Need advice

[Ribbles]

About a month ago, my girlfriend went to her friend's party. She's known the guy since highschool and she's 21, they've only been friends and I actually somewhat know him as well.

The day after the party she told me that she slept in her car for about 3 hrs to sober up from drinking because she felt bad if she slept at some guys house even if it's just on his couch. I said ok i'm glad she's fine. About a week ago she told me that they haven't talked since and he hasn't tried to contact her and he must be mad that she slept in the car or something. I asked her if he was trying to put the moves on her which made her uncomfortable enough to leave and she said no and kinda switched topics.

Since then it's kinda been bugging me for some reason. I just want to know why because you wouldnt just be mad at someone for sleeping in their car unless he was trying to make a move on her and she rejected him.

Is it right to ask her what went on? I feel uncomfortable that she is obviously leaving out details. I don't know how to go about this. Any advice? Leave it alone? Simply bring it up and ask?

[Indiana]

If she chose to sleep in the car instead of the sofa, he might be annoyed because of the implication that she doesn't trust him to behave himself if she'd stayed in the house.

If he had never given her particular reason to distrust him, he might be even more annoyed by her actions than if he had tried it on at some point.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Ribbles

...
Is it right to ask her what went on? I feel uncomfortable that she is obviously leaving out details. I don't know how to go about this. Any advice? Leave it alone? Simply bring it up and ask?

You can ask whatever you like, she's not obliged to answer. Whatever her reasons, that's what it is.

It might be valuable to tell her what you feel about she shutting you out. Still doesn't oblige her to tell you anything.

What are your beliefs about the relationship you're having with her? Is total honesty a 'must'? Is it compulsory to share everything that happens in your lives? Is there room for privacy?

[Orecle]

ribbles - whether he tried it on her is irrelevent, cos it has happened and cant be changed. the fact is as long as she did not respond (or why would she have slept in car), you are safe - unless you dont trust her and think something did happen?

If you truely believe her that SHE DID NOT DO ANYTHING, then leave it at that, cos fact is you cant PROVE anything without making her think you dont trust her

[James81]

My personal thoughts are more about her unwillingness to share any details with you about what happened.

But first of all, you have to remove the frame of "investigator" from you interactions with her. She's not going to tell you anything if she thinks you are hounding her for details. So your mission (should you choose to accept it lol) is to communicate in a way with her to where you aren't pressing her for details, but you are moving the conversation towards what happened with her.

She told you some of what happened, which is good. Your job is to make her comfortable enough to tell you the rest. Women are funny like that, it seems.

[Ribbles]

I'm just gonna leave it. I do trust her. If it ever naturally comes up then I'll casually ask, but I'm not gonna do much else.

[Andy4]

Hi ribbles,

I think you're wise to leave it, she obviously loves and trusts you, otherwise why tell you about it at all.

You have to be careful about people getting over friendly with your partner, My partner and I are soulmates and no-one comes between us, friends of the opposite sex are fine, as long as they are just friends, your girl sounds fine, keep an eye on him rather than her.

Take care,

Regards,Andy.

[SimonaRich]

I don't think she will tell you if she avoids this topic. But if you feel that she is not telling everything, then probably this is the case.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by Ribbles

Is it right to ask her what went on? I feel uncomfortable that she is obviously leaving out details. I don't know how to go about this. Any advice? Leave it alone? Simply bring it up and ask?

Are you ready for the answer? Sometimes it is always better to let sleeping dogs lie, that is if there is any.