I'm in a situation...

[Orecle]

I see some posts, are lacking knowledge of basic social dynamics

If the guy was confident, he would not need to call

12 TIMES

A confidant (confidence = security in his ability to get his result) man needs to call

1nce

He would have trusted in his excellent oratory skills that allowed him to get the number in the first place. This memory would have given him the patience to wait for her reply.

I am not buying the "i wanted to know, where to take her line" he could have clarified that when they finally had a conversation, whether that is now or in 3 wks

I dont see a confidant man, I see a needy, insecure man that felt an uncontrolable compulsion to prove to himself that she was interested so he texted

1,
then
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,

day 2
7,
8,
9,
10,
11
12, getting himself worked up in the process

A real confidant man would have said " I bet she is playing it cool, I will wait for her to text me back now or in a few days, cos she would not have given me her number if she was not interested, and even if she is'nt (highly unlikly) then i will ask somebody else)

For all those saying "arhh, he must of really liked her"

fact, is he does not know her? she could be the devil

no matter how sexy, she looked or sounds

He does NOT KNOW HER

BUYERS REMORSE, ANYONE

This right in there with young teens, who claim to be in love after 2 wks and a bit of fondling, or who get their first job in McD and claim i could do this for ever

So, pls people we need to be realistic. Not everything is about PD.

If he just exercised some patience, they probably would be on a date by now

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Orecle

I see some posts, are lacking knowledge of basic social dynamics

Basic social dynamics are different for everybody. For me it is normal to text people various times a day.

Originally Posted by Orecle

If the guy was confident, he would not need to call

12 TIMES

He didn´t call, he sent texts, which is a different thing! It is not ok (in my world) to call 12 times if you only know somebody for 5 minutes, 12 texts in 2 days is ok, especially if you feel that you are being ignored or that the texts might not arrive.

Originally Posted by Orecle

I dont see a confidant man, I see a needy, insecure man that felt an uncontrolable compulsion to prove to himself that she was interested so he texted

1,
then
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,

day 2
7,
8,
9,
10,
11
12, getting himself worked up in the process

It is all very nice for everybody (including me) to read whatever in his texts, but unless and untill the person himself explains there is absolutely nothing that we can say for sure about his intentions.

For all we know, he could really like her a lot and did not want to miss out on the date because some text didn´t arrive...

Originally Posted by Orecle

For all those saying "arhh, he must of really liked her"

fact, is he does not know her? she could be the devil

no matter how sexy, she looked or sounds

He does NOT KNOW HER

That is why he wants to go on a date with her... to get to know her...

Originally Posted by Orecle

So, pls people we need to be realistic. Not everything is about PD.

If he just exercised some patience, they probably would be on a date by now

Maybe he tried this with his last gf (or girl who he wanted to date) and she blew him off because he didn´t seem interested enough...?

If people in general were a little less judgemental and more willing to aks for motive we would have a lot less problems in the world, with or without PD.

[Orecle]

[

QUOTE=ssandra;349298]Basic social dynamics are different for everybody. For me it is normal to text people various times a day

.

basic social dynamics is not different for everyone, hence the term social, not personal. It is different for different groups, but there are somethings that are universal no-nos

He didn´t call, he sent texts, which is a different thing! It is not ok (in my world) to call 12 times if you only know somebody for 5 minutes, 12 texts in 2 days is ok, especially if you feel that you are being ignored or that the texts might not arrive.

No, it is not different. . If anything it is worse, because I can guarantee that his desparation grew with each text, and put her off more. Normal communication is taken in turns. i speak, u speak, not I speak 12 times then get angry that you are not replying me

ps. you also contradicted yourself. You say it is not ok, then you say it is if you feel ignored. So if i see a woman I like in the street and i call her and she ignores me, is it ok for me to keep calling her coz i dont like being ignored?
back to the story, so if 12 texts are ok, how many texts will not be ok? 100. 200, a 1000?

It is all very nice for everybody (including me) to read whatever in his texts, but unless and untill the person himself explains there is absolutely nothing that we can say for sure about his intentions.

Yes, we can, and so can the woman he ended up PUTTING OFF. aCTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

For all we know, he could really like her a lot and did not want to miss out on the date because some text didn´t arrive...That is why he wants to go on a date with her... to get to know her...

He does not know her to like her alot. He can only like what he physically sees, all else is an illusion in his mind, a projection on his part
Well, he has got what he feared, cos now she aint interested.

Maybe he tried this with his last gf (or girl who he wanted to date) and she blew him off because he didn´t seem interested enough...?

yeah, right
So then it makes sense to OTT, all the way to pseudo stalking, then?

If people in general were a little less judgemental and more willing to aks for motive we would have a lot less problems in the world, with or without PD.

[/QUOTE]

that makes no difference. He messed up big time, and 99% of women would have done the same. Some things are just OTT.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Kind off risky to let all that go just because there was a miscommunication?

No, it is not risky at all. It just depends from which mindset you operate. I operate from the abundance mindset, there are more than enough guys out there, why to cling to one that is not what you want?

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Orecle

If he just exercised some patience, they probably would be on a date by now

True, he put me off because of the so many texts he sent.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Orecle

So then it makes sense to OTT, all the way to pseudo stalking, then?

What does OTT mean?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Orecle

basic social dynamics is not different for everyone, hence the term social, not personal. It is different for different groups, but there are somethings that are universal no-nos

Ok, you are right here. There are different social dynamics for different groups.. what if he were in a different group than she was?

Originally Posted by Orecle

No, it is not different. . If anything it is worse, because I can guarantee that his desparation grew with each text, and put her off more. Normal communication is taken in turns. i speak, u speak, not I speak 12 times then get angry that you are not replying me

ps. you also contradicted yourself. You say it is not ok, then you say it is if you feel ignored. So if i see a woman I like in the street and i call her and she ignores me, is it ok for me to keep calling her coz i dont like being ignored?
back to the story, so if 12 texts are ok, how many texts will not be ok? 100. 200, a 1000?

Normal communication (for me anyway) also means that you do not ignore other people when they sent you messages...

For me.. any number of text are ok. I would ask the person why he sents so many texts. Or I would sent back after nr. 4 that I will answer tomorrow or next week because I am busy... I would not just agree to go out with somebody and than ignore them. Which is what I mean with different social behavior standards.. Nothing is wrong or right, it is just different.

For me, the key here is that they agreed to go out together and then they miscommunicated and things went wrong. This is completely different than just talking to a random stranger on the street.

Originally Posted by Orecle

Yes, we can, and so can the woman he ended up PUTTING OFF. aCTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

We can say something about the result, about what the OP felt (because she told us) and about what it makes us feel.

We cannot say what the intentions of the other person were, because he is not here to tell us.

He could have intented to stalk her, to annoy her, to desperately get her to answer... anything is possible, but we simply cannot know unless and until we ask him.



Just to be clear.. I am not saying that she should have dated him or that she was wrong in thinking what she did. It is her choice and she should of course do whatever makes her feel good.

However, that doesn´t change the fact that there are a lot of judgements here about his INTENTIONS, where we have no idea what they are or why he did what he did. That is why I wanted to offer a different perspective on this, because that is also possible. His world view does not have to be your world view or anybody elses here...

[Cameron Teone]

Simona wrote:

Well he wanted to find out what food I like so that he would know where to take me. I texted that I am vegetarian so he listed some restaurants and then he texted wondering why I did not reply and then he again texted me if I have changed my mind and then he texted me to say that maybe I did not receive his messages etc etc

Reminds me of the scene from the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreu. Ouch....

Basically, he is insecure and inexperienced with women. That's the short and long of it. He met a woman he liked a lot and was TOO EAGER to get her out on a date ASAP, and make sure she was accommodated! Way too eager.... (nothing sinister or manipulative as some suggested.) Just trying too hard.

If you want to do him a favor, give him a tip. Tell him you are not able to date him, but for future reference, don't send so many texts, and exercise more confidence.

If you really want to help him, tell him ro order my Audio course. So he'll know to not do stupid things like that ever again. ;-) lol

take care
Cameron

[Engle]

Can you get an impression of him based on his texts ?
F'rintance, he said that it was not fair to give him your #, then not respond.

No decent chap would say that.

A sophisticated suitor would say something along the lines of how he'd like to know you and suggest a movie, restaurant etc. Then leave it up to you to respond.

Badgering a woman wont produce results, and he should know this if he's smart

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Ok, you are right here. There are different social dynamics for different groups.. what if he were in a different group than she was?



Normal communication (for me anyway) also means that you do not ignore other people when they sent you messages...

For me.. any number of text are ok. I would ask the person why he sents so many texts. Or I would sent back after nr. 4 that I will answer tomorrow or next week because I am busy... I would not just agree to go out with somebody and than ignore them. Which is what I mean with different social behavior standards.. Nothing is wrong or right, it is just different.

For me, the key here is that they agreed to go out together and then they miscommunicated and things went wrong. This is completely different than just talking to a random stranger on the street.




We can say something about the result, about what the OP felt (because she told us) and about what it makes us feel.

We cannot say what the intentions of the other person were, because he is not here to tell us.

He could have intented to stalk her, to annoy her, to desperately get her to answer... anything is possible, but we simply cannot know unless and until we ask him.



Just to be clear.. I am not saying that she should have dated him or that she was wrong in thinking what she did. It is her choice and she should of course do whatever makes her feel good.

However, that doesn´t change the fact that there are a lot of judgements here about his INTENTIONS, where we have no idea what they are or why he did what he did. That is why I wanted to offer a different perspective on this, because that is also possible. His world view does not have to be your world view or anybody elses here...

I agree with you the most. I think Simona probably did the right thing, like she doesn't know him well, and she doesn't really owe him anything. So it would be dishonest to go on a date with him when she was really put off by him.

Like, think about it. There's always the possibility there was a problem with the phone network, or that Simona's phone was broken, so 12 text in a harassing tone, is a bit too much.

As the saying goes, don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes.