Advice for unsticking a clingy guy

[Smokey]

So I got myself this boyfriend, right? I've never loved a man more than I do him. He's easily one of those people I could send the rest of my life with. But, of course, there's a problem.

I love alone, more than anyone around me can seem to fathom. It's just my time to recharge. I've been living in a dorm so I can easily ditch my boyfriend by saying I'm going to bed, but now I'm moving into an apartment with him and a few other friends. I only now, a day before moving in, realized that if I do this, my time to be alone is...nonexistent! I fear I may do something stupid, because I get cranky when I'm around people non-stop. Even people I love.

The real problem though, he's all over me, all the time. I have never met a hornier person, and I just don't have the energy to keep up, or the jaw strength to keep him pleased. And when he's not trying to get in my pants, he's hovering like no other.

Give me some advice on how I go about telling him to back off a little bit. I could deal with his horniness (I have a bit of a sex drive myself) but I NEED time alone. Or give me tips on how to get alone time.

You guys have helped me before, I trust in you to help me again, thanks.

[dulaney0330]

Explain to him that you need some time alone and how you get cranky around people non stop. Just say you need some more space. And add that you enjoy the time that you have with him

[Orecle]

Originally Posted by Smokey

So I got myself this boyfriend, right? I've never loved a man more than I do him. He's easily one of those people I could send the rest of my life with. But, of course, there's a problem.

I love alone, more than anyone around me can seem to fathom. It's just my time to recharge. I've been living in a dorm so I can easily ditch my boyfriend by saying I'm going to bed, but now I'm moving into an apartment with him and a few other friends. I only now, a day before moving in, realized that if I do this, my time to be alone is...nonexistent! I fear I may do something stupid, because I get cranky when I'm around people non-stop. Even people I love.

The real problem though, he's all over me, all the time. I have never met a hornier person, and I just don't have the energy to keep up, or the jaw strength to keep him pleased. And when he's not trying to get in my pants, he's hovering like no other.

Give me some advice on how I go about telling him to back off a little bit. I could deal with his horniness (I have a bit of a sex drive myself) but I NEED time alone. Or give me tips on how to get alone time.

You guys have helped me before, I trust in you to help me again, thanks.

You have to sit him down alone and drum both issues into his head, becos I guarantee you it will irritate you 6mth - 1yr from now. You have to agree a system where you have some alone time in you flat every week, or as often as you need, and send him to the movies or something. I think wat irritates alot of married people and co-habiters is not having time to themselves just to chill and think. Being around each other constantly is asilent killer in a lot of relationships

Wats important is tht you sort it out, b4 you start living together so he doesnt get use to another way. and think you are punishing him.

The sex thing. hmmm
I am a guy, and i am the exact same way with my girl. It got to the point where she would lose it and avoid me, and I now feel guilty even bringing it up. But then she now complains I dont want to cuddle, which is true. I find it hard to cuddle knowing I have been banned from taking it further. I am almost 30, not 13. All I can say is pls be patient. Now and again give him, a quickie, more often insist on romance, and just communicate to him that you just dont have the same drive. Do not however try to give hugs as a replacement. I know alot of females who think, as long as we are kissing or hugging or even a handjob is tthe same as sex. NO IT IS NOT. Nothing will irritate a horny man more than a partner that repeatedly turns him down for sex for wks, and then tries to hug him while he is still in heat

[timothydrake]

Trying to convince the guy to think with his head that's on his shoulders might not happen because the head between his legs is alot bigger right now. I can tell you straight up that the best time to talk to him is after you have sex. If you try to convince him before you will not win. His instincts are on overdrive. He will say anything to get laid. Obviously you will have to communicate your issue clearly with him. I think you are just going to have to lay down the law and not give any ground.

[hooperkay]

Female perspective
Need to talk before you move in, so you don't have to move your stuff twice. Get ready though because when you first move in it will be on! He'll be like a kid with a new toy. Tell him that you love yall's time together, but also need time alone to recharge. (meaning if your happier then more receptive to sexual advances) Tell him how you get sometimes around alot of people and that its not him but you. If he agrees then come up with code signals when youve had enough and need to leave. Me and mine like to joke around, he even came up with other signals that meant other things...if you know what I mean. Very funny, still laugh when he does one.
If you think he won't go for that, then you'll have to do alot of "grocery" store trips to be alone.
The sex thing,, that's normal. If he really likes you it's more. I don't mind it at all. I give mine whatever he wants when he wants it. Mine is very giving back, I'd have a hard time doing that if it was only me giving. If he's all over you one day and won't leave you alone, then he's really horny. I know what you mean, following you around. Whispering in your ear. Grabbing everything you got? Next time turn around and face him. Whisper in his ear... Want a Quicke or something like that. After sex he'll go away for a little while.
I do like my alone time too. All I have to do is look at him a certain way and he'll say "me or you", meaning who's leaving. I'll leave for an hour or so come back.. recharged.
If he's not willing to listen to you and compromise, then you need to rethink your relationship. Things that bother you now will be like 10 times worse later.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Smokey

...
Give me some advice on how I go about telling him to back off a little bit. I could deal with his horniness (I have a bit of a sex drive myself) but I NEED time alone. Or give me tips on how to get alone time.

...

How about being authentic with him? Share honestly how you feel?

What I get from your post is that you're holding back in your relationship. Not wise. (I know, been there, done that, got the T shirt )

[funchy]

I don't see him as clingy. It sounds like he's a great guy. He just doesn't know your boundaries. Why not sit him down and explain you need some "me" time sometimes, and if he sees you (for example) with headphones on, he knows not to disturb you?

Also, why don't you leave your apartment sometimes? If you need "me" time, go to the park and take a walk. Go to the library and read a book.

Maybe he feels like he has to interact with you since you're in his home? Maybe he's also enjoying a 'honeymoon' phase, enjoying all the time alone the two of you now have together?

He sounds like a great guy, and you should enjoy it! It may not last forever, and one day you may wonder why he stopped paying attention to you or why he's not home much. I'm older and now so busy with my life and my guy is so busy with his, that sex is no longer the daily thing. Enjoy it while it lasts!