I would really appreciate some feedback on my ...unusual personal development plan

[Sivodna]

This is the first time I've told anyone this, it's like a weight off my shoulder just typing it out!

Edit: I'm sorry the post is long. I tried to keep it as short as possible while including the important facts.

I think one of the most important ingredients for personal success - whatever that may be to you - is PATIENCE.

I'm 23, a guy, and last year I graduated from University. After my degree, I got a boring 9-to-5 office job and I hated every second of it. It's such a tedious existence. It makes you understand the importance of living how YOU want to live, being FREE, and living as best as you truly can.

Anyway. I have some serious obstacles to overcome before I can "continue" with my life. These things weigh heavily on my mind at all times, and they stunt my personal growth. I need to eliminate them, like The Terminator on a mission to eliminate someone.
I'll tell you what they are in one second.

Currently, I live at home, and I recently was made redundant from the office-monkey job. I signed on for social welfare, felt like **** about it. But the economy is bad right now.
My goal is to become a writer and lecturer, to travel a lot, to study what I'm fascinated by, and to help students realise how incredibly interesting scholarship can be. But that's in the future.

The Obstacles in my life are these:

1. I have some gynecomastia. That's the development of glandular tissue and fat under each nipple, also known as "bitch tits" or male breast tissue. Anyone who does not have it, has no idea how incredibly painful it is psychologically. I'm not overweight at all, and neither are most people who have the condition.
This is not tolerable to me. Surgery is expensive - but it will be done.

2. I have crappy teeth, and a broken nose. My nose is half way across my face. It's denting my confidence (nothing compared to the gynecomastia though). Besides that, I'm actually reasonably attractive and a cheerful, positive person.

Ok that's the physical stuff. I want to get surgery to fix these problems. Just like a person gets braces to fix their teeth, I need to get rhinoplasty to fix my nose.
Please don't say "learn to love yourself", because you betray your ignorance and unintended hypocrisy. Just. Don't. Do. It. Trust me.

The mental or inner stuff:

3. I want to lecture and teach, so I need to know my stuff. I have a reading list of essential books I need to read. I am going to go on and do further education, but I find that university gets in the way of my education. I am free now to read as I please, and I love it.
I want to use this time to focus on self-improvement, including putting on muscle, and developing my intellect, while letting my nose heal and while wearing braces.

SO, my plan is this.

My mother is expecting me to go back to university in a few months. But the truth is, I cannot think of anything except achieving my other objectives first. The thought of another couple of years of college with bitch tits, a broken nose, and fukked up teeth is just a nightmare to me. I HAVE to get this **** sorted. It's damaging my self-esteem enormously, fuking me up as a person, and messing up my relationships with people.

So, I want to postpone college and take a year off to get all this sorted. I want to muster the courage to admit to my mother what I want (this will be extremely hard for me, I hate to appear vulnerable or depressed). My parents are divorced. My father's an alcoholic with no goals in life, and he would think I'm a fool for spending all this money (while he pisses away his own money).
I will need to borrow some money - I can pay for most of it myself after years of working and saving, but I will need a small bit extra.

I will probably work during this time, when the bruising etc has gone down. But mostly, I want to use this time to educate myself, to improve my physical appearance, and to then go back to college and get my PHD or Masters will confidence.



So, that's it. Damn that feels good. All comments welcome. Please don't say "learn to love yourself" - I do love myself. That's why I need to fix these problems. Thank you.

[Daffy Duck]

Your plan sounds good to me. Sounds like you're learning to love yourself.

I took a few months off college to explore other opportunities a bit more. There's nothing wrong with taking a year (or more) off if there's something you want to take care of.

[aggie]

go for it...it looks like you have planned and prepared thoroughly...you should be proud of yourself...especially from the financial standpoint on not having to depend on others to give yourself what you need and want. some people can deal with these ""adversities" and not feel the need to change anything...some of us cannot (i speak from personal experience and have changed a couple of things about myself...much later in life when i felt i really had a choice and was able to do it) one of the things i had done was braces (at 47 years of age) 18 months...the absolutely shortest time i needed to have them on...be deligent! and good luck!

[TaylorLord]

Sounds good to me ! It is true you have to be happy with your appearance before you can help others be happy with themselves! There is definitely some confidence you can gain by feeling strongly about your appearance. I had braces for almost 3 and half years so Ive been down that road, it wasn't easy but i always kept a certain thought in my head "the end result will be worth all this" and my friend it was worth it!! So yeah I am really glad you are working problems out with yourself first that is quite bold and really a smart thing to do! Cheers! If you have any questions about braces message me!

[themaster]

Your plan sounds pretty good.. I will point out however that you do have other ways of doing this.. for example I would probably be in your same boat with "fukked up teeth" but it's possible to just ignore this or repair this a different way

It's also possible to repair these problems other ways as well..

One thing I would highly suggest is if you want to join the self empowerment movement as a teacher.. you do it mostly on your own.. you may get bogged down with too many rigorous schools of thought in school.. but you may also not just depends on how you really see it.. certainly school can a be a contrasting dynamic environment.. what I will say is, if you invest in you.. the rewards are much greater..

[funchy]

Originally Posted by Sivodna

The Obstacles in my life are these:

1. I have some gynecomastia.2. I have crappy teeth, and a broken nose. My nose is half way across my face. It's denting my confidence (nothing compared to the gynecomastia though). Besides that, I'm actually reasonably attractive and a cheerful, positive person.

You're only as attractive as you think yourself to be. A person with poor self esteem can get plastic surgery and then find something else that needs fixed. Will getting these surgeries really make you a happier person inside?

I hope that you can get to the point where you love & accept yourself for who you are. EVERYONE has flaws. The only difference between you and the confident people is how you choose to see yourself.

Please don't say "learn to love yourself", because you betray your ignorance and unintended hypocrisy. Just. Don't. Do. It. Trust me.

I am saying it because I refuse to let you wallow in self pity. Isn't it possible others understand what it's like to have physical imperfections? You make it seem like you're the only person who ever felt so horrible about yourself. It's not ignorant to indulge your selfpity thinking. It's that for people with flaws (most people, me included), we do go through terrible periods of feeling unaccepted. Unwanted. If only for X, people would love me more. If I was only more X, I'd get more respect. The truth is the only thing holding you back is YOU: your mindset. And the more you obsess over something, the more people around you who did accept you will start to notice.

The mental or inner stuff:

3. I want to lecture and teach, so I need to know my stuff... but I find that university gets in the way of my education. I am free now to read as I please, and I love it.

I'd argue that you need to finish your university studies for two reasons.

One: life isn't all about reading what you please when it interests you, then traveling the world and getting paid to talk about what you want to talk about. If this will be your career, to get paid you need to offer people something of value.

Two: if you hope to get lecture opportunities or respect in academic circles, you may have trouble without the full university training.

Sorry to hear you think learning from others has no value. But consider this: you want to make a living having others learn from you.

My mother is expecting me to go back to university in a few months. But the truth is, I cannot think of anything except achieving my other objectives first.

Then the responsible thing to do is to get a day job. Then move out so you can do what you please without complaining about your mother's concern. I'm unclear on how you'll pay the loan for two different plastic surgeries & take time off for work to recover. I feel if you're going to impose on your mother's generosity, living under her roof at your age, you might want to give more consideration to what she suggests for you. I'm not doing do everything she says, but I do feel you owe it to her to really think about her perspective.

I want to muster the courage to admit to my mother what I want (this will be extremely hard for me, I hate to appear vulnerable or depressed). My parents are divorced. My father's an alcoholic with no goals in life, and he would think I'm a fool for spending all this money (while he pisses away his own money).

Is it possible your self-limiting beliefs aren't because of a crooked nose but rather have roots deeper in your childhood and your relationship with your parents? Will plastic surgery erase your emotional scars??

What makes you think you can't be an awesome teacher, looking as you do? I think Stephen Hawking , confined to a wheelchair, has some physical issues, but he never let it stop him.

So, that's it. Damn that feels good. All comments welcome. Please don't say "learn to love yourself" - I do love myself. That's why I need to fix these problems. Thank you.

If you loved yourself, you'd love yourself flaws included. You do not. You are in denial. You are convinced nobody can possible understand your angst. You're isolated and your family doesn't get what your going through. But you're not as alone as you think. People do understand what you're going through, and you don't need feel like you have to suffer through it by yourself. I'd hug you right now if I could.

You will probably not agree with me, but I feel if I was in your shoes, I'd use the time off and money to heal the inner issues first. Have you considered talking with a counselor/therapist?

I truly am sorry to hear all you're going through, and I hope things improve for you.

[Asten]

I can far too well relate to the frustration of physical flaws that drag down your confidence and make you feel like you can't be who you really are.

Have you tried a binder for the gyne? If not, try underworks.com. I'm an FTM (female-to-male) transgender, so I use the same kinds of binders those with gynecomastia have. Having bitchtits sucks, doesn't it?

In response to all the "learn to love yourself" stuff--I find pursuing physical change no different than pursuing mental change. We can be whoever we want to be, right? Why is the physical body any different than our minds?

It's not. People work out to be more physically attractive and happier with themselves. They cut their hair to complement their features. They get body modifications to express themselves. They wear make-up to highlight their faces. They wear clothing that shows off their personality or body.

It's about self-expression on the outside. At least, that's what it is when we're acting on it from the healthiest place.

But don't let it mess up your relationships or self-esteem right now. That's acting on it from an unhealthy place.

Not easy. I know. It's a constant battle not to let it get you down, but each time you pull yourself up from the frustration and depression it shortens the time you go down later.

You might try something... Sit down, and embrace your own power: know that you can change your outside appearance to fit who you are inside. You have the power to. Embrace that realization.

Then, feel the confidence and happiness you would feel if you already changed it. And... just be that person. Be that person you would be when you've made those changes. Be the confident, social, happy individual.

Be that person on the inside before you change yourself on the outside. Then, when you do make the changes, you will be acting on it from a healthy place.

You'll be happier and stronger for it, because then when you get the surgeries and get braces--you're changing your body to reflect YOU, not changing yourself to reflect your body (by gaining confidence via your body). Your body is a work of art that you can shape and mold to reflect who you are in whatever way you desire to--but you gotta be that person first.

However, if you're anything like me about physical flaws, it won't be easy to get there and you may never act on it from the perfectly healthy place. That's okay too. We're all human.

But... I think simply striving to be right NOW who we would be THEN (post-surgery/etc) will make us stronger as people in the long run. Think about how freeing it would be if you could have that confidence now.

You can. You can also turn "I can," into "I will," and finally into "I am."

I hope that makes sense.

[SarahJaynee]

You say you want to travel, take a year out and get surgery. Why not do all three. Cosmetic surgery is much much cheaper outside of the US, for the surgery you want done in Thailand's best hospital (in the top 10 of international hospitals worldwide according to Newsweek) the surgery you require will cost less than $5000 (nose and breasts), then you can recuperate and travel at the same time.
Get yourself an online income first and you can pay your way easy enough, or get yourself some teaching jobs whilst your here to give you some living expense money plus lots of experience.
Keep us all posted on what you decide.

[Sivodna]

Originally Posted by Asten

I can far too well relate to the frustration of physical flaws that drag down your confidence and make you feel like you can't be who you really are.

Have you tried a binder for the gyne? If not, try underworks.com. I'm an FTM (female-to-male) transgender, so I use the same kinds of binders those with gynecomastia have. Having bitchtits sucks, doesn't it?

In response to all the "learn to love yourself" stuff--I find pursuing physical change no different than pursuing mental change. We can be whoever we want to be, right? Why is the physical body any different than our minds?

It's not. People work out to be more physically attractive and happier with themselves. They cut their hair to complement their features. They get body modifications to express themselves. They wear make-up to highlight their faces. They wear clothing that shows off their personality or body.

It's about self-expression on the outside. At least, that's what it is when we're acting on it from the healthiest place.

But don't let it mess up your relationships or self-esteem right now. That's acting on it from an unhealthy place.

Not easy. I know. It's a constant battle not to let it get you down, but each time you pull yourself up from the frustration and depression it shortens the time you go down later.

You might try something... Sit down, and embrace your own power: know that you can change your outside appearance to fit who you are inside. You have the power to. Embrace that realization.

Then, feel the confidence and happiness you would feel if you already changed it. And... just be that person. Be that person you would be when you've made those changes. Be the confident, social, happy individual.

Be that person on the inside before you change yourself on the outside. Then, when you do make the changes, you will be acting on it from a healthy place.

You'll be happier and stronger for it, because then when you get the surgeries and get braces--you're changing your body to reflect YOU, not changing yourself to reflect your body (by gaining confidence via your body). Your body is a work of art that you can shape and mold to reflect who you are in whatever way you desire to--but you gotta be that person first.

However, if you're anything like me about physical flaws, it won't be easy to get there and you may never act on it from the perfectly healthy place. That's okay too. We're all human.

But... I think simply striving to be right NOW who we would be THEN (post-surgery/etc) will make us stronger as people in the long run. Think about how freeing it would be if you could have that confidence now.

You can. You can also turn "I can," into "I will," and finally into "I am."

I hope that makes sense.

Thank you, that's an EXCELLENT post.


On the other hand, the poster above (funchy), though meaning well, simply didn't get it.

[ballhit2]

Originally Posted by funchy

You're only as attractive as you think yourself to be. A person with poor self esteem can get plastic surgery and then find something else that needs fixed. Will getting these surgeries really make you a happier person inside?

Dude, dude's talking about Bitch Tits here! Not some silly droopy eyelid or a New Orleans hairline.

The Thailand idea was the best, but check that country's stability because it has altered a lot in the past 12-18 months.

Get your boobies cut off and then get on with the rest of your life.

[magenta]

Geeze, Funchy...if your car's fender was bent up, you'd fix it, wouldn't you? You wouldn't be changing the car from a Ford to a Mercedes, but you'd want to restore it to the way it was originally supposed to be, right?

Same thing.

You GO, Siv!

[Amandaaa]

I think you should do whatever you feel you need to do to make yourself feel confident enough to do what you want to do in life.


(Wow, that sentence was like a tongue twister. haha. )


Whatever... you know what I mean, right?




Well, good luck-- and keep us posted on how it goes!