I'm in a situation...

[SimonaRich]

This is the first time I ask for help in this section

I have recently gave a number to one guy who seemed quite nice. Next day I got 6 or 7 txt messages from him and I got scared because that's far too much to text when he does not even know me.

I replied to the first message but did not reply to others that followed. Then next day he texted me again maybe 6 times, saying that it's not fair for me to give my number and then ignore him.

I understand that he has hopes that he will meet me and he really wanted to see me again, but I am scared to meet him because maybe he is stalker or something

So... should I meet him or not?

[ArthurHung]

He seems perfect for you. Just go. It'll be a wonderful experience. Say yes to life.

But if anytime before, during or after meeting him you have a knowing feeling that you are meant to do something else, do that instead. As long as you are not afraid of being attached to him, can tell him something like "my intuition says no to this relationship, so I'm out" at anytime, you'll be fine.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by ArthurHung

He seems perfect for you. Just go. It'll be a wonderful experience. Say yes to life.

But if anytime before, during or after meeting him you have a knowing feeling that you are meant to do something else, do that instead. As long as you are not afraid of being attached to him, can tell him something like "my intuition says no to this relationship, so I'm out" at anytime, you'll be fine.

Yes, if my intuition tells me something, I always listen. Just this time I cannot feel anything in regards to this situation.

[ArthurHung]

If you don't feel anything, then don't go.

I only do things and meet people that make me feel joyous, blissful, appreciateful, grateful, wonderful etc. Why would you meet someone who, when you think about them, feel nothing?

A "nothing feeling" is still a feeling.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by ArthurHung

If you don't feel anything, then don't go.

I only do things and meet people that make me feel joyous, blissful, appreciateful, grateful, wonderful etc. Why would you meet someone who, when you think about them, feel nothing?

A "nothing feeling" is still a feeling.

What a great piece of advice. Thank you.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

I replied to the first message but did not reply to others that followed. Then next day he texted me again maybe 6 times, saying that it's not fair for me to give my number and then ignore him.

Having someone who I barely know texting 12 times in two days and trying to tell me how I 'should' respond would put up a big red flag for me.

If he's already trying to control your behaviour before you've even been on a date, you have to wonder what he'd be like further down the line.

[Plato]

Some things we can probably assume about this guy:

Desperate
Insecure
Snivelling little b1tch (the "not fair" comment)
His "niceness" is actually manipulation, not a genuine expression of love and joy

Also, he probably believes you are his only chance at happiness, because you're the first woman to show him any attention in months.

Anyway, there's only one way to find out. Go and meet him.

I'm not hating on the man. I totally empathise with him. Just saying, he's probably not in the right head space to give you want you need.

[estudiant9]

Either he's extremely inexperienced, has very mistaken beliefs about how he should interact with women he finds attractive, or is far, far too clingy. I'm by no means an advocate of "playing hard to get," but most people learn that coming across as overly interested is off-putting so they try to take it easy with their enthusiasm. That means a couple of attempts at initiating contact at maximum per day. A dozen text messages? That seems bizarre to me. Obviously everybody deserves a benefit of the doubt, including this man, but I'd proceed with caution, if at all.

I'm with Plato:

I'm not hating on the man. I totally empathise with him. Just saying, he's probably not in the right head space to give you want you need.

[spirit4711]

@Simona, the guy looks needy to me, which is a turn off.

I am curious though, is there a reason you didn't answer his 2nd text? Not that it's bad, but if you look from his point of view:

1) I'll take a risk and send a text to that cool lady Simona
2) hurrah! she answers!
3) let's send a 2nd text - I like that gal!
4) no answer - now what? why no answer?

At this point he took the wrong path by sending too many texts but you can't blame him for trying. What else would have worked for you? Trying another text a day or so later? Or waiting for you to start texting again? And how was he supposed to know?

I definitely get his frustration of you not answering. It's not that he is entitled to an answer, but maybe more that he doesn't understand why you don't answer anymore. I've felt that not knowing frustration too many times myself .

Please text me your answers

[Orecle]

I dont see this going very far. Imagine in 3 mths, you want to pull out for what ever reason. Do you think he will shake your hand and wish you a good life or do you think he will leave 80 messages on your voicemail per nite. He only knew you 24 - 48 hrs, but he had already built an emotional attachment (in his head) enough to be upset that you didnt reply him

how did he know you didnt have an emergency

as others have said, he sounds super needy.

even if you dont answer 100 times, he dont know you, and has no right to be frustrated. any man with even minimal dating experience would have called once. if you dont reply, in a couple days, MAYBE called ONCE MORE. (depending on how hot you are) maybe,and a big maybe called once more, after which they go and speak to another lady, since there are a gazillion more

[Cameron Teone]

12 texts in two days are obviously way too many, but it's got me curious. Can you gives us a few examples of what these texts say??

[rose A]

I agree with Spirit4711. Isn't texting like holding a conversation? So you just stopped communicating with him in mid convo?

I am wondering what he is thinking about you? He obviously found you interesting to ask for your number, then you give him the cold shoulder?

[brendannz]

It sounds like he expects you to reply to every text, and so sent you 10 extra replies because you didn't reply to his second text.

He may just be thinking "is my cellphone working?" although it probably sounds like he might be obsessing..

I think it sounds like his head probably isn't in the right place, but maybe on your part, you might be better to say "I got your first and second text messages so why did you need to send 12 text messages to say the same thing?" than to say "I don't need some stalker obsessing over me!! **** off!"

But I don't even know the guy, and didn't see his texts, so he might be a stalker, or he might just be a bit needy, but harmless

[Holistic Star]

Is this the same guy whose energy you couldn't read?

[sirkinm]

Wow, 12 texts.

He doesn't have a clue. It is a total red flag. The bad thing is that it puts you in a bad position. You're suddenly "unfair" for ignoring him.

The nicest thing you can do is say, "Listen, when you send a woman 12 texts in two days, it creeps her out and makes you come off as a stalker." Of course, he probably wouldn't react well to that.

I really feel for woman: Clueless guys like this creep them out, and then when they don't respond "appropriately" they call them a b*tch.

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by Plato

His "niceness" is actually manipulation, not a genuine expression of love and joy

That is the perfect expression of something I've been dealing with. It's the Hansel and Gretel story. Thanks.

[Magicinthenight]

I don't want to scare you but I did have stalker (luckily only a minor case and he left me alone when I threatened to take things to the police) and it all started very similarly.

I gave him my number as he seemd like a nice guy, a day and 6 missed calls (he called me before I was even awake) and numerous text messages later I told him politely that I didn't see things processing any further. He didn't take no for an answer and kept trying to call and kept texting me. I'm not saying this guy will do the same, just saying that exericse caution as it is indeed excessive behaviour.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Plato

Some things we can probably assume about this guy:

Desperate
Insecure
Snivelling little b1tch (the "not fair" comment)
His "niceness" is actually manipulation, not a genuine expression of love and joy

Also, he probably believes you are his only chance at happiness, because you're the first woman to show him any attention in months.

Anyway, there's only one way to find out. Go and meet him.

I'm not hating on the man. I totally empathise with him. Just saying, he's probably not in the right head space to give you want you need.

This is really great advice, thank you. I have decided not to meet him. The thing is, he looked very nice, confident and secure, but his messages are so opposite to what my impression of him was.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

@Simona, the guy looks needy to me, which is a turn off.

I am curious though, is there a reason you didn't answer his 2nd text? Not that it's bad, but if you look from his point of view:

1) I'll take a risk and send a text to that cool lady Simona
2) hurrah! she answers!
3) let's send a 2nd text - I like that gal!
4) no answer - now what? why no answer?

At this point he took the wrong path by sending too many texts but you can't blame him for trying. What else would have worked for you? Trying another text a day or so later? Or waiting for you to start texting again? And how was he supposed to know?

I definitely get his frustration of you not answering. It's not that he is entitled to an answer, but maybe more that he doesn't understand why you don't answer anymore. I've felt that not knowing frustration too many times myself .

Please text me your answers

I did not answer the second text because I was busy and usually I tend to answer texts after a day or so (I know, I know). But mostly people understand that and do not get frustrated or upset by that.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Orecle

I dont see this going very far. Imagine in 3 mths, you want to pull out for what ever reason. Do you think he will shake your hand and wish you a good life or do you think he will leave 80 messages on your voicemail per nite. He only knew you 24 - 48 hrs, but he had already built an emotional attachment (in his head) enough to be upset that you didnt reply him

how did he know you didnt have an emergency

as others have said, he sounds super needy.

even if you dont answer 100 times, he dont know you, and has no right to be frustrated. any man with even minimal dating experience would have called once. if you dont reply, in a couple days, MAYBE called ONCE MORE. (depending on how hot you are) maybe,and a big maybe called once more, after which they go and speak to another lady, since there are a gazillion more

I am totally with you on this. Thanks

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Cameron Teone

12 texts in two days are obviously way too many, but it's got me curious. Can you gives us a few examples of what these texts say??

Well he wanted to find out what food I like so that he would know where to take me. I texted that I am vegetarian so he listed some restaurants and then he texted wondering why I did not reply and then he again texted me if I have changed my mind and then he texted me to say that maybe I did not receive his messages etc etc

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Is this the same guy whose energy you couldn't read?

Yes

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by sirkinm

Wow, 12 texts.

He doesn't have a clue. It is a total red flag. The bad thing is that it puts you in a bad position. You're suddenly "unfair" for ignoring him.

The nicest thing you can do is say, "Listen, when you send a woman 12 texts in two days, it creeps her out and makes you come off as a stalker." Of course, he probably wouldn't react well to that.

I really feel for woman: Clueless guys like this creep them out, and then when they don't respond "appropriately" they call them a b*tch.

So true, he did make me feel a bit unfair on him, but I am not going to meet someone who keeps sending me txts like he has nothing more to do.

[SimonaRich]

Thank you all for so much great advice, I totally agree with you that he is very insecure and needy. I will not meet this guy.

[spirit4711]

Will you text him that?

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Will you text him that?

I guess so. I don't want him to have any hopes.

[spirit4711]

It was a bit tongue in cheek question in my previous post. Good luck with telling / texting it loud and clear.

[Plato]

If I was you I'd go and meet him. Not because you're interested, but for the fun of it. Maybe you can try to understand him better. It could be a growth experience.

Also, if you're worried about getting his hopes up, you could remove his interest in you. I'll leave it to your own creativity on the *how*.

A personal favourite of mine is to repeatedly sniff my arm-pits. End of stalking.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

Well he wanted to find out what food I like so that he would know where to take me. I texted that I am vegetarian so he listed some restaurants and then he texted wondering why I did not reply and then he again texted me if I have changed my mind and then he texted me to say that maybe I did not receive his messages etc etc

Just to offer something in support for the poor guy... maybe you are just on different levels regarding the use of texts?

I always reply directly and the converstation doesn´t stop until on or the other says "ok i´ll see you then, speak you you later etc.".

Maybe it is just all some sort of silly miscommunication?

If somebody would reply to me as you did I would react the same as the guy.

And no, I am not needy, insecure, stalker etc. I just have different standerds when it comes to holding a converstation on texts. Not bad, not good, just different.

You can so easily misinterpret things that are not said in real life but just in texts (in messages or on forums etc.).

I would give the guy a chance. What doe you have to loose? At worst you have a boring diner that you can cut short anytime, at best you find the man of your life.

Kind off risky to let all that go just because there was a miscommunication?

[funchy]

Here is what Im getting of the situation:
Cute, confident guy asks you for your number. You happily give it to him. He texts you a few times. Now you feel uncomfortable because a confident guy is really pursing you and you're not sure what to do. Instead of blaming him for texting you after you told him to, why not go out with him? He's not a stalker. It's a text message. Some people send dozens of them to their friends throughout the day and it doesn't make them insecure. He may be extra-secure in knowing what he wants and not playing games about who can wait longer to call the other person.

I vote go for it! If you feel uncomfortable about so much attention, meet somewhere public and keep things low-key. Maybe go on a date with other couples as a group.