One Rule to Create Rock Solid Relationships

[Halffull]

This is the Fourth Article in “Things You Don’t Talk About at the Dinner Table“, A series about how to create an environment of trust an openness, Where Anything Can Be Discussed.

In the entrepreneurship program at my school, it seems I run into a new student entrepreneur every day. These are people that I definitely want to know. In addition to being great contacts to have in the future, they’re exactly the type of action oriented high achiever types that I love to talk to. I’ve tested out a dozen different conversation starters and icebreakers to meet them, but only one have I found to consistently work:

“I checked out your website, it was really cool”

Perhaps the most important part of developing a climate of trust, even more important than how you interact with someone, is your relationship with them. I’ve found very few rules that consistently work for developing relationships, but I have found a few, and one that I have found more useful than any other in creating relationships. The rule is this:

Develop a Sincere Interest in Other People.

It’s simple, but highly effective. Like I alluded to above, one of the best conversation starters is to mention something about the other person that you find interesting. In the example above, I was interested in what they were doing. However, there will be circumstances where you’ll simply have different interests than the other person. The question remains, how do you become interested in people you have nothing in common with?

4 Ways to Become Interested in People You Have Nothing in Common With

So if you can’t be interested in what someone else is doing, how can you be interested in them? The trick is to find some aspect of their interest that’s interesting to you. This allows you to connect with people that you have absolutely nothing in common with.

1.Be Interested in Their Passion

When I was in elementary school, I knew a guy who’s life ambition was to be a truckdriver. I wasn’t really interested in driving trucks myself, but his passion was something I could definitely connect with. You can use the same tactic, to connect with someone on any topic they’re passionate about.

2.Be Interested in Their Process

I have a friend who paints. Now, I’m not really much of an art enthusiast. I don’t care much for paintings, they’re just not interesting to me. However, what I do find fascinating about my friend is her process, how she comes up with ideas, begins to paint, visualizes the result beforehand, etc. By becoming interested in her process, I can find out more about her interests, even if they’re not the same as mine.

3.Be Interested in Their Interest

I’ve never liked history. I never saw any practical application for it, and the rote memorization of dates wass just never my thing. However, I have a number of friends who are super interested in history. I’ve had several conversations with them about history, and instead of falling asleep, I’ve always been super engaged. The reason is that trying to figure out how and why they like history is interesting to me. How can they like something which to me seems so obviously boring? This interest in HOW they’re interested allows you to connect on topics which you would normally be bored to tears by.

4.Be Interested in Them

My sister is out in LA right now making movies. Now, I do find the process of making movies interesting, but it’s not normally something I would choose to spend my time discussing or finding out about. However, when I’m talking with my sister, I find it the most fascinating thing in the world. Why? Because it’s her that’s making the movies. If you find the person interesting, then be interested in what they’re doing simply because they’re doing it.

Using these techniques, you can begin to create rock solid relationships, even with people you have nothing in common with. Use them wisely

[Andy4]

Again,

Nice one Hafull this is by far my favouite post of the night and yet no replies?
It is so well thought out and informative but unfortunately and this is most definintely not a criticism of the forum, because I love it. It appears to have generated little interest.

I believe people dont want to actually learn stuff and improve their lives they just want to talk about people that are worse off than them.

As I said previously I genuinely like this forum and appreciate what Steve, Erin, and all the moderators have done for us. It's not easy organising something like this and we dont see the half of it.

Keep on posting. I'll keep reading.

Regards,Andy.

[rose A]

And that is how friendships start. Good post.

[Andy4]

Nice one Rose, you've just brought a genuine smile to my face, It's been a hard day but hey, I've still enjoyed it, take care, thanks for the smile.

Andy.

[Sanity Panda]

Number 1, 2 and 4 is the reason I love psychology. Nothing more better than understanding where another person is coming from. I'm sure plenty of people appreciate the reminder. ^^

[doppelgaenger]

It doesn't work like that and I'm going to tell you why. Most people doesn't have a passion for anything, they just live. Everytime I try to ask someone what their passion is they are just like 'oh I don't have any'. They just like to watch tv or getting drunk or stuff like that. Most people is boring.

[Halffull]

Originally Posted by doppelgaenger

It doesn't work like that and I'm going to tell you why. Most people doesn't have a passion for anything, they just live. Everytime I try to ask someone what their passion is they are just like 'oh I don't have any'. They just like to watch tv or getting drunk or stuff like that. Most people is boring.

"What's your passion?" can be a confusing question to many people, far too general.

Try asking these questions to begin to tease out what makes people tick and what their passions are:

"What's the craziest thing you've ever done?"
"What's the happiest moment of your life?"
"What would you be doing if you didn't have to worry about money?"
"What would you do if you could not fail?"

Of course, these questions are a bit "out there" for some people, and you have to first develop a climate of trust... but that's what the rest of the articles in the series are about.

Other great ways to discover passions are to share your own passions, and how it makes you feel, this can lead people to share their own experiences about when they have felt similarly.

Most people (All people) have that spark of passion and goodness somewhere inside them, it's up to you to bring out.

[LifeFirst]

Where do you guys meet these types of people who are genuinely interested in you?

Because up until now in my Life, I can only say I've met about 1 or 2 people who were genuinely interested in my passion and interests.

Everyone else I've met, I've wasted so much energy trying to get to know them but in the end none of it was really returned so I simply stopped trying.

And now, I've dropped those friends, but then again, they weren't even friends to begin with...I was merely tricked and fooled I guess.

[Halffull]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

Everyone else I've met, I've wasted so much energy trying to get to know them but in the end none of it was really returned so I simply stopped trying.

And now, I've dropped those friends, but then again, they weren't even friends to begin with...I was merely tricked and fooled I guess.

Would you elaborate on this a bit? It's something I don't think I've had much experience with.

[funchy]

What a nice, positive, helpful post.

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

Everyone else I've met, I've wasted so much energy trying to get to know them but in the end none of it was really returned so I simply stopped trying.

And now, I've dropped those friends, but then again, they weren't even friends to begin with...I was merely tricked and fooled I guess.

I could be wrong but you talk like someone who is not easily open to others. You want to be, but you're not sure if now is the right time or how much you're ready to reveal. You keep holding back and then you feel isolated. Over time you start to resent the friend who 'never got to know you'. And then you blame them for "tricking" you into thinking they were your friends.

Maybe they were your friend all along? And you just didn't notice the times they paused to listen, and you did not say anything.