How long did it take you to go from introvert to extravert?

[Zem]

I'm assuming some people here have made this transition. I know Steve mentioned this happened to him.

I feel like I'm half to 3/4 way there, but it's slow going. I used to be nervous around people, and would avoid social situation, certainly wasn't pulled to them. My fantasy used to be to be alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean, I could feel my body relax and settle just thinking that thought... ahhh, safe at last.

If you've made this journey, how long did it take you? Both to where you could feel like you could hold a conversation without problems, and further to where you actually wanted to be around other people, enjoyed unstructured social situations, sought them out, and took energy from being with other people, rather than being drained?

[aphorist]

It seems like you're looking at this the wrong way to me. The term "Introvert" doesn't mean "lacking social skills" in the way "Extrovert" doesn't mean "having great social skills."

If you want better social skills, work on that. It's easier to gain social skills than to change yourself in this dramatic of a way. If you're actually an Extrovert, but out of fear have Introverted tendencies, then there's nothing to fix except the overcomming of that fear.

If you're a true Introvert, why do you want to be an Extrovert? Where does that desire come from? Most of the time, if someone wants to change in this dramatic of a way, there's a strong underlying reason that should be delt with instead.

[RT Wolf]

You'll get there. However long it takes. That time is going to pass anyway. If you're curious about whether you're doing as well as you "should" be. Don't be, you're doing as well as you should be.

[AGBourne]

Time and time again stepping outof your comfort zone.

I was so shy in my early 20s that if you knew me now and then you would say I was a different person.

A lot of trial and error, alot of going out and facing my demons.

in 2004 I took that 4 letter test MayanBriggs test, i think it is called.

I took one recently and I am a totally different now. Not that you should be defined by a test but it does help you understand yourself a bit better.

So read books,
Listen to audio programs
DVD Seminars

and

Model successful people who you admire.

It is a good start.

[nocturne]

i actually went from shy to comfortable as an introvert. i sing in public, dance, joke around, behave spontaneously. I still get drained from extended social interactions but I am quite ok at conversation and building connections.

being shy means you feel uncomfortable and do not possess social skills.

being an introvert just means you would prefer to do introvert htings like think to yourself, read books, do art, rather than go to a loud party.

you don't need to be an extrovert to be successful with people/life - just comfortable enough in your own skin to express yourself.

to get there you need social experience. get out there and join organizations, make friends, etc.

[Corey]

It never really transitioned for me. Sometimes I'm extroverted and other times I'm incredibly introverted. Depends on my mood.

[aelle]

If you go by the Myers-Briggs definition of introvert and extravert, you never actually transition. Your comfort zone and energizing process will always be similar. What can change is how easily you go outside your comfort zone. It took me 3 years or so (my first college years ) to feel confident and enjoy public speaking, mingling with a group of strangers, entertaining a group etc., but I wasn't trying very hard so you could probably go faster.

[zeitgeist]

About 3 years I would say. After beining an introvert all my life, I suddenly took more interest in other people. When I realized that 'people' are really the cornerstones to my spiritual success, the change happened quite quickly. I believe my change came when I realized that in an interconnected universe every person has a special message for me. Now people give me energy whereas before they drained my energy.

Zeitgeist

[Nomes]

How exactly do you make this transition?

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Nomes

How exactly do you make this transition?

In my experience it takes both a switch in mindset and working on skills.
The mindset change is about going from feeling insecure, ill-at-ease, bored in a new social setting from feeling thrilled about being the center of attention and feeling like you are here to provide value to the strangers. To me, it was also going from seeing strangers as potential hostile people to seeing them as potential friends.

Working on skills means practicing your public speaking, introduction line, wit, humour, small talk, attitude when being the center of attention.

The mindset change lets you know you can provide value ; the skills change allows you to provide it well. Both changes are intertwined in my experience as a good mindset will boost your skills and better results will boost your confidence.

[brendannz]

there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. You can be great socially and be an introvert, it's just if you are an introvert you'll need some time to yourself amongst a great social life.

If you want to become more outgoing with great social skills, good for you, but Introversion is not a fault that needs to be fixed.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Like the other posters said, introvert simply means you get your energy back by doing things alone and extroverts get it from being around others.

How long will it take? It all depends on how determined you are to overcome shyness, low self esteem and become comfortable with yourself. I was shy growing up, stuttered pretty badly in social situations. It took me about 4 years before I became completely comfortable talking to anyone.

Here's an overview of how I did it. I more or less took on one stage before moving onto the next. At each step there was a fear to overcome. After the first dozen or so times doing each stage I became comfortable with it.

1. Saying hi to random strangers
2. Starting small talk to with strangers
3. Revealing more about myself in conversations
4. Going to party/bars and saying hi/introducing myself to EVERYONE I saw
5. Introducing myself to everyone I saw during the day-much more difficult than a party or a bar
6. Becoming vulnerable in social situations. The essence of "cool" is having no social boundaries or being reserved at all. You make jokes that might not be funny but you don't care. Saying things that might not agree with the rest of the pack.
7. After a few times of being disliked for being vulnerable and honest I became comfortable with people not liking me which led to more people liking me.
8. Learning how to love and appreciate myself

With getting to a point where I actually enjoyed having conversations was mostly a mental thing. I (most likely you too) am very smart person but also introverted. I was frustrated at my lack of social skills and instead of doing something about it I rationalized it. I came up with beliefs like "people are so stupid, what's the point of talking to them?"

I would find fault with people who had what I didn't to feel superior for my own feelings of inferiority. Underneath those cop outs was a strong fear. This might be what's going on with you. Take time to think of what your beliefs are about other people and being social. Being aware of the outdated beliefs that you carry around with you will help you heal some wounds.

Keep at it. One of the best moments you can have is when you realize you have obtained the skill and can CHOOSE whether or not you want to be social. At that moment you feel empowered instead of victim to your circumstances.

DON'T read up on How to Be Social. It's a skilled that is learned through trial and error. Teaching someone how to be social (do this hear, say this in that situation) is similar to teaching someone how to ride a bike-I can teach you the basics but you only truly learn by hoping on that bike and falling down a lot.

Another aspect that you realize after you hit the moment where you have choice is that not every bad conversation is your fault. People are vastly different and you won't be able to connect and converse with all of them.

For example, I'm into personal development, relationships, dating, so me and you would probably hit it off in a conversation. On the other hand, if you were into sports and sports alone there would be dead air.

[Zem]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Some things here I've thought before, and some are new. Always encouraging to know that some people managed to move through this.

[Susanna77]

I still consider myself an introvert but that's OK. That's me. I don't get nervous in the presence of strangers anymore, or at least, as time went by and with work (being exposed to social situations) I began to learn how to deal with meeting strangers on a daily basis and having to be chatty.

I still don't like business meetings/lunches, but once I get there I know I'll look far worse if I sit in a corner and don't talk to people so I just mingle and chat to people. Do I love it? No. But it can be done.

Saying that, yesterday the day didn't start very well and I had to go to a few govt depts. to sort some papers and at some point I found myself stuttering. I was like "what the heck"? I actually laughed at myself.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Acceptance is a great thing and it's probably the only thing that will help. Don't try to be like those you call "extroverts".

[brendannz]

In this page there is a list of famous introverts;
Marti Laney - Being an Introvert

Many are unexpected introverts, eg. David Letterman, maybe you could look into their lives, and ask how they became really socially skilled people while being introverts..

Just a thought

[Eric Roosevelt]

I'm still working on it, to be honest. However, I'm much less shy than I used to be when I was younger.

I've realized the pace of the transition increases exponentially once you actually start exposing yourself to more social interactions. Be more open, talk to a more diverse range of people (different ages, sexes etc.), but most of all, don't be afraid to make mistakes. If you make a mistake and "fall off track", just pick yourself back up again and carry on.

[dice]

I never had fantasies of being alone on a boat. So I think I was less introverted than you, and I was only introverted in situations where I had to meet new people without moral support from an old friend.

I think it took me from grade 4-5ish to grade 11. More than half a decade. I was trying, too. I think self-hypnosis helped a bit initially. After that, drama classes. And purposely throwing myself into uncomfortable and terrifying situations - ie. improv workshops. I can still feel the chills.

I'm an ENTJ or something on Jung. It used to take me 3 years to warm up to people, now I can click with people in a few minutes.

Oh, smile a lot. Laugh as much as possible. And remember, no worries about being judged - you don't want to be friends with the judgemental types anyhow right?

[Plato]

Do door-to-door sales for 2 months.

[dreamtime07]

I believe that, as most people in this thread said, you don't have a problem with introversion or extroversion. I think the problem is with social skills.

I had this kind of problem too. What I did is I read a book by Dale Carnegie entitled, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and started simultaneously applying everything after every chapter that I've read. I still haven't finished that book yet.

I'm still working on my social skills. What I've been doing since is hanging out with all the people and you'll learn a lot from hanging out with them. But, you should always remember to be just yourself; you know, it's very cool just to be yourself. Don't pretend and don't fake yourself so that other people will like you. They'll like you as you are. Sometimes, they wouldn't like some part of you, but as you hang out with them much, they will automatically accept it and you'll be all fine. Try it.

I used to pretend and just be quiet so that people would like me. It was a hard life for me for faking myself and not doing the things that I want. So, you have to work on being yourself and standing as you for all times.

[dreamtime07]

adding up to my post above.

if you are really shy; you could start commenting on everything you saw on YouTube or putting up a reply on every thread that you read here. This will practice your speaking-of-the-mind. I did it a lot before and its easy for me now to take out everything from my mind and put it into words. After that, you could start with your family, say everything you wanna say.

If you want the book, I could email the e-copy of it. Just drop me a message and put in your email.

[Arina]

Extraversion/introversion has a genetic component and I don't believe you can actually go from introvert to extrovert or vice versa.

That doesn't mean you can't improve your social skills if you're shy.

Being introvert is not bad. It's really sad that introverts think they have some kind of problem. I personally love introverts, generally they can see more deeply and feel more profoundly. They are more focused and more concentrated, they often are a better workers. They are also better listeners.

Social skills is another thing. Introverts can develop terrific social skills. Their ability to listen is mesmerizing. They can communicate on a more deep level. And that's just precious.

[Zem]

Wow! My listening attention span is 4-5 minutes at best. Maybe I'm just an unskilled extravert?

[Plato]

just unstifle yourself.

be loud, impose yourself on other peoples' space unapologetically, make inappropriate jokes... stop caring what other people think.

i don't know why i'm telling you this. the more losers in the world the better for me, hey

[newmark]

I was very shy in my early 20's. Now I'm in my 40's and few people believe this. I'm not sure when the change came, not suddenly, but in less than 20 years.
Lot's of good advice above. The one about posting a lot on youtube was good. I could add, this site too. Any small way to push back your shyness/fears will help. For me taking part in sports clubs, reading, travelling independently, trying different jobs, giving talks to groups of people, having my own business all helped.
There are not just 2 groups of people: introverts and extraverts. Most people fall into the middle and are ambiverts. Introvert is not the same as shy. Shyness is lack of confidence; some extraverts are shy and cover it up by talking a lot.