Trouble in Paradise

[JLW06251985]

I'm not quite sure where to start...I know I'm a big emotional mess right now and need some advice.

I started dating my boyfriend last June. We've had our problems as all relationships tend to have from time to time. He quit his job, spent all his time playing video games, and rarely left the house. This angered me so I vented my problems to my co-workers who I've been working with for 5 years and have come to think of them as family. This past January, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument, he called the police, and I was arrested/charged with disorderly conduct. I wasn't allowed to go to my apartment for two weeks since there was a no contact with him/our apartment. Within a month, my charges were all dropped. I stayed away from him for about 3 weeks and then we began to talk again. I love him a lot. He's a great guy but has his flaws. We eventually got back together and have been dating since February.

I kept this a secret from everyone except one co-worker. Yesterday, another co-worker confronted me after she saw him drop me off at work. She went into a tirade of "why would you be with him - he put you in jail! he doesn't work! are you that desperate?!!? He'll do this to you again!!!". Now, I'm miserable. My boyfriend doesn't really express emotions so to him this isn't a big deal but now I see coworkers talking about me to each other via facebook.

My stomach hurts, I'm on the verge of tears and/or a panic attack. I know they mean well but I'm happy. I probably was wrong to not tell them we had gotten back together but they wouldn't understand. I love him so much. It's been better for the most part since we got back together.

I don't know what to do...I feel like my anxiety is through the roof and I have to face them in 3 hours...My boyfriend tells me that it's MY life and not their's and that I need to "get over it".

I just need some advice what to do...I feel like I'm 2 inches tall.

[Orecle]

Go to the offending co-workers and tell them if they truely value your friendship they should stop gossiping. A friend is there to support not to control

[ns123]

It sounds to me that you instinctively feel that being with this guy is not going to get you what you want in life. And your coworker yelling at you, it looks to me that was a proverbial kick in the butt that you need.

It sounds to me like you have known all along your boyfriend is not the guy that you want, not the kind of relationship that you want, but you don't want to listen to yourself. So it looks like the universe sent you a sign (your coworker yelling) to try to wake you up.

The decision is yours. I know, if it were me, I would not want to stay in a relationship with a person like this - especially when he has the ability to inspire the worst in me.

[Indiana]

Why wouldn't your co-workers understand why you decided to give him a second chance?

Is it because there is no understandable reason?

Or is it because you cannot confidently express your reasons? Do you really understand why you went back (clue: "I love him so much" is not actually a reason. People often say this about partners who abuse them on an ongoing basis)?

It is quite possible to love someone, but recognise that being in a relationship with them is not a healthy or positive thing.

[James81]

It sounds like your coworkers are right. But they DO need to stop talking about you behind your back. I'll give you that.