Porn and Relationships

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

Thank you so much, dulaney. This is refreshing after getting attacked in the marriage thread. I just rep'd you back. You should probably read my earlier posts in this thread, though, to get the full picture. My last post in this thread represents quite a change of heart.

Finally, I highly recommend Hugo's blog, linked in my previous post. He's the reason for that change of heart.

I see. Well, I will certainly look back to your earlier posts...what made the change of heart?

[Matthew Shea]

Hugo, mostly, but I've had the desire to make this change for a long time. I've never had the willpower, though, to achieve anything lasting.

[Isis Kali]

Are there any other women on this forum that admit to actually liking teh pr0n? I feel like a freak because I'm not singing "Kumbaya" and thinking kundalini when I'm horny... I don't know. Can't people just do what the hell they want to do?

[Matthew Shea]

Isis, I'm not a woman, obviously, but I see no reason you should feel like a freak. If you've seen the arguments for both sides and made an intelligent decision on the matter, there's nothing anyone can say or do that should make you feel bad.

Personally, I feel I've made the right choice as expressed in my most recent posts, but I can only speak for me and your situation may be much different. Of course we're always free to disagree, too.

[Cornfused]

what if you don't get any sex from your bf/husband because he'd rather watch porn?

[Vasilisa]

I have nothing against porn when it's occasional. Say, it's nice to watch it together with your partner. But it can't substitute human interaction in reality. If it does - it's abnormal.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Farryn

Thanks for the replies ... Karma police and Dharma, your replies made me cry because I felt their truth. I don't want my pain to continue and even though I wrote this post hoping to hear some people agree with me, I know that if they agreed, it would only increase my pain and my belief that I have some right or identity in that pain.

As for the posts on male sexual energy (this might be my pain talking, but whatever): I feel like that's an excuse men use to cheat, stare at women, objectify them... etc. I don't see how men and women are that different sexually - that men have some need to release their sexual energy in ways that are demeaning to women but women don't need to do that to men. It angers me.

I haven't said a word to my boyfriend since the night I got really upset about the porn. I've been trying not to resist reality and not to judge myself or bring past hurts into the equation. I've been happy for the most part but sometimes it's a bit of a fight with myself.

Just now for instance. I'm at his place, his MSN is on, and one of those porn emails popped up. I had to move away from the computer and work soooo hard not to let that same pain resurface. He came in the room and asked what I was doing. I told him. He held me and told me to let it go. He tried to give me some of his 'positive' energy (as he said).

I was able to let it go but part of me still doens't want to. Now I want to ask him if it's an addiction, I want to ask him ... so many things! I worry that I'd get lost again in my negative emotions if I started to talk to him about it.

Now I keep wondering: If he cares about me and sees how much it hurts me, shouldn't he stop watching it??

I really don't think I know one man who doesn't look at porn. I've curbed myself off of it, but every once in a while I still watch it. I think it may be delusional to think you're going to find another man who never looks at it. I can tell you that losing your confidence over it will make you less attractive. However, if you laugh about it and jump in and help him when you catch him... If you say "Come on baby, let me help you out..." Make a joke about it and be playful and sexy, he'll probably care less and less about it. It's your confidence and how you handle it that's going to make the difference. Don't be so uptight about a natural urge. If you don't find it a threat and turn it into a playful game of you distracting him from it, it may even enhance your relationship. Do you love him? Then don't drive him away from you... Drag him away from porn.

[Toefur]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I really don't think I know one man who doesn't look at porn. I've curbed myself off of it, but every once in a while I still watch it. I think it may be delusional to think you're going to find another man who never looks at it. I can tell you that losing your confidence over it will make you less attractive. However, if you laugh about it and jump in and help him when you catch him... If you say "Come on baby, let me help you out..." Make a joke about it and be playful and sexy, he'll probably care less and less about it. It's your confidence and how you handle it that's going to make the difference. Don't be so uptight about a natural urge. If you don't find it a threat and turn it into a playful game of you distracting him from it, it may even enhance your relationship. Do you love him? Then don't drive him away from you... Drag him away from porn.

I haven't read the rest of this thread, but I have read this post. Just because you can't ween yourself off porn, kiddo, doesn't mean that somebody is delusional for thinking that they may find a man that doesn't look at it. I don't look at it at all, which means the incidence of men that don't look at porn is at least greater than Zero, which stands to reason that it is a lot greater than 1.

Sex may be a natural urge, but that doesn't mean that looking at porn is.

If you say "Come on baby, let me help you out..." Make a joke about it and be playful and sexy, he'll probably care less and less about it.

That's a little degrading, isn't it? It's almost like making it a thing whereby porn can be enjoyed together and the porn become a part of their shared sexuality.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Toefur

I haven't read the rest of this thread, but I have read this post. Just because you can't ween yourself off porn, kiddo, doesn't mean that somebody is delusional for thinking that they may find a man that doesn't look at it. I don't look at it at all, which means the incidence of men that don't look at porn is at least greater than Zero, which stands to reason that it is a lot greater than 1.

Sex may be a natural urge, but that doesn't mean that looking at porn is.



That's a little degrading, isn't it? It's almost like making it a thing whereby porn can be enjoyed together and the porn become a part of their shared sexuality.

I'm just saying play games. That's why it's called fooling around. Stop taking things so seriously. Please don't push your puritan values on others like your rules are the "right" rules. Anyone who can't be silly and sexy and joke around during sex, I don't want to have sex with.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Toefur

Sex may be a natural urge, but that doesn't mean that looking at porn is.

This is true. Some people, however, argue that it is:

MAGPIE » ALAN MOORE ON PORNOGRAPHY - Arthur Magazine blogs for you...

I posted this earlier in the thread, but you said you hadn't read it, so here it is again.