Internet, Video Games and Social Interaction

[eliaino]

Hello, I have a question.

I have some problems talking to new people and making friends. People tell me I can be charming, but I think I was improperly socialized as a kid. Be that as it may, I'd like to improve in this area--but I have trouble working up confidence. Even when I know, mentally, that the other person can't hurt me or, worst case scenario, nothing will happen, I still have a hard time working up the initiative to talk to them.

I should add that I'm 22 years old. Many people my age--not all, but many--seem like they spend a lot of time socializing on the internet, rather than building real-world connections. The thing is, I hate socializing on the internet. I find it no substitute for face-to-face communication. In truth I avoid using the internet more than twice a week, so it's hard for me to get "in sync" with other people my age--e.g. they'll send me a message expecting a reply in ten minutes; I'll reply in ten days.

I don't do this because I want to be rude; I just spend most of my time off-line. I used to spend lots of time online, but hated it, and found it a poor substitute (see above). Somehow though this creates a negative feedback loop: people invite me to parties, but I don't respond, so they stop inviting me, and so on. Even older people do this too. I'm sure though that my actions come across as rude. But what am I supposed to do about that?

Someone recommended I play a video game, like the Sims, which mimics social interaction so I can "become comfortable" with it. Do you think this is a good idea? I used to play the Sims, but I don't know if it helped me socially. I don't think so, anyway--and it took up a lot of time.

I'd like to meet people in a higher state of awareness, but I'm not sure how. Help would be appreciated.

[James81]

Nah, I wouldn't recommend picking up a video game habit. Nor would I recommend forcing yourself into internet socializing when you want real life socializing. You are what you are, so be what you are and find people who are similar (there's plenty of people like you out there, even if they might be older than you).

What I DO suggest, however, is to get with the times just a little bit. It doesn't take much to check your email everyday. If you are missing invites to parties because you refuse to check your email (an activity that would take like 2 minutes out of your day), then that's your own fault.

So yes, DO start checking your email more often (everyday), but don't force yourself into online socialization or video games if that is not something you want to do.