Things You Don't Talk About at the Dinner Table

[Halffull]

As I was walked around the mall, I came upon a group of teenagers looking up towards the ceiling and humming. That was awesome, so I asked them what they were doing.

They told me they were praying.

"But why are you praying in a mall?"
"We want to spread the word of god."
"Oh, that sounds nice... how long have you been praying for?"

As we continued to talk, I told them of my disbelief in god, and they told me of their faith. A chance encounter with some random strangers turned into a fascinating discussion, in which I made some great friends that I still talk to to this day.

A teacher of mine once said that there are three things you should never talk about at the dinner table: Sex, Politics, and Religion. She wasn't just talking about the dinner table of course. What she was really saying was that you should never discuss any of these topics with anybody except close friends. Many years ago, I would have agreed with her. Those topics are dangerous. They're controversial; they're divisive. I thought it was better to talk about "safe" topics like sports or what you did that day.

Recently I've had a change of heart. A big change of heart. Not only do I talk about sex, politics, and religion frequently... I talk about them with strangers. In fact, most of the best conversations I have are about these very topics. This comes as a huge shift in the way I think about conversations and communication in general.

Being "safe" vs. Being Safe
The truth is, there are no "safe" topics. The notion of safe topics is a band-aid, trying to cover up a gunshot wound. The entire idea of a safe topic in fact comes from the opposite mindset of safety, it comes from a mindset of fear. If you truly felt Safe, you would be able to talk about anything. And therein lies the crucial shift.

Instead of using a band-aid, I want you to become a conversational surgeon. I want you to be able to create a climate of real safety, that allows people the freedom to speak their mind, without the fear of being judged or condemned.

This is the first in a series of articles that will give you the mindsets, skills, and courage to create this safe climate. But it all starts with a decision. Are you going to be "safe" your whole life, going around being nice and polite and liked but never truly knowing anyone? Or are you going to step up, put yourself on the line, and truly get to know people on a core level?

The choice is yours.

[Eric Roosevelt]

True story. Then again, I still pick topics carefully. Talking about politics isn't bad in itself, but there are situations when it's nicer to relax and forget about it for a while.

Do we need a bit of controversy in our conversations? Sure we do. But do we need it all the time? Nope.

There's a time and a place for everything.

[Halffull]

Originally Posted by Eric Roosevelt

There's a time and a place for everything.

Definitely, doing this all the time is neither smart nor fun.

The problem comes when you're AFRAID to talk about these subjects, or other people are. It means someone doesn't feel safe.

[Trezker]

Things I don't want to discuss at the dinner table. Gore, slaughter, bugs, disease... Anything that makes me loose my appetite. Sex may fall under this category, but I don't really know since noone has ever brought it up at my dinner table.

Politics and religion is ok to discuss. It might make people upset, but it's not something that would make me leave the table, I'm more likely to just shut up and eat in silence.

[funchy]

People are just not comfortable revealing "private" things about themselves. Some people can't cope with the idea others don't share their beliefs about religion or relationships. They have zero tolerance. Anything different upsets them.

In the real world, almost nobody knows I am atheist. It really freaks people out. I've had people "pray for my soul", try to convert me, shun me, and treat me differently.

[Manomanman]

I don't talk about bodily functions at the dinner table, for my own gustation.

[Brutha]

True story. Then again, I still pick topics carefully. Talking about politics isn't bad in itself, but there are situations when it's nicer to relax and forget about it for a while.

Do we need a bit of controversy in our conversations? Sure we do. But do we need it all the time? Nope.

I personally have no problem to talk about politics at the dinner table and be relaxed. Maybe it's because politics was an usual topic at the dinner table in my youth

Most people can't resonably talk about politics while being relaxed because it's an taboo topic for them. Because poltics is "evil".
It isn't. A lot of people are just unable to talk about it because they have issue with the topic itself.

Having personal issues with topics is a personal problem. That was also the reason why a lot of people were against the world affairs forum at the start.

The goal should be to become comfortable with topics. People who having really explored their own opinion have problems with not being serious all the time while discussing a topic.
They don't get jokes or other puns at positions that can make a conversation fun because they want to be serious about the topic.
That's the problem with unpolitic people who haven't really explored their own opinions.

To explore your own opinions on the other hand you have to have lot of conversations about them with other people (some of them at dinnertables).

[Angela Leeds]

Add "food & diet" to the list as well. As religious for most people are religion...

[Chris Cade]

For me, no topic is taboo - just the other week I went to a friends' dinner gathering and we talked about religion.

The question is not what topics are discussed, but rather, are we discussing them with people who come from a primary focal point of love or fear?

[Halffull]

Originally Posted by funchy

People are just not comfortable revealing "private" things about themselves. Some people can't cope with the idea others don't share their beliefs about religion or relationships. They have zero tolerance. Anything different upsets them.

In the real world, almost nobody knows I am atheist. It really freaks people out. I've had people "pray for my soul", try to convert me, shun me, and treat me differently.

If you want to be willing to share your viewpoints, you have to be willing to hear other people's points of views.

I've had people pray for my soul as well, I've also convinced believers to be atheists... and I'm fine with both outcomes.

This isn't just about talking, it's about listening as well.