Faking Orgasm; How Will I Know?

[newsbone]

Is it possible to know if your partner is faking her orgasm? I have this fear that my partner might be faking her orgasm and just plays me. HELP!

[James81]

Stop worrying about her orgasms and start worrying about YOURS.

It is not your job to wonder how well you are pleasing her. That's HER responsibility. And if she is faking an orgasm she is merely hurting herself and you will eventually discover that because she'll eventually lose interest in you and the relationship will end. You can't control that. You can't please everyone. It's perfectly ok if you aren't pleasing her, and it's her own dumbness if she pretends that you ARE when you are not.

Sex is something to be enjoyed between two people. It's not always about the orgasm for a girl. There's so much more behind it, and sometimes the best sex a girl has will be sex that doesn't lead to her orgasming.

But whatever she thinks about orgasms isn't important. What IS important is that you focus on whether or not YOU enjoy HER. Whether SHE is pleasing YOU.

And you know, not everybody is sexually compatible. Sometimes it's just not in the cards.

[Daffy Duck]

In contrast to the advice from James, I have always cared if my lover is enjoying herself and my lover has always cared if I am enjoying myself. To me, this is the best way.

When a girl fakes an orgasm, she is basically lying. And like many other lies, faking an orgasm hurt herself, her partner, and the relationship. If she's not enjoying herself, she should talk to you and you two can explore more fun things to do with each other. And maybe the "problem" has nothing to do with you. Orgasms have a lot to do with the mental aspect of the individual, so if she's not in the right state of mind, she could be "f*cking" herself up!

So what should you do? Talk to her! Ask her if she's happy with your sex life and if there's anything she'd like to do that you're not currently doing.

Take care!

[aelle]

Asking your partner is the easiest and most reliable method. Revolutionary, I know.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by newsbone

Is it possible to know if your partner is faking her orgasm? I have this fear that my partner might be faking her orgasm and just plays me. HELP!

If the orgasm is real, her nipples will be hard right after. But that's not really the point here.

Why are you having this fear?

Why don't you ask her directly?

Love to you.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

If the orgasm is real, her nipples will be hard right after. But that's not really the point here.

Doesn't that generally depend on the woman?

[James81]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

In contrast to the advice from James, I have always cared if my lover is enjoying herself and my lover has always cared if I am enjoying myself. To me, this is the best way.

I don't mean to come across as saying "don't care how she feels." Of course you need *some* care into pleasing her. My contention is:

1. An unhealthy need to make her orgasm everytime, please her, and focus on HER pleasure while you avoid or miss the pleasure that YOU are getting from the experience. Consistently worrying about pleasing someone else comes at a detriment to your own pleasure, and that is unhealthy in the relationship. It breeds discontent and can spill over into other areas of the relationship. The more pleasure YOU get, the more pleasure you will have to offer and the better you will be, the more relaxed the experience will be (important), etc.

2. I wanted to bring out the point of sexual compatibility and how important it really is. You will NOT please EVERYBODY sexually. It's just not going to happen. If after a period of time things aren't improving, it doesn't mean it's something you AREN'T doing, it may just mean that you two aren't compatibile sexually, which is perfectly ok and a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship.

Now, if you are consistently not pleasing every woman you sleep with, then THAT is a sign that you need to learn a few things about how to please women. If it's just this one instance? Probably just incompatible...move on.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by aelle

Asking your partner is the easiest and most reliable method. Revolutionary, I know.

I have done that and I was not convinced by her answer, as I have noticed her obsession with books and articles that deal on the same! And this is worrying because I truly love her.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by James81

Now, if you are consistently not pleasing every woman you sleep with, then THAT is a sign that you need to learn a few things about how to please women. If it's just this one instance? Probably just incompatible...move on.

This is exactly my point! How would I be sure that am either pleasing her or not? I’m not putting questions on relationship which so fulfilling in all the other aspects; I don’t want to be so selfish in thinking of my satisfaction alone.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Doesn't that generally depend on the woman?

I have no clue! I work this way, and every woman I have talked about it with so far works this way too, and every guy I have talked about it with so far confirmed it as well, so I just have grown to consider it a reliable evidence. But of course my experience is limited and I usually don't go around talking about hard nipples with people, so it could be wrong.

[azzyboo]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I have no clue! I work this way, and every woman I have talked about it with so far works this way too, and every guy I have talked about it with so far confirmed it as well, so I just have grown to consider it a reliable evidence. But of course my experience is limited and I usually don't go around talking about hard nipples with people, so it could be wrong.

Thats how it works for me

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by newsbone

I have done that and I was not convinced by her answer, as I have noticed her obsession with books and articles that deal on the same! And this is worrying because I truly love her.

Maybe you could be honest, and tell her that you have noticed her obsession and that you are not convinced by her answer? If you want her to be honest, be honest yourself.

You could offer to talk about it and tell her that you love her and consider this to be a problem that you are to solve together?

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by newsbone

Is it possible to know if your partner is faking her orgasm? I have this fear that my partner might be faking her orgasm and just plays me. HELP!

Why do you care? Do you feel inadequate as a man(?)/lover/human/etc if you can't really please her? Why are you interested in this question?

Point being this: doubt is a bad thing to base a relationship on. If you've got doubts, figure out exactly what thy are and why you care about them.

[James81]

Originally Posted by newsbone

This is exactly my point! How would I be sure that am either pleasing her or not? I’m not putting questions on relationship which so fulfilling in all the other aspects; I don’t want to be so selfish in thinking of my satisfaction alone.

Through communication with her.

This is not one of those things that should have to guess at (in fact, most relationship stuff isn't things you should have to guess).

You should either see it through her reactions, or you should have an open, active talk about your sex life with her.

In fact, as part of a healthy communication in a relationship, talking about sex and your sex life is not only direly necessary, but it also is a form of "pleasing" her.

I think that sex, for a woman, begins and ends long before and after the actual physical stuff happens. "Foreplay" isn't just a word used to describe feeling her up a bit before inserting yourself into her. It's about stimulating her mentally as well.

[seeker5]

Newsborne,

Maybe you can also make sure it's ok for her not to have an orgasm every time you have sex.

If you seem obsessed with her having an orgasm, without creating that space where it's ok for her not to have an orgasm, she may cover up and wanting to make you feel good by having a fake orgasm. So perhaps you can have this discussion that you feel it's completely ok at times for sex to conclude without an orgasm so that there isn't a pressure for her to either have an orgasm (fake or real).

However, if you really feel she _must_ have an orgasm every time she has sex with you in order for sex to be beneficial for her, then it's going to create that pressure on her to either have a real or fake orgasm. It's quite possible to have sex that is truly beneficial, wonderful, and fulfilling for both partners even if one or both partners do not end up having an orgasm.

[Daffy Duck]

James, thanks for the clarification. I agree with you.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I work this way, and every woman I have talked about it with so far works this way too, and every guy I have talked about it with so far confirmed it as well, so I just have grown to consider it a reliable evidence.

Makes sense. I know my partners have hard nipples during sex too. I guess I just never thought about it correlating with orgasms before.

It sounds like something that would usually be true, kind of how men are usually erect when they ejaculate. Not always, though!

[polyfulcrum]

Talk. Yep, I know, really radical stuff here! Tell her that you want to please her. There is nothing that gets me off more/better/faster than a partner that gets revved up with my responses, and that makes it even more interesting to please them in return! "Does it feel good when I do this? Do you like this better? I love the way you moan when I ________. You are getting so wet!" You get the jist. Bottom line is to encourage her to be interested in her own pleasure by making sure she knows you are. The rest takes care of itself in most cases.

[ssandra]

the only time that i have faked is when my bf of the time put so much pressure on me having an orgasm that it just got tiring...

Sometimes you can have a great time, and then just want it to end without orgasm.. there is nothing wrong with that.

There are also different type of orgasms, so maybe she has of the one type, and not of the other.

Maybe the reason why it seems that she is reading a lot about it, because you are obsessing about it?

Stop obsessing and just ask her if she is enjoying herself and if there is anything that you can do to make her have more pleasure!

Stop focussing on orgasm, they are overrated anyway...

[rose A]

I think its good your asking here first instead of her for now. I think he's trying to get a kind of glimpse of what is going on during the f session, and to see if he can better himself before discussing it with her.

I have never had any problem where I had the need to fake one, but It did cross my mind once because I was bored or something, maybe tired,too much alcohol, buzzed or something that I wanted the session to be done with.(never could stand screwing when I was drunk or buzzed) Are you two just banging away until one of you climax? Is that why you're wondering if she is faking it?

Stretch your f sessions out. Have them last for hours. Screw a little,(but don't cum) take a break, have a drink, screw some more,talk raunchy, thats always fun, play around. Play and learn.

I personally can't stand all the questions thing.

If she has a genuine orgasm, you'll know it.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by rose A

I think its good your asking here first instead of her for now. I think he's trying to get a kind of glimpse of what is going on during the f session, and to see if he can better himself before discussing it with her.

That is exactly why i posted this thread in the first place, i need to read from you guys then come up with the best approach possible that will neither negatively affect our relationship or inhibit her response to f*!And am convinced am in the right forum.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Why do you care? Do you feel inadequate as a man(?)/lover/human/etc if you can't really please her? Why are you interested in this question?.

On the contrary RT, I don’t feel inadequate in any way. I just think that it is within reason for a partner to equally be genuinely satisfied.

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Point being this: doubt is a bad thing to base a relationship on. If you've got doubts, figure out exactly what thy are and why you care about them.

Doubts arose not out of inefficiency or anything of that sort, but out of genuine concern of the continued existence of the relationship.

[Parthon]

Why are you so concerned about the relationship ending?

I ask this because if the relationship is going well, then honest communication won't have a negative impact. In fact, it will often bring you closer together.

If you feel that honest communication might cause a problem, it's because there's a problem already there. I think you sense that she's more distant than she normally is, that her faking orgasms, if she does, is a sign of her drifting away.

Now this could be on your part, her part, or both. Asking in forums what you should do won't help much though. We could give you advice, but deep down you already know the truth. Either you are drifting away through lack of effort, or just because you are incompatible. In both cases, communication is the key, and if you are destined to break up, the sooner you do it and come to terms with it, the cleaner the break will be. If you resist the break, it will just be WAY WAY worse.

But you might not break up at all, there could just be a few problems occuring that can be dealt with. Just talk to her.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by Parthon

Why are you so concerned about the relationship ending?.

Would you not?

Originally Posted by Parthon

I ask this because if the relationship is going well, then honest communication won't have a negative impact. In fact, it will often bring you closer together.

If you feel that honest communication might cause a problem, it's because there's a problem already there. I think you sense that she's more distant than she normally is, that her faking orgasms, if she does, is a sign of her drifting away..

Its like you are reading my mind, you are not clairvoyant, are you?

Originally Posted by Parthon

Now this could be on your part, her part, or both. Asking in forums what you should do won't help much though. We could give you advice, but deep down you already know the truth.

It does really help to talk to someone more so a person you do not know, one who won’t care about hurting your feelings with a painful truth. My version of the truth might be wrong and other people’s experiences come in handy.

Originally Posted by Parthon

. In both cases, communication is the key, and if you are destined to break up, the sooner you do it and come to terms with it, the cleaner the break will be. If you resist the break, it will just be WAY WAY worse.

Painful truth, isn’t it?

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by newsbone

Is it possible to know if your partner is faking her orgasm? I have this fear that my partner might be faking her orgasm and just plays me. HELP!

I feel for you, Newsbone.

I'm sure you care very much about your partner.

Parthon's post--the one you responded to above--was, from my experience, very wise.

My advice for you is to be honest. Be honest with yourself, as well as your partner.

If I was in your situation, I'd wait until it felt right to speak to her, then I'd ask her if we could talk about something that is important. Then I'd simply tell her how I feel--I'd tell her everything (but, obviously, still consider her when you share things. Try your best to express yourself with love).

In my experience, both lack of truth and honest can hurt a relationship. Bare in mind that truth and honesty are different things. Honesty is your genuine express of truth as you see it. Truth is "what is." Sometimes, even if you are honest, you might not be seeing "what is" clearly. Being honest but unclear of "what is" can have an impact on your relationship, for better or worse.

Ultimately, I think you have to be honest with yourself and your partner. Sometimes you'll see "what is," but won't be strong enough to face it, and might not even know what not being able to face it looks like.

In either case, hopefully you do your best to be honest, but also realise that neither of you are perfect. You can only do your best, and you are always learning and growing. Try to remember that "what is" not only includes the things you might not yet know about yourself, your partner, and your relationship, but also your current strengths and weaknesses as a person (and hers), so don't beat yourself up if you're less than perfect. Even if you do end up unintentionally beating yourself or your partner up (not physically! I mean verbally), let that be ok, too. Just do your best. Life, and any reasonable person, will be ok with that.

There's a very real chance that your relationship could end, but there's also a chance it could continue. This is true of any relationship. That is a risk you have to take, and you have to ask yourself: am I willing to accept that, as a result of being honest with myself and my partner, my relationship could (A) continue, and even improve and develop, or (B) end, or at least, become something different to what it is now?

My answer to that question has always been "yes."

Being honest and truthful has, in one way or another, always been beneficial--not just to me, but to everyone involved. It's also been quite challenging.

In my experience, a relationship will bring out the very best in you, as well as things you might prefer to look away from. This is perhaps the very reason people have relationships in the first place--for the (huge!) benefits and the growth. I think anything that has such clear benefits warrents a bit (or a lot!) of challenge. It can be hard to accept that truth in the moment, but I think it's an enduring truth.

People who are deliberately manipulative aside, I think everyone will always do their best to be honest with themselves and their partner. Even when you might not be as aware of "what is" or as honest as you could have been, you probably were doing your best relative to how strong you felt in that moment.

So to sum up, my advice is that you do your best to be aware of "what is," to be honest, but also to be open to honesty possibly ending your relationship (even if that possibility challenges you deeply).

If that possibility scares you, then there's even some good in that since facing that fear will bring much growth.

"Always let truth lead the way. It leads whether we follow or not"
- Twitter / Body Wisdom Inc.: "Always let truth lead the ...

Truth and honesty seem to have a way of transforming things for the better. To say that another way:

"Life nearly always goes towards “what’s for the best” even if it doesn’t always feel like it at the time."
- www.moonology.com

Much love to you. Whatever happens, I hope and am sure it will be for the best, even if it doesn't look like it at first.

And remember: even if your relationship ends, your feelings don't have to. You can still love someone, even if you're not together anymore. And try your best to cherish and pay attention to your experiences. Enjoy them. That way, if they do change or end, at least you will know that you honoured them. What more could you ask from yourself? Realistically, not much.

[Pequod]

Originally Posted by polyfulcrum

Tell her that you want to please her. There is nothing that gets me off more/better/faster than a partner that gets revved up with my responses, and that makes it even more interesting to please them in return! "Does it feel good when I do this? Do you like this better? I love the way you moan when I ________. You are getting so wet!" You get the jist. Bottom line is to encourage her to be interested in her own pleasure by making sure she knows you are. The rest takes care of itself in most cases.

Great advice. It is so obvious that it's easily forgotten.

The girl has to be a little bit comfortable around her sexuality though. If not, she will hesitate to give you pointers during sex.

Also, women find it usually very sexy when the man takes charge in the bedroom. Sex is often an act of surrender for a woman. So if you ask too much questions, it will diminish her attraction for you.

P.S. If she had an orgasm, and you toch her anus with you pinky, it will unvoluntarily contract. Then you know for sure

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by Bruce Achterberg

Much love to you. Whatever happens, I hope and am sure it will be for the best, even if it doesn't look like it at first.

And remember: even if your relationship ends, your feelings don't have to. You can still love someone, even if you're not together anymore. And try your best to cherish and pay attention to your experiences. Enjoy them. That way, if they do change or end, at least you will know that you honoured them. What more could you ask from yourself? Realistically, not much.

Thanks to you i really needed that!

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by Pequod

Also, women find it usually very sexy when the man takes charge in the bedroom. Sex is often an act of surrender for a woman. So if you ask too much questions, it will diminish her attraction for you.

My worst fears are built around this specific aspect that you have correctly pointed out. How can I communicate without seeming superior, without putting her down and making feel in adequate? I know that the end of this relationship is not the end of life but does this call for carelessness on my part? No I don’t think so.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Pequod

P.S. If she had an orgasm, and you toch her anus with you pinky, it will unvoluntarily contract. Then you know for sure

This depends on which type of orgasm... If I (i´m pretty sure it works for other people as well from the studies i´ve read but since I cannot remember where, I´ll just stick with me)..


Anyway... if I have an "clit orgasm" meaning, my clitoris got stimulated and therefor I orgasm, then Yes, that happens. After which it get sensitive and I do not want to be touched there for a while (few minutes).

When I have an internal orgasm (vaginal or anal) that doesn´t happen. That is more a accumulation of pleasure then for a few seconds nothing, and if we continue, the buildup continues to another orgasm (and another and another... etc )

But don´t equate pleasure with orgasm! It is very normal for woman not to be able to climax during sex and some feel bad about it and therefor fake it. It is not a way of "playing you" it is more not to hurt your feelings!

ORGASM IS NOT IMPORTANT FOR MOST WOMAN; PLEASURE IS!

If I have fun during sex, I don´t care if I orgasm or not. It is secondary. Pleasure comes first!

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by ssandra

ORGASM IS NOT IMPORTANT FOR MOST WOMAN; PLEASURE IS!

If I have fun during sex, I don´t care if I orgasm or not. It is secondary. Pleasure comes first!

Quite encouraging and closer to the solution I am.

[rose A]

newsbone

For some reason, you sensed that she might be faking the big O. Do you feel the relationship has gotten to a stale point and become mundane? In which she is maybe going along with the routine of your relationship and thinking "ok, here we are, AGAIN, f-time, lets get this overwith, blah,blah,blah?" I think that is great that you have picked up on the fact that she might not be satisfied. If that is the case and there really are no other problems in your relationship, put your thinking cap on. When was the last time you romanced her? Without it ending in the sack. When a female is younger, it takes a whole lot to get us aroused. How experienced are you and how confident are you in your sexual experience? Do you try and please her on your own, orally? How experienced is she with her sexuality? Does she arouse her clit while you two are having intercourse?

If you two are very comfortable with each other and you feel you can talk intimately with her, go grab some sex books, look at them together. IF you want to try to improve this situation without letting on to her to save your masculinity, get the sex books and read up and try some of the techniques, but one at a time, don't overload. If you try something new or add something to your love making sessions, she will pick up on it, and it WILL make you look more masculine in her eyes. Watch her, pay attention, try to convey to her that you are trying to see her reaction when I do this, and see if you hear a ,"oohh, do that again, that felt good" and then smile and say "ya? good."

Play and learn.

And for you, I hope this is all behind maybe why she could be faking one.

Play and learn.


I personally like it to end with me having an orgasm, especially if I am very very aroused. Its like having to pee and not letting yourself, you have to release. But thats me. I don't think orgasm are over rated at all. They feel great!