My girlfriend just moved in...

[StevenA]

...and I can't seem to function at the level I used to. She's either here all of the time or the apartment is littered with her stuff and I can't seem to operate. I'm extremely introverted and I want this to work, but for some reason I feel really uncomfortable working around anyone. I've been lagging behind in my daily tasks. Before I was doing about 6-8 hours of tasks set out per day, I'm now getting about 1-2 hours done. I'm spending almost as much time at my computer/instruments though, it's just that I dink around instead of working when my girlfriend is around. She's not intentionally distracting me either, but the fact that she's here seems to be enough to deter me. She is extremely social, and likes to lay on the couch and make conversation. She doesn't have any hobbies of her own other than socializing. I feel like things are going to be even more difficult in a month when we move to an even smaller apartment.

I know the problem and any possible resolutions reside within me, but I'm not really sure why I'm like this in the first place. Has anyone been in my shoes before?

[Lallymac]

I dabble in numerology and would be happy to have a 'squiz' at both your dates of birth if you like. It can sometimes help understand how you both function so you can meet in the middle. Relationships are all about sharing.
Lallymac

[Lynn 007]

Hi Steven

Your situation sounds very similar to what my husband and I went through when we first moved in together. He is also an introvert and I an extrovert.

We came to the agreement that he would have blocks of uninterrupted times so he could focus on his writing, working out or reading. I know those were things that were very important to him. Although I didn't have any hobbies of my own I was forced to find something to do for those few hours every day. Most of the time it was chatting with my friends or watching TV but I eventually managed to use the time more constructively and attended night classes.

For us it worked out perfectly. I was out learning something new, meeting new people and he had his uninterrupted time.

Good Luck

Lynn

[Dating Specialist]

Lynn's suggestion is great. You can add on to that.

But basically the concept is there. The reason why you are so much less productive than before is because you have yet worked out a mutually agreeable and understandable model of living together.

So you are working from home? You may need to let your gf understand that you do love her company, but you need to make ends meet and by that, it means you need to have a block of uninterrupted time (as what Lynn suggested) so that you can focus.

Let her know that by giving you that time undisturbed, you'll be able to finish it earlier because you're focusing, and you'll have more quality time to spend with her!

But if you are naturally distracted with her walking around, maybe you can work in a room instead of in the hall?

Good luck Steven! This is just a transition period from staying alone to having one more person under one roof. Use love to communicate and I'm sure you guys will work things out!

[Michelle]

You need to talk to your girlfriend openly and honestly about how you feel. Tell her exactly what it is you need.

Is it possible part of you feels guilty for focusing on your work while she is around? Do you feel you must be attentive to her at all times if you want to keep her as a girlfriend?

Perhaps you can develop a system where you put a sign on your office door when you are working, with the understanding that you must not be bothered unless the world is ending or the house is on fire.

[elainevdw]

Originally Posted by StevenA

...and I can't seem to function at the level I used to. She's either here all of the time or the apartment is littered with her stuff and I can't seem to operate. I'm extremely introverted and I want this to work, but for some reason I feel really uncomfortable working around anyone. I've been lagging behind in my daily tasks. Before I was doing about 6-8 hours of tasks set out per day, I'm now getting about 1-2 hours done. I'm spending almost as much time at my computer/instruments though, it's just that I dink around instead of working when my girlfriend is around. She's not intentionally distracting me either, but the fact that she's here seems to be enough to deter me. She is extremely social, and likes to lay on the couch and make conversation. She doesn't have any hobbies of her own other than socializing. I feel like things are going to be even more difficult in a month when we move to an even smaller apartment.

I know the problem and any possible resolutions reside within me, but I'm not really sure why I'm like this in the first place. Has anyone been in my shoes before?

LOL, yeah. I've been living with my boyfriend for three years and I get nothing done when he's home. He just took a consulting job that's 100% travel, and guess what? For the first time in years, I've consistently gone to the gym, kept the apartment clean, and on the days I work from my home office, I've averaged 8 hours of work per day, a far cry from my usual 3-4 when he's home.

I love him to death, miss him terribly, and we intend to spend our lives together. But it really takes compassion and learning from both of you to figure out how you work best when you're in close proximity. You should be able to work together to create some boundaries; I'm sure she'll understand if you tell her that you lose your concentration when she interrupts you when you're working. Heck, turn it into a compliment. Tell her that she's just so cute that when she says something to you when you're working on the computer, you totally forget what you're supposed to be doing.

And, if at all possible........ don't move into a smaller apartment. It just makes things worse!

[tc33]

Originally Posted by StevenA

I'm extremely introverted ... She is extremely social

I smell a sitcom!

[Angela]

Danger Man and I live next door to each other. It's the perfect solution. I don't know why people want to live together, if they can afford their own space.