don't call for 2 days. Sex is a head game for women. They aren't thinking about what you'd like in bed. The moment they KNOW they can get it anytime, anywhere.. it's all over.

Don't be cold or cruel, either. Be busy, look after yourself. But when you give her attention, give her all of it. She'll love you in so many ways.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Black Spring

Become more unavailable. Don't touch her for a week, then take her out for dinner, drop her off and don't call for 2 days. Sex is a head game for women. They aren't thinking about what you'd like in bed. The moment they KNOW they can get it anytime, anywhere.. it's all over.

A guy plays head games about sex with me, he gets kicked to the curb immediately. Too many authentic, direct, hot sweeties around to have sex with to bother with such nonsense.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

Too many authentic, direct, hot sweeties

You really think so?

Or are you turning a bad situation into a good one through the power of your mind again?

[Deergirl]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Another, for both parties: don't take it too seriously. Sex is supposed to be fun. Lighten up, create some bloopers, tell a joke, sing a song, whatever. Sex is about creating connection, IMO.

I second that!

When sex is fun and playful, you'll learn more about what pleases the other person and what pleases yourself than when you take it all way too serious. You'll be more relaxed when you take it less serious, when you giggle and snort, when you start with tickling each other or even better a pillow fight! When you are more relaxed, the sex will go better.

[Black Spring]

Originally Posted by Angela

A guy plays head games about sex with me, he gets kicked to the curb immediately. Too many authentic, direct, hot sweeties around to have sex with to bother with such nonsense.

I wasn't talking about casual sex. I was talking about sustaining attraction in a relationship.

And if a woman likes being treated like a box of kleenex, why discourage her?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

You really think so?

Or are you turning a bad situation into a good one through the power of your mind again?

The place is crawling with 'em!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Black Spring

I wasn't talking about casual sex. I was talking about sustaining attraction in a relationship.

Me, too. The more I get, the more I want. If it gets withheld, say for the week you were recommending that he doesn't touch the woman, or drops her off after dinner and doesn't call for 2 days in an attempt to manipulate her level of desire for him (as opposed to authentically just not being into it at the moment), the flame pooters out due to a lack of masculine oxygen being breathed in. Withholding is not the most masculine activity. I find it creepy.

A smart guy will capitalize on the momentum.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by Black Spring

Become more unavailable. Don't touch her for a week, then take her out for dinner, drop her off and don't call for 2 days.

Well, that sort of behaviour got my last boyfriend dumped, gentlemen, so take the advice with a grain of salt.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Black Spring

I wasn't talking about casual sex. I was talking about sustaining attraction in a relationship.

And if a woman likes being treated like a box of kleenex, why discourage her?

No, you are talking about using games to move a relationship forward.

You don't sustain attraction in a relationship in the same way you pick up women for one night stands and f-buddies.

[Black Spring]

Originally Posted by Angela

Me, too. The more I get, the more I want. If it gets withheld, say for the week you were recommending that he doesn't touch the woman, or drops her off after dinner and doesn't call for 2 days in an attempt to manipulate her level of desire for him (as opposed to authentically just not being into it at the moment), the flame pooters out due to a lack of masculine oxygen being breathed in. Withholding is not the most masculine activity. I find it creepy.

A smart guy will capitalize on the momentum.

Different strokes. It isn't withholding if you're half interested in the girl at all. It can be "maybe we will, maybe we won't." Is every man you date expecting sex after dinner (momentum)? By your reasoning, they should.

I should have clarified; quality relationships.
Indiana, you dumped him? That's a double standard.

[frajilthunder]

Safe cracking AKA Tuning in Tokyo
Urban Dictionary: Tune In Tokyo

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by Black Spring

Indiana, you dumped him? That's a double standard.

How is that a double standard?

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Plato

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly,

Lmao......that was just hilarious Plato, thanks for giving that laugh.

My suggestion: Listen to erotic podcasts or audios geared for women. Read erotic stories written by women. Even watch a porn movie geared towards women, not that regular porn that is made for men (nothing wrong with it, unless you want to know how to please men!) This will give you an idea how women (in general) like to be pleased. BUT, please don't make the mistake made by many of men who think that every woman responds the same way to things done to them. It will vary from woman to woman, for the most part. So learn the signs to look for. The facial expressions, the change in breath, the moaning, the arching of body etc etc. If you are lucky, you will come across a woman that knows what gets her going and is not afraid to lead you there. If it's a more shy woman, let her know you want her to show you what works for her, ask her to show you. Not as in, "let's have a class now" type thing, but as things are happening. With time she will get more comfortable with it.

Here's a nice exercise you could try, ask her to write an erotic story where she creates a character that is pleasing her beyond her wildest dreams.

Above all, don't assume she'll think any less of you if you don't know what you are doing. She'll be more irritated if you keep doing stuff that only pleases you and not her. Women are too kind (well most are) to criticize a man in bed. So they just lose interest and slowly fade away.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by Black Spring

And if a woman likes being treated like a box of kleenex, why discourage her?

Hmmmm. This says rather a lot about your level of respect for women in general, and why your advice might well be regarded as suspect.

Edit: To clarify, if a female friend said to me, "Hey, if men like being treated like vibrators with an ATM card attached, why discourage them?" then she wouldn't be getting set up on dates with any of my single male friends.

[Andy4]

Read most of this but not all of it.

My money is on Angela and Holistic Star.

Treat your partner with respect, as Holistic star says, eye contact is massive and a big prelude to sex.

Indiana is my sort of girl,

Boys, you are way off the mark, scoring with someone isn't that complicated, give genuine compliments, wear good clothes, smell nice, make them laugh, be considersate in bed and youve cracked it.

Regards, Andy.