Cant get over my first Break up

[Zoomorphic]

My first bf broke up with me 2months ago. I m still hurt and cant stop thinking about him. Every night, I waited in Msn messenger hoping he would be online and chat me up. I hate feeling stuck, needy and hopeless.

How do i get pass this? My confidence is dropping low. I cant be happy right now I feel life is meaningless and numb.

Any strong advice to get pass this awful state and lack of motivation?

[juguy]

First break ups are always hard. Hang out and talk to your friends!! I can't emphasize that enough. It really helped me during my first break up.

It takes a while to get over it but you eventually will. You need to get over him and find a better man. Don't go on messenger hoping he will talk to you because you will only hurt yourself this way.

[Zerox]

Hoho, I still remember my first breakup.. that was about 5years ago now.
Took me 3years before the hurting stopped. But I still think about her from day to day. Same with my last breakup.

The only reason you feel like this is because you don't have any other person of interest. When you were dating he was part of your life. Now he's gone so it's empty. I notice that the hurting and longing doesnt stop until you meet someone new just as interesting.

I'm also a pretty needy person, I feel a need to conversate, to be socially active, to have a relationship. Of course this results in the exact opposite.
I'm always alone, I have no1 to speak to and It's been years since I had a relationship. Sucks.

Go out and find new people, the only thing that works for me.

[Zoomorphic]

Sigh ** i m still hook in that MSN MESSENGER waiting and waiting.

I m seriously feeling Low and dont feel like living anymore.
Being in love, hurts so bad. This really put me off in the future.

Plz someone take away the pain..

[Daffy Duck]

I found a lot of good advice here: getting over your first breakup - Google Search

In my experience, the first breakup was the hardest. In hindsight, it doesn't really seem all that bad at all. Just needed some time. Don't give up! Things will get better.

[RT Wolf]

You're not in love, you're out of love. What you're feeling right now isn't love, it's more like clinging, craving, a sort of addiction.

Perhaps you can talk to someone who's had more experience in person? A counseller at your college/uni/work whatever? Or just a wise person you respect. If they're really wise, they'll likely just shut up and listen for the most part.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Zoomorphic

...
Plz someone take away the pain..

Sorry, we can't do that.

A break-up sucks. It's like a disease that needs to run it's course. You can speed up the process.

What worked for me: be physically active every time you start feeling down! Walk, ride a bike or a horse, go to the gym, dance! Get away from the computer, and delete the ex on MSN for a while. Do something!

You may not like it at first but it does work. It's also letting go of the possibility of him as boyfriend. Mentally you need to say goodbye to that possibility and right now you don't want that.

[Holistic Star]

When you mourn the loss of someone, especially when it is a first love, it is because you have put them on a pedistal. You think they are wonderful, and full of amazing qualities.

At the same time,you put yourself down thinking that you are not as good as them which hurts and makes you feel bad.

To balance yourself you have to start seeing the situation honestly for what it was and start feeling good about yourself again.


So if you want to stop the pain - then here is my 3 part prescription!


1. Write down 10 things you liked or admired about you ex-bf and that you think you have lost by him not being in your life anymore.

2. Write down 100 things you didn't like about him and why you are better off without him. This is to balance the idealisation of him. You need to bring him down of the pedistal you've put him on. (By the time you get to 50, you should be starting to get a better view of him, by the time you get to 100 he should be down to earth again).


3. Take a look at the list from 1. Think about how YOU embody each of those characteristics that you liked about him. Also, think about how those characteristics are still in your life. E.g. if you said he was funny, think about how you show your sense of humour and also a friend that makes you laugh. If you said he was kind, think about how you show kindness and where kindness is shown to you. If you think he had nice eyes / smile - think about where in your life you get to see nice eyes / smiles etc. Be creative here - it might not be the same form, but you or someone in your life will embody those qualities. You don't lose them, they just get transmuted into something else.

It might take an hour or so to go through this exercise. But I'm sure that when you have it will hurt less than it does now. At the very least you are left with 100 good reasons why he's not the right guy for you which you can read if you are ever feeling weak or sad again!

It does work - I've done this exercise recently. It's amazing what our mind glosses over trying to pretend someone is right for us. Get it out in the open!

So go on ... what are you waiting for?

(ps - you don't have to post your answers online, do the lists privately and come and report back!)

[joelr]

Originally Posted by Zoomorphic

My first bf broke up with me 2months ago. I m still hurt and cant stop thinking about him. Every night, I waited in Msn messenger hoping he would be online and chat me up. I hate feeling stuck, needy and hopeless.

How do i get pass this? My confidence is dropping low. I cant be happy right now I feel life is meaningless and numb.

Any strong advice to get pass this awful state and lack of motivation?

Sorry to hear about your pain I've had lots of breakups. I find sometimes I go through a phase where nothing helps except crying and talking to friends and just trying to live with the pain as best I can for a while. Then I start to feel a little better and the traditional advice helps a little - keep busy, meet new people to date etc...
Hopefully you will feel better soon!
I had one particular breakup 2 years ago that was much worse than usual. That was really sucky.

[peterpeterPETER]

My girlfriend dumped me about 7 months ago, and even though I know she was nothing special - not very interesting I still accidentally think about her almost every day. If I dream of her I'm miserable for the rest of the day. She was my first love as well and although everyone says the first one takes the longest to get over I've kinda gone off the idea of being with anyone else.

Some days I feel completely over it, but most of the time I don't. So it would be nice to find a way to get over it permanently.

It is like a craving. I blocked her a few weeks after she dumped me and told her I'll see her in a few years. If anything I'm quite surprised at how much will power I have XD.

I dono why i'm writing this. I like venting on forums and secret blogs :P