Having Trouble "Closing The Deal"?

[aomega54]

Some of my friends get pretty nervous approaching girls.

I'm relatively OK with that, but when I work up the courage to go talk to an attractive girl (or when I get introduced to one at a party) I tend to screw it up somehow.

I find that a lot of the time they tend to 'go to the bathroom', or 'go back to their friends' or if I swap numbers with them a lot of the time they will not answer.

Bottom line, I end up in the intimate zone with very few of the women I begin chatting to.

Can anyone else relate to this?


A

PS I'm not an unfortunate looking bald old man hitting on young girls. Normal looking guy, dress well, have teeth.

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by aomega54

...when I ...talk to an attractive girl (or when I get introduced to one at a party) I tend to screw it up somehow.

I find that a lot of the time they tend to 'go to the bathroom', or 'go back to their friends' or if I swap numbers with them a lot of the time they will not answer.

That is most-likely because you weren't attractive and compelling to them.

The simple answer: When you engage in conversation with any new women spend as much time as possible learning about her, rather than trying to tell her about yourself. Stay present in the conversation, contributing something of yourself whenever appropriate, but remembering that YOUR OBJECTIVE is to learn about her - so you need to continually bring the conversation back around to opportunities for her to tell you about her interests, goals, enthusiasms, and opinions, and encourage her to be forthcoming.

This will make you compelling! This hold ESPECIALLY true with extraordinarily attractive women, who virtually never meet men who are interested in what they have to say! Normally men approach stunning women either to try to show off how great they are ("Hey Baby, check ME out!") or to tell them how beautiful THEY are ("Omigod, you're so awesome!") and neither of them holds much appeal .


Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

P.S. Ultimately, there's an EVEN MORE IMPORTANT REASON to spend your time learning about women when you first meet them: To determine IF YOU LIKE THEM, so you know whether or not you're prepared to invest your energy into developing any relationship with them!

[James81]

That's because you are likely approaching her with a goal in mind, and I think a lot of girls can pick up on when you have an ulterior motive.

Training yourself to just talk and be with girls, with no care as to outcome, will help you move past this, I think.

Don't look at approaching girls as something that leads to sex or leads to getting her phone number or leads to a kiss....etc. You get the picture.

Look at approaching girls as a way to pass the time, to meet someone new, and have a good time. When you reframe your approaches in this manner, you will not be consciously trying to control your actions, and you'll be letting your subconscious shine and present the REAL you to them.

[Andy4]

aomega54,

What Johnny says about being more interested in them is fundamental to human relationships,trust me if you want to get intimate with a member of the opposite sex concentrate on being their friend.

I treat both sexes exactly the same and it's the only way.You would not believe the offers I get and that's now when I am happily married when I was single I had trouble fighting them off.

Put sex and whatever your future plans maybe to the back of your mind and just be a mate to the opposite sex,I dont even like the term women like this or want that,both women and men want the same thing.

This is not rocket science,your a man if you were a woman what would you want in a partner,forget hot looking chicks,dont be overawed by a persons looks,getting to be a persons friend is non threatening,you'll instictively know if you or they want to take it further,just dont be a geek or a pain in the ass,this approach also alerts you to people that are attractive but have little else to offer.

P.S. As for your title,the deal closes itself.

Good luck,

Regards,Andy.

[AfteraDream]

Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno

That is most-likely because you weren't attractive and compelling to them.

The simple answer: When you engage in conversation with any new women spend as much time as possible learning about her, rather than trying to tell her about yourself. Stay present in the conversation, contributing something of yourself whenever appropriate, but remembering that YOUR OBJECTIVE is to learn about her - so you need to continually bring the conversation back around to opportunities for her to tell you about her interests, goals, enthusiasms, and opinions, and encourage her to be forthcoming.

This will make you compelling! This hold ESPECIALLY true with extraordinarily attractive women, who virtually never meet men who are interested in what they have to say! Normally men approach stunning women either to try to show off how great they are ("Hey Baby, check ME out!") or to tell them how beautiful THEY are ("Omigod, you're so awesome!") and neither of them holds much appeal .


Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

P.S. Ultimately, there's an EVEN MORE IMPORTANT REASON to spend your time learning about women when you first meet them: To determine IF YOU LIKE THEM, so you know whether or not you're prepared to invest your energy into developing any relationship with them!
Nothing makes a man MORE ATTRACTIVE to a woman than his being genuinely interested in what she has to say. The longer she feels she's been

But when is listening too much? At some point she may start to think that you are boring and have nothing to say...

[Cameron Teone]

aomega54 asked:

Some of my friends get pretty nervous approaching girls.

I'm relatively OK with that, but when I work up the courage to go talk to an attractive girl (or when I get introduced to one at a party) I tend to screw it up somehow.

I find that a lot of the time they tend to 'go to the bathroom', or 'go back to their friends' or if I swap numbers with them a lot of the time they will not answer.

Hey,

Well, look at the bright side 1st: Most guys are terrified to approach women and you’ve got that down.

Now, on to your issue:

If cold-approaching a woman was a process of A-Z, you’re getting stuck on step A or B, and you’re worrying about step Z, being intimate.

Girls are leaving the interactions because you’re not attracting them enough YET. Good news is: You can learn to do it. Swapping numbers with a girl who is not attracted to you is mostly pointless because she is not going to feel like meeting you.

There are a myriad of things I can throw out there that are attractive qualities:

• Being confident,
• Being FUN,
• Having an engaging personality,
• Being interesting,
• Sense of humor,
• Being confident in your own skin, (Not being needy),
• Being charismatic, passionate
• Having good body language and Tonality (which stems from being confidence as well.)
• Being sexual, flirtatious,

I don’t know you personally, so I can’t possibly give you tailor-made advice. However, there may be a possibility that you’re trying too hard to get to know them, being needy and putting them on a pedestal.

Focus on having FUN, and normal conversation, tease a little bit and draw them into your reality by learning to be a better storyteller. This will engage them in wanting to know more about you.

As a result, you'll find that they'll be more apt to want to stay talking to you instead of excusing themselves "To go to the bathroom."

If you provide more details, I can probably give you a better answer. ;-)

Cameron

[111]

Originally Posted by Cameron Teone

aomega54 asked:




Hey,

Well, look at the bright side 1st: Most guys are terrified to approach women and you’ve got that down.

Now, on to your issue:

If cold-approaching a woman was a process of A-Z, you’re getting stuck on step A or B, and you’re worrying about step Z, being intimate.

• Being confident,
• Being FUN,
• Having an engaging personality,
• Being interesting,
• Sense of humor,
• Being confident in your own skin, (Not being needy),
• Being charismatic, passionate
• Having good body language and Tonality (which stems from being confidence as well.)
• Being sexual, flirtatious,

I don’t know you personally, so I can’t possibly give you tailor-made advice. However, there may be a possibility that you’re trying too hard to get to know them, being needy and putting them on a pedestal.

Focus on having FUN, and normal conversation, tease a little bit and draw them into your reality by learning to be a better storyteller. This will engage them in wanting to know more about you.

As a result, you'll find that they'll be more apt to want to stay talking to you instead of excusing themselves "To go to the bathroom."

If you provide more details, I can probably give you a better answer. ;-)

Cameron

I now am in a similar position. I have gotten to a bunch of number for me at least when going out over the past say 6 weeks. I have gotten a lot better after first seeing I wasn't getting my calls answered after I gave them a call back maybe 3 to 5 days later. Then I started reading up more and using the advice. I have been * intimate* with two girls since and have gotten girls to want to give me there number this last two weeks. This past Thursday I got a great girl, the one a few guys hit on, I spoke a few times and we hit it off. We flirted and I left. I came back couldn't get back in since the end of the night. On her way out she was with an older lady I thought was her mom, she wasn't, she walked by and I didn't want to bug her again if didn't stop. 10 paces and she turns back and wants a cigarette and is hanging out for 25 minutes after she gave me her number. I told her I had to go to not stay around.

Point for me was I was joking with her and listening. I remember reading that you will eventually get better with women despite yourself.

Will see if this is only more perceived success soon enough.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno

That is most-likely because you weren't attractive and compelling to them.

The simple answer: When you engage in conversation with any new women spend as much time as possible learning about her, rather than trying to tell her about yourself. Stay present in the conversation, contributing something of yourself whenever appropriate, but remembering that YOUR OBJECTIVE is to learn about her - so you need to continually bring the conversation back around to opportunities for her to tell you about her interests, goals, enthusiasms, and opinions, and encourage her to be forthcoming.

This will make you compelling! This hold ESPECIALLY true with extraordinarily attractive women, who virtually never meet men who are interested in what they have to say! Normally men approach stunning women either to try to show off how great they are ("Hey Baby, check ME out!") or to tell them how beautiful THEY are ("Omigod, you're so awesome!") and neither of them holds much appeal .


Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

P.S. Ultimately, there's an EVEN MORE IMPORTANT REASON to spend your time learning about women when you first meet them: To determine IF YOU LIKE THEM, so you know whether or not you're prepared to invest your energy into developing any relationship with them!

Hey Johnny,

I just realised this today, that in the past all the times I have been successful with getting girls attention, it's been by giving and paying attention to them, and not really by demonstrating any kind of high value...

I guess it's all much more simple and obvious than you'd think...

[rawxstasy]

Johnny's advice is right on!

This hold ESPECIALLY true with extraordinarily attractive women, who virtually never meet men who are interested in what they have to say! Normally men approach stunning women either to try to show off how great they are ("Hey Baby, check ME out!") or to tell them how beautiful THEY are ("Omigod, you're so awesome!") and neither of them holds much appeal

I come across the above scenario too many times! Would be nice for a guy to just listen to what I have to say. I also can sense when a guy has an ulterior motive - big turn off. I've decided to stop dating for a while because lately the men I come into contact have given me the impression they feel like "OK, I'll be your friend (for a while) then I'll start pushing for more!" Maybe I'm manifesting this to.....

[TonyToneTone]

I'm relatively OK with that, but when I work up the courage to go talk to an attractive girl (or when I get introduced to one at a party) I tend to screw it up somehow.

I would say you're messing up here because you're making such a big deal out of the girl. Watch yourself the next time you talk to one of your women friends that you're not attracted to versus one that you are. With the women you're not attracted to, you're probably laid back, confident and have fun. That is how it should be with women you are attracted to as well. When you can get to the point where an attractive woman is not a big deal just because she is attractive, then it becomes MUCH easier to talk to them. An easy way to do this is to talk to plenty when you are out.

Johnny Soporno gave you some good advice. Make it about her, you already know about yourself. Imagine if the roles were reverse and some girl came up and started talking to you about her, her, her, her. It would get annoying fast regardless of how pretty she was.

Next time you are out start chatting up everyone; men and women (even one's you don't think are attractive). Get yourself warmed up. You ever see a professional athlete compete? What do they do? They get warm first before hitting the field. It's the same thing you should do. Talk to everyone; doorman, girl standing next to you, the go-go dancer, everyone. You'll be loose and it'll be a breeze to talk to the attractive woman. In fact, you won't even be thinking about how attractive she is, it's just one more person you are talking to. She'll be surprised at how come you're into her like everyone else and also at how confident you are.

[111]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

I would say you're messing up here because you're making such a big deal out of the girl. Watch yourself the next time you talk to one of your women friends that you're not attracted to versus one that you are. With the women you're not attracted to, you're probably laid back, confident and have fun. That is how it should be with women you are attracted to as well. When you can get to the point where an attractive woman is not a big deal just because she is attractive, then it becomes MUCH easier to talk to them. An easy way to do this is to talk to plenty when you are out.

Johnny Soporno gave you some good advice. Make it about her, you already know about yourself. Imagine if the roles were reverse and some girl came up and started talking to you about her, her, her, her. It would get annoying fast regardless of how pretty she was.

Next time you are out start chatting up everyone; men and women (even one's you don't think are attractive). Get yourself warmed up. You ever see a professional athlete compete? What do they do? They get warm first before hitting the field. It's the same thing you should do. Talk to everyone; doorman, girl standing next to you, the go-go dancer, everyone. You'll be loose and it'll be a breeze to talk to the attractive woman. In fact, you won't even be thinking about how attractive she is, it's just one more person you are talking to. She'll be surprised at how come you're into her like everyone else and also at how confident you are.

I used to do just that when I failed at the appraoching and holding a conversation because I was not able to function properly and think of what to say. Now I go with some friends out and or meet more friends downtown. When we have an entourage and a few people you are mingling with you seem more valuable because you aren't there just stalking women, but having a fun time out.

It seems to take a few minutes to warm up, but I've been reading the best time to approach a woman is the first time you see her.

I need to make my moves quicker and that will help me succeed on another level I hope.

[Dot]

Originally Posted by aomega54

Bottom line, I end up in the intimate zone with very few of the women I begin chatting to.

How about you begin to actually RESPECT women, instead of making them into targets for your weenie.

The fact of the matter is, you SHOULD wind up in the intimate zone with very few women you'll ever talk to. : )

[James81]

Originally Posted by Dot

How about you begin to actually RESPECT women, instead of making them into targets for your weenie.

Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

You can respect women and still want to have sex with them. Personally, I'd advise about being MORE open about his sexual desire than trying to dampen it.

He doesn't have to be a pig to show his sexual desire for her. And he doesn't have to be Saint Francis to repsect her either.

The answer to almost ANY trouble you are having with women almost always boils down to one point:

Be real with her. If you want her, then show her that you want her in a way that doesn't degrade her.

The key to that statement, however, is in realizing that you as a man don't WANT every single woman you meet. You have to train yourself to start qualifying (for lack of a better, less controling word ) HER, instead of qualifying yourself TO her. And that starts with knowing what you want.

And to break it down even further, there are two types of "want." There's the "want" of having a relationship with her that is free to grow however you see fit. And then there's the "want" of wanting a less serious relationship with her.

You should have criteria for both of those types of situations. And you should be qualifying the girls you meet based on those criteria. Obviously, the second one will be less stringient, but you should still have a standard of some sort that you require. Qualify these girls to that standard, and hold them to it. If they don't fit those standards, move on.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Dot

How about you begin to actually RESPECT women, instead of making them into targets for your weenie.

The fact of the matter is, you SHOULD wind up in the intimate zone with very few women you'll ever talk to. : )

That's hardly fact, more like your belief about relationships.

And James81, great breakdown on how to handle things.

It seems to take a few minutes to warm up, but I've been reading the best time to approach a woman is the first time you see her.

I need to make my moves quicker and that will help me succeed on another level I hope.

Approach whenever feels right. I think BTW, that general saying is to approach the first time she sees you.

Don't rush things. Don't make yourself all anxious by thinking you have to move fast. Just let it flow. You're there to have fun and connect.

[111]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

Approach whenever feels right. I think BTW, that general saying is to approach the first time she sees you.

Don't rush things. Don't make yourself all anxious by thinking you have to move fast. Just let it flow. You're there to have fun and connect.

That's what I meant to say. You want to wait for her to notice you and the best time for her to notice you is when you are first entering the place. Just what I've read.

I have a great time when I do find a girl I like somewhere and strike up a conversation. Sometimes you have to wait for a good opportunity...at least for me. I am not good if I think they have a boyfriend or something and a couple of guys are standing with the girls, but a couple of girls and it's okay.

Still lots of practice.