Social dilemma

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

I'm curious why this matters in therapy. If I remember a time being sad when I was six years old, or a time being scared when I was eight, why does that matter? Perhaps someone is scared many times during their life... what is the significance of the first or earliest time? Maybe the third time is what caused their psychological issues?

There are a couple of reasons I ask for the earliest time a person can remember (which is not necessarily the earliest time a negative emotion actually happened).

When someone is ready to look at releasing a habitual negative feeling, her unconscious will make available a "root cause" to her conscious mind -- she'll have access to the memory of a significant emotional event that a limiting decision is rooted out of. And in my experience, a good way to get to that root cause in a hurry is to ask for the earliest time you can remember. The unconscious mind will hand over the event that will benefit the person most -- the one the person can handle for resolving the emotion. There are layers and layers of the decision, and you don't necessarily need to get to the first or deepest layer; the benefit lies in dismantling the structure of all that emotion that has built up on the string of events, so that they no longer support each other.

To use that traffic analogy again: the first time you got cut off in traffic, you were maybe a bit startled and irritated, and the second time you feel the irritation of this event PLUS the irritation of the first one, and so forth -- the irritation builds over time, and it's no longer appropriate emotion, but pent-up and unwarranted rage.

Also, it's not a matter of looking at when was the first time you were scared, for instance, as you mentioned. What I ask people to look for is not the earliest time they felt "scared" or "resentful" or whatever, but this particular feeling of fear and resentment -- it's a particular feeling in your body that feels familiar and holds the key to unlocking the limiting decision, because it's triggered by that old decision that once helped you survive or cope, and is now outdated and unnecessary, but it still keeps triggering you over and over again. You get *reactivated* by the habitual thought and you feel that feeling you felt when you were a little kid, and something happened, and you made it mean something about yourself, like "I'm not good enough." You know what I mean? That old "I'm not good enough" feeling comes up over and over again, and you spend a lot of energy trying to prove it's not true and at the same time preventing people from finding out that it IS true (even while your conscious, grown-up mind knows that of course it's not true). It's not your conscious, grown-up mind that's in charge when you get reactivated, it's the old pain limiting decision that is running you in that moment.

(By the way, when I do TIME Techniques for releasing old, stored up negative emotion or limiting decision, it's not necessary to relive or talk about or even consciously think about the old emotions -- it can all be done content-free. This examination here is just another technique for getting conscious awareness of an unconscious thought pattern -- shining light on the darkness.)

[nick666]

Why don't you go and if the ex-boss is apain just tell her-your friend probably thinks so anyway and if we're honest a good argument at a dinner party is always amusing-a man's point of view!

[Cameron Teone]

Angela,

Labeling someone as an ******* may seem harsh but at the same time, it doesn't mean that you have to become angry at that person and punch them in the face either. lol

My point was that you have to learn to deal with people whose pattern of behavior is sometimes less than noble. It's a life skill, basically. Yelling at people consistently, for example, is not really a good social skill.

I understand where you're coming from though. You're trying to advocate a mechanism for people to deal with those they find objectionable. Fair enough.

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On a different note, I am curious as to the practice of this type of therapy through forum posts. Do you find that people can discover the cause of their original issues through consciously thinking about it?

Sometimes, that can work in my experience, but wouldn't it be better to have induced a trance state first?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Cameron Teone

Angela,

Labeling someone as an ******* may seem harsh but at the same time, it doesn't mean that you have to become angry at that person and punch them in the face either. lol

My point was that you have to learn to deal with people whose pattern of behavior is sometimes less than noble. It's a life skill, basically. Yelling at people consistently, for example, is not really a good social skill.

That's for sure! I don't go around in every thread suggesting this approach to everyone -- examining their old limiting beliefs. Only when I can see clearly that it's someone who would like to have more power or effectiveness in some area of their life and they're willing to try something new, and shift their perspective to get that power or effectiveness. There are plenty of people in the world who aren't quite at that point, and are using those labels harshly, angrily, and with a desire to punch someone in the face, and that's fine, but I don't go around recommending this process to them.

I understand where you're coming from though. You're trying to advocate a mechanism for people to deal with those they find objectionable. Fair enough.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

------------

On a different note, I am curious as to the practice of this type of therapy through forum posts. Do you find that people can discover the cause of their original issues through consciously thinking about it?

Sometimes, that can work in my experience, but wouldn't it be better to have induced a trance state first?

Yup, amazingly enough, several people here on the forums have successfully done this publicly and many more through private messages and emails, all of it without trance. I started doing this long before I began studying hypnotherapy or NLP. I think there is a certain amount of light trance that some people go into all by themselves, just taking the time and space to think about this stuff, and sometimes I'll do the final step by phone, where I was doing light trance induction without really knowing I was doing it. (I had a habit of speaking hypnotic language before I knew what it was. )

I think like with Byron Katie's The Work, trance is not really required for this, although it can feel good. Have you tried anything similar in your hypnotherapy practice?

(TIME Techniques is done with a light trance, by the way -- maybe you've used one of the timeline-type therapies in your work?)

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Indiana

Or is there another option that I can’t see?

Have you tried spitting in her face? It might get you a reputation but I guarantee you she'll think twice before she opens her mouth to put you down, ever again!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Have you tried spitting in her face? It might get you a reputation but I guarantee you she'll think twice before she opens her mouth to put you down, ever again!

Yes, that's probably true -- to your face, anyway! The stories she tells behind your back ("Famous Author Indiana Spat In My Face at a Birthday Party!" -- National Enquirer)

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yes, that's probably true -- to your face, anyway! The stories she tells behind your back ("Famous Author Indiana Spat In My Face at a Birthday Party!" -- National Enquirer)

But the thought of giving a bully their own medicine is too tempting to pass up sometimes.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

But the thought of giving a bully their own medicine is too tempting to pass up sometimes.

Yeah. I try not to do that when there's birthday cake at hand.

[Cameron Teone]

Angles wrote:

Yup, amazingly enough, several people here on the forums have successfully done this publicly and many more through private messages and emails, all of it without trance. I started doing this long before I began studying hypnotherapy or NLP. I think there is a certain amount of light trance that some people go into all by themselves, just taking the time and space to think about this stuff, and sometimes I'll do the final step by phone, where I was doing light trance induction without really knowing I was doing it. (I had a habit of speaking hypnotic language before I knew what it was. )

I think like with Byron Katie's The Work, trance is not really required for this, although it can feel good. Have you tried anything similar in your hypnotherapy practice?

(TIME Techniques is done with a light trance, by the way -- maybe you've used one of the timeline-type therapies in your work?)

Hi Angela,

These days, I do less Hypnotherapy in my line of work. The core of my focus is teaching social skills to a lot of guys. However, as with doing therapy work, I always like to do a deep trance. I think directly talking to the subconscious mind is the quickest way of getting things done.

I can't by any means claim to be a master in the hypnotherapy arena, as I've met people who have been doing this for decades. From my observations, the best way to create real change work is through "Regression" and "Back to the Cause". Hence, as you might imagine, I am a big fan of Jerry Kein's work. I trust his stuff.

In my "Industry", there are a ton of NLP People who attempt to "Fix" people's problems through a couple of patterns, picturing something in the color/black and white, shrinking it, scratching the image, [you know the routine] and I have yet to see 1 single person who has benefitted from that type of therapy. Normally, after about 2-3 hours, the effects have worn off. The person has fallen back into exactly where they were. So I am a bit disenchanted with the NLP crowd as you may imagine. (Not to mention the ones who attempt to blatantly pattern you to get something from you.) It can be creepy.

Anyhow, I am unfamiliar with TIME techniques, (unless it's regression?). Perhaps you can tell me about it sometime.

take care,
Cameron

[pc99]

Hi Indiana,

Has the birthday dinner happened yet? I’m curious as to what happened.

My initial reaction was like many of the others here “just ignore C and don’t let her get to you”. I have a family member that I have great difficulty dealing with (thankfully not immediate family – but someone I still have to see a few times a year.) Just ignoring her and letting comments slide seemed the best way to handle it.

However, after reading Angela’s advice to you I started going through the same process she asked you to go through. Examining where this reaction originated. I think I discovered the root of my issue and oddly enough it happened when I was six as well.

I’m not sure when I’ll be faced with her again – might be sometime this summer or Thanksgiving at the latest. I’m actually looking forward to it now to see how our interaction is different.

Would love to hear how the birthday dinner went.

All the best,

pc

[aussieNickuss]

What I'd like to know is......When does friend B make an appearance? Heard plenty about friend A and friend C, but friend B has been forgotten!!

[Indiana]

As an update for those interested... the birthday dinner was last night. I was fully prepared to see C and at peace with whatever happened.

Two hours before the dinner she rang A and said she couldn't make it after all, sorry.

So we all had a delightful night. Thanks all for the advice given (and gratefully received) in this thread! I'm sure there will be another encounter in wait sometime.

[Daffy Duck]

Darn. I was hoping for a home video of a catfight and birthday cake. That's one intention that didn't manifest... I was gambling on you, Indiana. 2 to 1 odds.

Glad things worked out well.