what exactly do man do in "flirting"? tell me your skills :D

[Zane]

I've seen girls flirting man all the time. But no one ever tell me how to flirt them. Can anybody give me detail of flirting?

[Holistic Star]

A cheeky smile and a look that seems to drink you all in does it for me!

[spirit4711]

Flirting is telling her you like her without telling her. Give her attention but keep distance too (don't be "in her face"). Casually show interest, then let go, then show interest, that's the thing. It's like a dance. It takes two to tango .

PS ladies, that works for men too .

[nocturne]

Originally Posted by Zane

I've seen girls flirting man all the time. But no one ever tell me how to flirt them. Can anybody give me detail of flirting?

it is not a science, it is an art. everyman does it differently. some are better, some are worse.

a lot of things go into flirting, which often resembles kids playing around with each other. I just define it as teasing and playfulness. it includes: eye contact, smiling, teasing the other person, bantering, making jokes, etc. It really depends on your own personal style. It could also include casual forms of touch (on the shoulder for example), a playful punch on the shoulder.

one thing is for sure; you can't be serious and flirtatious all at once.

You can also be very direct about it and tell her you want to join her for lunch cause you think she is cute. Or whatever words you choose.

The man is supposed to lead the interaction, banter, make conversation, then ask her out (if he wants).

[funchy]

I'm female. Here is my opinion:

I'd say flirting can be anything that is an indirect way of showing interest. It can be special attention. It can be eye contact. It can be touching a friend on the arm as your approach them, for a brief second longer than a friend might normally touch another. It can be a properly given compliment that might only be given to woman a man is interested in.

The easiest things to get you started on what to focus on: eye contact (how long, when to look away) and smiling (the right kind and when to show it). If she shows interest in you, the worst mistake is to let fear/discomfort keep you from returning the interest. Don't avert your eyes, if she is giving you 'the look'.

One suggestion might be to listen carefully to what others say. Can you identify any guys you think are flirts? Pay close attention to what they say, what they don't say, and their body language.

This may sound stupid, but watch some of the "chick films", especially movies about men who meet & win over the woman. Or if you can get the BBC channel, there are some excellent men-flirts on the show called Mistresses.

"one thing is for sure; you can't be serious and flirtatious all at once."

I think there is a different kind of flirting that hints of power, seduction, and control. A mature, powerful man can flirt in a very serious manner. In that case, it would be power/confidence/control that's attracting the woman, not playfulness. He seriously wants her. If she is self-confident and his power doesn't intimidate, she'll respond.

[munish]

Smile and wink at them.

[Zerox]

Keep eye contact, put on a cocky smirk, Don't be needy.
Treat her like your spoiled little brat sister.

Works like a charm. Women seem to love playing around.

[James81]

Flirting isn't something a man should really engage in. Flirting is a way for a woman to hint at her interest in a man, because typically women don't do the "asking out" or whatever.

You, as a man, should be more forthright with your interest. Not blatanat (at least not AT FIRST), but your "flirting" should be more along the lines of teasing.

I realize that sounds PUA, but in this case it's one of the few things that the PUA world has right.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by James81

Flirting isn't something a man should really engage in.
...

Just checked in the bathroom. I'm still a man. And I love flirting. Also I know women who don't like flirting.

Flirting is certainly not gender bound. Flirting is nothing more or less than showing interest in a person you might like to date.

[Holistic Star]

I agree with Spirit. Women love men who flirt well!

<flutters eyelashes and looks away!>

[juguy]

The way to flirt with a girl is to banter. Here's a bunch of lines to give you examples. My way of flirting with girls is to tease them. There are probably all kinds of way but I mainly tease.

Teasing is a great way with flirting with girls.

For example saying to a girl "you are such a dork." is a way of flirting.

[Halffull]

David Deangelo has a concept called "Cocky Funny".

Look up a product called double your dating.

Be wary of everything that product says, but the "Cocky FUnny" concept is great to use as training wheels for flirting.

[James81]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Just checked in the bathroom. I'm still a man. And I love flirting. Also I know women who don't like flirting.

Flirting is certainly not gender bound. Flirting is nothing more or less than showing interest in a person you might like to date.

I wasn't "genderizing" it.

Sure there are men who love to flirt and women who hate it.

*I* was saying that it's not something that a man should get caught up in. Mainly because it's passive. In my experience, the men who flirt tend to be the men who end up getting friendzoned more often than not.

I DO realize, however, that there are exceptions to everything, and that I am speaking in huge gaping generalizations. But if I were speaking to a man who has trouble getting with women, one of the first things I would tell him is to stop flirting (i.e. being passive) and be more agressive.

[Halffull]

Originally Posted by James81

I wasn't "genderizing" it.

Sure there are men who love to flirt and women who hate it.

*I* was saying that it's not something that a man should get caught up in. Mainly because it's passive. In my experience, the men who flirt tend to be the men who end up getting friendzoned more often than not.

I DO realize, however, that there are exceptions to everything, and that I am speaking in huge gaping generalizations. But if I were speaking to a man who has trouble getting with women, one of the first things I would tell him is to stop flirting (i.e. being passive) and be more agressive.

I gotta disagree on this one man. Flirting is meant to open a door, it's not the end all be all.

In other words, no reason you can't both flirt and be aggresive.

[Holistic Star]

Please don't be 'aggressive'. Horrible connotations with that word. I'm sure it is meant innocently in the conext above, but having been on the receiving end of sexually aggressive advances let me tell you, it can be very unpleasant and traumatic. It's not a good mindset to get into to be sexually aggressive.

Assertive is good. Assertive is empowering and respects both men and women. Being sexually assertive respects your own rights and the person you are attempting to woo. Assertive means you make it clear that you are interested in the other person and that you want to sleep with them / date them / whatever! However you still respect their right to say no if they are not interested.

And yes, I agree, flirting is a non-threatening way of establishing interest. It's an opener and you can always back off easily if you want to. However after the initial flirting, someone has to make a move at some point!

[James81]

Originally Posted by Halffull

In other words, no reason you can't both flirt and be aggresive.

Exactly. And I wasn't saying you can't. I'm just trying to point out the passiveness of flirty and that it isn't really getting you very far.

So, someone who is struggling with women might want to cut out flirting until they get the more "agressive" stuff down first.

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Assertive is good. Assertive is empowering and respects both men and women. Being sexually assertive respects your own rights and the person you are attempting to woo. Assertive means you make it clear that you are interested in the other person and that you want to sleep with them / date them / whatever! However you still respect their right to say no if they are not interested.

This is what I meant by being agressive. You see something, you go after it and make no bones about your intentions.

I certainly didn't mean for a negative connotation of the word where you practically force yourself onto a girl.

[Holistic Star]

I was sure that was what you meant! However precise language is important. Someone might misinterpret your advice and use aggressive behaviour, when what you meant was assertive.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by James81

I wasn't "genderizing" it.

...

Actually, you were. Read your post again. If that isn't genderizing, then what is it?

Maybe it's the same with aggressive / assertive. Precise language is important, especially in a read / write environment without non-verbal feedback.

I guess we mean the same thing after all .

[songwriter]

my experience is a bit special

Like some say women use to like men that "flirt well"

That doesn't mean they have a great personality or so, just that they do that right. Like being good in any other thing.

And that depends much on practice. So the ones that "flirt best" (I know some) use to be men that spent all his youth flirting (or almost ), and never stayed with any woman in a long relationship.
They use to get tired of that and get a serious girlfriend.

It's a skill, so besides any inborn talent, practice is what makes you do it better. But if you go for long relationships, you hardly gonna be as good and some that are flirting for a lifelong time.

So it's a bit crazy game. Many people want faithful and commited people for long relationships, but they feel attracted to the ones "that flirt good", just the less likely to be faithful and commited...

As for me the best things happen to me when it's a woman who starts the flirting appearing suddenly. I'm a bad flirter so it's better when it's them who do the traditional "man" role in the flirt.

But they're probably the ones less likely to want a long relationship but the constant flirters.... as happen with men.

[Daffy Duck]

Flirting is an interesting concept to me. I suppose I do a lot of these things mentioned without thinking about it, but I figured out a long time ago that just acting like myself (being authentic) works best in all situations. If I go into a conversation with a "plan" or "techniques," it's going to feel awkward for me. I'm not playing a game of Chess... I'm just talking to another human! I also figured out a long time ago that most people are not offended if they can see you like them. Who doesn't like to be liked? As long as it's not in a creepy sort of way.