I just apologised to somebody I wronged years ago.

[Elfwing]

Rather, I sent her a letter online because it's how we talk nowadays. We had been best of friends, and it just fell apart because of my issues and because of something else that happened.

We still kept in touch over a website we both go to, though there's still distance.

I also told her about my multiplicity, something which she had told me "wasn't real" and that I'd pretended to accept. I said sorry about how I treated her, and told her the truth. I let her know I wasn't expecting anything of it, though, that I didn't send it as a "let's be friends again" thing.

... And I'm really scared that she's going to just snort at me in disbelief, or get angry that I sent the letter. Actually, I'm terrified she'll get angry I sent it at all. I'm scared she'll get angry over the contents. Really, really scared. Years later, I still care about what she thinks more than a lot of people I know. I don't know how I'll respond if she gets angry.

I just posted this because of the fear, and that I could really use a hug. I hope I did the right thing. I'm scared that I didn't. I just felt those things couldn't be left unsaid.

If all else fails, then, well, I can just tell myself that she got a glimpse of the real me, and that if she doesn't like it, plainly we aren't compatible to talk anymore. That feels reassuring.

[garentee]

It really does not matter what she thinks.. You cannot change the way she thinks only she can How you feel about this is important. In my experience sometimes the apology is the most important first step. If not be grateful for the time you spent with her and let it be.. G

[ssandra]

hug.. lots of love and patience and strenght no matter the outcome!

[James81]

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from The Matrix:

Boy: Do not try to bend the spoon; that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Boy: Then you will see, it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Your apology is sort of like the spoon in that you don't assert it to change the other person (that's all on them), you assert it because there has been a shift within YOURSELF that you want to convey to that person. Trying to "bend" the other person to forgiving you is impossible. Your apology is you realizing the truth and it has bent YOU, and you want the other person to know that.

But congrats on sending out the apology. You've done your part, now lay it to rest. Whatever her response, just know that you did what you felt you needed to do, and that's all you have to do. The rest is on her.

[Elfwing]

*Hugs* Thanks, everyone.

Thanks, G. I'd never looked at it that way before - to be grateful for the time I had spent with her, I mean. It made me realise that letting go is perhaps the best solution. *Hugs*

Thanks for your vibes, Ssandra.

James - I like your metaphor. (I actually watched the Matrix for the first time a few nights ago - great movie.) And thanks for your response.

[Elfwing]

I was terrified to open the response, especially without any of my friends online for emotional support, but I did.

She forgives me and accepts my multiplicity. I feel very happy that this has been laid to rest.

[Holistic Star]

Great - I'm really pleased for you and that it's worked out well.

However, even if it hadn't and you didn't get a positive response, it was still a good thing to do as it was obviously bothering you and by expressing your apology, you've been able to release the hold it had over you.

Well done

[Elfwing]

*Hugs* Thanks so much.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

She forgives me and accepts my multiplicity.

I am very happy for you!

Now the emotional side of this is over... can you tell me what multiplicity is?

[Elfwing]

Multiplicity is more commonly known as "multiple personality 'disorder'". Some multiples are actually quite healthy and functioning (known simply as "healthy multiplicity"), and we are as well.