Personal Development Screwed my social life!

[AlekNovy]

Well, not that as bad as the subject line sounds, lol

But it is kind of like that... see... I'm running a start-up-business and takes a lot of energy and mental focus.

The more I've developed, the higher my criteria has become, and the higher the level of people I attract in my life. One problem - the higher the level, the less such people there are.

I've been in a big dilemma for a few months. What would you do? If I'm not doing things with people and just focusing on my goals (mostly financial and academic), it drives me insane, I feel like I want to go out there and take a walk with someone and discuss stuff.

HOWEVER... The people I used to hang-out with, when I do go out with them... all they talk about is celebrity gossip, football, cellphones, how much their dayjobs suck, and any discussion of personal development or business development is frowned up. So they drive me even more insane.

Would you go and have any-kind of social life just to have it, and learn to live/settle with people you're not compatible with until better people start showing up... or... do you focus primarily on the business.

There is option C, I know... go and find the higher level people, but that option requires effort, time, energy and focus, which takes away from my priority, my business which is my life-purpose.

[AttractIt]

it looks like you are in fight, and not only one, three,

I know there are certain times that its not easy,
but don't fight it,
Like attract like, I think you want the people who makes you good
around you,
but it looks you are unpatient,

Give the universe the time to attract you the people you want,
Don't compromise.

I can be your friend, though, I probably live thousands of miles away...

Cheers,

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

...
There is option C, I know... go and find the higher level people, but that option requires effort, time, energy and focus, which takes away from my priority, my business which is my life-purpose.

Maybe not as much time & energy as you think. Why not place an invitation somewhere on this board? Or, approach people whose postings you like, first via PM and maybe later in real life.

[AlekNovy]

Maybe not as much time & energy as you think. Why not place an invitation somewhere on this board? Or, approach people whose postings you like, first via PM and maybe later in real life.

Good points In fact, this is how I met my best friends! One problem though, we're 3 continents away

I forgot to mention that about option C. I don't live in the USA. I live in a somewhat 2nd world country. I have plenty of high-quality online friends that I chat with and love and do attract them very easily (met through personal development forums and such)... Really love these people. They're awesome. If I lived in the same town as them, we'd be hanging out all day.


BUT, just talking over the phone or text, doesn't fill in the "socializing need" that includes someone's physical presence.


Where I live personal development is non-existent. Except for 2-3 high-ticket business events per year, otherwise, nothing. There is yoga classes though, but that's only here for 6 months of the year, and its entirely 60 year old moms. Not anything against that, but I'm a young man, except for the spiritual interest, nothing in common. I have gone for 3-4 years to different yoga events.

So I'm working on moving out of this country entirely. Consider that the average person in the USA, has the awareness of a "wise-man" here. In other words, the entire country is on a much lower awareness level (there is no self-help category in bookstores for example)

Anyway, working on my start-up-business is motivated primarily by my life-purpose, but secondarily in helping me move out of the country. So yeah, the dillema is... Do you compromise, or do you sacrifice?


I just have one dillema... And that's which part of me is right.

- One part says "I'm using personal development and not-compromising as an excuse for not having a social life and being a loner, i'm not really a businessman or on a life-purpose path"

- Another part says, "Its my ego that insists on compromising so that I force myself into a mediocre, social life just so that I am not seen as weird, and non-conforming"

[AlekNovy]

Originally Posted by AttractIt

but it looks you are unpatient,

Not really. I'm more than patient. In fact, maybe to an indifferent extreme at times.

I have been living the patient life for 3-4 years now, but awareness and meditation has allowed me to see that I'm not entirely happy with this mode. I am "not compromising", but even though I'm fulfilled, i'm not as happy as I was before (superficial needs are not met, just deeper needs, and both are important). So "while waiting" for things to align, there are better conscious strategies to use in the meantime.

I think both the conscious extreme of "work hard, push push push" and the unconcious extreme of "just let everything come to you", are both non-ideal.

There is happy medium where you can use elements of both.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

The more I've developed, the higher my criteria has become, and the higher the level of people I attract in my life. One problem - the higher the level, the less such people there are.

I've been in a big dilemma for a few months. What would you do? If I'm not doing things with people and just focusing on my goals (mostly financial and academic), it drives me insane, I feel like I want to go out there and take a walk with someone and discuss stuff.

HOWEVER... The people I used to hang-out with, when I do go out with them... all they talk about is celebrity gossip, football, cellphones, how much their dayjobs suck, and any discussion of personal development or business development is frowned up. So they drive me even more insane.
.

Your social circle is always determined by who you are it is never by choice, you can only choose your friends from a specific group that shares your views- in this case financial and academic. The topic of self development to those who don’t believe in it is a waste of time. Your (former) friends do not understand the new you; they are used to the old self. Don’t expect them to understand you, they might even become jealous of your success and positive attitude, and this is not good, is it? Let then your success make friends for you; let it choose for you the social circle that befits your standards as it is. Your success in itself will create your social circle; you don’t need to strain yourself. Don’t worry be happy!

[SimonaRich]

Exactly. The more you develop spiritually, the less people there are on the same level. But the best part is, when you meet people who are very conscious, you have a great time together and you do not regret any single bit that you took this path.

Patience my friend, you will meet people that are on the same level, just enjoy what you do and soon you will meet someone likeminded.

I did not look up your location, but I am in London and believe me if you live somewhere in the US there should be many more people who are waking up.

[AlekNovy]

Your (former) friends do not understand the new you; they are used to the old self. Don’t expect them to understand you, they might even become jealous of your success and positive attitude, and this is not good, is it?

I'm not talking about "former friends", but the people I have to choose from where I physically reside.

I don't accept them. I can easily fit in with most "normal" people and pretend I am interested in the lower-level stuff. Its just that this kind of interaction doesn't leave me fulfilled. Talking to my friends who are 3 continents away is very fullfilling, but its missing a physical component.


My question is more in terms in "compromise vs. sacrifice".

Do you sacrifice a quality social life until the universe brings it (or you attract it)... OR do you compromise until then.

Originally Posted by newsbone

Your social circle is always determined by who you are it is never by choice, you can only choose your friends from a specific group that shares your views- in this case financial and academic. The topic of self development to those who don’t believe in it is a waste of time.

The issue here is the specific group/pool to choose from. I belong to a class that doesn't exist where I physically reside. I can't attract a "swedish professor as a neighbour", if I live in tanzania. What I can (and do) attract is the opportunity to move to sweden. The issue is that until I do... I have 2-3 years with the dillema of "in the meantime"

UNTIL you attract/get the quality people, do you sacrifice or compromise.

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

Patience my friend, you will meet people that are on the same level, just enjoy what you do and soon you will meet someone likeminded.

I do appreciate the answers that tell me "don't worry, you will eventually meet them and attract them", I just want to clarify that's not my question and this is what I already know/believe/think. I know I will, and am patient with it. I guess the words I used were too harsh, so I gave the wrong impression, I thought I was being funny with "driving me insane", lol.

My question is what would you do in the meantime. I am realistic, and I specifically know it will be as much as 1-2 years. So the question again is in what do you do within those 2 years. (in the meantime).

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

I'm not talking about "former friends", but the people I have to choose from where I physically reside..

So you want to choose before you even get there? Your line of business will attract people to either as customers or as partners or as just like minded individuals. Personally I moved to Kampala from Kenya in November of last year but believe me you; my social circle is ever increasing and it did not take me that long. As it is said ‘Birds of a feather flock together’.

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

I don't accept them. I can easily fit in with most "normal" people and pretend I am interested in the lower-level stuff. Its just that this kind of interaction doesn't leave me fulfilled. Talking to my friends who are 3 continents away is very fullfilling, but its missing a physical component. .

Pretending always hurts the person practicing it as it requires a lot of effort and practice to always stand out as being true. Only one mistake can betray the fact that you are not comfortable with those around you, and you don’t want that I think!

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

My question is more in terms in "compromise vs. sacrifice".

Do you sacrifice a quality social life until the universe brings it (or you attract it)... OR do you compromise until then.
.

Sacrifice brings out quality but compromise is a fake substitute for the truth!

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

The issue here is the specific group/pool to choose from. I belong to a class that doesn't exist where I physically reside. I can't attract a "swedish professor as a neighbour", if I live in tanzania. What I can (and do) attract is the opportunity to move to sweden. The issue is that until I do... I have 2-3 years with the dillema of "in the meantime").

You don’t choose a specific lifestyle; it chooses you and there is no other way about it. If we can be in a position of selecting our standard of living there would be no space left to fit all that would choose one particular style of life. It is always pre-determined by who we are at a particular time in life and it is always subject to change either positively and negatively. I have moved around a lot but I have never been without a specific social circle for more than 2-3 months.

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

My question is what would you do in the meantime. I am realistic, and I specifically know it will be as much as 1-2 years. So the question again is in what do you do within those 2 years. (in the meantime).

Be realistic! My judgment of you is that you rarely move outside your current social circle. I have never encountered such a situation that you write of. You don’t need to apprehensive just let nature take its cause!

[AlekNovy]

So you want to choose before you even get there?

Are you answering to what I said or what you think you read? lol.

I don't want to choose anything before I get anywhere, lol.

Originally Posted by newsbone

I have moved around a lot but I have never been without a specific social circle for more than 2-3 months.

Good for you.

Be realistic! My judgment of you is that you rarely move outside your current social circle. I have never encountered such a situation that you write of. You don’t need to apprehensive just let nature take its cause!

Your judgement is wrong. I get the sense you're projecting a lot. You're answering based on your own projections. I never said I'm having trouble dumping all friends... and you told me to stop struggling with it. And now you're telling me you think I don't change social circles.

In fact, the opposite is true, I am very easy and quick to change and dump cricles. I haven't had any one same circle for more than 3-6 months each as my life is evolving all the time. With each new level, there is a new circle, but its smaller and smaller and less and less people.

I appreciate all the answers, but none of them have anything to do with the questions asked. I get a sense you're answering yourself.

[ilrein]

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

I discovered the same thing, alienation from most of the people I considered to be my friends. This quote brings me solace. Instead of many surface relationships, I have a few genuine deep connections instead.

[Angela Leeds]

Originally Posted by AlekNovy

My question is more in terms in "compromise vs. sacrifice".

Do you sacrifice a quality social life until the universe brings it (or you attract it)... OR do you compromise until then.



My question is what would you do in the meantime. I am realistic, and I specifically know it will be as much as 1-2 years. So the question again is in what do you do within those 2 years. (in the meantime).

Speaking as one who has experienced your predicament on and off, for a variety of reasons, over a period of decades, what you do is...neither sacrifice nor compromise, but invite a paradigm shift that expands your ability to live in paradox.

The truth is, most people do not think as you now do, and finding yourself in a situation where you haven't "attracted" like-minded beings isn't necessarily a sign that it's on its way for tomorrow or next week...your subconsciously may instead being leading you through a time of helping you be most true and confident in who you are and what you believe. The fact that you are very consciously and industriously forging a new path for yourself amidst a culture that is "foreign" to your own perspective is what conveys that to me.

It's also not true that life is meant to be "balanced" all the time. It's nice when people say such things, but it's rather trite and just not true. Perpetual "balance" could also be likened to perpetual mediocrity, which you are clearly striving to transcend. It takes un-mediocre courage and a generous spirit to achieve that change, so kudos to you!

My advice...just accept the paradox of craving what you do not have. Enjoy being focused on changing your life rather than seeing it as somehow imbalanced. And appreciate every single moment of real connection with everyone you meet -- let go of what you think that connection is supposed to be like. If you're with those who seem shallow and unenlightened about the things that have brought meaning for you, perhaps focus on being spacious for them and truly listening to them deeply, beyond the words. You can thus discover how each exchange can become a profound experience of personal development for you, in a way you may never have previously imagined. You may not be able to *talk* about the topics you want, but you can actively explore and *practice* so many personal development techniques in every moment, it's not even funny.

So then...this time can become for you a time of *practicing* PD rather than *discussing* it.

Does that sound feasible? Those 1-2 years will be so rich if you take this view, and will pass by quickly. And eventually, you *will* connect with real-live people who share your values and ideas. In the meantime...you have your virtual friends!

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

Exactly. The more you develop spiritually, the less people there are on the same level. But the best part is, when you meet people who are very conscious, you have a great time together and you do not regret any single bit that you took this path.

Patience my friend, you will meet people that are on the same level, just enjoy what you do and soon you will meet someone likeminded.

I did not look up your location, but I am in London and believe me if you live somewhere in the US there should be many more people who are waking up.

I agree with this post. That's the curse and the blessing. You'll feel less conected with most of the people, but you will have more "quality connections" or so. Most of the people don't understand you and you don't understand them either. And there's less you can't do about it.

"No one, I think is here in my tree, I think it must be high or low"
John Lennon writing about when he was a child at school he noticed he was very different from the rest. Understanding the world in a different way. Yet, he didn't know if he was "high or low", rigther than them or wronger...

Most of the people like to live in "Strawberry Fields"(ignorance), where nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about you. But some of us took the red pill and don't like ignorance.

Great to have the Beatles to help. 1,2,1,2,3,4!...
YouTube - The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever HQ

Let me take you down, 'cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn't matter much to me.
Let me take you down, 'cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.

No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right, that is I think it's not too bad.
Let me take you down, 'cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Always, no sometimes, think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.
I think I know I mean a 'Yes' but it's all wrong, that is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, 'cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever