Help an overthinker

[sagire]

Hey everyone! I’m a big fan of these forums but I’ve never got around to posting. Now I’m at the point where I feel it could help me out and I need to.

Basically I’m a massive over thinker and perfectionist. During school I always procrastinate to the last second sometimes to the point where I hand in assignments late or have to do a 10 hour assignment in an hour. I feel it’s because I’m always scared that things won’t be perfect. Some how I’ve still managed to scrape by but I’m sick of not reaching my full potential. Here’s where the real problem begins. A few months ago I managed to start a relationship with an amazing girl. Things are going well but my over thinking has kicked into major overdrive. She is all I think about 24/7 and it’s really getting in the way of my life. I’m sure other people have this problem and I’m hoping someone can help me out. All I do at work is sit and wait for her to talk to me and all the while I think about what I may be doing wrong and how I can’t make everything perfect. I can’t do work, I can’t focus on friends, I’m off in some stupid dream land all day thinking in loops. Please if anyone could help me regain some amount of focus it would be greatly appreciated.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by sagire

Hey everyone! I’m a big fan of these forums but I’ve never got around to posting. Now I’m at the point where I feel it could help me out and I need to.

Basically I’m a massive over thinker and perfectionist. During school I always procrastinate to the last second sometimes to the point where I hand in assignments late or have to do a 10 hour assignment in an hour. I feel it’s because I’m always scared that things won’t be perfect. Some how I’ve still managed to scrape by but I’m sick of not reaching my full potential. Here’s where the real problem begins. A few months ago I managed to start a relationship with an amazing girl. Things are going well but my over thinking has kicked into major overdrive. She is all I think about 24/7 and it’s really getting in the way of my life. I’m sure other people have this problem and I’m hoping someone can help me out. All I do at work is sit and wait for her to talk to me and all the while I think about what I may be doing wrong and how I can’t make everything perfect. I can’t do work, I can’t focus on friends, I’m off in some stupid dream land all day thinking in loops. Please if anyone could help me regain some amount of focus it would be greatly appreciated.

What about her distracts you? What are your options?

[sagire]

I just constantly think about the next time I'm going to talk to her. What I'm going to do next time I see her. Think about the last thing I said to her. Think about what she thinks of me.

Well the thing is the relationship is going fine with what I"m doing right now. I just need some way to keep focus on everything else in my life. I don't want to spend all this time thinking about things that have no purpose and get me no where.

[SimonaRich]

Get involved in something that you enjoy and this way you will not need constant attention of your girlfriend. If you are involved in the activities you like you will seem a much more interesting person than looking for the time to talk to her.

[Lauxa]

Do you even notice when you are thinking about her but you "should" be thinking about something else?

For instance, you know you need to focus on your work but you are thinking of her instead and feel like you can't focus on your work?

If so, then you can redirect your thoughts. The two ways that I find most useful are mantras and visualization. So repeat in your head a mantra "I am focused on my work" and then give your mind the question "if I were focused on my work what would that look like? what would that feel like?" and try to visualize that. Don't try to force yourself to actually focus on the work, just do the mantra and visualizations, and eventually you will find that you are ready to focus on what you need to do.

And when you do think about her, please make sure to focus on what you love about her and your relationship so that it energizes you instead of draining you.

[sagire]

Thanks Lauxa. I definitely do know I should be thinking about something else, so hopefully those techniques will help me out. I'll give those things a try and hopefully they work

[bbdream8]

Originally Posted by sagire

Hey everyone! I’m a big fan of these forums but I’ve never got around to posting. Now I’m at the point where I feel it could help me out and I need to.

Basically I’m a massive over thinker and perfectionist. During school I always procrastinate to the last second sometimes to the point where I hand in assignments late or have to do a 10 hour assignment in an hour. I feel it’s because I’m always scared that things won’t be perfect. Some how I’ve still managed to scrape by but I’m sick of not reaching my full potential. Here’s where the real problem begins. A few months ago I managed to start a relationship with an amazing girl. Things are going well but my over thinking has kicked into major overdrive. She is all I think about 24/7 and it’s really getting in the way of my life. I’m sure other people have this problem and I’m hoping someone can help me out. All I do at work is sit and wait for her to talk to me and all the while I think about what I may be doing wrong and how I can’t make everything perfect. I can’t do work, I can’t focus on friends, I’m off in some stupid dream land all day thinking in loops. Please if anyone could help me regain some amount of focus it would be greatly appreciated.

Hi sagire,

I was caught up in this situation before and it had harmed me big time. I totally became someone whose mood is dictated by the girl. I suggest you to start focusing on the present and keep your phone away from you. I suspect that you will be easily distracted by any ringings of your phone thinking that there is a possibility that it is a call or sms by her. Just keep doing something will be able to keep your mind off that girl. Hope this helps.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[magi13]

Originally Posted by sagire

I just constantly think about the next time I'm going to talk to her. What I'm going to do next time I see her. Think about the last thing I said to her. Think about what she thinks of me.

Why don't you ask her. When you hear her answer, no more what ifs and you'll be able to move on. This is my advice but I must stress the importance that you think about it, so you'll have no regrets with your decision.

Well the thing is the relationship is going fine with what I"m doing right now. I just need some way to keep focus on everything else in my life. I don't want to spend all this time thinking about things that have no purpose and get me no where.

What are your options?

[drama07]

Originally Posted by sagire

Hey everyone! I’m a big fan of these forums but I’ve never got around to posting. Now I’m at the point where I feel it could help me out and I need to.

Basically I’m a massive over thinker and perfectionist. During school I always procrastinate to the last second sometimes to the point where I hand in assignments late or have to do a 10 hour assignment in an hour. I feel it’s because I’m always scared that things won’t be perfect. Some how I’ve still managed to scrape by but I’m sick of not reaching my full potential. Here’s where the real problem begins. A few months ago I managed to start a relationship with an amazing girl. Things are going well but my over thinking has kicked into major overdrive. She is all I think about 24/7 and it’s really getting in the way of my life. I’m sure other people have this problem and I’m hoping someone can help me out. All I do at work is sit and wait for her to talk to me and all the while I think about what I may be doing wrong and how I can’t make everything perfect. I can’t do work, I can’t focus on friends, I’m off in some stupid dream land all day thinking in loops. Please if anyone could help me regain some amount of focus it would be greatly appreciated.

Stop thinking. It aint worth it. The voice in your head (ego) is not you. The ego is your worst enemy. THAT voice is you WORST enemy! It'll tell you that this girl is everything and that nothing else matters. The voice tells you there is salvation to an unhappy present moment, but thats not true.

The present moment is all you have.

Accept everything for what it is. Be fully attentive to the feeling you have inside your body as a result of your thoughts of this girl. By being attentive you focus on the present. By being attentive to the feeling you stop thinking about the past & future. Do it now! Be aware of the pain but dont think about it.

Trust me, it wont last long. Even if you get to marry her, you'll eventually get bored of her and then look for something else to make you(ego) happy.

This is coming from a person who had the same experience in high school and even now. Can't stop thinking about her, thinks once I get her ill be happy, thinks all that matters is her. blah, blah, blah.... and another BLAH!

As for the right decision. There is NO right or wrong decision. You cant regret anything unless you think your the mind. You arent the mind. What is is what is. If she turns you down, accept it and be attentive of the feelings you get. NOTHING MATTERS son!

Whoever says im wrong is deluded.

[magi13]

I disagree with drama07. he/she's wrong. Hehe.

Anyway

As for the right decision. There is NO right or wrong decision. You cant regret anything unless you think your the mind. You arent the mind. What is is what is. If she turns you down, accept it and be attentive of the feelings you get. NOTHING MATTERS son!

Don't let this phrase confuse you. What you hear in your mind is yourself thinking. Think.

You cant regret anything unless you think your the mind

I do believe, that you should be the one to decide what's right for you. Not any of us here in the forum. It's your responsibility not to become one of the sheep, that wolves like me prey on. If you don't think, you become ignorant, when your not informed you'll be taken advantage of.

If she turns you down, accept it and be attentive of the feelings you get.NOTHING MATTERS son!

I do believe this sentence as he/she used is, is correct, except for the part I emphasized in bold letters.
If it matters to you, then it matters.

[drama07]

Originally Posted by magi13

I disagree with drama07. he/she's wrong.

Okay Magi... lead "thread starter" to suffering. Sure you'd say you're advice won't, but ... only to someone who hasn't awakened will say it is right.

Anyways ill let you think you're 99.9% correct.

I only referred to myself being correct because I experienced the exact situation of "thread starter" and finally found a solution after reading tons of personal development.

You think im a sheep. I accept that. You think you're a wolf. My mind tells me i should be scared

[drama07]

Don't let this phrase confuse you. What you hear in your mind is yourself thinking. Think.

Don't let THIS phrase confuse you. What you hear in THE mind is NOT YOURSELF thinking. Don't think.

But of course, it's up to the "thread starter" to choose who to believe.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by drama07

Okay Magi... lead "thread starter" to suffering. Sure you'd say you're advice won't, but ... only to someone who hasn't awakened will say it is right.

Anyways ill let you think you're 99.9% correct.

I only referred to myself being correct because I experienced the exact situation of "thread starter" and finally found a solution after reading tons of personal development.

You think im a sheep. I accept that. You think you're a wolf. My mind tells me i should be scared

I only emphasized on the things that are not for his benefit. You're advice is not clear. Do not assume that he understands what you're talking about. When you said your philosophy about the ego, the what is and so forth, do you think he understands what it means unless you explain it clearly?

You could have at least for his benefit give a brief explanation about your philosophy of why ego is bad. And define it so that he'll be able to comprehend the said "ego" Your talking about.

Did I say your a sheep? If you think you are, then I guess you are. Do I scare you? That is not my intention, it is to emphasize caution. In the real world, people are not nice and Disney like. It's best to wake up early rather than later.

P.s. I'm not here to debate about the ego, I'm here to emphasize that you need to explain it, so that the TS can decide for himself.

[drama07]

Originally Posted by magi13

I only emphasized on the things that are not for his benefit. You're advice is not clear. Do not assume that he understands what you're talking about. When you said your philosophy about the ego, the what is and so forth, do you think he understands what it means unless you explain it clearly?

You could have at least for his benefit give a brief explanation about your philosophy of why ego is bad. And define it so that he'll be able to comprehend the said "ego" Your talking about.

Did I say your a sheep? If you think you are, then I guess you are. Do I scare you? That is not my intention, it is to emphasize caution. In the real world, people are not nice and Disney like. It's best to wake up early rather than later.

P.s. I'm not here to debate about the ego, I'm here to emphasize that you need to explain it, so that the TS can decide for himself.

Maybe if you read my post you'd know. I clearly & simply stated the ego (in parenthese [srry spelling]) beside "the voice in your head" also known as thoughts.

To explain what ego is , doesnt need a 300page book. The ego loves to think about past & future, hence TS is identified with ego. To not identify with ego is to be attentive, (nonreactively observe w/o thinking) of the moment including the thoughts that arise itself, the emotion that you feel and the results that come up.

And sorry for my misunderstanding. I thought you were referring me as a sheep. I apologize again. However, when I read many of your posts it's obvious you think some members here are in fact sheeps.
I accept that.