Is anger always apparent?

[runningbird]

I am temporarily living with my parents, and a lot of times they call me and tell me to do something (look up a number for them, mow the lawn, etc.) It makes me really angry to be interrupted from what I'm doing (I'm not saying this is rational, it's just how I am). Instead of lashing out I restrain myself, but I'm sure my tone becomes somewhat somber. I just hope I don't sound like a jerk.

I don't know what I want out of this thread. Maybe I need help controlling anger over petty things.

[Orecle]

Originally Posted by runningbird

I am temporarily living with my parents, and a lot of times they call me and tell me to do something (look up a number for them, mow the lawn, etc.) It makes me really angry to be interrupted from what I'm doing (I'm not saying this is rational, it's just how I am). Instead of lashing out I restrain myself, but I'm sure my tone becomes somewhat somber. I just hope I don't sound like a jerk.

I don't know what I want out of this thread. Maybe I need help controlling anger over petty things.

Maybe you hate being at the mercy of your parents, in the fact that you are temporarily living with them, coz if you wasnt then they could not interrupt you. Do you restrain yourself cos they are allowing you to temporarily live there?

If you werent living with them and they called for a favour would you be this bothered?

You will probably feel better if
1. You have an exit day
2. The exit day is near

but if you dont, maybe you unconsciously feel trapped like a young child again

[tintin]

runningbird anger is one emotion that can camouflage.
it also has a tendency to keep bubbling under the surface,if not dealt with and can blow sky high for what would seem a trivial issue.
you are aware that you get angry yet put on the happy face when you give in to your parents summons. which is unfair.both to you (as you are not being true to yourself) and to them (because they see how dutifully you do what they tell you whereas inside you are resenting the hell out of it)

you get angry.
could you elaborate and disect that?
what do you feel? and have you felt it before?is it a regular way you are with your folks?do you usually express your true feelings to them?

the reason for this thread could very well be what you say..but it could also be accepting your anger.and dealing with it.

feeling guilty for being angry at your parents is also part of it.

or maybe its time to break out of the 'good dutiful son' box into a 'i love you mum dad but i got my own stuff to do' reality?

donno just see why you are guilty of being angry at them.

[James81]

Instead of waiting for them to ask you to do stuff, step up and do it without them having to ask you.

1. That's what you have to do when you grow up anyway, so it'll be good experience.

2. Your parents will most definately notice that, and perhaps treat you with more respect.

3. You get to CHOOSE when you want to do the stuff rather than have them hound you for it.

[runningbird]

James, I am grown up and there is usuallyno way I can foresee the things they ask me to do. Orecle, my exit day is when I become employed; probably within a month I estimate.

TinTin, I think you are right about being forced into the role of the "good dutiful son". I can't really say "forget it, I've got better stuff to do" because I certainly can exchange a few minor tasks for a roof over my head. But yeah, I've always felt stifled by the role my parents have molded for me. I became more and more conscious of it as I grew; I realize all parents do this, but my parents, dad especially, keep an especially tight reign on it; like I have a 5 minute conversation with my dad and there is hardly any way to change the course of it; every dynamic is completely pre-planned and enforced. It's done by stringing un-open questions, mostly.

Anyway, I don't think its any sort of behavior that can be changed easily, I really don't want to cause any drama. And, I don't make them sound so constricting all the time, usually they are pretty easy going, it's just that when they do it, they do it. I will just remember to chill out. They are old.

[Gasokai]

I had these anger bursts too when I was interrupted. I had been living off few years on my own studying, but after army I didint have job so I had to move in with my parents. I quickly noticed that they ran the same patterns as they had when I was still younger, and I probably subconsciusly felt caged.

What ever the reason was; The thing that bothered me was the fact that I would snap at them when they interrupted me with something.

After I recognised the problem, I worked on other aspects of my life too to overall become more decent person. As I progressed, one day when I was meditating my mother would barge into my room as usual and interrupt me. This time I snapped too, but then I also had sudden realisation.

After that I found place of calm within myself, I dont remember to be interrupted once since. I recall reading some suttra about becoming like the elements, which cannot be corrupted.

Anyway I was consciously trying not to be such rude person either, and ofcourse I didnt try to be good dutiful son either. Rather than that I shifted my mindset on a new level and began to see my parents in a different way. After that I don't even recall to be "interrupted", its becouse I dont take it same way I used to. The problem was in me, not in them, its all about how you percieve things.

Now I still live with my parents harminously and I've learned to appriecete everything around me even more.

[aggie]

gee, a lot of it depends on how old are you, how old are they, are you living there for free and do you get fringe benefits like meals, laundry, vehicle use, electricity,water...you get the picture...don't think they should treat you like a house boy...but maybe it can be looked at not a favors but reciprocating some of what they may have compromised in this situation for you...and anger can be disquised...passive aggresively and that is no good either...you don't want smoldering resentment...maybe you all just need to talk and and set some reasonable guidelines to all live peacefully for the remaining time. believe me, they only get older and you will be surprised at the mixture of feelings as the years go by...make the most of it