Being less sensitive

[Stealth]

So this relates to another post that I made. I should accept myself, but I notice that I'm sensitive at times. My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and for the most part, I'm fine. The thing is, she has always made fun or been facetious with me. I think that's her personality, and she makes fun of the people she likes.. Like how I'm cocky/funny with most other girls. With her, the roles were kind of reversed, and it worked out well for the most part while it lasted. My point is not to get back with her or the dynamics of our interaction but something that has kind of affected me.

I'm reading a book called No More Mr Nice Guy. I haven't gone past chapter 1 yet. I'm thinking that it might be nice guy behavior for me to accept being made fun of. Or being teased in general. If someone talks ****, even jokingly, is it alpha behavior for me to poke fun back assuming I'm with friends? I mean I guess if I don't poke fun back, my perceived value is lowered. I was talking to my ex today, and she was like, I like making fun of you, don't take it to heart though. While it does affect me a bit because I'm sensitive, I'm somewhat accepting of it, and I passively make fun of her back, but really deep down even with my friends, I don't feel like being made fun of. I guess this goes to the other book The Way of the Superior Man in such a way that they girl is going to test you. I remember a quote somewhere that Marines always talk **** to each other to test for weakness within the pack. Kind of like a wolf pack always testing each other to make sure they're strong.

So fine, I want to be stronger. How do I become unaffected or less sensitive about it when a girl that I have value for does that? I don't like being reactive with my friends, but sometimes I sling **** back at them. I guess what I'm asking is how can I just not care what anyone thinks, but still have friends that value me? lol

[roxyruby]

Hey I would like to know the answer to this as well!!!

I think one of the keys here is first of all, repetition of new ideas is the key to changing yourself (so in this case making yourself stronger)

And then...what do emotionally strong people believe?

The key there is to find out the beliefs of emotionally strong people and start believing the same as they do....a repetition to your brain of the real truth.

So what would an emotionally strong person think if someone was teasing them?

* Well maybe they would focus on the attention and actually feel good about themself because they are the centre of attention, which means the person likes them

* They would see that the other person is in silly messing around mood and also drop their seriousness level. During this time they will not take anything seriously

* They will always just be themself, and say what they think, even if it is something like "(Name) I feel like your getting a bit passive-aggressive/ putting me down so cut it out k mate"

And if they don't stop, an emotionally strong person would simply realize this person has a problem with being a bit of a ♥♥♥♥♥/bully!!! In this case they can either not take anything seriously & keep messing around with the person & turning it into something fun, Or they could Leave and go hang out with more healthy caring people.

* An emotionally strong person who has experienced sensitivity would remember to not listen to their thoughts and feelings during this social situation because those thoughts and feelings are wrong! An emotionally strong person knows they are kool and important/worthy all the time

* An emotionally strong person will be willing to take risks, go crazy, and step out of their comfort zone because they don't take things personally or seriously & realize they deserve to have fun and feel good no matter what the situation

* An emotionally strong person realizes they don't have to rely on others to feel good. They may compliment themself inside their head & think strong/positive helpful thoughts.

* An emotionally strong person would have a great healthy strong attitude

[SimonaRich]

If you are offended by something that someone tells about you, it is your ego getting hurt, not the real you. When you get rid of your ego you are not offended by anyone anymore.

Why would you anyway? You know who you are, and others have different kinds of limited beliefs and view the world in a different way. Why to believe in what they say if you know who you really are.

[StellaBlue]

Well, this might not be what you are looking for, but personally I think it is so important to BE sensitive. You can still be confident and happy while being sensitive. You want to be able to feel your heart. That is such an amazing thing in a world where society hardens so many others. We are all sensitive as children, and then we become less sensitive as life goes on. For everyone to lose sensitivity would be a terrible, dangerous thing. Would you want to become so desensitized that along with hurt/pain you no longer feel love, happiness, excitement, etc. It is all a part of being sensitive! Celebrate

You can still feel an emotion without having it run your life. It is true that it is your ego that is offended by others because it seeks acceptance. I experience the same thing and work on overcoming fear of certain social situations because of it.

I recommend that when you feel an emotion that you allow yourself to feel it completely and don't resist it. The best way, in my opinion, to be in control of your emotions is to embrace/understand them instead of resist them. When I practice this (and it is difficult!) it leads to the ability to see my emotions as both part and separate from me. When I see from this double perspective, I understand that they do not define/control me, but are a part of what makes me human.

In my experience, when you are true to yourself and what you feel, you are actually being very strong and your real friends will value you most.

[AfteraDream]

I wish I could help you but I can't since I have problems with sensitivity myself But I can definitely say that No More Mr. Nice Guy is a great book and every guys should read it.

[Stealth]

lol. haven't finished NMMNG. so I'm guessing it doesn't talk about sensitivity. lol

[AfteraDream]

Originally Posted by Stealth

lol. haven't finished NMMNG. so I'm guessing it doesn't talk about sensitivity. lol

It covers all the problems nice guys have and there should be something about sensitivity too..

[Nasir]

How do you react when some pushes your buttons, Stealth?

I've found that I usually never have to verbally respond when someone tries. I just make direct eye contact with them, no facial expression (perhaps a slight smile), and go back to what I was doing.

[UnleashReality]

the roles were reversed with her because you were more in love with the idea of her than the girl herself. and you invested in the ego of having that girlfriend. and what it meant. and what it means that you've broken up.

bottom line is that nothing will complete you. least of all some girlfriend.
you have to realise that you're compelte already.

trying to sort sensitivity is full symptom solution. question why you're sensitive to begin with. what is it that you're protecting. could it be that what you're protecting isn't real?

anything that needs to be efforted at, protected, defended, etc... isn't you.

that which you are needs nothing.

i elaborate on that kind of stuff on my site - Unleash Reality - check it out and leave a comment if it helped.

hope that helped
alex
unleash reality