Please help.. Can't get over my ex..

[jmhagman]

Can someone help me with this? I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 months ( I know not very long) but I mistakenly placed a great deal in this person and fell in love, and I thought she did too. After about a month I started to notice increasing passive/covert-aggressive behavior on her part. She became very controlling, would find ways to put me down in private and in front of others and anytime I reacted to it she would say I was “too serious” or “too sensitive”. She would constantly talk about her problems, how much she hated her job, her relationship with her mother and complained about her friends and thought I was interested in every girl she knew or anyone I talked to. I literally couldn’t even look around without her getting upset and becoming cold towards me. Still the time we spent together that was good was magical and I miss her terribly, but I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me as she is out and active and acting like nothing even matters. I finally called things off last Saturday when while I was trying to walk away from an argument she screamed at me and hit me with her purse. I tried to talk to her after this, but she wasn’t even really remorseful and tried to blame me for the way she reacted. She seems like she only wants to place blame on me for everything and doesn’t even seem to really realize the pain she caused me. Perhaps she was just looking for someone to abuse, or maybe this was her way out of the relationship. Now we don’t even talk and it hurts. My mind knows this is best, but my heart hurts and I constantly have dreams of her with other men and can’t seem to get her off my mind. I NEED HELP   I am 28 years old BTW.

[staceyterry]

I'm probably the LAST person to give relationship advice. But Steve has great articles in the archives... and here's a video that sure made me think a lot after my last painful break-up.

But the only real help I think I can offer is just to say that I'm a stranger who read and was touched by your post. I've been through relationship pain too, and so I just wanted to let you know that I empathize and hope you'll find your way through.

Take care (and warm hugs!)...

[SimonaRich]

She looks like a very insecure person and by giving her space you will do her a favour. She needs to learn to be alone and cope with that instead of relying on someone.

Jealousy always shows insecurity as though she thinks that she is not good enough for you.

If you return to be with her, you would experience the same dramas because a person cannot change in a short time.

[Xandersgrampa]

Hi there,
I have recently been dropped by a lovely lady who promised me the world and then just got bored. I gave up everything to go to another country and try to make a life with her, but for whatever reason I proved not to be the one. We had 18 months of bliss and I was gutted when she said it was maybe better if I went away. There was no point arguing about it. If she didn't want me then she didn't want me. After I got back we continued a friendship of sorts but then the lady turned quite aggressive and called me all kinds of names. I was totally confused and upset about it but I stopped contacting her, and that was the best thing I could do.
What I will say though you may not think so, is that things will get better. It may seem like the end of the world but it's not. Things do get better and I find myself laughing at my gullibility and the lack of self-worth that I felt. It took a little while to realise that I'm not a bad man, just a little naive, but it was another of life's painful lessons that I did learn from.
I'm still on my own but I'm having fun and enjoying myself again. I hope things work out well for you.

[Richy]

Its okay to feel sad after a break-up.
Still things did not work out so move on.
Learn from it and move on.

Remove reminders of the old relationship.
Start meeting other single friends.
Visit friends and relatives you have not seen in awhile.

Develop yourself or take up a hobby.
The Quantum Cookbook - How to Manifest What You Want

[Holistic Star]

You made the right choice in walking away.

Sometimes when we meet someone we thing 'they are perfect, if only they didn't do, x and think y.'

Unfortunately the things we don't like about them ARE them! We can't remove that part of them and have just the bits we like. We get a choice. Either like them all, include the way they do x and think y. Or choose something else.

Choosing something else over someone who is controlling and violent is the best choice (however much it hurts at the time).

That's not to say people can't change, but they don't generally change within a relationship! I mean if she couldn't keep a lid on it for 2 months, then it is only going to get worse.


Get some good friends around you, go out, have fun and re-discover some good things in life. If it still hurts after a while and feels like it is dragging on have a look at EFT (EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)) which is very helpful. However filling the gap with fun is usually the very best therapy and it's very enjoyable too.

[Parthon]

So you fell in love with a jealous, possessive, immature little princess. Happens all the time. The heart wants what it wants right?

The question is, why do you love her? What is it you see in her than you like so much? Is it possible to see that in everyone? Can you bring that forth in yourself even?

It's no good to want someone else because you feel you are lacking without them. That's just a recipe for disaster, that level of attachment. The only workable relationships happen when both people decide the other person is compatible with them and they embark on a wonderful relationship together because they choose to.

The only thing you can do is use the whole thing as a learning experience and move on. It will hurt like hell, but that feeling will fade fast.