Does age matter?

[Lallymac]

This topic has come up a few times around my dining table and my kids were discussing it today. I was married to a man 8 yrs older than me for 15 yrs. He had an old man mind set when we met and scared the **** out of me talking about pension funds when I was in my late twenties. My second relationship was with a man 5 yrs older and my last 4 yr one was with a guy 15 yrs younger. The last one took me totally by surprise and was delightful while it lasted.
My older girls are both in relationships with guys 7 & 8 yrs older. My son is dating a girl 5 yrs younger. One of my daughters friends recently said that I should be concerned as a parent (I'd hardly have a leg to stand on if I was ).
They're all happy so why should I?
Be interested in any thoughts?
Lallymac

[skydust]

it really depends how old your kids are. after a certain age those year gaps become insignificant. and as long as they are happy and it is a healthy relationship, why make age an issue? like you say, you would hardly be one to complain lol

[Lallymac]

My older three are in their twenties and mature enough to make their own choices. I get quite annoyed when I see parents my age pushing their young adult kids to commit to marriage. Mine have been able to explore themselves in different relationships and talk freely/reflect on, a wide variety of issues. I would rather have them know themselves and make their own choices when The time is right for them. I really like them as people and am proud of who they are.
Lallymac

[Colm OReilly]

I'd say no, age doesn't matter. But of course there's a lot of societal pressure around age.

If you believe in an external soul, or reincarnation, then the soul is thousands upon thousands of year's old. What the hell difference does a few years in this life matter?

Age, as we all know, is no indicator of maturity. If your soul or heart resonates with someone does it make sense on any level to let something like age, over which we've no control, affect that?

Lots of love,
Colm

[Dating Specialist]

I'd say age matters only where maturity is concerned and what life's priorities are.

Personally I feel that even if the man is 10 yrs older, if the girl is in her late 20s onwards, it really doesn't matter that much because they would be in the same life stage - settling down, starting a family, stablising career etc

But if the girl is in early 20s and is dating a man 10 yrs older then probably they may have some conflicts in terms of interests esp priorities. While one is eager to see the world, party, have fun and is only caught up with the latet fashion, movies, celebrities, he may be in a stage where he is planning to marry, retirement, buying house etc.

Then again, I believe that love conquers all. If both of them are mature enough, then that age gap may be a good way to widen their horizons in life as they share their differing views on one subject matter!

[Milo Riano]

As long as age doesn't concern a minor and an adult then that is fine.

There are lots of variables to look at but one of the most important ones I see is they should be both going to the same direction wherein no one is made to change his identity and herself/himself to suit the other.

[elainevdw]

Originally Posted by Lallymac

One of my daughters friends recently said that I should be concerned as a parent.
They're all happy so why should I?

Originally Posted by Lallymac

My older three are in their twenties and mature enough to make their own choices. I get quite annoyed when I see parents my age pushing their young adult kids to commit to marriage. Mine have been able to explore themselves in different relationships and talk freely/reflect on, a wide variety of issues. I would rather have them know themselves and make their own choices when The time is right for them. I really like them as people and am proud of who they are.
Lallymac

You are so completely right, Lally. Don't push your kids to get married before they're ready, and trust that if they're happy and healthy, they're making good decisions for themselves. You obviously raised your kids with the right tools to take care of themselves. Trust YOUR parenting skills. What do your friends know about your family?

There's no mathematical age equation that creates the ideal relationship. And so many young people are pushed into early marriage because of peer pressure by family and friends, which can severely impact their financial well-being. And I'm not just talking about having kids too soon, or having to pay for divorce issues if the marriage doesn't work out. I'm also talking about passing on great job opportunities because you feel that you should stay in the same city as your spouse, when, if they weren't married, they'd feel freer to do a long-distance relationship, or even end the relationship in order to create a secure, independent financial background for themselves.

[Mann]

Originally Posted by Colm OReilly

I'd say no, age doesn't matter. But of course there's a lot of societal pressure around age.

If you believe in an external soul, or reincarnation, then the soul is thousands upon thousands of year's old. What the hell difference does a few years in this life matter?

Age, as we all know, is no indicator of maturity. If your soul or heart resonates with someone does it make sense on any level to let something like age, over which we've no control, affect that?

Lots of love,
Colm

Great post, Colm. I like it.

Mann

[WanderingOak]

When my grandparents got together, my Grandfather was 15 years her senior. When they met, she was a young schoolteacher in a small Georgia town, and he was a surveyor working for the government. They stayed together, and my Grandmother cared for him in his dotage untill he passed away. He had a generous pension which was able to support my Grandmother financially for the next 25 years, although she was quite lonely.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when you are young, a large age difference may not seem like much, but as you get older, it will.