If it bothers you, do something about it.A Peaceful Marriage is Not Always 50/50

[Jim]

After that, a single policy was adopted in my house. Namely: if it bothers you, do something about it.

Violent Acres » Archives » A Peaceful Marriage is Not Always 50/50

[alexb5784]

I'm not married, but this post sure does give me preview of what married life really is like. It's not all ice cream and cookie sandwiches 24/7!

[Mark Lapierre]

Despite being obvious, I think it's important to note that that policy applies to more than just marriage.

While complaining about something can be a useful outlet, complaint without action towards resolution only serves to reinforce negativity towards the source (or percieved source) of the complaint.

But keep in mind that often when someone (particularly women) voice their opinion or feeling about something, it may sound like a complaint, but it really isn't, they simply want to be listened to. It's usually apparent because they'll mention that they've tried something, or are trying, or are going to, but in the meantime they want someone to hear them out.

[smallstar]

Cheers,

I agree - too many millions of marriages worldwide are suffering because one party tries to force the other party into a certain model of behavior, without realizing that the other party has a completely different set of values.

(BTW, some research showed that single women spend with housework 9 hours in a week more than single men. Relative values at work, again...)

[elainevdw]

Great blog, and great blog entry.

It took me maybe two years to come to this conclusion in my relationship. And funny enough, the split my bf and I have is about the same as V's.

Because he hates doing it (or just plain doesn't care), I do the dishes, make the bed, fold the laundry, and clean the tub.

Because I hate doing it (or just plain don't care), he washes the laundry (except for my clothes, which he's afraid to shrink!), takes out the trash, scrubs the toilet, and cooks.

I don't particularly enjoy dishes, so that's what we used to fight about a lot. But then I realized that I felt shitty about the dishes the majority of the time, and we fought about the dishes the majority of the time, I just sucked it up and started doing them. Now we don't fight and our kitchen doesn't stink from the I-refuse-to-do-the-dishes wars.

I also discovered that, even though he likes keeping our apartment chilly, if I do a load of hot dishes, I warm up pretty quick.

So chores might not be split 50/50... but I think the balance does make our relationship more equal. Neither of us are total schlubs, and we compliment each other's weak spots.