Contacting

[iwant2bsolid]

alright, i'll keep this simple.

my first love relationship in high school went to college, and it ended on a really bad note with me doing something unforgivable by putting up a profile on a dating website and then lying about (i was immature CLEARLY)

it's been almost three years now, and i felt like in the earlier days of our relationship we had some fun times (it was both our first love relationship), which meant it was that hopelessly romantic puppy love mushy stuff, but now it's like that doesn't even matter, because i ruined it by being an *******. like a lot of guys, i just started getting scared, and didn't know how to handle this situation, because i'd never been in it before, and had never hurt someone's feelings, but in the end i ended up hurting here even more.

in a sense, i look back on this relationship and think "wow! i never really got to truly know that girl" because i have aged and become such a different person.

i sent her a birthday card last year just to show her i cared. i wasn't expecting a response, and didn't get one, so i just left things at that.

i don't have any intention of getting back together with her

my question is, when a relationship ends on a bad note such as this, do you just move on and never talk to the person again or contact them later down the road, and how long should that be?

i never run into her in person, so i'd probably have to contact her by email.

your thoughts would be MUCH appreciated

[Indiana]

I think you should move on. Not everything can be wrapped up and put away in a box of easy resolution.

You reached out to her once and she ignored it. What that seems to say is that although she was the wronged party, she already has all the resolution she requires in the matter.

If you were to pursue it further, it would be only for your own gratification, not to make things right for her.

Life is full of situations that do not necessarily provide the resolution we crave. Learning that some things are outside your control and being able to let them go is part of personal growth.

[iwant2bsolid]

thank you very much for the advice.

it's difficult because this is the first time in my life where i've really burned bridges with someone, and it's hard to live with that. i really regret what i did when i was 19, i was a screw up, but i also learned it from it (that being my first relationship), which has allowed me to grow (i'm almost 23 now). i just wish i had my head on straight back then as i do now.

i guess i've already let her go, it's been years since we've had contact with one another but forgetting her is impossible. i think about her all the time. being enrolled at the same university doesn't help much either. there are times when i think i see her, but i think my mind is just playing tricks on me.

i need to start dating more, that's been a challenge as well. i just need to keep improving on myself, because that's only thing that's going to allow me to move on. once i'm a stronger person, i'll attract more positive things into my life, including people, and the next time around i'll make good decisions.

thanks again

[Parthon]

You have to do what's right for you, but still keep in mind the feelings of other people. If there's something you feel you should do, like apologise, then go ahead and do it. If not, then don't. I'm not sure of any social conventions for when you should/shouldn't contact someone after/before a break up for whatever reason, but I've never been big into social conventions. They just seem like a bunch of silly rules designed to keep people away from truth, love and power, perhaps for their own protection, or more likely: because people are often scared.

The fact that you think about her probably means that you have some unresolved issues. They are your issues though, not to do with her, so you can worth through them yourself. Are you completely satisfied with what you went through, and the lessons you learnt? Or do you think there's more?