eHarmony

[coLLege kid07]

Hello everyone

I have a question about e harmony in that I've never used it before. Just curious how is privacy and other types of concerns (stalkers ect. lol). I'm getting pretty excited to try it.. but I'm just a little shaky on the privacy aspects.

Thanks.

[ns123]

I've never used eHarmony before. But I do know one couple who got married last year - and they met on eHarmony!

And the wife is GORGEOUS and the husband is nothing special to look at. But he is a fun guy.

[Angela]

I loved using eHarmony -- and had no privacy issues. In fact, I really enjoyed that the first portion of the communication is relatively anonymous, except of course that they can see your photo! You start off with basic, not-too-intimate questions that sort the wheat from the chaff (basic values stuff, must-have's and can't stands) and then when you're ready you move into more revealing communication, and then when you're ready you can move to email and then phone. You can take as much or as little time as you like in each stage, and at any point you can hit the button that sends them down the garbage chute. Err, I mean, you can pass on someone respectfully and without any muss or fuss. It can sting a little when you're communicating with someone and you get a message that says they're "closing" you because they realize you're not compatible, or worse, that "no reason is given." But still, that's easier than getting "closed" in real world dating when someone just stops returning your calls.

It's a risk either way, getting to know someone's insides before you meet their body, or getting to know their outsides before you get to know their insides. You might really fall in love with someone's insides and then find out when you meet them that there's no real world chemistry. And you might fall in love with someone's outsides and then find out they are a Kenny G fan.

Either way, it's fun, it's an adventure, it's a growing experience.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by ns123

And the wife is GORGEOUS and the husband is nothing special to look at. But he is a fun guy.

LOL! Ok, not that funny but a little bit funny

[ns123]

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

LOL! Ok, not that funny but a little bit funny

Maybe you think it is funny cuz you are gorgeous and maybe your man not too much to look at?

I find stuff that cracks me up are the ones that are very true to my life.

[coLLege kid07]

hehe your right. Kenny G fan would not work for me lol.

I think right now I'm balancing my options so I may or may not join eharmony. I think it's a good idea but I might try other methods. Either way bring on the women!!!!

[Angela]

One nice thing about eHarmony is that you can do their big ol' test and get your personality profile, and a profile of your ideal mate, without having to pay up. (At least you could when I went on there.)

I stopped eHarmony when I met Danger Man (my next door neighbor! ), but when I received my Ideal Mate Profile, it described him to a T. I mean, really specific, odd stuff. It was amazing!

[Jarreddo]

A lot of people don't really look into the company's background, and I'd say stay away from it unless you agree with their politics. The founder of eHarmony is very right-wing and socially conservative, one of the reasons the site has no options for same-sex matching. It's also very closely tied to Focus on the Family. A lot of people I know try it out without realizing, so just be aware of what you're supporting, I guess.

[Angela]

Actually, they have launched a same-sex matching site, Compatible Partners - Gay Dating for Relationship-Minded Gay & Lesbian Singles. "Serious relationships for the gay and lesbian community."

[James81]

Online dating sites are FANTASTIC if you are a GIRL.

Not so much if you are a guy.

[runningbird]

Originally Posted by James81

Online dating sites are FANTASTIC if you are a GIRL.

Not so much if you are a guy.

Why is that? You're crushing my hopes....


I have also heard bad things about eharmony. Like you can spend hours filling out your information and just be rejected from the system for no reason at all. I've seen it get a few "worst website" awards. Not sure how legit they are, but I would rather go with a more lighthearted service.

[IFeelGood]

Originally Posted by James81

Online dating sites are FANTASTIC if you are a GIRL.

Not so much if you are a guy.

James, will you please elaborate on that more? I have been tossing around the idea of online dating, which I have never tried, and wonder why it would be better for women? If the women are benefitting, I am assuming that it is because they are meeting men... so it seems like it would benefit men too. Are there special privileges that online sites give to women that they do not give to men?

I am not sure whether to try Match or EHarmony. I also heard of one called Plenty of Fish. Can anyone give some insight about whether a paid vs free dating site is better?

Thanks!

[James81]

Originally Posted by IFeelGood

James, will you please elaborate on that more? I have been tossing around the idea of online dating, which I have never tried, and wonder why it would be better for women? If the women are benefitting, I am assuming that it is because they are meeting men... so it seems like it would benefit men too. Are there special privileges that online sites give to women that they do not give to men?

I am not sure whether to try Match or EHarmony. I also heard of one called Plenty of Fish. Can anyone give some insight about whether a paid vs free dating site is better?

Thanks!

Well, if you are a guy, there's several issues:

1. First, there is a huge plethora of fake profiles. It can get frustrating trying to figure out who is real, and who isn't.

2. Second, you have to jump through major hoops to stand out. Girls on these sites, from what I understand, get absolutely HAMMERED with emails every single day. So, it can be tricky coming up with a profile that stands out, and then picking the right way to contact them so that they'll actually respond to you.

3. Online dating, from a guy's perspective, is a HUGE amount of work. Much more than you'd have in real life actually. Not only do you have to weed through the fake profiles, come up with a flashy profile, and know what to say to get responses, but then when you DO get responses you have a huge task ahead of you of making them feel comfortable in meeting you, you also have the illusions that some of these women put of with their "myspace angled" pictures that aren't realistic, and finally, the real thing (meeting up with them) is so much different than your interactions online that, if you spend a lot of time getting to know each other online, you might discover that it's wasted time when you actually meet up and realize that the chemistry isn't there and that what you THOUGHT she was like is not what the reality is. Basically, you get sparse portions of what a person is like, and anything you don't know, you fill in with your imagination. Which means you usually play her up in your mind and there is a huge risk of actually being let down when you actually meet.


***

From the girls perspective, you're likely to have your pick of the litter. You'll get so many responses that you can literally be as picky and choosy as you like.

Although number 3 might be a problem for women as well.

[James81]

BTW, I don't want to come across as anti-online dating (I know that's how it sounds).

I just think there are some huge limitations to it that people need to be aware of going into it.

A lot of people have had major success with online dating. Just know what you are getting into before you do it.

[funchy]

Stalkers can be anywhere. Crazies can be anywhere.

Eharmony might be better than the internet chat rooms. Since it's not simply profile based, the recommendations go by the eharmony compatibility quiz... and this is a little harder to fake.

[andrew]

Originally Posted by James81

Well, if you are a guy, there's several issues:

1. First, there is a huge plethora of fake profiles. It can get frustrating trying to figure out who is real, and who isn't.

2. Second, you have to jump through major hoops to stand out. Girls on these sites, from what I understand, get absolutely HAMMERED with emails every single day. So, it can be tricky coming up with a profile that stands out, and then picking the right way to contact them so that they'll actually respond to you.

3. Online dating, from a guy's perspective, is a HUGE amount of work. Much more than you'd have in real life actually. Not only do you have to weed through the fake profiles, come up with a flashy profile, and know what to say to get responses, but then when you DO get responses you have a huge task ahead of you of making them feel comfortable in meeting you, you also have the illusions that some of these women put of with their "myspace angled" pictures that aren't realistic, and finally, the real thing (meeting up with them) is so much different than your interactions online that, if you spend a lot of time getting to know each other online, you might discover that it's wasted time when you actually meet up and realize that the chemistry isn't there and that what you THOUGHT she was like is not what the reality is. Basically, you get sparse portions of what a person is like, and anything you don't know, you fill in with your imagination. Which means you usually play her up in your mind and there is a huge risk of actually being let down when you actually meet.

I agree. I use Match for 4 months, had maybe 2 replies to like 50 emails sent, 5 winks to about 100 sent. They're good too, I know what I'm doing. It's total garbage. I've actually had more success on Craigs List, since I'm not like a creeper, perverted, or lame. Though your quality of women on there is incredibly low, once in a while you find some gems.

[James81]

Originally Posted by andrew

I agree. I use Match for 4 months, had maybe 2 replies to like 50 emails sent, 5 winks to about 100 sent. They're good too, I know what I'm doing. It's total garbage. I've actually had more success on Craigs List, since I'm not like a creeper, perverted, or lame. Though your quality of women on there is incredibly low, once in a while you find some gems.

Yeah, I think people do it because they think it's easier (online dating) than real life dating. But when you get into it and actually start using it, you discover that it's far more challenging than just going out and finding someone in your area.

[runningbird]

Well damn, this was definitely disappointing information. It's tough when you just don't know many girls...well, really don't know any.